Please Don't Hold my Hands || Camren

Please Don't Hold my Hands

ONE SHOT

Lauren hates everything.

From the way it felt to hold her hands to the way it felt to kiss her lips. From those whispered conversations to the ones that they couldn't stop laughing. From the way her smile widened every time she saw her, to the way her eyes were shining with passion late at night. From what Lauren remembers to what she wants to forget.

And Lauren remembers everything.

Before Lauren met Camila she was writing an essay for one of her classes and her eyes wouldn't look at anything else but the screen in front of her. The only sounds she heard were coming from the cars passing by outside her apartment and from the keyboard of her laptop each time she pressed her fingertips against the keys, going from one to another without even looking at them.

Lauren remembers the door being opened and Dinah's loud voice announcing she was home. She remembers saying hello back, eyes still glued to the screen in front of her, and from the corner of her eyes, she remembers not recognizing the second person entering their apartment.

So naturally, she stopped writing.

Lauren remembers the way Camila's hair was shining thanks to the sunlight of the sunset coming through the windows. She remembers the way Camila squinted her eyes because the sunlight had hit her right in the face, and she remembers the warm color of her brown eyes looking at her own emerald ones.

"Hey, Lauser," Dinah began, coming from the kitchen with two glasses of cold water in her hands. "This is Camila," she introduced her friend from college, giving her one of the glasses she was holding. "And Chancho," Dinah added with a smirk, "this is Lauren, my best friend," she finished, sitting down her drink on the coffee table.

"Hi," Camila smiled at her, before taking a sip of her drink and waving timidly at Lauren with her other hand while Dinah walked over to the windows to take the curtains down.

"Hey," Lauren said, rising from her chair and walking over to Camila, reaching out her hand. "Nice to meet you," she smiled back, feeling Camila's warm hand squeezing softly her own clammy one.

And Lauren knew in that moment when Camila's smile grew and looked at her with crinkly eyes, that she was completely screwed.

She remembers halfway through dinner feeling self-conscious about her outfit: dark gray sweatpants and a black hoodie with the words "Teenage Dirtbag" in the front, all white and in capitals. It was a joke gift from Dinah for her birthday that she ended up loving. And on top of that, she was still wearing her white socks, dirty from walking around the apartment all day.

She remembers feeling self-conscious because Camila was wearing a white collared blouse tucked into a black skirt, black tights molding her long legs and high boots. She remembers how beautiful she looked with her white little bow contrasting the color of her hair. Hell, Camila must have thought that Lauren was homeless or something.

The green-eyed girl remembers that same night, talking to her. It felt so easy, so effortless that Lauren forgot all about her essay for the first time in four days. She remembers Camila laughing at Dinah's jokes, scrunching up her nose because she couldn't contain her laughter. She remembers Camila leaving late that day, borrowing the same hoodie the green-eyed girl was wearing (Lauren's excuse to give it to her was "it's still a little bit chilly"), even though she and Dinah insisted that it was fine with them if she stayed for the night.

She remembers Camila's hug when she said goodbye, and she remembers the "hope I see you soon" Camila whispered in her ear before pulling away. She remembers Dinah teasing her about Camila once she left, telling her that she was already having a crush on the girl, and even though Lauren denied it a second later, her heart never felt as light and as full as it felt it in that moment.

Since then, she remembers every glance, touch, every hug and every single kiss; she remembers all.

Lauren hates everything but most of all, she hates herself for letting her go.

•

"Lauren, it's been two months," Dinah groans the second she sees Lauren holding tightly a blanket and sitting on the couch. A jar of Nutella and a spoon are resting on the armrest, and Lauren is watching an old episode of 'Friends' like she has been doing almost every day for the past weeks.

Dinah closes the door of the apartment with her foot and goes directly to the kitchen to leave the bags of groceries on the table.

She makes her way to the living room and turns off the T.V. without Lauren's permission and not saying a word. The Polynesian stands there, with both of her hands on her hips and looks at Lauren raising an eyebrow.

"You need to stop doing this to yourself," she commands in a huff.

"Doing what?" Lauren inquiries with a bored expression on her face while she is picking up at her nails and pretends to be interested in them.

"You know what, Lauren," Dinah barks, already running out of patience. "Don't play dumb with me," she says sitting down beside her roommate. "What the hell even happened, Laur?" Dinah asks after a moment, her voice softening considerably once she sees Lauren's expression change. "Please talk to me," she whispers reaching out her hand to take one of Lauren's.

"I'm sure you know what happened by now," Lauren replies, voice wavering slightly and with her eyes dancing with sadness.

"No, Lauren, I don't know what happened," Dinah denies, closes her eyes and sighs. "She doesn't want to talk about it either," and with those words, Lauren raises her gaze to look at best friend.

Up until now, the only person besides Camila that has been occupying her mind was herself and now that she's actually taking the time to acknowledge that there are other people on the planet, Lauren can easily see that Dinah looks tired; there are light bags under her eyes, and there is a frown on her face that has not disappeared since the day she decided to let Camila go.

Up until now, Lauren has been so focused on her own feelings that she ignored the only person that has been there for her through thin and thick.

"Really?" Lauren can't help the word leaving her mouth. Since Dinah didn't ask her right away what happened, she assumed that Camila told her the other side of the story.

A part of Lauren is grateful that Camila didn't tell Dinah what happened but the other part wants Dinah to ask Camila, to know what she has been feeling and maybe even defend herself.

Not like she did something wrong. But yeah, maybe she did.

"Not even a word," Dinah confirms, opening her dark brown eyes to lock them on the green ones of her best friend. "I need to know what happened, Lauren. That way I can try to help you to move on," she says rubbing her thumb across Lauren's delicate fingers.

The thing is that Lauren doesn't know yet if she wants to move on. She does want to stop feeling this way, though. She wants to stop crying herself to sleep, she wants to stop the weight tugging down on her heart, she wants to stop feeling so negative about everything around her and she just wants to feel something sparking inside of her again.

So she tells Dinah her side of the story. She tells Dinah how scared she was of falling in love, she tells her how overwhelmed she was with all the feelings she had for Camila. She tells Dinah that she thought that she wasn't enough for someone as beautiful and smart as the brown-eyed girl and the fact that they didn't even make it official was proof enough of that.

Because through her own eyes, Lauren didn't deserve her and that made her think that Camila couldn't be with someone like her.

She tells Dinah how her insecurities made her take that decision and she tells Dinah the times she cried because of it.

She told Camila on a sunny day (how ironic) that she deserved someone as good as her; Lauren talked and rambled for almost ten minutes and every time that Camila wanted to say something, she kept talking because she was sure that she was making the right decision in that moment. She didn't let Camila talk; she just said that they couldn't be together anymore, that whatever they had had to stop. Without another word she turned around and closed the door, not looking back.

Lauren tells Dinah that she ignored every single one of Camila's calls. And she tells Dinah that the last one was a month and a half ago.

And her best friend holds her in her arms when she cries again.

•

"Ralphie, I'm home!" Dinah announces leaving her keys inside of the fishbowl that is placed on top of the coffee table. "Lauren?" she calls again once she walks out of the kitchen to see if Lauren is there.

Dinah knocks on the bathroom door and then she opens it when a whole minute passes. No sign of her roommate either.

"Laur?" she asks turning the knob of Lauren's bedroom door. "Hey!" she greets happily when she sees her best friend looking down at the screen of her phone. "What're you doin', dawg?"

"I'm in the middle of something," Lauren replies, raising her eyes to look at Dinah for just one second. Dinah peers down at the phone and sits down beside Lauren in her bed. "Are you going to look at her number all day or are you actually going to do something about it?" the Polynesian girl inquiries, amused with her best friend's antics. "How long have you been doing this?" she speaks after a minute.

"Should I call her?" Lauren's voice wavers at the end of the question, green eyes looking vulnerable and insecure; Dinah has never seen that expression before.

"I don't know, you kind of broke her heart," Dinah comments, furrowing her eyebrows and clearly still mad at her for leaving Camila like that.

"She broke my heart too," Lauren defends herself, locking eyes with Dinah.

"Lauren, please," the Tongan says with a mocking tone laced in her voice. "You broke your own heart by making that decision but hey! You are too stubborn and hella proud to admit it, but that's okay, right?" she declares with sarcasm in her words, standing up from the green-eyed girl's bed. Dinah looks down at Lauren and huffs softly shaking her head. "She'll answer you," she tells her rolling her eyes, folding her arms over her chest and sitting down at the foot of the bed again

"You think so?" Lauren asks her, lowering her gaze to her phone once again, and brushing her thumb across Camila's contact picture. The gesture doesn't go unnoticed by Dinah.

"Please call her, alright?" Dinah reaches out her hand to place it over Lauren's leg. "Do all of us a favor because I can't stand getting home and look at your face to go to class the next day and see the same thing when I look at her."

And with that, Lauren feels her throat closing up. She knows that she should call Camila and try to work things out, but the fear of rejection is getting the best of her and she doesn't think that she can handle the situation properly this time.

"I don't even have an excuse to call her!" Lauren expresses a little louder, huffing at herself. She can literally feel a headache coming.

"Oh! I know one! I know one!" Dinah jumps up and down excitedly after a couple of seconds, her loud voice echoing in the room. "She still has your hoodie," she elaborates when Lauren looks at her expectantly. "I saw her wearing it the other day when I went to her apartment," Dinah explains, remembering the week before when she and Camila had dinner at her place and the brunette was wearing the oversized hoodie, not minding at all that Dinah was right there.

"My 'Teenage Dirtbag' hoodie," Lauren muses furrowing her eyebrows in concentration. "She never gave it back to me," she says as a small smile plays on her lips. Dinah grins and nods her head excitedly. "But I can't talk to her just because of that, it's stupid," Lauren says and nibbles at her bottom lip, trying to think of something else. "You know what? Fuck it," she looks at Dinah with determination, and a second later she presses the call icon on her phone.

Lauren doesn't want to think too much about the whole thing but she can't help but count the rings on the other end of the line.

"Are you serio—" Dinah starts to say, surprised with her best friends boldness, but she shuts her mouth when she sees Lauren eyes widening in anticipation.

"You answered," Lauren sighs and Dinah rolls her eyes because, of course, Lauren would say something dumb like that.

"Hey," Camila replies after a couple of seconds, and Lauren is sure that her raspy voice is everything that she wants to hear for the rest of her life. "How have you been?" the brown-eyed girl asks hesitant, wondering why Lauren is calling her and not really sure of what she should say.

"I've been better," Lauren's voice drops an octave, and she starts to bite her thumb, feeling nervous and like she wants to throw up. "Camila, uh, I need to tell you something," she adds after a moment.

Lauren doesn't have a reason to call her and she is not going to make up an excuse now. If she is going to try to work things out, she should just be honest from the beginning.

"But I want to see you when I tell you because it's really important to me."

"Okay," Camila's answer comes thirty-six seconds later. Not like Lauren is counting or something. "Do you want to grab a cup of coffee or something like that?" the brunette inquiries letting out a sigh.

Lauren's heartbeat is racing with each second that passes.

"That would be nice," she agrees and Dinah looks at her, asking her silently what the hell is going on. Lauren just shakes her head as a sly smile curves her lips. "But um, it's getting late and I don't really want you to waste your time on me, so maybe we could, like...grab that cup of coffee tomorrow if you want?" Lauren asks, feeling her heart hammering inside of her ribcage and she swears for a moment, that Dinah can hear it too.

"Yeah," Camila nods, sounding relieved and for a moment Lauren wonders how she is feeling.

God help her because she is feeling like a total jerk, asking Camila for a favor —it is basically that, the girl should've just ignored her call— that she doesn't even deserve.

"Great, same place?" Lauren sounds too eager for her own taste but who is she kidding? She is feeling her heart beating loudly in her chest and she is feeling those kinds of emotions that she wanted but promised herself to not feel ever again.

"Alright, I'll be there by seven," Camila informs her and then ends the call without another word.

Lauren looks down at her phone for a moment, too overwhelmed to talk to Dinah right away.

"And?" the Tongan girl asks tentatively after a couple of minutes in silence.

"Oh my God."

•

Lauren makes her way over to an empty table near the windows of Starbucks and takes a deep breath to calm down her nerves. She bounces her right leg up and down; a bad habit she has every time she is nervous or waiting. And now she's doing both.

To try to distract herself, she looks out the window and she instantly recognizes Camila's figure walking down the street.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god," she murmurs once she sees the slightly smaller girl looking at both sides before crossing the street jogging. "Well, at least some things never change," Lauren muses and sighs, remembering the times that she had to stop the brown-eyed girl from crossing the street when the cars were approaching them.

She watches Camila step inside of the coffee house wearing a red coat, black skinny jeans and her classic and worn-out Converse. The instant their eyes met, Lauren feels her cheeks burning up. It is not like she is embarrassed or something, is just that the room is really cozy alright?

She watches Camila make her way towards her and Lauren gets surprised when she feels Camila's arms around her waist. She doesn't even remember standing up from her chair but she is not complaining.

So Lauren hugs Camila back, letting her go too soon for her taste. "Hey," she greets sitting down again while Camila takes a seat right in front of her. "Do you want something? It's on me..."

"Lauren..."

"No, no, no, Camila, please," Lauren insists and stands up again, rounding the table to be right in front of the brunette. "It's the least I can do," she mumbles embarrassed, scratching the back of her neck.

"Okay," Camila nods and watches Lauren turning around happily to go for their drinks.

The whole time she's been waiting for her order, Lauren has been feeling Camila's eyes on her. She tries to distract herself by looking outside of the windows and she smiles when she finds the wind moving the leaves while a festival of fall colors is right in front of her eyes. She watches each leave falling, bringing them closer to the winter second by second.

She looks around the coffee house too, just noticing now the Christmas decorations and the characteristic red cups. Lauren smiles at the barista when he calls her name and turns around as her eyes instantly fall in Camila.

She can't help the smile that traces her lips at the sight. "There you go," she says giving Camila her drink and sitting down in front of her again.

Lauren watches as the brown-eyed girl takes a sip of her coffee and her heart flutters inside her chest when Camila smiles warmly at her.

Hell, if smiles like that one could kill, Lauren would have been dead a long time ago.

"You remember," Camila's says with a soft voice, bringing Lauren's attention back to her eyes.

"Cinnamon latte?" Lauren asks with an easy smile on her lips. She shrugs her shoulders like it isn't a big deal. "How could I forget? You always ordered the same thing. I wasn't going to risk myself here so I went for the safer option," she tries to joke, still unsure of Camila's reaction.

But Lauren sighs in relief when she hears a childish giggle coming out of the other girl's mouth.

"So," Camila begins once her laughter dies down. "What did you want to talk about?" she asks raising an eyebrow at Lauren before she takes another sip of her coffee.

Lauren almost forgets how to breathe because she shouldn't think that what Camila just did was sexy right? Yeah, right.

"Uh," she starts, struggling to find the right words to speak. Camila is looking at her expectantly but she still gives Lauren the time she needs to answer her question.

Lauren was so focused on trying to calm her nerves before seeing Camila after weeks that she completely forgot how to approach the topic. "Us," she answers after she swallows the lump in her throat.

"Okay," Camila says lowering her voice and dragging the word for a couple of seconds. "What about us, Lauren?" she asks with an evident change in disposition. "You want to talk about how you left me and then disappeared? Or maybe about how you didn't even let me tell you how I felt?" she asks, each word sharp and clear. "Or why you ignored all of my calls?" she adds with a mocking smile, watching Lauren lowering her gaze in embarrassment. "What about us, Lauren?" she inquires again, a little bit louder this time.

"Camz..." Lauren says weakly as the nickname rolls effortlessly off of her tongue. She wasn't expecting Camila to react like this at all. Damn, she feels like such an ass and guilt burns her heart with each word Camila speaks.

"No!" Camila exclaimed furrowing her eyebrows, all signs of being happy to see Lauren again completely gone. "You don't get to call me that, Lauren. Not this time," she says with determination.

"Well, I'm sorry alright? That's why I called you, to tell you how sorry I am. And I didn't want to tell you over the phone. I called you to apologize for being the asshole that I am," Lauren excuses, raising her voice frustrated.

She sighs and closes her eyes for a moment to calm herself down. She's feeling too many emotions right now to breathe properly.

"Why?" Camila demands, bringing Lauren's attention back to her.

And when Lauren looks at her, she feels mad at herself because Camila looks completely beautiful without makeup and with her wavy hair cascading down her shoulders.

"Why did you make that decision?" she clarifies, dropping her tough facade for a moment. "And I want the truth," Camila mumbles when she sees Lauren's green eyes looking at her with sadness.

"I was scared," she replies after a couple of minutes. "I was scared because I was falling in love with you, Camz," she decides to elaborate looking straight into Camila's brown eyes. "I've never felt anything like that before, Camila, and then I started to wonder if you could feel the same about me," she pauses, suddenly too overwhelmed with feelings, "and then I saw you, I saw it in your eyes," she adds with half a smile playing on her lips.

But Lauren knows that she fails miserably when she feels hot tears burning in her eyes. She doesn't know what expression she has but apparently is enough to make Camila reach out her hand to take hers.

She doesn't know what to think about the small gesture but is definitely going to enjoy the little intimacy between them.

"I remember looking at you," Lauren continues after a second that felt like an hour, "and thinking about how lucky I was to be with someone as smart and as beautiful as you are," she says and her heart flutters when Camila grabs her hand firmly on her own. "And I thought about all of those times back when I was younger and the things that I did before I met you...and I don't really know what happened here," she points at her head, "but I ended up believing that I didn't deserve you, Camz," Lauren tells her and the nickname slips out of her mouth again.

Lauren doesn't notice it and if Camila does, she doesn't say anything.

"I still think that I don't deserve you, especially after what I did," the green-eyed girl finishes, looking down at their hands when Camila begins to play softly with her fingers.

"Why didn't you talk to me, Laur?" Lauren's pulse quicken when Camila moves her chair over to her side to be closer to her.

"Because I'm an idiot," Lauren shrugs her shoulders as a small chuckle makes its way out of her mouth. "I've never been so sorry in my life," she whispers, eyes glued on Camila's.

Camila gives her a tight-lipped smile and her eyes swim with something that Lauren can't quite pinpoint.

"You know," Camila speaks after a few seconds, "I needed you to tell me why everything happened like it did," she says before running the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip, "so that way I could finally move on," she adds getting lost in Lauren's green eyes. "But I'm not sure that I want to do that now."

And Lauren swears in that moment that she stops breathing and her heart stops its beating.

•

"And what happened after that?" Dinah asks with her mouth full of chips, lying on her stomach on top of Lauren's bed.

"I started laughing," Lauren says hiding her face behind a pillow and feeling her cheeks blushing.

"You what?!" the Polynesian girl exclaims almost choking. She reaches for her glass of orange juice and takes a sip, looking at Lauren with wide eyes. "What do you mean with 'I started laughing'?" she quotes raising an eyebrow at her best friend.

"I did!" Lauren smiles at the ridiculousness of the situation. "I don't know why. I just started laughing and Camila looked at me like I was crazy..."

"Like hell you are," Dinah clicks her tongue shaking her head and still looking at Lauren with wide brown eyes.

"And all of a sudden we were both laughing and people were looking at us like we were the weirdest people on the planet. It was so funny," she finished smiling fondly at the memory of a couple of days ago.

"You two are so getting back together," Dinah smiles triumphantly before she sits up on Lauren's bed.

"She just wants to be friends with me," Lauren reminds her, feeling her heart sinking each time she remembers Camila's words. "At least for a while," Lauren sighs running a hand through her long hair.

"Pfft" Dinah scoffs rolling her eyes, not believing a word Camila said. She walks towards the door and leans again the doorframe before she crosses her arms over her chest. "Please, Camila's just playing hard to get but in no time you'll get back together and you'll be disgustingly adorable," she finishes with a smirk plastered on her lips, watching Lauren blush at her words.

"If you say that again I'll have to kill you," she teases back, looking at Dinah who is just wiggling her eyebrows. Lauren wonders for a moment if she will ever get tired of doing that so much.

"Whoa, I'm shaking with fear," Dinah fakes a scared expression and laughs when Lauren throws her the pillow she was holding before. "You're getting boring so I'm going to Mani's apartment," she waves at Lauren giving her a big smile.

"Hey, before you go, can you please ask Harry if he can come here for a moment?" Lauren says, loudly enough for Dinah to hear.

"Curly-haired boy?" Dinah yells from the living room. "Be right back!" she adds opening the front door of the apartment once Lauren replies affirmatively.

A couple of minutes pass and Lauren sighs relieved when she hears the front door opening again and light footsteps on the hardwood floor.

"Hi," a sleepy male voice greets and a couple of seconds later, Harry is leaning on Lauren's doorframe, just like Dinah did before she left. "Why did you ask her to wake me up?" he whines, walking to Lauren's bed to lay there and continue his nap.

"Give me girl advice," Lauren says running her hands through his curly brown hair.

"You know...if you keep doing that the only advice you're gonna get is my snores," he teases with her thick British accent and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Lauren giggles and rolls her eyes amused with her friend's antics. "C'mon, it's about Camz," she nudges him with her elbow and Harry huffs playfully, all intentions of continuing his nap completely lost.

"Does she still think that we are dating?" he asks sitting up on the bed, clearly still annoyed for being woken up. "I don't even like you that way!" Harry exclaims once Lauren shrugs her shoulders.

"So you like me?" she inquires playfully, wiggling her eyebrows at him and with her face just a couple of inches apart from his.

"See? This is exactly why I'm rooming with Normani instead of you," Harry sighs shaking his head. "You're so annoying."

"Oh, please..." Lauren scoffs and looks at his eyes that look just as green as hers but not quite the same. "Normani was the only one who didn't give a shit about rooming with a boy."

"Fuck off," Harry laughs and pushes Lauren off of the bed and he barks a loud laugh when he hears the thud of Lauren's body hitting the ground. "You deserved that, mate. Now come here and cuddle with Mr. Harry Advice," he smiles at her cheekily. "So, Camz...what did she tell you?"

So Lauren tells Harry all the details of her encounter with Camila on Thursday night once she's lying beside him. She tells him about the hug when they saw each other, she tells him what Camila said about Lauren disappearing and how she apologized for being a jerk.

Then she tells him about their laugh attack and Camila's request of being just friends. Harry looks so offended with that, that he is a second away from going to the brown-eyed girl's apartment to tell her himself that Lauren wants everything but that. It takes Lauren a couple of minutes to calm him down before she could continue.

"So what do I do now?" she asks him with a tired voice that wavers slightly at the end.

"You love her, right?" Harry asks raising his eyebrows and Lauren nods her head immediately. "Then you should definitely show her how much you care about her as a lover. I mean, I know you would still care about her but you don't want to be her friend, Lauren...that's bullshit, I don't even know why you agreed to do that," he tells her rolling his eyes. "Anyway, I'll say 'win her back' but I will also say 'make her want you'," he flashes his toothy grin, dimples looking cute as ever on his cheeks.

"What do you mean by 'make her want you'?" Lauren repeats raising an eyebrow at him. Harry looks at the ceiling like he's literally asking for some help from the Gods above. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"God, Lauren you are so slow!" he exclaims losing his patience. "Look, you'll show her everything she's missing out by being friends, make her a tiny bit jealous, make her wonder if her decision of being just friends with you is even worth it, and then boom!" he talks loudly, clapping his hands once right in front of Lauren's face and making her jump in surprise. "You make her want you like never before," he says happily with a sly smile dancing on his lips.

"How do I do that?" she asked again with a confused frown adorning her face.

"You're going to be so gentle, such a charming human being with her that she won't resist you," Harry finishes with his smirk still in its place.

•

"God, why am I so nervous?" Lauren groans, running her clammy hands on her thighs over her high-waisted denim jeans. She takes a deep breath and then releases it slowly, bouncing up and down her right leg and picking up at her nails.

"Calm down, Laurenza," Harry says, sipping his cookie dough frappuccino with a bored expression on his face. "She's not even here yet," he rolls his eyes and huffs when he sees Lauren's gaze going from the door to the windows and from the windows to the door every few seconds.

"Why are you even calling me that?" she asks, her attention being stolen by the curly-haired boy in front of her. "Just Normani calls me 'Laurenza'," she scoffs, completely oblivious to the fact that Camila is already there.

"I think is cute," Harry shrugs, looking down at his drink. "But I won't call you like that if you don't want me to. I could always call you by your last name," he says giving her a cheeky smile and wiggling his eyebrows, knowing that Lauren hated it when people called her by her last name.

"Lauren?" and when she hears Camila's voice, Lauren's eyes travel all the way up from Camila's torso to her head once she sees her at their table. "What are you doing here?" the brown-eyed girl asks ignoring the taller boy on her left.

Lauren stands up grinning at her and then she wraps her arms around Camila's waist, taking the dark-haired girl by surprise. Camila doesn't do anything to stop her, though and Lauren is pretty sure that she's finally doing something right.

"What does it look like, Sherlock?" Harry speaks once they pull apart, smiling at each other like teenage girls in front of their crush. It is rather entertaining for him but at the same time, he has a reputation to take care of in front of Camila.

"I don't remember asking you," Camila says, jealousy evident in her voice. Lauren tries to fight back a smile but she fails after a second. Harry just smiles sweetly at Camila and continues to drink his frappuccino as if nothing happened.

"I'm just getting coffee with this idiot," Lauren decides to break the tension between her friend and her other friend. She ignores Harry protests and fixes her gaze on the brown-eyed girl in front of her. "You look really pretty," she compliments, gaining a blush from Camila.

"Thanks," she manages to say, trying to cover her blush by looking down at her shoes. "So, are you guys together now?" she asks and holds her breath, waiting not so patiently for her answer. Lauren doesn't fail to notice the hurt expression that crosses her brown eyes.

She looks at Harry and rolls her eyes when she sees him smiling triumphantly at her.

"Are you jealous?" Harry inquires, raising his eyebrows with a playful smile curving his lips. Camila shoots him a glare but ignores him deciding to look straight at Lauren's green eyes. The British boy lets out a giggle and Lauren swears for a moment that Camila is a second away from punching him.

"Why would I be with him," Lauren begins, rising from her chair to stand right in front of Camila as a wave of confidence hits her right in her heart, "when I'm already in love with someone else?" she asks leaning in, her lips brushing Camila's ever so slightly.

Lauren pulls away smiling at her and nibbles down at her bottom lip, smirking at the brunette. She gives Camila a mischievous smile once she returns to her seat and sips on her coffee.

Lauren shares a look with Harry and sees him giving her thumb up from his seat and winking at her. He isn't even trying to be subtle because Camila looks at him and rolls her eyes, but this time with an amused expression on her face.

"Why you came here, Lauren?" Camila asks her with a hint of frustration in her tone. "There's this really cool café you love right in front of your building," she points out raising an eyebrow. "You could have gone to that one instead of coming here, a coffee house that's like ten blocks away from your apartment," she adds, looking at Lauren with an expression that she can't quite figure out.

"I could have gone to any café I wanted but," and here it is when Lauren thinks that she has to make her point loud and clear for Camila to understand, so she grabs her hand and with her index finger she silently tells her to come closer, "I wanted to see you," she husks in Camila's ear when they are just a few inches apart, feeling how the girl tighten her grip on her hand.

•

Dinah and Lauren are making breakfast when they hear three knocks on their apartment door. They look at each other confused, a hundred percent sure the person at the other side of the door is not Normani or Harry. Normani is definitely not interested in going to their apartment that early on a Saturday and Harry is probably sleeping. Plus, they usually don't knock.

"Are you expecting somebody?" Dinah asks with an expression as confused as Lauren's. The green-eyed girl shakes her head, placing two bowls on the glass table in the kitchen. "Me neither," the Tongan girl murmurs before opening the door. "Mila!" she exclaims happily and steps aside to let her friend in. She hugs the smaller girl and closes the door once she is inside. "What are you doing here, Chancho?" she questions motioning for Camila to join them.

"I was just passing by," Camila says, eyes not leaving Lauren's body while she walks around the kitchen, gathering the things they need to start their breakfast. Camila doesn't even notice that Dinah isn't there anymore with her. "Hey, Laur," she greets the pale girl, waving her hand just as shyly as she did when they first met.

And it is then when Lauren decides to use Harry's advice.

"Hi," Lauren barely smiles at her and doesn't even look back when she sits down in her chair. She is so going to make Camila regret her decision of being just friends. "Dinah, are you coming or what?" Lauren raises her voice when she notices that Dinah left them alone on purpose.

And Lauren smiles when she hears her roommate groaning behind her after a moment.

"I'm trying to help you here, you big idiot," the Polynesian whispers when she passes by Lauren side to sit in front of her. "Mila? Come here and have breakfast with us," Dinah wiggled her eyebrows at her friend and offered a bowl of cereal too.

Camila steps around the living room and joins Dinah and Lauren at the table, feeling immediately a weird vibe from the green-eyed girl, although she tries to ignore it. She doesn't like the fact that Lauren is not even looking at her.

Although Lauren seems to be fine with her being there, Camila still feels a bit uncomfortable around the green-eyed girl. She is so used to talk to Lauren about everything and anything that she can't even say a word without feeling like an idiot. The small talk they have is mostly Dinah-Lauren or Dinah-Camila and that is driving the smaller girl insane.

"Okay, I need to take a shower," Dinah informs them standing up from her chair and taking as many things as she could from the table to take them to the sink. "See you, lovebirds," she says playfully letting out a laugh and walking to the hall to get ready for the day.

Once Lauren and Camila are alone again, they both look at each other awkwardly. Camila tries to say something but she can't think of anything to tell her.

"What the hell, we're friends right?" Lauren asks, attempting to break the tension between the two of them. Camila smiles sadly at her from her seat and nods slowly. Hell, Lauren just wants to kiss her right then and there. "Then why don't we clean up here like two friends would and then, maybe watch a movie or something?" she inquires with a tentative smile dancing on her lips. "If you don't have anything to do, of course," she giggles nervously, tapping her foot on the floor.

"Yeah, you're right," Camila murmurs and Lauren's heart flutters in her chest when she feels the younger girl's hand on top of her own. "Thank you," she says and Lauren recognizes easily the sadness in her voice.

"For what?" she questions with a voice barely above a whisper and feeling Camila's warm thumb tracing circles on the back of her hand.

"For not pressuring me," Camila replies shrugging her shoulders. Lauren sighs and runs her other hand through her thick and long hair.

"Believe me when I say this," Lauren rises from her seat, not losing contact with Camila and making a quick decision about what to say next. She grabs Camila's hand firmly on her own and kneels in front of her, "if I could kiss you, I would have done it by the time that I saw you here. I'm trying really hard, Camz."

Lauren doesn't smile; she just let her eyes talk when Camila met her gaze. The last thing she sees before standing up, are Camila's eyes looking down at her lips.

•

"Lauren?" Camila says from the other line when Lauren picks up her phone after the second call.

Harry made her ignore the first call and currently, they are both sitting on his couch, watching Game of Thrones with a bowl full of chips and two cans of soda.

"Hey, Camz, what's up?" she asks trying to sound natural. Harry approves her tone by giving her a thumb up and she smiles at him appreciatively.

"I know I shouldn't ask you this but, uh..." Camila begins and Lauren furrows her eyebrows when she hears her tone. "You know how I don't like to sleep alone right?" she gulps wondering if she heard the girl on the other line or not. "Lauren?" Camila says again, bringing Lauren's attention back to her.

"Ye— yes," Lauren stutters and gulps once more, feeling her heart beating wildly inside her chest. Damn it, why is this happening to her now?

"Look, Ally's not staying here tonight, and last week we were informed that a burglar almost broke into the building and since then I can't get any more than two hours of sleep and I'm really scared of being here alone in the dark," Camila explains, and Lauren can literally feel Camila's voice shaking like she is right there with her.

"What, what, what?" Harry asks looking at her with wide eyes and a chip in between his fingers, halfway to his mouth. "What does she wants?"

"Are you with someone?" Camila inquiries from the other line demanding Lauren's attention again.

"With Harry," Lauren answers honestly. She knows that Camila doesn't like her friend but she is not going to deny being with him just because the girl she is in love with don't get along with him. Plus, they are nothing more than friends and Lauren has nothing to hide.

"Oh," and there is a moment of silence before Camila coughs awkwardly.

"I'm coming over, alright?" Lauren says standing up from her seat and walking to the door. Before she leaves, she kisses Harry's temple and mouths a quick 'goodnight'. He smiles at her and waves her goodbye before turning back to keep watching the show.

Lauren closes the door gently behind her and fumbles with her keys before she enters her apartment.

"You are?" Camila giggles lowly and Lauren can easily picture her nervous smile. The green-eyed girl closes the door with her foot and sighs while she looks outside of the window.

"Was curly-haired boy really that boring?" Dinah teases when she sees her best friend as a sly smile traces her lips.

"Yes, Camila, I'll be there in twenty minutes," Lauren says softly, running a hand through her hair and locking eyes with Dinah.

"What's going on?" Dinah asks with a worried tone. Lauren looks at her and tries to smile but fails when Dinah steps closer to her. "Hey, what's wrong, Laur?" her best friend inquires tugging down on Lauren's hand to make her take a seat on the couch.

"I'm going to spend the night with Camila," Lauren informs her, finally seating beside Dinah. She doesn't feel happy like she thought she would be. Her emotions are too overwhelming for her right now and the only thing that she wants is to be held by someone who loves her.

Dinah wraps her arms around Lauren's body and pulls her closer, feeling her unsteady breath and reading perfectly the green-eyed girl's emotions written on her face. "It's okay, Lo," she assures her best friend, tracing patterns on the green-eyed girl's arms with her fingers. "She still wants you...you don't have to worry about it."

"I know but," Lauren takes a deep breath and exhales slowly to calm her nerves. "I expect so many things about these situations and then I'm left with nothing...it just fucks me up so much, Dinah." she pouts trying to control her erratic heartbeat.

"Hey, look at me, alright?" Dinah pulls Lauren away from her to look at her face. "What it has to happen will happen eventually, Lauren. You can't keep avoiding situations with her just because you don't know how to control your emotions or your feelings. It is going to be hard, but I promise there's nothing more beautiful than to feel something, Laur," Dinah says, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Lauren's ear. "Even if it's bad, you're feeling something and you have a thousand more opportunities to make good memories," Dinah continues looking straight at Lauren's emerald eyes. "What is better than to make those memories with someone you love?" she asks tentatively, earning a small smile from Lauren. "See? It isn't that bad, is it?"

"Thank you," Lauren smiles at her, wrapping her own arms around Dinah's waist and making herself comfortable against the taller girl chest.

"Anytime," Dinah smiles too, kissing gently Lauren's forehead. "Now, get ready for your date and let me tell you, dawg, I expect you here tomorrow to tell me all the details," she wiggles her eyebrows, pulling Lauren away from her again in order to make the other girl go to her bedroom to get ready.

"It's not a date," Lauren clarifies shaking her head and with her smile still in its place.

"Yeah, right," Dinah scoffs rolling her eyes. "I don't want the nasty details, though. I might be the captain of this ship but I'm not into that if you know what I mean," she says while Lauren is making her way to her bedroom and following her almost immediately.

•

Lauren waits exactly fifty-two seconds in front of Camila's apartment door before she rings the doorbell. Then she counts to twenty-six before the door is opened.

Camila looks tired. Lauren didn't notice the bags under her eyes before but now, under the dim light of her apartment, they are evident. She still looks so cute that Lauren almost reaches out her hand to caress the tender skin of Camila's cheekbones.

"Thank you for coming," Camila smiles at her, stepping aside in order to let Lauren in.

"It's okay, tomorrow's my day off so..." she trails off looking around and smiling at the sight of the familiar place.

Lauren looks at Camila for the second time that day and she can't help but grin when she notices Camila's outfit. She is wearing her black hoodie, sweatpants, and fluffy socks. It is almost the same thing that Lauren wore when they first met.

The green-eyed girl reaches out her hand when Camila comes closer, and touches the fabric of the hoodie. She smiles softly when she sees Camila's cheeks turning red at the gesture. Lauren doesn't know what expression she has but she swears that Camila's eyes turn darker at the view.

"It looks so good on you," she whispers, pulling Camila a little bit closer while the smaller girl gulps at her actions. "I would say 'keep it' but apparently you already have," she teases, smirking down at Camila and bodies just inches apart.

"Dinah will kill you," Camila reasons, knowing the story behind the hoodie and nibbling at her bottom lip when Lauren's warm body comes in contact with her own.

"She won't," Lauren husks, pulling Camila even closer to her while both of her hands held her waist. Lauren's heart is beating so loud that she is almost sure that Camila can hear it too. "Hi," she whispers before she presses her lips softly against the corner of Camila's mouth.

"Hey," the younger of the two smiles with twinkling brown eyes.

If Lauren could live in a moment forever, she would choose the exact second that Camila looked at her after that small kiss she gave her.

She feels Camila's hand on her own and a second later she is being dragged towards her bedroom. Lauren's heart is beating fast and a roar of butterflies makes its way from her stomach to her chest.

"Don't you have to work tomorrow, Camz?" Lauren asks from her place on Camila's bed, watching the brown-eyed girl pacing around her room, gathering her clothes and other things that are lying on the floor.

"Yes," Camila answers simply, growing frustrated with her own mess. "What about that?" she questions raising her gaze to be met with bright green eyes.

"I was just wondering," Lauren shrugs her shoulders, lowering her eyes to the screen of her phone. She decides to send a message to Harry and quickly opens the app.

To Harry:
she is working tomorrow, should I pick her up from work and invite her to get ice cream or something? (23:32)

From Harry:
You are not inviting her to get ice cream. It's almost winter, you idiot! H (23:34)

From Harry:
Although I wouldn't mind if the person that I love is inviting me. H (23:34)

From Harry:
You can take that as a yes (: H (23:35)

Lauren snickers as she reads his text, covering her mouth with one hand and unaware of the look that Camila is giving her.

"What's so funny?" Camila smiles at her, finally looking around to see her room looking a little more decent than before. She makes her way over to be at Lauren's side and sits beside the green-eyed girl, with her back pressed firmly against the headboard of her bed.

"Just asking Harry for some love advice," she confesses, pressing the power button of her phone. Camila looks at her confused for an instant and then her eyes widen at the same time that her cheeks turn red when she realizes that Lauren is subtly talking about her.

"Uh, is he helping you?" Camila talks slowly, looking up at her. Lauren simply nods her head and shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. "What did he tell you?" the smaller girl asks curiously.

"I told him that the girl I'm in love with works tomorrow and I just asked him if I should invite her to get ice cream," Lauren mutters, playing with a loose strand of Camila's hoodie. When she raises her eyes, she's met with Camila's brown ones, looking back at her lovingly.

"Ice cream? I think she will freeze. It's almost winter time after all," Camila husks, well aware of the fact that Lauren knows about her hate and love relationship with the cold season. More hate than love if she is being honest.

"His exact words were," Lauren begins, typing her passcode to unlocking her phone, "'it's almost winter, you idiot'," she reads, lowering her tone to imitate Harry's voice. She fails miserably and gains a loud laugh from Camila. "Guess you two aren't too different after all," she teases, giggling when Camila rolls her eyes and Lauren doesn't fail to notice the small smile playing on her lips.

"What does she looks like?" Camila asks after a moment, looking down intensely at Lauren's lips. "The girl you're in love with," she clarifies when Lauren keeps her mouth shut.

"Come with me," Lauren stands up from the bed and tugs at Camila's hand. When they are both on their feet, she makes her way over to Camila's bathroom and she tells her to close her eyes before she opens the white wooden door. In a second Camila is in front of her mirror and Lauren is right behind her. "Open your eyes now," she whispers making Camila shiver once her warm breath hits softly the back of her neck.

Camila opens her eyes she gets surprised when she finds her own reflection looking back at her. A little behind, Lauren is looking straight into her brown warm eyes.

"She looks exactly like that," she says, voice barely above a whisper.

•

"Uh, Camz?" Lauren calls from the couch while she is reading the book she brought with her. After a moment, Camila appears in the hall with a curious expression on her face. "Could you, like, bring me another blanket, please? It's getting really cold in here," Lauren shivers, holding tightly the couple of blankets that she already has.

"Why don't you sleep with me?" Camila asks instead furrowing her eyebrows and looking at Lauren as she leans on the wall. "I mean," she gulps when Lauren looks at her with wide green eyes. "We could share the bed if you want. The heating doesn't even work and the nights are really cold in here and I couldn't forgive myself if you died," she rambles avoiding Lauren's eyes.

"Are you okay with that?" Lauren questions tentatively, waiting for Camila's answer and somehow amused with the brown-eyed girl's antics. When Camila nods (this time looking at Lauren), she gets up from the couch and marks the page of the book. "Let's go then," Lauren tries to smile but she is so nervous that she barely made it.

They are already changed (though Camila kept Lauren's hoodie on) so the only thing they have to do is getting into the bed. Lauren claims what it used to be her side of the bed while Camila turns off her laptop.

The green-eyed girl looks at her, getting comfortable in the bed and smiles to herself when Camila disappears to go to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She closes her eyes and exhales a long sigh.

So far the night has not been bad, though Lauren hopes that Camila could at least be less adorable. That way she could actually control the urge to kiss her all the time.

She doesn't open her eyes when the room goes black, and she doesn't open her eyes when she feels the mattress sinking down under Camila's weight and she doesn't open her eyes when she feels Camila's fingers lacing with her own.

"Please don't hold my hands," Lauren pleads, feeling Camila's other hand looking for her own free one. Tears are suddenly burning inside her closed eyes. Lauren opens them and feels a hot tear running down her cheek.

The green-eyed girl just wants to be with Camila again, in every possible way. She wants to be able to kiss her whenever she wants, she wants to hold her hand while they are walking down the crowded streets of the city and she wants to hug her just to be close to her at night. Lauren wants to fall asleep with her breathing matching Camila's and she just wants to love and be loved by her for the rest of her life.

"Why not?" Camila closes her eyes, voice weak and hurt and just above a whisper. Lauren thanks God for not being able to see her expression in the darkness of the room because she is completely sure that she wouldn't be able to resist her lips if she could.

"Because I'm not going to let you go this time," Lauren shrugs her shoulders, her voice throaty and her heart beating louder than ever inside her chest.

Camila doesn't say anything. She just tightens her grip on Lauren's hand and scoots closer to her, until her head is resting on the green-eyed girl's chest, legs tangled together and with an arm wrapped around Lauren's waist.

They fall asleep as fast as a falling star that night, feeling the warmth of each other's bodies and their hearts beating as one.

When Lauren wakes up in the middle of the night, she misses instantly Camila's warm body pressed against hers. She opens her eyes and furrows her eyebrows wondering where Camila is. She reaches out her hand and feels Camila's warmth still on the sheets beside her.

Her hand finds something that feels like paper and Lauren props herself up in her elbows to take a look at the little yellow note. She rubs the sleep out of her eyes and looks at the messy handwriting with a smile that never leaves her face.

"I don't want you to let me go" Lauren reads with the help of the moonlight and sees little hearts scattered around the words.

She lets out a giggle and falls back on the mattress, sighing happily and closing her eyes again. Camila's bed is so cozy that she wants to stay there for the rest of her life.

Lauren hears footsteps in the room but she doesn't dare to open her eyes yet. She feels Camila's weight right beside her and a second later, delicate warm fingers are tracing patterns on her face. She feels Camila's fingers dancing across her eyebrows, her nose, her jawline and her lips.

Lauren flutters her eyes open and gasps. Camila looks so beautiful under the light of the moon and a thousand of other stars adorning the sky that she can't breathe properly. Her stomach is coming alive with butterflies inside and her heart does acrobatics inside her chest. Camila smiles shyly at her, that tight-lipped smile that Lauren loves so much, while she's still tracing lines on her face with her fingertips and Lauren reaches out her hand to take Camila's free one. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun with strands of dark hair framing her face. Her eyes are shining with the light of the moon and her lips are inviting Lauren to touch them with her own.

Lauren can't help the loving smile that traces her own lips at the view.

"I won't," she murmurs with sleepy eyes and a low voice. Camila seems to understand perfectly what she is referring to. "I won't let you go, Camz," she speaks again, just in case.

Lauren looks into Camila's eyes and sees warm brown shining with love and all of her doubts disappear. She regrets so much the moment she broke up with Camila that now, with the breathtaking view that she has in front of her, she promises herself and all of the Gods above that she won't hurt Camila again. She promises to give Camila the best she can, she is going to try to be a better person for her, because even if she wanted or not, Camila is already bringing out the best in her. She promises to show Camila how much in love she is with her, every single day of her life.

Lauren moves a little to make room for the brown-eyed girl and Camila takes the hint right away. She covers both of them with the covers and rests her head on Lauren's chest as they cuddle up, arms around each other and legs tangled together.

"Your heart," Camila speaks after a moment, voice soft and happy and Lauren closes her eyes again and smiles in content, "is beating really hard," Camila adds looking up at her.

Lauren doesn't open her eyes but she feels Camila shifting in her arms. A couple of seconds later she feels her hot minty breath dancing across her lips. Camila's hovers over her and brushes her lips ever so slightly against the green-eyed girl's mouth. Lauren smiles when a couple of seconds pass and the butterflies fly wildly inside her stomach. All of her body is tingling in anticipation.

"Camz," she whispers, unable to keep her hands still. "What are you doing?"

"Shh," Camila sighs with her eyes closed and her lips brushing Lauren's jawline. "Don't you hear it?" she asks, still tracing patterns with her lips on Lauren's face.

"Hear what?" and for a moment, Lauren wonders if she is dreaming or not.

"My heart is talking."

Lauren hated when Camila used to tease her, she hated her fucking metaphors that made her heart melt, but now she's not so sure if she does.

She opens her eyes and looks up at brown ones looking back at her with a mischievous glint. So she pushes softly Camila back into the mattress and hears the younger girl's laugh with a grin on her own lips.

Lauren feels Camila's laugh in her mouth the second their lips met. She feels Camila's happiness when she beams at her after Lauren kisses her whole face. She feels Camila's passion when her tongue traces her bottom lip once they kiss again, feeling one of Camila's hands on the tattooed skin on the back of her neck to bring them even closer, and the other under her shirt. She tastes Camila's love when she moans her name and she looks at her emerald eyes, telling her that there isn't any other place she would rather be than with her, right then and there. Lauren feels Camila's promise of forever when the passion subsides and they are left with nothing but shy smiles and soft kisses.

•

Exactly a week before Christmas day, Lauren decides to do something about their situation. She has been stealing kisses and holding hands with Camila for the past couple of week. She has been even flirting with her non-stop after that Sunday night they spent together.

Actually, things are pretty much back to normal, both of them making clear their intentions with one another but none of them crossing the line separating them from being friends to being girlfriends.

It has been a couple of wonderful weeks, full of affection, happiness, and perfection but Lauren still hopes that that would change soon.

Currently, the green-eyed girl is with Harry in Central Park waiting for Camila. She is watching him play with two other kids (that were already there), from a bench a little further away. Lauren has a gentle smile placed on her lips and she snorts when she sees Harry faking a fall.

Well, she is actually pretty sure that he didn't fake it because he falls twice a week if he is having a good week after all.

"Hey, love," Lauren jumps in surprise when she feels hot breath brushing her neck from behind.

Her heart does the thing that happens every single time that Camila is around her. She gets up from the bench with her heart still racing and hugs the shorter girl, kissing her forehead, then her nose and lastly her soft lips.

"What is he doing?" Camila asks once she sees Harry running around the playground with his two new little friends. She seats down with Lauren beside her, takes her hands and laces their fingers before she kisses Lauren's knuckles and rests their hands on her lap.

"I think he just found the two male best friends he always wanted," Lauren answers, laughing lightly when Harry falls again. Camila lets out a giggle when he barely managed to run away from the kids, and she rests her head on Lauren's shoulder. "He really wanted to come, you know," Lauren speaks after a while; resting her own head on Camila's and crossing one leg over the other to try to keep her body warm. It was so fucking cold.

"Why?" Camila inquires, looking up at Lauren and sighing happily when she feels the dark-haired girl's lips pressed softly against her temple.

"Honestly, I have no idea." Lauren laughs shaking her head. If she is being honest, she was completely confused when Harry decided to go with her to the park. She protested telling him that she wanted to be alone with Camila but he refused and followed her anyway out of their building once she left her apartment. "He's coming," she murmurs when she sees him waving at the two kids he was playing with before.

Harry jogs over to them. He's wearing dark skinny jeans and boots; his hair is pushed back inside the gray beanie he is wearing while a dark blue coat keeps him warm.

"Hello," he greets happily a little out of breath, taking a seat beside Camila. He gives her a small kiss on the cheek and smiles adorably at Lauren when she glares at him annoyed. "I need to tell you something, guys," he says still trying to even out his breathing. "I know you are kind of together, alright?" he begins motioning with his fingers between Camila and Lauren. "And I feel like it is my job to look out for her," he adds looking directly into Camila's eyes, clearly talking about Lauren.

The green-eyed girl gulps when she realizes the direction that the conversation is going.

"Harry," Lauren coos, touched by her friend's gesture.

"I'm not finished yet," he warns glaring at her. "Anyway, I'm here acting all big brother on you but," he pauses for effect, "I'm going to be a big brother for her too," he directs his gaze from Camila to Lauren, smirking when he sees her confused look, this time obviously talking about Camila.

"What are you talking about?" Camila raises an eyebrow at him, but she still can't help the grin that is plastered on her face.

"I know Lauren was a jerk to you, I get it, she's all emotional and shit but listen, if you break her heart this time I'm going to end you," he says loud and clear, looking directly into Camila's brown eyes. "And you..." he trails off looking at Lauren's green eyes. "If you ever think of ending things with Camila again I'll kick your sorry ass for three weeks straight," Harry threatens with a stern look on his face.

Lauren bursts out laughing at his friend's words but she suddenly stops when Camila pulls away from her to hug the taller boy.

"Thank you," Camila whispers in his ear before she pulls away from their embrace.

"Look, I know you thought that Lauren and I had something but I promise she's not more than just a little sister to me," he says with an apologetic low voice. "Lauren, Mani, and Dinah were the only ones that accept me when I came here and I was still an immature little bastard...and I don't want to be rude or mean to you, Camila, but I really think that I have to look out for her, alright?"

"It's okay," Camila nods still looking at him with a soft smile on her lips.

"And I know we started with the wrong foot or whatever but I love Lauren so much that I'm willing to try harder for you to like me," he adds honestly, alternating his gaze between the two of them. Camila nods and gives him another hug not saying with words that she already accepted him. "I know you don't like me because of my pretty face," he teases pulling apart, his British accent prominent in each word.

Camila barks a laugh and Lauren rolls her eyes smiling fondly at him.

"Wait, where are you going?" Lauren asks when she sees him standing up from the bench.

"Oh I need to go Christmas shopping," he says rocking from one side to the other excited. "You should too, you know. You're always late with your Christmas presents and, please correct me if I'm wrong," Harry adds sarcastically, "you still owe me my last Christmas present," he says and clicks his tongue feigning annoyance.

Lauren giggles hiding her face behind Camila's head because she knows that he is right about that. "I wouldn't mind a new pair of jeans," he shrugs his broad shoulders with a smile on his face clearly hinting what he wants this year.

"I'm gonna get you a present," Camila speaks softly to Harry, with Lauren still hiding behind her. She gets up and pulls Lauren up with her. "We're going Christmas shopping with him," she shrugs when Lauren looks at her confused.

"Shall we walk then?" Harry asks with his voice gentle and playful while he smiles down at Camila.

"Hey! Don't smile all charming to my girlfriend," Lauren scolds furrowing her eyebrows and trying to not sound jealous. Camila looks at her with wide eyes and mouth while Harry just smirks at her.

"I am your girlfriend?" the brown-eyed girl says after a heartbeat and Lauren blushes like never before once she realizes what she just said.

"Uh, only if you want to," Lauren's voice is low and weak when she speaks. Camila places her warm hands on her cold cheeks and leans in to rest her forehead against hers.

"I'd love to," the smaller girl accepts, standing up on her tiptoes to kiss Lauren properly on the lips.

"Please keep it PG, guys." Harry murmurs uncomfortably when they start to make out, avoiding looking directly at them. "I'm just a kid!" he whines making Camila and Lauren laugh into the kiss. Lauren pecks Camila lips one last time and she kisses the tip of her nose lightly after that. "Oh my God, this is so cheesy," Harry shakes his head in disbelief when he sees small snowflakes falling from the sky.

Lauren looks up as well and laughs lightly when she feels the small snowflakes falling on her face. She opens her mouth trying to catch snowflakes with her tongue and her nose scrunches up adorably while she is at it.

She is completely unaware of Camila's loving gaze and her warm chocolate eyes running over every feature that Lauren has.

"It's snowing!" Lauren exclaims excitedly, still looking up at the clouded sky while the tiny little balls of white cotton fall from up high.

When Lauren looks down back at Camila, her heart explodes with love.

She takes Camila's bottom lip into her mouth and sucked on it lightly, not minding at all that Harry is still there, or the light breeze moving the leaves covered now with snow. She doesn't mind her cold toes, fingers, and cheeks or her cherry red nose. Love is keeping her heart warm anyway.

•

On Christmas Eve and after Lauren and Dinah ate until they couldn't move, the green-eyed girl is lying on her bed with her phone in her hands and smiling down at the screen. She is just so good at flirting with Camila over texts.

"Are you guys sexting?" Dinah asks after she opens Lauren's door. She smirks at Lauren and makes her way over to her best friend's bed. "Move," she commands and once Lauren does, she cuddles up to her and leans her head on Lauren's shoulder.

"We're flirting," Lauren yawns covering her mouth with her hand. "She said she's blushing so my work's done here," she adds with a smug expression on her face.

"I'm so happy for you, Lo," Dinah says and yawns after a few seconds. "Are you happy?" she asks closing her eyes, already half asleep. "Even when she's miles away from you right now," she adds sleepily.

Lauren doesn't answer, she just kisses Dinah's forehead and closes her eyes waiting for Camila's reply. She doesn't know how much time passes but she opens her eyes when she feels her phone buzzing in her hand and after she reads the text she seems to be completely awake.

From Camzi:
Open your door (22:14)

Lauren looks at Dinah, who is already sleeping and tries to move as slowly as possible to not wake her up. Once she does, she gets up and makes her way to the living room to open the door of the apartment. If Camila isn't at the other side of the door, Lauren is going to book a flight to Miami right then and there to yell at her. Camila is supposed to be with her family and not there.

Lauren is so confused that she totally forgot to open the door.

"Merry Christmas Eve, baby," Camila husks sensually, launching forwards to kiss Lauren on the lips. Lauren is so taken aback that she almost loses her balance.

She immediately wraps her arms around Camila's waist to keep them steady and moans when their tongues brush against each other's.

"Hey," Lauren breathes out, heart racing and body numb. "What happened?" she asks a little out of breath.

"I just wanted to spend Christmas with my girlfriend," Camila smiles at her shyly and hides her face in the crook of Lauren's neck.

And Lauren swears in that moment that her heart grows ten sizes.

•

Camila is trying to bake cookies with Normani and Harry in their kitchen while Dinah and Lauren are getting all the presents under the big Christmas tree. The green-eyed girl feels her heart rising when she sees a wide rectangular box with her name, recognizing immediately Camila's handwriting.

"We're ready!" she shouts when they finish, excitement running through her veins.

"God, Lauser, Camila is right there. She ain't going nowhere," Dinah teases smirking at her.

"You're hilarious," Lauren retorts rolling her eyes as a small smile plays on her lips.

"We're ready too!" Camila exclaims sitting on Lauren's lap when she sees her girlfriend sitting beside Dinah on the leather couch.

"You have flour on your face, baby," Lauren chuckles once she notices Camila's nose covered in white.

"It's pixie dust," she replies changing their position to straddle Lauren properly.

"Oh yeah?" Lauren rests her hands on Camila's waist to pull her closer and the smaller girl wraps her arms around her neck in a heartbeat.

Camila nods and kisses Lauren tenderly. A moment later she smiles into the kiss when she hears Dinah groaning beside her. "What? You wanna kiss me too?" Camila asks the Tongan girl, puckering her lips at her.

"Eww, gross" Dinah says placing her palm on Camila's cheek to pull her away from her face. "Please don't talk to me ever again."

"Why not?" Camila inquires, deciding to keep teasing Lauren's best friend. She reaches out for one of Dinah's hand to pull her closer to her and Lauren. "Come here," she whined clearly failing at the task when she realizes that Dinah is much stronger than her.

"You're so annoying," Dinah murmurs standing up from the couch and pushing Camila in Lauren's direction and goes to one of the armchairs. "Harry!" she exclaims when the British boy sits on her own lap. "Get off, God what's wrong with you?" she asks looking at the ceiling and trying to push Harry off of her. "You're hella heavy, please get off," Dinah laughs when Harry wraps his arms around her neck. "Mani, save me!" she shouts helplessly

"No, wait! Normani can't save you," Camila says changing her position to cuddle up with her girlfriend on the couch. "Normani loves me," Camila scoffs, feeling Lauren's chest vibrating with laughter.

"How did I even get into this mess?" Normani protests with her mouth full of cookie dough. "Okay, can we just start please?" she asks grabbing one of Harry's arms to pull him away from Dinah.

She accepts the grateful smile from the Polynesian girl and tells Harry to sit beside Camila while she puts a Santa hat on her head. "Alright, what do we have here?" she smiles taking a package in her hands. "From Dinah to Mila," she reads, making a face and giving Camila the square box.

"Thank you, Cheechee," Camila grins at Dinah and unwraps the box to be met with dozens of bows, all in different sizes, colors and patterns. "Oh my god I love them!" she exclaims happily, standing up to hug the taller girl. She kisses her cheeks a couple of times and then returns to her previous seat between Harry and Lauren again.

Lauren picks a pink bow and puts it on Harry's hair, laughing hard when he looks at her with a straight face.

"This is from Camila to Harry," Normani announces, picking up another present from under the Christmas tree while Lauren picks another bow from the box to put on Camila's hair this time.

"She loves me!" Harry shouts, standing up from the couch excitedly in order to receive his present. He unwraps the present and takes out a pair of black skinny jeans. "Aww, you remembered," he squeals looking at Camila with a big smile.

"Yay, now you have two of those," Normani mocks, laughing when Harry shoots her a glare.

"Although Normani's joke was completely out of place I really needed a new pair," he beams at Camila and kisses her softly on her cheek. "Thank you, Camilita."

"Why are you always stealing my nicknames?" Normani huffs picking up another present.
"Because they're amazing," Harry compliments her sarcastically.

"I know right?" Normani grins at him, clearly touched by his words, and Lauren, Camila, and Dinah burst out laughing after a moment. "You guys are so weird," she comments looking at them seriously. "Anyway, this is from Lauren to Camz."

Lauren's heartbeat increases when Camila has the present she got for her in her hands. The brown-eyed girl unties the white ribbon of the dark red rectangular box and gasps when she opens the lid. "Lauren..." she coos, looking at the silver necklace inside of it, "it's so beautiful," she whispers in awe.

"Care to share why you're giving her that?" Dinah speaks from her seat with a sly smile curving her lips and practically making Lauren share the story behind the present.

"Uh," Lauren begins, gulping when she locks eyes with her girlfriend. "Well, I never really cared about snow until last week. You know, I grew up in Miami so it never really snowed back at home when I was little," she continues feeling her cheeks heating up when she realizes that all of her friends and Camila are looking at her. "So when I had my first snow here in New York I didn't feel excited or anything. I was just happy that I could taste it and touch it," She chuckles nervously. "But last week, when we were in Central Park, I got really excited when I saw the snow and later that day I realized why," Lauren takes Camila's necklace from her hand and touches the little snowflake pendant finely detailed with emeralds at the ends.

"Why was that?" Camila asks when Lauren mind starts to wander.

"Because I was with you," Lauren finishes, giving her a shy smile. Camila's heart feels too big on her chest to breathe properly. "And I realized that as cheesy as it sounds, the snow made that moment even more perfect for me," she adds after a few seconds in silence. "And I didn't tell you this that day but, Camz..." Lauren trails off, taking Camila's hands in her own and lacing their fingers together. "I love you so much," she husks, releasing the shaky breath that falls from her rosy lips, not knowing that the declaration sends shivers down Camila's spine.

Camila leans in a pulls Lauren into a soft kiss, trying to tell her with the small gesture that she feels the same way about her.

She caresses Lauren's cheekbones and kisses her deeply once she looks at her again, with big brown eyes demonstrating all the love she has for her girlfriend.

When they pull apart they notice that Harry, Dinah, and Normani are discussing something about Beyoncé (she is not even surprised) and Lauren finds herself smiling at her best friend's decision to give them some privacy.

"Oh, great! You two pulled apart," Harry says, feigning annoyance. "Mani, give Lauren Camila's present now so we can keep talking," he smirks when Lauren throws him a cushion "I'm just joking for Christ's sake."

"Is there a reason for the emeralds?" Camila asks after she inspects the snowflake pendant and turning to look at Lauren again.

"Well, Camila, it's because of my eyes," Harry chimes in, clearly enjoying Lauren's annoyed expression.

"God, Harry you're ruining the present!" Lauren exclaims frustrated with the boy, huffing when Camila laughs at her reaction.

"It's okay, babe," Camila reassures her once she wraps her arms around Lauren's waist to cuddle up with her again. "Instead of thinking about his eyes I'll think about yours," she adds smoothly, pecking Lauren on the lips.

"Okay! Now give me my present!" Lauren says loudly when she and Camila pulled apart again.

"Here," Camila reaches out her present ignoring Normani's protest of her being the 'Santa deliverer'. She gives it to Lauren kissing her on the cheek and smiles adorably when the green-eyed girl's cheeks turn red.

"We don't want to see it if it's inappropriate," Dinah warns from her chair, leaning in to take a look while Lauren unwraps the paper. "What? What if it's a sex toy?" she asks raising an eyebrow at the judgmental look on Harry's face.

"If that's the present," Lauren starts looking mischievously at her best friend, "I would give it to you because you need it more than I do."

"The nerve!" Dinah gasps in horror while Normani, Camila, and Harry burst out laughing.

Lauren smiles smugly at her and Harry is laughing so hard that she can't even hear his laugh anymore. He falls off the couch, which makes Normani and Camila laugh even harder.

"Thank you, Camz," she smiles gratefully at her girlfriend, going through the empty pages of the photo album that Camila got for her.

"I know how much you like to write and take pictures," Camila begins looking at Lauren with a soft expression once her laughter dies down, "and the other day you told me that your diary is almost full, remember? So I thought about giving you a new one, but I decided to give you a photo album instead," she shrugs her shoulders like it isn't a big deal. "That way you can actually look at your own memories," she finishes happily with a wide smile.

Lauren hugs the photo album and traces her fingertips against the leather material and her initials at the bottom of the cover. She takes Camila's hand and softly kisses her knuckles before she looks down at the album again.

"I expect lots of pictures of me there. I'm her muse," Normani smirks at them making a pose.

"I'll just write and take pictures of pretty things," Lauren teases with a smile, watching Camila's face. Normani scoffs and then rolls her eyes, knowing that Lauren doesn't mean to hurt her.

"See?" Harry directs his gaze to the dark-skinned girl, "I told you guys she would write about me when we were wrapping the presents," he keeps teasing with a playful glint in his eyes.

"Oh please, her diary is mostly about me and you guys know it," Dinah shakes her head, pretending to be offended with her friends, while Camila puts her collection of bows on Harry's hair. "This time will be no different."

"Wait!" Lauren interrupts furrowing her eyebrows, "how did you know that Camila was going to give me a photo album?" she inquires looking at Harry. A second later she hears Dinah groaning and Normani huffing annoyed.

"See? This is why we don't invite you to wrap presents with us," Normani tells him, looking for a present under the tree. "Here you go," she smiles at Lauren when she finds the square box she was looking for.

"You guys got me a Polaroid camera?" Lauren asks loudly, too excited to contain her happiness once she unwraps the present. She looks at Dinah who has a big smile curving her lips, then at Normani who's nodding her head and lastly at Harry who has a soft smile on his lips.

Lauren stands up from the couch to go to hug her friends when 'All I Want for Christmas' starts to play. She squeals and starts to sing at the top of her lungs with Dinah, Normani, and Harry who join her immediately.

Lauren turns around to take Camila's hand and pulls the smaller girl on her feet to sing to her. When the chorus begins, Harry jogs to retreat the mistletoe he had in the kitchen and just when the chorus ends he place it on top of Camila and Lauren's heads.

If Lauren could replay a moment for the rest of her life, that would be it. With Camila in her arms, Harry being his dorky-self and Normani and Dinah dancing together to one of their favorite Christmas songs.

•

Later that day, Lauren and Camila are lying on the green-eyed girl's bed and tucked in up to their necks. Camila's feet are playing with Lauren's and her eyes are locked with each other's. Lauren always thought that she would never be one of those girls that couldn't keep their eyes away from the person they loved, but she finds herself enjoying looking at Camila more and more every day that passes. She just can't tear her eyes away from her face.

Everything outside of the room is in silence except for the background sounds coming from the Christmas movie that Dinah, Harry, and Normani are watching. They are all cuddled up together with a blanket covering them to keep their warmth.

Harry is asleep with his head on Dinah's lap and her long fingers run through his hair unconsciously. Normani is dozing off; hand intertwined with one of Dinah's and with the taller girl's head against her shoulder. Everything is so peaceful and so rare that Lauren would have been proud to see her friends like that.

She looks down at Camila's lips and leans in to capture them in between her own, feeling the content sigh that escapes Camila's her mouth.

"I had a really good day," the brown-eyed girl murmurs once they pull apart, foreheads resting against each other's and arms wrapped around one another.

"I'm so happy you're here," Lauren sighs with her voice tired and full of affection. Camila smiles up at her and closes her eyes.

The cold wind is blowing outside the apartment, making the branches of the trees dance with its rhythm. The night is cold and chilly and Lauren feels happy to be there in her cozy bed, with Camila's warm body beside hers, their fingers lacing together, their lips inches apart and their heart beating in sync.

"Camz?" she asks after a while, delicate pale fingers dancing across Camila's skin. "Did you forgive me?" she almost whispers. Camila pulls apart from her and her expression softened considerably when she sees Lauren's face.

"I wouldn't be here if I wouldn't have, love," she says in between kisses on her girlfriend's face. "Did you forgive me?" Camila inquiries once she returns to Lauren's chest. She starts playing with a loose strand of Lauren's hair almost immediately.

"For what?" The green-eyed girl asks, eyebrows rising in confusion. She doesn't remember Camila doing anything bad, not then and especially not now.

"For not fighting harder for you when I should have," Camila replies simply, peppering kisses along Lauren's collarbones.

"Camila, please don't make this about being your fault too," Lauren shakes her head closing her eyes, enjoying the intimacy of the moment.

"But it was," Camila protests, her body now on top of Lauren's. "Any relationship involves two people, Laur. It was my fault too, please don't deny it," she pleads smiling down softly at her girlfriend.

"If it makes you happy," Lauren grins and kisses Camila on the lips.

"It makes me really, really happy," the brown-eyed girl grins down at Lauren and allows her girlfriend to pull her back onto the mattress beside her. "You know what else makes me happy?" she asks with her eyes twinkling with love.

"What?" Lauren husks raising her eyebrows. Her rosy cheeks are making her look adorable.

"You."

Lauren rolls her eyes but beams at Camila when their eyes met again and it feels for a moment like Lauren is giving Camila the moon and the stars on a silver platter with that smile. She holds her closer, feeling Camila's fingers on her waist, her eyes on her lips and her heart with her own.

"I am so in love with you," Camila confesses, still looking at Lauren's emerald eyes. "I don't want you to feel insecure again, okay?" she asks softly, hands resting on Lauren's hips. "I've never felt this way before, Laur, and sometimes I get scared too but," she pauses looking for the perfect way to describe her feelings. "You make me want to scream to the world that love is the most beautiful thing in the universe and I will fight a thousand times for you if I have to," she sighs, green eyes looking back at her lovingly. "I'm in love with the way you say 'hello' with that childish voice of yours," she begins, caressing softly Lauren's cheeks, "and the way you scrunch up your nose when you're laughing or excited," Camila adds making Lauren blush, "or the passion you have when you defend the people you love like your life depends on it."

"Camila..."

"No, Lauren, please listen," she says giving her girlfriend a pointed look. "I am in love with the way you make me feel and when you look at me when you think I don't notice it," Camila smiles when Lauren tries to hide her face in the pillows, "but, Lauren, I always feel your eyes," she continues sighing again when Lauren looks back at her. "And your eyes turn from green to gray, in the winter I'll hold you in a cold place," Camila sings softly, brushing Lauren's lips with her own.

"You're such a dork," Lauren giggles before she kisses Camila deeply.

"But you love me," Camila replies when they pull away, eyes shining like an ocean of stars.

The brown-eyed girl turns off the lamp, not waiting for an answer from her girlfriend and scoots closer to her again. She exhales a long sigh and closes her eyes, listening to Lauren's heartbeat.

Lauren lies there for thirty minutes, listening to Camila breathing and feeling her heart full of emotions.

"Lauren?" the green-eyed girl opens her eyes when she hears Camila's soft voice calling her. She hums in response and closes her eyes again, waiting for Camila's words.

She doesn't know how much time passes but when she is about to fall asleep, her girlfriend speaks again making her heart stop in her chest.

"I love you, too."

Lauren never really liked Christmas that much. She never really liked the cold, and the chilly wind or wearing coats, winter boots, and scarfs. She used to hate feeling her toes and her fingers freezing but now, with Camila there to hold her hands and kiss her goodnight, she wouldn't mind spending her whole life with snowflakes falling from the sky and warms brown eyes looking back at her.

•••

a/n: merry christmas!! if you guys made it here congratulations because you just read +15k words lol it's really long, that's why i posted it in 3 parts last year. anyway, i hope you're having a wonderful day and happy holidays(:

ami, x.