Athella,
Some days, I think
I like your brother Koren more
than I like you
because he understands me
when I say
that I cannot live without you.
This unrequited love
is eating me alive
and I can't take a single second more
of being away from you.
Sometimes, he lets me
cry on his shoulder
until his t-shirt
is wet with my tears;
other times, he tells me
that you need me
just as much as I need you.
I know that's a lie -
and do you know why, Athella?
You don't need anyone,
least of all me.
You're all high and mighty,
sitting above the rest of the world like
some cruel, fantastic goddess.
Like a celestial being doesn't need
mortal company,
you, Athella Halle,
have no need for anyone
but your wonderful self.
That's part of why
I fell in love with you -
your confidence, your unmistakable
sense of purpose and being.
At one point, I thought
that maybe I was wrong
about that, though -
that you really did need love,
not just admiration and worship.
I foolishly thought that I,
mundane though I am,
could be the person
who would love you
the way no one else has -
not Koren,
not your admirers,
and not even you yourself.
I wanted to be
your other half,
the one who would love you
unconditionally
and would show you how to
love yourself
just as much.
But nothing ever seems to
work out as planned -
which is why you are still
alone
and I am still
alone
and we both will remain
alone
for all time.
I suppose, in the end,
you don't need someone to be
your other half
when you are already
whole
and perfect
and too far away to reach
by any human means.
With love,
Rhys