Chapter 51
The story may have triggers from here on. It's nothing major, but I want to warn everyone and make sure that you're all okay.
***Liliana's POV***
I wasn't sure how, but we got Fletcher to fit into my car. I couldn't see out of the back window, but it he fit. However, I couldn't get him out. Even if I did know how to get him out of there, I wouldn't be able to carry him without dragging him on the ground.
I sat on my couch cuddled Edmond in the duvet from my bed. I made the awful mistake of looking my name up on google. There were several articles saying that Ashton and I had broken up so he could focus on caring for the child. Most were just talking about how scandalous our relationship is.
My mom called when I got home from work and asked how my birthday was. I told her about Ashton's gifts, and we talked about Harry. She said that I was being very mature with the whole Katie situation, but I cried when I told her how much it hurt not knowing whether I'd lose him or not.
As much as I tried to avoid the topic of Shaylin, she kept coming up in conversations. I called, texted, and even tweeted her. She never answered me. It wasn't like she didn't have her phone because she was posting things on snapchat all day. I don't know why she was so upset with me, but whatever I did really pissed her off.
I got a text from Ash saying that he was on his way over. He and Harry were coming over to give me my cake, watch a movie, and bring Fletcher inside for me.
I sighed heavily as I looked around the apartment. It was clear that Shaylin hadn't cleaned the entire time that I was gone. Her clothes were scattered around the room, dirty dishes on the table, and there was trash everywhere.
I sighed once more as I stood up and began cleaning the mess. It wasn't like Shaylin to leave this much of a mess. The dishes normally made it to the kitchen counter, and her clothes were normally in the hallway.
I gathered all of the clothes and carried them to her room. I expected to see a mess when I opened the door, but there was almost nothing.
The pictures that previously hung on her wall were no longer there, her desk was cleared off, and there were a few cardboard boxes filled with her things.
"Oh my god." I whispered.
I tried to come up with a reasonable explanation for everything, but nothing came to my mind. She was moving out, but why?
I dropped her clothes and closed the door. Just the thought of being alone made me sick.
I finished making the apartment presentable and retreated to my spot on the couch. My thoughts drifted back to the Shaylin situation.
Her moving out would mean that I would have to pay all of the bills. The extra money that was recently brought upon me would allow me to do so, but paying for a two bedroom apartment seemed ridiculous if I had no use for the second room. Moving wasn't really an option for me either. I was in a place where everywhere that I needed to go was no more than thirty minutes away. I had the rest of the month to figure things out.
There was a knock on my door and I got up to answer it. I opened the door to see Kyle standing there with a big smile on his face and Nutella, pretzels, and a bottle of whiskey, with a ribbon on it, in his hands.
"I'm sorry." He said.
I grabbed the whiskey from his hand and closed the door.
"Annie, wait! I just got you back. I don't want to lose you again. You wouldn't answer my calls or texts and I just wanted to apologize. Ashton's not as bad as I thought, but I won't let him hurt you. You're a strong girl, but you need someone to protect you, and I want to protect you."
I sighed and opened the door.
"How long did you work on that one?" I asked with a small smile.
"Since last night."
"Ashton's coming over, so you can't stay."
"Can I at least come in and have a drink?"
I nodded and allowed him to walk through the door. He went to the kitchen and got out glasses. He poured the whiskey into the glasses as I grabbed a can of Coca Cola from the fridge.
"You're driving, you can't have that much." I said as I poured some of his into my cup. I poured some of the soda into his cup.
"Happy birthday." He smiled as he took a drink.
"Happy birthday to me." I mumbled as I started drinking.
I finished my first cup and poured another for myself. The burning in my throat was pleasant and tears began forming in my eyes as I drank.
"Slow down." He said as he pulled the cup from my lips.
"Sorry, it's been a bad day." I coughed.
"Is that why you're crying?"
"No my throat is on fire."
"Well what happened?"
"Shaylin's moving out."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I haven't talked to her for a while." I shrugged.
"Then how do you know?"
"Her room is empty and there's some boxes packed in there."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know." I sighed. "I can't move anywhere, but I don't want to just be here with an empty room."
"I could move in." He suggested.
"I don't think so. Ashton wouldn't like that and-"
"Ashton doesn't own you."
"I know he doesn't, but he isn't comfortable with me staying the night with you. I'm pretty sure that living with you falls under the 'staying the night' category. You would just have to prove that you could be mature about everything."
"We're just friends. I don't see a problem with it."
"I'll talk to him about it, but you have to go."
He drank the rest of his drink.
"Have fun with moneybags." He hugged me. "Happy birthday. Don't drink all of that alone."
"I won't. Drive safe. If the alcohol kicks in, pull over somewhere and I'll come get you."
"I barely drank anything." He laughed.
"I know, but you know how I feel about drunk driving."
"I know." He rubbed my arm gently. "I'll be careful."
"Thank you."
I walked him to the door and gave him another small hug.
"I'll see you later. Tell me about the roommate situation when you get a chance." He said.
"I will." I opened the door to see Calum and Michael standing there. "How did you..."
"Ashton's downstairs." Calum said. "Who's this?"
"That's Kyle. He was just leaving." I said.
Kyle nodded and left.
"Did you two fuck?" Calum asked when he was gone.
"No. He was just bringing over a birthday present."
"Was it his dick?"
"No! God! Calum, why are you even here?"
"Ash needed our help."
"With what?"
"Your birthday things."
I let them in. "You can sit wherever. Just make yourselves at home."
I moved my blanket to one side of the couch.
"What is Ashton doing?" I asked.
"He has your cake." Michael answered. "He really went all out."
"Good. She deserves everything after getting Harry here." Calum said.
"Yeah. Do you know how hard we tried to get him to come here? He's a stubborn little shit." Michael laughed.
"Hey baby." Ashton said as he walked through the door.
He had more roses in his hands.
"So many flowers." I said as I gave him a quick kiss.
"Have you been drinking?"
"Just a little."
"Where can we put this?" Harry and Luke walked through the door holding a large cake.
"There's a table in the kitchen." I said. "Ash, can we go get Fletcher?"
"Yeah." He smiled. "Michael, Luke, lets go."
I grabbed my keys from the coffee table.
"I don't wanna put shoes on." I told Ashton.
He turned around and slightly bent down. "Hop on."
I smiled as I jumped on his back and wrapped my limbs around him securely.
"Why can't we be cute like that?" Michael grumbled to Luke as we walked down the hallway.
"We've been together for five years. Cute isn't an option for us anymore." Luke answered.
"Well clearly not because you can't even remember that we've been together for six years."
"It's five."
"Six."
"Five."
"Six."
"Stop arguing with me. Why do you always have to argue?" Luke groaned when we stepped in the elevator.
"I only argue when you do stupid shit."
"You're arguing right now!"
"So are you!"
"I am not!"
"Are too."
"Am not!"
"Why do you always have to argue?" Michael mocked Luke.
"Damn it, you're so frustrating!"
"Guys! Just calm down. You know that you love each other. Apologize so we can have a nice time on Lily's special day." Ashton said calmly as we stepped out of the elevator.
They both mumbled apologies with an I love you and Luke wrapped his arm around Michael. He either whispered sweet nothings or something dirty to Michael because Michael's cheeks were tinged with pink.
"I think you guys are cute." I told Michael. "You've been together for so long and Luke can still make you blush. Those are real relationship goals."
"But you and Ashton are so spontaneous and adventurous and hot and...and...everything. You guys are perfect." He replied.
"Well do you want me to call people while we're fucking?" Luke asked.
"Yes please."
Note to self: Never answer a phone call from Luke or Michael.
When we got to my car, Michael and Luke began trying to get Fletcher out of the back seat.
"Shaylin's moving out." I said quietly.
"Really?" Ashton asked.
"I think so. Her room is basically empty and there are boxes with her stuff in it."
"Did she call you today to tell you happy birthday?"
"Nope. Nothing."
"I wonder what happened." He thought aloud. "You were so close and now she just isn't talking to you. Strange."
"Yeah, I don't know."
"You have to push it!" Luke yelled.
"No! You push it. I'm pulling!" Michael yelled back.
"Don't hurt Fletcher!" I pouted. "Ash, tell them to be careful."
"Stop fighting!" Ashton groaned. "Luke, come hold Lily."
"Why can't I hold her?" Michael asked. "Am I not manly enough?"
"I don't care who holds her."
Michael came over to me and held me bridal style while Ashton went to get Fletcher out of my car.
"I feel like Bella from Twilight." I said quietly. "I have a question."
"What?" Michael asked.
"If you've been with Luke for five years, why did you hit on me the first day we met?"
"We had a fight because he kept looking at other guys. I'm bi, and it really bothers him when I look at girls."
"Me too."
"You what?"
"Bi."
"Really?"
I nodded.
"Ashton's right. You're a keeper." He said thoughtfully.
"Ashton thinks I'm a keeper?"
"Oh yeah. He talks about you all the time. It's like every word that comes out of his mouth is your name."
"I like your red hair."
"Thanks. I like it too."
"Baby, I think that Fletcher is stuck." Ash said.
"But I need him inside. If I don't have Fletcher, then I don't have anything."
"You have me." He smiled.
"You're not good enough." Luke said.
"Yes I am! Right, Lily?"
"I'm not saying that you aren't good enough because you definitely are better than good enough, but you're not a giant pink teddy bear." I said.
"Oh I see how it is. You're only with me for the bear." He joked.
"I'm sorry that you had to find out this way."
He giggled. "Come on. We'll go upstairs and get Calum."
He took me from Michael's arms and began carrying me back to the building.
"You feel lighter. Are you losing weight?" He asked.
"Is that an indirect way of calling me fat?"
"No! Not at all! I just want to make sure that you're okay."
"I was retaining water last time you carried me."
He set me down once we were in the elevator.
"I don't know what that is, but okay. Are you sure that's all?"
"Yep." I lied.
It's hard to eat when you're sad, and whenever Alex, Katie, Shaylin, or Jake came into my mind, I was sad.
"So what are you going to do about your living situation?"
"I don't know. Find another roommate?"
"Well you don't want to live with a stranger, do you?"
"No, but-"
"If you want to move in with me, you can."
"No."
"Wow. Didn't even have to think about it." He sounded extremely offended.
"We aren't there yet." I told him as he stepped out of the elevator. "I've never lived with someone that I'm dating, and I don't think we're ready. I'm sorry."
"It's whatever."
"Don't act like that." I said sternly.
"Like what?"
"Like Alex. You're getting pissed off just because I don't want to do what you want. Those are red flags that I didn't see with Alex, and I won't go through it again." I raised my voice slightly. "If you're going to hit me, then do it now! I'm not going to wait around for seven months just to see if you'll change. Punches hurt! Being kicked hurts!"
"Lily-"
"It didn't make you anymore manly to hurt me, Alex! Your muscles are so much stronger than mine! What were you trying to prove?"
Alex stood in front of me with the same stupid smirk that he wore whenever he told me that we weren't breaking up.
"You should've just killed me! It's what you wanted, and god knows that the world would be so much happier without me!"
I felt hands on me, but they weren't his. His arms were crossed and he casually leaned against the wall.
"Stop looking at me like that! Say something!" I yelled.
I felt so light headed that I almost didn't catch what he said.
"You're right. I should've killed you."
***Ashton's POV***
"Lily, wake up. Please wake up." I carried her to her apartment and kicked the door.
Calum opened the door a few seconds later and looked at Lily.
"What happened?"
I walked past him and laid her on the couch and turned her head to the side.
"Harry come hold her feet up." I said quickly.
I ran to the bathroom and wet a towel with cold water.
"Calum get pillows from her room!" I said as I ran back to the living room.
I ran the towel over her face and neck and spoke gently.
"Come on, Lily. Wake up. Let me see those pretty eyes."
Calum put the pillows under her feet and he and Harry took a few steps back.
"Liliana."
Her eyes fluttered slightly.
"Wake up, Liliana."
She groaned before her eyes opened fully.
"What happened?" She tried to sit up, but I held her down.
"You passed out." I said softly.
"Again?" She whined.
"This has happened before?"
"Can I have some water?"
"You really scared me, Liliana. What happened? And don't say that you're fine because you aren't and you know that you aren't."
Calum came back in the room with Lily's water and handed it to me.
"Can you two go help Michael and Luke with Lily's bear?" I asked.
They nodded and soon Lily and I were alone.
"I know you don't want me to say it, but I'm fine." She said quietly.
"You were yelling at me and calling me Alex. Then, you went limp. You could've hit your head. You're not fine. Please just tell me what's going on." I begged.
"Don't treat me differently, okay? I need you to promise on everything that you've got that you won't treat me any different."
"I promise."
"I went to a therapist yesterday, and she told me that I have PTSD. She wants me to take antidepressants, but I didn't get a chance to pick up my prescription yet."
"So what does that mean?"
"That's why I have nightmares and flashbacks." She looked at her hands while she spoke.
"You were having a flashback? Did you think I was going to hurt you? Did I trigger it?"
"No! It was me. I started talking about him and then I saw him so clearly. And his voice was so...real."
"But why did you pass out?"
"I haven't eaten much today and I was stressed." She shrugged.
"I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me, okay?"
"Yeah."
"When was the last time you ate a regular sized meal?"
Her hesitation was a bad sign.
"Last night."
"Be honest."
"Okay, it was last week, but I'm eating, I swear."
"Not enough, baby. This is how eating disorders start."
"I can't eat a lot without feeling nauseous."
"Why?"
"I'm sad." She sighed and turned away from me. "So fucking sad."
"What makes you sad?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Why?"
"It's my birthday. I don't need a reason."
"The lads are going to take Harry around the city for a couple of hours while we go out to dinner. We don't have to go anywhere fancy, but I want to make sure that you get some food."
"I have food here. We don't need to go out." She sighed. "I can make food for everyone."
"You have five men here. I don't think there's enough food in the world." I tried to make the mood lighter.
"Can we just have some cake, so you guys can leave?"
"I'll eat, I promise." She groaned and turned to face me again. "I just can't do it with you around."
"Liliana, I want you to be healthy. What you're doing to yourself isn't healthy."
"It's not purposeful! I think of Alex and it makes me sick, the thought of Jake makes me sick, and now thinking about Shaylin leaving makes me sick." She said loudly. "Sometimes I can't even look at you without Katie popping into my head! Do you know how bad I feel about everything? I want to be a perfect girlfriend for you, but I just can't be. I'm broken, Ash. I'm too broken."
She sat up and I moved to sit next to her.
"I'm so sorry." I said quietly. "I had no idea you felt this way."
Tears rolled down her cheeks. "Don't apologize."
"Can I hug you?"
"Please."
I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. She cried into my shoulder.
"We could write a book someday." I told her. "We'll call it 'Broken Boy Meets Broken Girl.'"
"Are you broken too?" She asked in a small voice.
"Very much so."
"I guess we'll safety pin the pieces of our broken hearts back together."
"We'll be patching up all the holes until we both feel much better."
We held each other tightly. She cried and a few tears managed to slip out of my eyes as well.
"I'm so selfish." She mumbled. "I don't wanna share you."
"I don't want to be shared. I just wanna be yours." I added 'forever' in my mind. "I know you said you didn't want to move in with me, but I want you to know that you can come over any time that you want. Even if I'm not home and you just want to get away for a little while."
I pulled the spare key to my apartment out of my pocket. She looked at my hand before hesitantly grabbing the key.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded. "You're the only person that I've given a key to."
"Luke has a key."
"Luke stole my key." I giggled. "I actually want you to have this."
"You trust me that much?"
"I trust you with my life." I said honestly.
I wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed her forehead gently.
"We're going to be okay, Lily. I promise. Everything is going to be okay."
_______________
My birthday is Wednesday ((December 9th)). I'm turning 16.
I saw 5SOS, The Weeknd, Shawn Mendes, One Direction, and all those other people at jingle ball LA and it was the best night of my life.
FUN FACT: I used to think that daddy kink was gross and I swore that I would never call someone Daddy. The irony almost hurts my soul.
I'm not saying that I love you, but I definitely love you.
Stay crocs.