✺ Kate's point of view ✺
The holidays are upon us all too quickly, and I'm left scrambling trying to find things to purchase for my family to send them for Christmas. I was originally told I wasn't allowed to send anything to them in the mail due to the return address, but I drew the last straw when I was rejected on my proposal to go on Harry's trip with him. I'll be damned if they're going to rule my life entirely and force me to spend the holiday alone, as well as not be able to give any gifts to my family.
I spend almost a majority of my Saturday at the mall. I walk from shop to shop, trying to find something related to fishing for my dad, cooking for my mom, and something for Charlie. Nothing comes to mind that he would like since I haven't talked to him in so many months. He could be a completely different person for all I know.
Instead of finding him something personalized, I end up buying some little keychain that looks like a piano, and a gift card to his favorite store. It's not what I wanted to get him, but it's better than nothing.
At some point during the mall trip I end up in a lingerie shop. I only look around for a few minutes while trying to decide if I want to get something or not. I don't think Harry would care whether I was dressing up for him or not-- it wouldn't slow things down, but it also wouldn't speed them up. We'll probably still wind up in bed no matter what I wear for him.
Eventually I leave the mall and end up back on the busy streets of the city. Snow is flying around in the air and making my walk unpleasantly cold as I head back towards home.
At some point I convince myself to hail a cab. The driver is an older man that smirks at me too many times for comfort, but I ignore him and ride in silence. Eventually I grasp my phone in my purse and light up the screen to find a text from Harry asking what I'm doing. Instead of responding, I quickly dial his number and lift the device to my ear.
"Hello?" He answers on the third ring, his voice low despite the loud background in the call.
"Hey! What are you doing?" I keep my voice chipper and stare out the window as the snow continues to whiz by the car.
"Hey, Kate, give me a second to step out. It's really loud in here." He answers back. I wait patiently, then less than a moment later, his melodic voice is flooding the speaker again.
"Okay, sorry about that. What's up, babe?"
"Nothing, I'm just on my way home from the mall. Where are you that's so loud?" I hum back. I haven't seen him in nearly two days and I'm itching to be close to him again.
"I'm actually out having a drink with a friend. Is something wrong?" His voice is slightly off, but I'm not worried about it. If he's out with friends then I can imagine he made had a glass or two of whiskey.
"No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to maybe see you tonight if it's not too late when you're done with your friends. Who are you out with anyways? Do I know them?" I tap my fingers against the worn leather from the door of the cab. The driver is humming some tune that I don't recognize and seeming to ignore my presence now that I'm on the phone.
"No." He answers shortly. I furrow my brows and wait to see if he's going to say something else, but nothing comes.
"Okay, well..." I continue to wait and eventually give up. "Do you want to get together later? I can come over for a little bit and we can..." I trail off while biting my lip and immediately notice the change in his tone on the other end.
"Yeah, we should do that. We haven't done that in a few days. Come over around eight." He's slightly perkier, but it doesn't last long.
"I've got to go. See you then." He adds only seconds later. I open my mouth to answer him, but the call is ended as soon as the words leave his mouth. My brows furrow in clear confusion and I'm left stunned as I pull my phone from my ear and set it back into my purse.
Instead of continuing to worry about his odd mood, I settle back into my seat and begin plotting how I plan to send my Christmas gifts home to my family. The thoughts consume me and all too soon I'm dropped off at the dorm hall by the cab driver and left on my own once again.
For the remainder of my evening, I spend a majority of the time preparing to go to Harry's. I take my time in the shower shaving and thoroughly conditioning my hair. As soon as I'm done, I continue to carefully apply my makeup and straighten the strands of my hair in hopes of feeling the part for later when I'm attempting to impress Harry.
A few days ago when we were together, we didn't exactly fulfill our sexual desires for the week in the two hours we spent watching a movie in his bed while I gave him a sleepy handjob, which he then fell asleep afterwards and didn't return. I've been aching to feel his touch since then and I haven't been able to take the edge off, even on my own. I crave his presence mentally and physically when it comes to our intimacy.
By the time I make it to his apartment, my fingertips are frozen and snow is flying freely around the city and blanketing everything in a layer of glistening white frost. The sky is a light grey color and adds to the already seemingly majestic city.
"Hi," Harry greets the second he opens the front door of the apartment.
"Hi babe." I step forward and smile as I lean up towards him with puckered lips, expecting my typical greeting. He stares down at me for a moment in confusion, then ducks down and barely grazes his lips across my cheek. I brush off the odd greeting and step fully into the apartment to slip off my shoes and coat.
"What have you been up to?" I ask in a soft voice as I turn around to face him again. He's leaned against the door with his head down as he rolls up the sleeves of his royal blue dress shirt. The satin fabric is tucked into some tight black jeans and topped off with his slightly worn brown leather belt. His appearance has my mind swarming with thoughts of what I already anticipated to do while I was here.
"I just got home." He answers back. His voice is low and he doesn't seem as excited to see me as I am to see him.
"You look handsome. Did you have fun with your friend?" I step towards him and crack a smile as I lay my hands flat against his firm chest. He finally lifts his gaze to look down at me and pulls his lip between his teeth.
"Yeah, I did." He nods slowly. I lean in to rest my head against his chest for a short moment before looking up at him again.
"How much did you have to drink? Is your night going to be more fun than mine because you're buzzed?" I ask partially jokingly as I skim my hands down his chest. They land on his hips instead and my palms caress his waist, causing his body to noticeably tense.
"Yeah, you definitely need to catch up with me." He nods quickly and I suppress my grin when he grabs my hand from my side and pulls me along with him to the kitchen.
Five minutes later, I'm leaning against Harry's side as he works to unscrew the cork from a bottle of red wine. His cheap bottle opener has led to half of the cork being broken off in the bottle while the other half is laying in pieces on the counter. I'm attempting to cheer him on as he works the opener through the remaining cork, and fails yet again.
"Maybe we should just drink something else. I can walk to the liquor store down the street and get something if that would be easier." I offer in an attempt to be somewhat useful. My eyes are watching him with amusement as I attempts to pull the cork out with his strength, but it's lodged too deeply into the bottom with not enough material to support the pull.
"No, we'll waste the wine then. Just give me a minute." He assures back. I nod my head while continuing to suppress my grin as he wiggles the opener in attempt to work the cork out.
A moment later, I open my mouth to suggest he lets me have a turn attempting to pull the cork out, but the entire fiasco takes a turn for the worse. My words are cut off the second the bitter wine sloshes from the top of the bottle and directly onto my shirt. Harry looks up excitedly with the broken cork held in his hand, and only then notices that the impact of removing the cork led the liquid from the bottle to splash directly onto me from the odd angle he was holding it at.
"Oh my god..." He stares at me in bewilderment as I wipe the wine away that's beginning to drip from my chin. It's soaked the ends of my hair and likely ruined my shirt.
"Kate, I didn't mean to-" his eyes continue to widen as he stares at me. He sets the bottle down onto the counter and steps towards me with a seemingly unsure idea in mind of how to approach the situation. I stare silently down at my wine soaked shirt and try to think of something to say, but all I can do is burst out into obscenely loud laughter that rings through the silent apartment.
Harry continues to be at a loss of what to proceed with until a moment later he begins laughing with me.
"I'm going to be stained red for a week." I almost wheeze as I begin laughing even harder than before. Harry grabs my arm to hold onto me for balance while I struggle to hold myself up.
"I'm so sorry." He manages to say in between our endless giggles. He brings his hand up to wipe some wine away that's beginning to drip from my hair and I shake my head in amusement.
"I'm gonna, um..." I look around for something to clean myself up with and reach for a towel on the counter. Harry watches me as I dab up what I can from my clothes, then jumps in as soon as I bend down to begin wiping up the now red-soaked hardwood flooring.
"I've got it. Go take a shower so that your hair doesn't have dried wine in it for the next month. I'm gonna mop the kitchen then I'll come keep you company." He takes the towel from my hands and I agree with a few simple words before standing up and trudging towards the bathroom.
Twenty minutes later, I'm stripped from my clothing and watching as the red from the wine mixes with the clear water and morphs into some abstract swirl of color as it spins down the drain of the shower. I feel as though I've just gotten out of the shower back at my dorm and it doesn't take me long to realize I won't have access to all of my belongings. My clothes are now dirty and probably ruined, and I won't be able to redo my makeup or hair since I didn't bring any supplies with me to fix either thing.
When I'm nearly done with me shower, I hear the door to the bathroom open and some heavy footsteps on the ground. I glance out the side of the curtain and notice Harry stepping in and walking over to take a seat on the closed lid of the toilet only a few feet from where the shower is.
"You doing alright? Is it washing off?" He calls out after a minute of silence.
"Yeah, I don't think it'll be too obvious I was bathed in Cabernet. Did you get the kitchen cleaned up?" I question in return. Seconds later I finish rinsing out the conditioner from my hair and blindly reach behind myself to turn off the stream of water from the shower head.
"Yeah, I'll have to mop a few more times, but it's good enough for now. I'm sorry again for that."
"Don't worry about it. At least it was just wine and I didn't get like a splash of Jack Daniels in my eye or something." I pull back the shower curtain and gasp when noticing Harry's now standing directly in front of me with a fluffy white towel held in his hands. He stares at me for a moment before reaching his arms out to motion for me to step into the towel that he's now holding open for me.
We don't say anything as I quickly dry off the remaining water droplets from my body. Harry stays leaned against the counter to give me some space while I finger-comb my hair and rub my now makeup-free eyes. He silently seems to catch on and gathers the hairbrush to pass off to me as soon as I'm finished drying off.
"Can I ask you something?" He finally does speak once I'm standing in front of the mirror brushing our the knotted strands of my hair.
"Yeah, sure." I shrug in return.
"Do you ever feel unsafe when you're here? Like, what do you think the likelihood is that James will find you?" He keeps his head down as he speaks and my heart feels as though it plummets to the ground as soon as the forbidden word is said aloud.
"I... How did you know his name?" My voice feels weak now as I set down the hairbrush to turn to Harry. He seems as a loss for words as well.
"You told me his name a few days ago." He answers almost suspiciously quickly, as if it was the first thing that came to his mind. I shake my head back at him and purse my lips.
"I haven't said his name out loud in months. It's been forbidden in my mind since I left Florida. I couldn't have told you." I place my hands on my hips as I look up at him, impatiently awaiting my answer that I'm not sure what to expect from.
"Oh, right. I remember hearing your parole officer say it when we were with him. Sorry, I thought it was you." He shakes his head quickly as if to rid the previously spoken words away. I continue to stare back at him with furrowed brows.
It's definitely much more likely that he heard the name from my parole officer than it was from me, but I'm still not sure what to think. The second Harry said his name it felt like a million tiny daggers pierced my innards and left me breathless. I have a feeling I would have recalled that similar sensation from a few weeks ago; but, I would like to give Harry the benefit of the doubt and admit I wasn't necessarily mentally present every second of our meeting with my parole officer. I was too busy mourning the fact that I was being denied the right to go to France with Harry to care about each word my parole officer spoke.
"Um, I'm... I guess I wouldn't say I feel unsafe. I'm not worried that he'll hurt me. I'm just worried that if he finds me they'll ship me off to somewhere else and I won't be able to settle down anywhere." I choose to disregard our slightly awkward moment and instead lean against the counter while waiting for him to respond. He seems stiff just from the nature of the conversation and I feel the same way.
"I think you need to be slightly worried. Just for your own safety." He steps in towards me and I turn around fully to face him.
"Why? I don't want to waste my energy worrying over it. What happens, happens. I've spent enough of my life worrying over him and I'm over it now." I answer confidently. Harry stares down at me without speaking for what feels like a century. When he finally does make a move, it's not him responding to me. Instead, he's leaning in slowly to press his soft lips to my own.
"I'm not trying to get you to work yourself up with worry. I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't let your guard down fully until you know you're safe. He could be lurking anywhere, and he's probably closer to finding you than you think." His hands come up to undo the make-shift clasp of my towel so that the material falls effortlessly from my body. I'm left bare in front of him and I smirk slyly when he brings his hands up to cup my cheeks with his palms.
"I don't want him to get to you when your vulnerable. Keep your guard up at all times if you can. Guys like him know exactly what they're doing and are one step ahead of you at all times." His rambling is confusing me, but I'm more so interested in his hands on my waist than I am the words spilling from his mouth.
"Why do you suddenly care so much? I can take care of myself, babe." I lean up to press my lips against his once again, but the gesture only lasts a few seconds. He instead pulls back only a few inches to press his forehead against mine while our eyes lock on each other's.
"I don't want to risk losing you to someone who doesn't deserve it. He had you once and now all he wants from you is the revenge he feels he rightfully earned. I don't think he realizes that you're innocent and also moving on from him and his drama." He drops his head to the side to begin kissing down my neck, but the distraction doesn't work.
"How do you suddenly know so much about this? We haven't talked much about him and everything that happened to me." I attempt to lean back to look at him, but he doesn't let me go far.
"Kate, c'mon, why are you suddenly being so skeptical? We've spent nearly every day together since September. Of course I know what's going on with that situation. I listen more than you think I do." He leans down to grip the backs of my thighs and I gasp in surprise when he swiftly lifts me from the ground and onto the bathroom counter.
"I..." I am being unreasonably skeptical towards him. He's right- we do spend nearly every day together since neither of typically have anything else to do. I've probably shared a few things about myself to him without even realizing it.
"I'm not trying to get you worked up. I'm just saying that you should keep in mind that he's always out there whether he's present or not. I don't want anyone taking you away from me." He skims his hands up my bare thighs and grasps my hips once again. I'm not even sure how to respond to him.
"I didn't think you cared for me that much." I mumble back, my voice almost low enough to not be audible.
"I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but of course I care about you. Whether you were still just a student in my class that remained a stranger to me, or whatever you are to me right now, I could never say that I wouldn't care if some guy from Florida that's out to get you for a crime you didn't commit managed to find you." He grabs my hands from my lap and brings them to the front of his pants instead. I take his silent hint and work blindly to undo the buckle of his belt while he leans in towards me once again and press his mouth to mine.
"Do you... Do you really think I'm innocent?" I whisper once I've managed to undo his pants. He slips them down his legs and the fabric pools around his ankles, along with his black boxers.
"Unless there's a side of you that gains twice the strength that you have when you're angry, I could never imagine you hurting someone. You might get a little mouthy sometimes when you're standing up for yourself, but no, babe. I don't think you attempted to murder anybody." His kisses turn from slow and languid to needy and passionate as they move down my neck and back up to my lips. Our mouths move effortlessly together and leave my breathless each time he slows down enough to suck my bottom lip between his own lips. I'm nearly moaning just from the kissing and his hands haven't even began roaming my body yet.
"Turn your head to the left." He coaxes in a low voice as he begins to situate himself between my legs. I feel his heavy length resting between us and suddenly wish he would hurry up.
Without questioning him, I hurriedly turn my head to the side and notice a full length mirror hanging on the wall. My mouth nearly falls open in surprise at the sight of how we look pressed together with our bodies nearly completely naked besides Harry's shirt that's still on.
"You're going to watch me fuck you." He speaks lowly and presses soft kisses to my shoulder in between words. I feel as though I can't breathe from anticipation.
"Okay." I somehow manage to answer back. He nods once in acknowledgment, then without warning, pushes himself swiftly inside of me. I gasp from the familiar stretch, followed by a moan of contentment as the sensation resonates through my entire body.
"Are you watching us?" He grunts lowly while my eyes nearly roll back into my head as he begins to thrust. I somehow manage to turn my head once again and collapse onto his shoulder to watch as he rocks his hips back and forth in a natural motion that I don't think should be legal.
It doesn't take us long to get a rotation of kissing, groping, moaning, more kissing, and turning our heads together to watch ourselves in the mirror. We continue to switch between the motions while my body burns with a slow fire through each of my veins until it reaches my stomach. The heat expands the faster he moves, and he doesn't dare let up even when he's having to hold his hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming his name and waking up the entire apartment building.
"Harry, I'm... I'm gonna-" I drop my head backwards as his hand grasps my neck and squeezes in a way that resembles choking without hurting me. The unexpected action has my body jumping the line from on the edge to melting in his arms.
My body stiffens almost painfully as my legs begin to shake and my mind goes blank. Harry steps back and watches me unravel before him while giving me space to catch my breath from the almost overly intense sensations that flooded my body less than a moment ago.
"Oh my fucking God." I eventually catch my breath long enough to speak. Harry's leaning against the wall a few feet from my with his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk prominent on his pink lips. He lost his shirt somewhere in the process of everything and I can now see the sweat glistening on his flawless skin.
"You okay, baby?" He bites down on his lip to suppress his sly grin while I hide my hands in my face. I can't help but laugh at myself for having such an intense moment while Harry's still not even finished.
"I can't feel my legs." I admit with a giggle, causing Harry to laugh along with me.
"I take it you can't keep going?" He asks in return. He doesn't seem upset. He only seems amused by the situation.
"Probably not." My cheeks redden as I attempt to move myself from the counter and nearly fall forward the second my feet hit the ground. Harry immediately steps in to catch me and we both continue to laugh as I lean against his chest with barely any strength in my body.
I look up at Harry after a moment and open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes to mind. Our eyes are locked together and my arms are linked around his neck to hold me close against him as we stare silently at each other. Because of the sex my emotions are probably heightened, but I have a feeling my adoration towards him would be the same at any other time.
Having him admit to me earlier that he didn't want anything to potentially happen to me if he finds me made me wonder just how deep my feelings for Harry really are. I've known since just a few days into our no strings attached agreement that I would fail miserably. I've liked Harry since the day I met him, and I've liked him far beyond just his physical appearance.
"Do you want to go to the bed?" He asks, drawing me from my own thoughts of him. I nod my head silently and hold his hand to walk behind him towards the bedroom at the end of the hall.
A half hour later, I'm nearly conked out completely from exhaustion while snuggled up tightly in Harry's sheets. I finished him off a few minutes ago and he laid by my side catching his breath for only a moment before excusing himself to the restroom to get some fresh air.
"I leave for France the day after tomorrow." Harry announces only seconds after re-entering the bedroom. He's still completely nude and shamelessly strutting around the room from the dresser to the closet.
"Don't remind me." I grumble back sadly.
I told him not to cancel his trip for my sake because I didn't want him to lose out on the potential quality time with his family, and I certainly wouldn't be selfish enough to keep him here over the holidays to keep me entertained; but I also can't help but feel slightly sad when thinking it's official that I'll be spending my Christmas and probably my New Years completely alone.
"I told you I'd stay here if you wanted me to. All you had to do was say the word and I wouldn't have booked my ticket." He looks over at me with a purse in his lips that makes me want to roll my eyes.
"I didn't want to ruin your Christmas. It's too late now, anyways." I shrug back. He ignores my comment and moves into the closet, only to come back out seconds later with a large black suitcase.
"I have to get a lot of shit done within the next two days before I leave. I don't think I'll have time to drive you back to your dorm tonight since I already wasted almost two hours fucking you. Do you think you could catch a cab?" Harry asks bluntly as he grabs a few t-shirts from the closet and walks them over to the bed to begin placing the items in his suitcase. I snap out of my sleepy state long enough to look up at him, unable to conceal my confusion.
"I'm not... Are we not going to have a sleepover? We usually always make a whole night of it when I come over and you give me leg-shaking orgasms." I try to make a light joke in hopes of hiding my own embarrassment of getting comfortable in his bed while he's questioning when I plan to leave.
"Kate, I think we need to talk." Harry sighs lowly and my anxiety drops off from a level two to a ten.
"What's wrong?" I ask in return. My body aches in protest from the previous events of the evening when I sit up in the bed, but I push the thoughts away and focus on Harry's stoic expression as he sits down beside me on the edge of the bed.
"Babe, I think we need to address something and I don't really want to, but it has to be done." He pats my leg comfortingly and my brows furrow even further in confusion. Instead of responding, I wait impatiently for him to speak again while maintaining stiff eye contact with him.
"I think we're getting a little bit too close for the matter of our... Relationship- if you want to call it that. We're starting to spend a lot of nights together and we're talking throughout the day and I personally think we're getting a little more romantic than we should be for an arrangement that was supposed to be purely based around sex. I mean, we have some really wonderful sex. That's definitely not an issue here. I just think we need to be a little more cautious of our actions with each other so that one of us doesn't make the mistake of catching feelings. We both can agree that was never a premise of us beginning this agreement." He maintains steady eye contact with me throughout his speech. I try to stare back at him, but it's hard to do when I feel like my entire body is slowly deflating from whatever I've been floating on for the past few months.
"I'm not exactly sure what you mean. Are you worried about me catching feelings for you, or are you worried about catching feelings for me? If you're trying to put a limit on the situation because you're suddenly starting to admire me aside from the moments when I'm spreading my legs for you, then I think your argument is slightly unfair and one-sided." I'm not sure what has me suddenly snapping at him like he's crossed a line, but I also don't feel any regret from the hateful words.
"What? No, it's not that. I just think you're starting to expect a lot from me like sleeping over every night and making more of our evenings than us spending an hour fucking and you going home." He throws his hands up as if it's an obvious explanation, but I'm still left dumbfounded.
"Why are you doing this now?" I move from my spot and towards where he's sitting. He doesn't react, even when I'm moving in and cupping his cheeks with my hands.
"Why are you clamming up on me now after these past few weeks? We've been having so much fun together and now you're resorting back to the version of yourself that you were when we first met. I know you lost your wife a year ago and a serious relationship is out of the question for now, but that doesn't mean you have to cut me off every time we get closer to each other. I've been through a lot of shit within the past year too, Harry. I don't let that dictate my future though." I attempt to lean in and kiss him in hopes of easing his mind, but he turns his head and my lips instead make contact with my cheek. I lean against him for a moment in attempt to hide my embarrassment, but it doesn't last long. Eventually I move from my spot and off of the bed all together.
"This is exactly what I'm talking about, Kate. You thinking you can change my mind on this by comparing our situations is a bit more serious than I was hoping for things between us to be. We've moved past the fact that I used to be your professor to me saying I'm not at a place in my life right now where I'm stable enough to have a serious relationship like this."
"Well apparently you're not stable enough to listen, either. I never said I wanted to date you and become your long-term girlfriend. All I'm trying to tell you is that when things get to be a little too serious for your liking you don't just get to push me away and call it quits. I'm not a toy that sits around and waits for you to play with me, Harry. Apparently you like to think so, though." I frustratedly pull on my pants up my legs and move onto my shirt as soon as I've got them buttoned and zipped.
I'm likely overreacting, but I don't care. I'm sick of him second guessing everything and leaving me hanging. He doesn't get to invite me over and treat me like his girlfriend and take me out on dates and invite me to meet his family, then call it off one night when his head isn't with it. I'm not going to wait around for him to get his mind straight.
"Kate, you're being ridiculous." Harry eventually speaks up again. I turn my head and shoot him a glare that has him clearly rethinking his words.
"Call me next time your dick gets hard since that's all you want from me." I speak in a calm tone as I zip my jacket up my body and head for the door of the bedroom.
"Kate-" he tries to call out. I ignore him once again and leave the room without hesitation. This past year has given me an idea of who I need to be as a person to avoid getting stuck in a situation once again that ruins my life. I won't be there at Harry's every request when he's horny, but not in need of anything else from me. I have one man trying to hunt me down for his attempted murder, and another man that wants nothing from me than what's between my legs.
What has my life even come to?
✺ ✺ ✺
A/N: will my motivation to finish this story ever return
I'm posting this early bc I really like this chapter and bc no ones reading anything anymore and it's stressing me out 😅