Critique of Step Into Asgard by TFALokiwriter
Um... I don't know what's going on. *cries* I'm sorry. I tried, but this story just doesn't catch me. I'm too confused to get interested. I finished chapter five and I have no idea if this has a plot. =(
I do understand, however, that you wrote this for yourself and for fun. That alone is admirable. Plus, you made other people happy when they read it. Just because I didn't enjoy it doesn't mean it's bad.
I think the biggest thing for you to work on is to slow down and write linearly. Take time to show what's going on instead of switching from one scene to another. It was especially confusing when you stopped a scene in the middle and then jumped to retelling it to other characters. We want to be part of the action, not hear about what happened after the fact.
As for linearity, don't say, "It reminded me of..." because not everyone knows what you're referencing. Well, let me revise. After stating the reference, detail the situation or object further for those who are unfamiliar with the reference.
The first few paragraphs of chapter two straight up didn't make sense. Browsing stations? Jacob and Joseph? What in the world are you talking about? Also, to say, "...it reminded me of a castle with tall walls - except it didn't have very tall walls -" is redundant and bad.
Again, I love that you love your story. I also respect that you wrote this a long time ago, and I suspect your writing has improved since then. Keep enjoying what you write, and never stop improving!