I tap the pen rapidly against the thick clearbook in front of me as I listened to the woman on the other end of the line, taking down notes and making revisions whenever needed while she chatted away. After a breath, Lauren enters the office with more paperwork in one hand and a large cup of coffee in the other, "I figured you'd need this. You started pretty early." She whispers before placing the drink on top of the panda coaster on my table.
Placing the call on mute I smile and take the cup. Taking a quick sip and humming in delight as the warm liquid flows down my throat. "Thank you. You're an angel." I say with a playful wink before unmuting the call so I could answer, "Yes, Ms. Palma, I've already made the arrangements to provide wardrobe for those who won't be adhering to the theme."
Lauren shrugs happily then takes a sip of my drink, "I'll need to have these signed, lady boss."
I roll my eyes playfully and nod, prompting her to place the papers beside the clearbook. "We have copies of My Fair Lady and Breakfast at Tiffany's that we'll be showing through the projectors. By the way, I'll need to set a meeting with you and my partner so we can finalize table design and color schemes."
"Partner, huh?" Lauren teases, her hands sliding up my arm and towards my shoulders where her fingers dig firmly into my tense muscles.
A soft moan escapes me but I cover it with a cough, "Yes, Wednesday sounds good. 70's Bistro? Alright. I'll have my partner confirm it with you within the day... You're welcome... Thank you again, Ms. Palma. Have a good day. Bye."
I feel Lauren's arm wrapping slowly around my neck, her hands sliding over my chest so she could cross her arms just over my breasts, "Partner?" she asks again and I could almost hear the teasing smile on her lips.
"You know what I mean." I huff, patting her arm before placing a soft kiss on it; leaving lipstick lips on the skin.
"Business partners, right?" Lauren whines while her grip around me loosens.
"Right."
"Still the honorable Althea I met all those months ago." She complains before pulling away and heading into the kitchen, "I mean I get that you don't want me to be a rebound but you have to know that it kills me to know that you're sleeping with, like, a different woman every weekend, right?"
An exasperated sigh passes my lips and I drop my head in shame, knowing full well how much my... activities... affected Lauren, but I steeled myself in the knowledge that I would rather hurt her with the truth than lie to her; something Jade had painfully taught me.
"Lauren.. " I say quietly before standing from my seat and following her into the kitchen. I find her leaning against the counter with her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest, a dejected look on her face. "We talked about this..."
"I know." She whines without meeting my gaze. "I'm just hoping that one day soon you'll snap out of this phase. It can't be healthy; emotionally or physically."
"I'm hoping for that too." I reply before taking her hands in mine and looking up at her, "which is why I'm moving back to the farm. My Pa needs me and I need to be... not here."
Lauren nods and gives me a tight smile, "you'll have internet though, right? I can't run this place without you and I doubt Batchi's going to like it if she comes back from vacation with a business that's in shambles."
"I skype with my caretakers every week. Don't worry, we have internet there; slow but present. Plus we have Ms. Palma's event coming up in a month and that fancy reunion with all the celebrities."
That answer seems to satisfy Lauren because she immediately perks up and claps her hands happily, "That's right! I've been swamped with the debut that I completely forgot! See? I told you, all that crap with the Tanchingco's just meant that better things were coming!" she yelps excitedly and I try my best to hide the way my jaw clenches at the mention of that name. "Oh that reminds me, I'll have to talk to Lance about logistics. I'll be back in time for lunch." she adds and she was out the door before I could answer.
Her words causes a rather unpleasant memory to flash behind my eyes, a memory I had buried along with any feelings for Jade.
"I know you're not really in the mood but we have a problem." Batchi's voice pierces through the fog in my head caused by the alcohol in my bloodstream. She appears beside me then flicks her fingers at me, sprinkling me with what I hope was water.
"It's n-not like--like I don't have enough pr-problems to deal with. W-What is it this ti-time?"
Batchi sighs and asks for a glass of water from Eddie, handing it to me before speaking. "Drink."
I huff but do as she says, gulping down the tasteless liquid until the glass was half empty.
"There. Now are you g-going to tell me what the fuck is going on?" I ask when I feel some of the drunkenness fade.
She pulls out her phone and slides it over to me with the screen open on an app I recognized as Viber.
"Dude, I can't even think straight let alone read this. Just... just tell me what it says."
Frustrated, she roughly runs her hands through her hair, "David pulled the contract. He paid the penalty and fired us without explanation."
I stare at the phone for who knows how long, trying to make sense of the words that were slowly forming on the screen. What did this mean? Had Jade come clean? Did she finally leave David? It's been almost four months, maybe Jade had thought things through and realized that she couldn't live a miserable lie of a life with David.
A spark of hope flashes in the deepest parts of my heart, igniting a small flame and causing warmth to creep up from whatever abyss that had madr it's home in my chest.
"They're-- They're wedding is off?" I stutter and it wasn't at all because I was drunk.
Batchi shakes her head, "that's the thing... The wedding is still on. They hired Nancy Dickerson. Can you believe that? Nancy-fucking-Dickerson." she scoffs.
Whatever flame or fire that had warmed my heart was quickly snuffed out by Batchi's answer. Quickly replaced by this heavy feeling coupled with a deathly chill like I was doused in ice water. Guilt and sadness replaced hope because once again I had messed up; not only did I lose Jade but I also caused Batchi to lose a very big pay out.
God, how could I be so stupid?
"I just..." She huffs before grabbing a glass from Eddie and taking a sip. "I thought you and Jade were done? What the hell happened that night?"
I flinch like her question had cut me, "I told you. We ended things."
"Was David there? Did he find out?"
"No, he wasn't there."
"Are you sure? He wouldn't have ended the contract just like that without any reason."
I wrack my brain for any clues, anything that might have lead to his decision. Aside from Jade telling him the truth there was nothing else that could have given him any idea of the truth, "I-- I'm sure. We were in the apartment. Alone."
Another sigh passes Batchi's lips, shaking her head in dismay. "Well, whatever. Can't do shit about it now. They paid more than enough to cover us."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have--" "Ah. Ah. Ah. We talked about this."
"But--"
"No buts. You can't stop your heart from falling for someone any more than I can stop Eddie here from losing at a game of darts."
"Hey!" The bartender whines, "I lost twice!"
"Out of two." Batchi countered, sticking out her tongue at the old man.
Eddie huffs, his salt-and-pepper hair swaying from side to side along with his head, "I'm going to stop letting you win, Luna."
"Let's put that to the test old man. You and me. Right now."
"You're on." The man then unties his apron before stepping out from behind the bar, leading Batchi to the dartboard. I stay in my seat and simply watch them from my seat as I sip on the glass of water that Batchi had provided me.
After a few minutes, I notice a man taking a seat on the stool beside mine. Normally I wouldn't have paid him any mind but given that the bar was empty and he smelled of expensive perfume I turned to look at him.
"Hello, Althea." David whispers, his hand closing around my shoulder tightly. "Long time no see."
The surprise of seeing him paired with the grip he had on my shoulder rendered me speechless, my heart beating furiously behind the hollow on the base of my throat.
"I won't be here long. I just have something I need to say." He says before inching closer towards me, "Did you really think I wouldn't find out?"
"Wh-what are you talking about?" I ask, finally finding my voice.
David chuckles lowly but the sound was humorless and dry, "Oh come on, Althea. We're too old to play this game. I know about you and Jade."
My teeth clench and grind together in an effort to control my actions, my face a calm mask to hide the panic burning inside of me. "I don't know what you're talking about." I say sternly, my voice tight and stiff.
His hand suddenly reaches up and his fingers painfully fist the hair on the back of my head, making me hiss. "There's no use denying it. I'm not here to ask you, I'm here to warn you. If I ever see you near Jade again, I will make your life a living hell."
The words causes a chill to run down my spine and I swallow thickly against the lump that had formed in my throat. I took a deep breath and straightened up before answering, an obvious attempt to seem calm and blase about everything he had said.
"David, whatever it was between Jade and I is over. It's been four months and I've never once been anywhere near her so your threats are really unnecessary; not to mention horribly late." I huff, ignoring the hammering organ inside my chest.
"I always did believe in that old adage, better late than never." He whispers as his fingers tighten and tug at my hair. "By the way, how's work going? Oh wait, that's right... You don't have a job anymore."
My eyes widen and it's like some pieces of the puzzle had been put together. The realization of how the board found out about my sexuality, how they took such extreme measure and fired me and how no other school would hire me.
It was because of him.
David had told them.
Instead of fear, the alcohol in my system fueled my rage and I thrashed against his grip. "It was you!" I growled before managing to land a blow to his stomach. He lurches forward and groans in pain but the hold he had on my hair only tightened, making me yelp in pain.
The commotion finally got the attention of Batchi and Eddie and they were quick to leave their game to aid me but before they could reach me and stop David, he pulls an arm back and lands a solid punch to my gut.
"Althea!"
"Rogelio!" Eddie calls for the bouncer, "Rogelio! Get that bastard out of my bar!"
A high-pitched beeping sound pull me out of the memory and back to the present. Slightly unhinged, I shake my head as I pull out my phone. With a few taps and swipes, I unlock the screen to see what reminder I had missed for today.
PTA Meeting, 9:00 AM.
My stomach drops at the text that I read off of the screen. Today was the last day before the break and I would have had to meet with the parents of my students; Pearl and Gab included.
Well, it's a good thing you're not the teacher anymore. I thought bitterly. Feeling utterly defeated by the flashback, I knew I had to distract myself somehow before I start drinking again; so I grab my purse from the table and step out of the office, yanking Lauren and pulling her towards the deli just outside of the office.
We eat lunch leisurely, taking our time between bites to talk about business and her social life. What was usually a 30-minute lunch was now almost an hour and 15-minutes long simply because I enjoyed her company.
Lauren was a nice distraction from everything going on in my life and for that I would always be thankful to her. She had stuck with me when I was at the lowest part of my drown-myself-to-numb-the-pain phase. It would have be so easy to just let myself love her and move on from the pain that Jade had caused but for some fucked up reason, I couldn't. I couldn't make myself love her the way I love Jade. I couldn't look at her and tell her she would be everything I would ever need. I just...
I couldn't.
From my seat I could see a very familiar white Mercedes Benz pull up in front of the office. Knowing full well who owned the car, I look away as soon as the driver side door opens. "I have to go." I blurt out before standing from my seat.
Lauren's eye dart up and I could see the surprise and confusion in them, "Why? What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Althea." Lauren's voice was firm but sprinkled with concern. I let out a soft sigh before nodding towards the car, prompting Lauren to turn. After a moment, she nods her understanding, "Is that...?"
"Yes."
"What do you think she's doing here?"
"I don't know." I reply, pulling out some cash to pay for our meal, "I don't care."
Lauren nods again and I make my way behind her chair so I can pull it back. When she stands she smiles and cups my cheek gently. "You should go. I'll deal with it."
A soft sigh passes my lips and I shrug before taking her hand and leading her out through the other side of the restaurant where my car was parked under the shade of a large tree, "I'm sorry. I just... I don't want to see her right now. I've only started to numb myself and I--" "You don't have to explain. I understand." Lauren says, cutting me off as we reach my car. "Go on. Say hello to Pa for me, okay?"
I smile, "tell him yourself, you're visiting in a few weeks right?"
"Right."
"Good."
Lauren nods as I open the driver side door, "Be careful."
"Yes, Ma'am. Bye." With that, I cup her right cheek and lean forward to place a soft lingering kiss on the left.
With my trip suddenly rescheduled, I had to pass by the apartment and the flower shop to get the last of our things; bidding goodbye to my grumpy landlady who, surprisingly shed a few tears.
"Your contract is good for another 8 months, are you sure you're not coming back?"
"Hmm.." I hum in thought, "can you give me a month or two to decide?"
"Of course."
"Thank you, Mildred"
"Anytime. Be careful on your trip and say 'Hi' to your Pa for me, okay?"
"I will!" I smile before getting back into my car and with the heavy evening traffic, I was left with a few hours and a sad song playlist on the radio, it was like the universe had conspired to make sure I would be alone with my thoughts.
After Jade and I's last night together, I had done everything I could to get over her.
According to AskMen.com there were things one needed to do in order to get over someone.
Hook up with someone else.
It's to remind you that your ex, or that straight-but-not-really-millionaire-heiress, isn't the only person in the world. Just make sure it's clear to both parties, or all parties if you're into that, that it's a no-strings-attached deal. For me, I only hooked up once a week, sometimes twice. It was easy because I would normally be too drunk to even have standards; which brings us back to step two.
Exercise your newfound freedom.
This, I was able to do thanks to David. After I had lost my job, I spent day and night drunk at the bar. I'd step in just as the sun is sinking and get home with the sun shining bright. It was only when Batchi, Abby and Lauren did an intervention that I started sleeping during the night again, and even then I'd be drunk as hell.
Remember the bad times.
Both the easiest and hardest step, only because everything was good and perfect until a few months before we broke up. I held on to what Jade had said, that she was no good for me. That her family would only give me trouble, as I've witnessed with David. That she couldn't fight for me. Unfortunately, holding on to it meant remembering it regularly and every time her voice echoes in my head, it causes another painful cut to slice at my heart.
There was several other steps I followed, and others that I'm still following now but there was one that I wasn't sure I'd ever get. Because as much as she explained to me her reasons, as much as I understood her, I couldn't get the feeling out of my chest that we still weren't over.
That there was a chance for us.
Which is part of the reason why this move would be for the best, because then I would never again be tempted to contact her or even see her. There wouldn't be an off chance that we'd bump into each other in a coffeeshop.
At the farm, I was far away from everything that was Jade.
Here I could ignore the fact that none of those stupid steps worked, here I could focus on growing flowers and taking care of Fate and my father. Of course the latter, being as wise and knowing that he is, knew I was here to escape but thankfully he doesn't ask what it was I was running from.
For the next three weeks, I busy myself by readjusting to life on the farm while also handling Batchi's business through a laptop and a flimsy internet signal. I was expecting it to be as difficult since I hadn't lived in the farm for almost a decade; it was hard to get used to the taste of pure black coffee in the mornings and bathing with ice cold water, but eventually the bitterness that made my face scrunch in disgust turned a little sweeter and the shaking episodes after every bath ceased. The fresh air of the mountains also did wonders for my health and the physical workload, that Vilma would tell me I didn't need to do, also increased my strength and cardio.
Days that seemed to go on forever shortened until a day was just another 24 hours. Eventually, smiling didn't feel like a task anymore. Waking up wasn't something I dreaded. Although dreams of Jade still haunted me, I was learning to live with it since I doubt it would ever go away.
Managing Batchi's business became easier and easier with Lauren's help too. Sadly, her trip up here needed to be rescheduled because of some changes that Ms. Palma "desperately needed" for her daughters debut. She would call me everyday to give me an update regarding our clients and suppliers although recently, most of her calls were of reporting yet another appearance of one Jade Tanchingco at our office looking for me.
I didn't quite know how to feel about that, didn't know whether I should be elated or afraid of what she would want with me, and thankfully, my distance ensured that I never had to find out. As much as I wanted to see Jade, I knew I had to move on. Jade was right, she couldn't change her entire life for me, it wasn't healthy. Breaking up... Separating ways... whatever it was that we did, it was the best thing for the both of us because what we had was so intense that it would have only been a matter of time before it burned us both.
Besides, I had already made great progress here. The flowers are all well kept and beautiful as ever, the animals are healthy and I get to spend time with my father. Who, ever since forcing me to discharge him without a doctor's consent, has been looking no worse for wear. He's not coughing so much but when he does it's always tainted with blood. His weight has dropped significantly and his skin is almost always dull pale color.
I'm fine. Just getting used to being useless. He'd say but we both knew better. I knew he was getting worse but who was I to force him to go to a doctor? If the old man wanted to go with traditional healing techniques then that's what we were going to do.
With a sigh, I stand from my perch and take in a slow, deep breath as I took in the sight in front of me. Whenever I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, which wasn't very often, I would take Fate through an unmarked path and out to the edge of the mountains. There I spend as much time I want breathing in the thin air from the edge of a high cliff that overlooked the forest below.
From here, everything seemed so small. Problems that take up your mind start to appear small and insignificant, people that have hurt you disappear into tiny dots on the ground, and all you hear are the leaves of the trees shushing your thoughts into silence as the wind caresses over their leaves. The air I breathe seemingly cleanses all the anxiety and fear from my heart, allowing me to breathe it out so I can regain some control over my own thoughts and feelings. All you see is the peaceful blue sky as it turns from the dark purple of the early morning to a bright blue hue.
A dull thudding sound catches my attention and pulls it away from the scenery. I see Fate tapping his hoof against the ground while an unhappy sound flutters through his nose. He'd been acting like that for a while now and I had told Ronnie to observe him but so far it hadn't gotten any worse.
Still, I knew I should get him checked.
Today is as good as any. I figure before approaching him.
"Hey there, buddy. You okay?" Fate huffs and shakes his head like he could understand.
"Yeah. Yeah. We'll get you to the V-E-T. Come on." I add, spelling out the word instead of saying as not to spook him. With that, I slip a foot into the stirrup and get on him. He whines unhappily when I plop down unto the saddle, making my brows furrow. "Definitely not good."
Without pushing him to run or gallop, it took thrice the length of our 15-minute run towards the cliff to get back home where Ronnie was already waiting with the horse trailer bolted to the back of our two-seater truck.
After resting him, we load Fate unto the trailer so we could take him into town to get a check-up from the vet. When we pass the market, I see several of our sellers there waving at us happily and I ask Ronnie to stop the truck, figuring it wouldn't take long to say hello and build rapport.
"Althea!"
"Miss Guevara!"
"It's been forever since you've passed by!"
The flower vendors all greet and I answer them with a shy smile, we talk and catch up over the last few years that I hadn't been around. Year ago, my father and I would personally deliver flowers to them and in return, they were loyal customer of our farm and a good friend to my father.
"I've been busy in the city but I'm back now. How's your baby girl? Regina, right? " I ask politely towards one of our long time vendors, a middle aged woman named Joy.
"Good! She's going to start school soon."
"That's great! If you need anything for her, just come by the farm, okay? We have books she might be able to use."
"I will, thank you! By the way, speaking of the farm," Joy starts, "some woman came by a few minutes ago asking how to get there." She says casually.
My eyebrows crease together in confusion but before I could ask, I hear a loud and panicked neigh coming from the parking lot.
Immediately I knew it was Fate and without thinking, I bolt from my spot to get to him; zigzagging past the onlookers whose attention was drawn to the panicking horse. As soon as I pass by the thick front line of his audience, I see Fate's trailer swaying and bouncing with the horse's movements.
"Fate!" I call out to try and calm him, running in front of the trailer doors.
From outside I could see that she had somehow turned around so that her head was facing the barred window of the trailer. He was looking at something to the side and despite my attempts at getting the stallion's attention, it was no use.
"Miss Althea! Get away from the trailer!" Ronnie yelped into my ear before tugging at my arm to get me away but I yank myself free to stay where Fate could see me. I had never once seen him react like this and with whatever ailment he had and this episode, it was no way this outburst would do him any good. My fear was that he could move or twist and make his intestines knot or twist in a way that could harm him, so despite the danger I stayed where I was.
Fate then reared back and began kicking the metal door of the trailer, making the thin metal door dent from the force. He does it again; once, twice, three times. The only thing I register is the hinge of the door breaking.
One more kick and the door will swinging open, straight at me.
"Miss Althea!"
"Althea!"
The world seemed to slow, or maybe my brain just sped up to superhuman speeds because I was able to register several things at once; the horse's hooves as it prepared to kick, the voices calling from behind me, Fate's panicked eyes as she reared once again.
"Althea!"
That voice, louder now than the first time I heard it.
It was her.
I turned just in time to see something brown flash in front of my eyes before a force slams against me, sending me to the ground with a harsh 'oof'.
I could feel strong arms wrapping around my head and I realize that she was covering me protectively. We hold our breaths but the final kick never came, in fact everything seemed to still. No screaming, no neighing, no doors flying open. Nothing.
The only sound though that I could hear was the hammering in my chest as I registered that the weight on top of me had not moves an inch. Trapping me under her warmth and scent that I had avoided for over half a year.
8 months of hiding.
8 months of trying to leave her behind and here she is again.
"Miss Althea! Are you hurt?"
"Ronnie, get the horse out of the way!"
"Oh God, what happened?!"
Panicked voices drifts into my head and eventually, the woman on top of me pulls back to check me. Her hair was a mess and there were smudges of dirt on her cheek and clothes, ignoring the dullness in her eyes that immediately disappeared as our eyes meet, she was as beautiful as I remember.
"Are you okay?" She asks quietly as her deep brown eyes scan my body for any injuries.
"I--" My voice stops working when the older women reach us, helping us back to our feet.
"Miss, are you okay?" They ask both of us but I could barely hear anything over the sound of that imaginary rubber band ripping us back together.
"I'm okay. I'm fine." She tells the women before turning back to me, "Althea, what about you? Are you okay?" She asks again but the answer catches in my throat and I stand there dumbly, simply looking at her like I had seen a ghost from my past.
In a way, I guess I was.
"Let me help you..." A hand then reaches out to touch mine but I jump back before it could even grace my skin
"Don't."
"Althea, please."
My arms cross protectively over my chest and I take a step back so I could breathe and think again before speaking, "What are you doing here, Jade?"
You know when you see your ex after a long time and you're not really sure how to feel? You give them a quick look over to see if their appearance had become better or worse, you feel resentment, regret, anger, annoyance and a little nostalgic. That's exactly what I had experienced as soon as I saw Jade again and as much as I wanted to be civil, I could taste the venom on my tongue get stronger and more potent with every second I was with her.
Miraculously, Fate had not delivered the final blow that would have unhinged the door of the trailer but with all that had happened, Ronnie asked Jade to bring me back to the farm. The 20-minute drive in her Mercedes was thick with awkwardness with neither of us talking except for the occasional 'turn left' or 'turn right' so we could get to our destination. Jade tried to talk though, she asked me if I was okay and apologized for tackling me, and I answered courteously but it was always with the shortest answer possible.
The hostility I felt towards her had come from out of nowhere but I figured it was because of the reason behind our breakup. Because as much as I wish I could understand, I couldn't accept that she'd rather be unhappy than be with me.
When we got to the farm, I muttered something that I couldn't remember before escaping into the house as quickly as I could. Once inside, I see Vilma approach the car. She greets Jade happily, saying she came at a perfect time because she was just about to cook lunch. Despite an offer to go in, Jade declined and simply waited by the car.
Once Vilma was away from Jade, I slipped into my room and out of my dirt-caked clothes. Blindly, I grab random clothes from my closet and haphazardly toss them on the couch beside before taking a seat on the bed in just my underwear.
What am I going to do? Should I stay in here and hope she gets the message? Should I talk to her? What was there to talk about? It was done between us. We both knew that. If David finds out that Jade was here, what would he do? I groan at the thought and lay back on the bed, pressing my palms against my eyelids.
What if he tries to ruin Batchi's company? He was rich and well-known, it would be easy for him to spread a negative image for the company among his friends.
The image of Batchi coming home to a ruined company flashes in the back of my mind and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. "No. No. No. No. I can't let that happen. I have to send her home." With that, I stand and begin putting on my clothes.My movements slow and sluggish because I hadn't worked up the gut to go back out there.
"Mister Guevara! You look good!" I hear Jade yelp happily, several minutes into my struggle into facing her again.
"Jade, I haven't seen you in a while! How are you?" The voice of my father drifts in after Jade's, prompting me to come closer to the window. Pa laughs happily and wraps his now-thin arms around the woman like he was greeting a daughter.
"I'm alright. What about you?"
"Eh." He answers dismissively, "I've been better... but hey, I've been much worse."
Even from here I could hear the unamused laughter that Jade forced out of her throat, "I'm not sure whether to say 'that's good' or 'I'm sorry to hear that.', sir."
At that, Felix coughs out a laugh and pats Jade on the shoulder. "I see you're just like my daughter, humorless when it comes to cancer."
I see Jade pause then chuckle genuinely at that, "Sorry."
My father waves off the apology, "it's alright. Speaking of Althea, where is she?"
She shrugs, "she said she was going inside to get changed. It's been a while." the sadness in her voice was palpable and it makes my eyebrows crease in sympathy, maybe I shouldn't have made her wait so long?
My father then points to my window and before I could move back and hide, Jade looks up. Our eyes meet and again that fucking connection we have makes me pause for a split second before disappearing into the darkness of my room.
I turn and press my back against the wall beside my window, my heart hammering against my chest despite the cold and indifferent mask that I had shown only a second before. Fuck, I think I'm going to go crazy.
"I... uh... I guess I'll just wait here." I hear from outside and the tone of her voices makes the knot in my heart tighten unpleasantly.
"Nonsense! Come to the greenhouse with me. Althea will know where to find, won't she?"
I sigh deeply because I knew that tone and that meant that he knew I could hear them. I peek through the window just in time to see the two walking towards the greenhouse, Jade supporting my father by the arm as they went.
It takes several more minutes before I could calm my heart enough so I could drag myself out of my room.
I shouldn't be acting like, not like a scared child hiding from her crush.
Jade was here and she wanted to talk about something that was obviously so important that she just had to disobey our unspoken agreement never to see each other. Whatever it was, the quicker I face her the faster I could send her back out of my life.
After sneaking past my father who had returned to his place in front of the television, I made my way to the greenhouse. Jade was there, sitting on the bench where low hanging vines framed her perfectly. The all-white ensemble that she wore complimented and stood out from the brilliant green and blue vines that hung from the ceiling.
She was looking up at the flowers with a thoughtful but serene look on her face, her hands caressing the flower like it was the most delicate thing in the world. Being with her like this, alone and isolated from the world, made my love her pulse strongly in my chest. This was all I ever wanted, just her and I loving each other in peace. Sadly, that didn't seem to be a possibility and I help on tightly to that truth as I entered the glass garden.
"They bloomed a few weeks ago." I state quietly, making my approach slowly as not to startle her.
Jade's head whips to the side in surprise but eventually she nods and smiles softly, "they're beautiful."
"Yeah. I'm surprised that most of it lasted so long."
"What do you mean?"
To answer her, I make my way to a vine close to her, reaching out to show her the few flowers that had begun to wilt, "Just like us, it's beautiful but it doesn't last so long." I say before letting go of the softened flowers.
"Althea--"
"You didn't answer my question earlier." I cut her off, "why are you here?"
Jade sighs deeply then pats the space on the couch beside her, "sit and I'll tell you."
Wordlessly, I nod and take a seat.
She tells me the story of how she came to find out that I was fired from the school and how she learned that I was now working at Batchi's office. Lauren hadn't told her a thing but it was another assistant, Michelle, who had told her where to find me.
"Look..." Jade says quietly before grabbing my hand between both of hers, "... I don't know why but I feel responsible for what happened. I'll talk to the school to set things right."
My lips stretch into a thin line and I pull my hand out of her grip, patting her hand gently before pulling back, "thank you but I'd rather you stay out of it."
"Firing you for being a lebisan wasn't right."
"What we did wasn't right either."
"What are you talking about?" She asks, her eyebrows creasing together.
"David told the school. He came to find me a few months back. You cheated on him with me, I'm surprised he didn't hire anyone to kill me."
Yet. I add silently.
Jade shakes her head like my words had brought up a painful memory, "David--? I..." She pauses to shakes her head, "...we set things right already, you shouldn't have to face the consequences alone."
"I'm not alone." I say defensively, "I have my father, Batchi and Lauren."
A pained look passes her face at the last name and she sucks on her teeth, "Lauren, huh?"
I immediately realize what she was asking and the mature version of me would have dispelled whatever assumption she had but I just couldn't bring myself to admit that I hadn't found anyone after her. So I swallowed the guilt in my throat and forced it down with a shrug, "You chose David. All I've been trying to do is move on."
"Have you?" The intense look in her eyes, paired with the firmness in her voice makes me pause. The silence stretches out between us and it's heavy and thick with the tension.
Of course I could lie and tell her I had, I could tell her that Lauren makes me happier than she ever did, that I don't even remember anything between us; I could like and tell her that I found someone better but I just couldn't. The lie couldn't even make it past my throat.
I sigh and move as far away from her as possible, placing both my hands on the wooden bench and locking my eyes on the firm soil beneath us, "I've slept with so many women after we broke up. I can't even remember most of their names... or faces." I chuckle humorlessly, stealing a glance at her and seeing the hurt look in her eyes. "I was in a dark place after you left and it got worse when I lost my job. Anyway, I won't bore you with the details." I wave indignantly, "I did everything I could to get over you."
"And?"
"And I'm still trying to do that. No luck so far."
There's no answer for several moments and then I feel Jade cup my cheek to make me look at her. Her eyes were filled with empathy, love and sadness; the same ones that filled my own and I craved to take it away.
I craved to make her happy again but I knew nothing would change. We could kiss and fuck all day out here in the farm but as soon as she leaves, all I'll be left with are haunting images of her beauty. So before I could do anything stupid, I pull back and turn away from her. "Anyway, enough about be. How have you been?"
She moves back shyly too before telling me about the months that had passed. From being a copy girl, she was now the executive assistant at one of their companies and we joke about how killing her boss could benefit her. In turn, I tell her about the Luna family vacation and how Batchi promoted me from being a part-time helper to basically the showrunner.
"It seems we're both climbing the career ladder, huh?" She quips with a soft laugh.
I nod, "that sounds pretty accurate. I'm sure you couldn't be happier."
That makes Jade pause then shrugs, "I could."
"Me too." I answer with a knowing half-smile.
Neither of us notice how dark it had gotten until the lights overhead flickered open and Vilma steps in through the greenhouse doors, singing a tune that was off key and very very high pitched.
"and I'm sure that you're an angel in disguise, come take my hand and together we will rise!" She sang, dancing into the room holding one of our watering cans.
"On the wings of love! Up and above the clouds, the only way to fly is on the wings of looo-- WOOAAOH!!" She yelps as soon as she sees Jade and I. The singing and the frightened look on Vilma's face makes both of us laugh hysterically until we were reduced to giggling and tears, the awkwardness only a few seconds ago completely forgotten.
Later that night, a storm somehow appears out of nowhere and in almost no time at all, we get news that the police had blocked off the main road heading off the mountain. This meant that the storm had caused a landslide somewhere along the stretch and the only way off was a less-travelled path that was littered with sketchy hitchhikers.
Deciding that it would be safest, Pa and I ask Jade to stay the night. After a delicious dinner from Vilma, who still looked a little pale from our earlier encounter, I lead Jade to my room. We don't talk about us or about whatever drama we had outside the farm, I refused to. I knew I would be miserable again as soon as she leaves, there was no reason to ruin however long we had left.
A crack of lightning jolts me awake and just like when you wake up unexpectedly, the world seemed groggy and blurred in my head. I pick up my phone and squint at the bright screen;
3:27 AM. I've been asleep for a little over four hours. I thought quietly before sitting up on the couch.
As soon as I swing the blanket off, the harsh chill of the night air invades my senses and immediately wakes my brain up from whatever fuzz was left over from sleep. Turning towards the window, I notice that the rain had gotten worse; large droplets pelting noisily against my window in a steady, deafening rhythm.
I suddenly remember that I only had my blanket in my room, which meant that Jade could be this cold without the luxury of the thick blanket I had with me. As a courteous host, I drag myself off of the couch and towards my father's room where the blankets were. Moving as quietly as I could, I blindly grab one then slip out of his room before lightly knocking on my bedroom door.
"Jade...?"
No answer.
She could be sleeping... but how comfortable could she be in this temperature?
"Jade..? Are you awake...?" I call softly again, this time pressing my ear against the door
Still no answer.
I was just about to step back when I hear a soft groaning sound. Curious, I push the door open and peek through the crack where I see Jade curled into herself, desperate for warmth. With a sympathetic smile, I slip silently into the room then make my way to the bed.
"Al... Thea..." Jade huffs softly and it makes a warmth creep into my heart, making me chuckle. The sound was both bitter and amused because despite everything, she still had a death grip on my heart. The way we parted ways left nothing to be desired, our conversation and decision was mature and I understood her reasons as much as she understood why I hated the situation.
I sigh softly, letting the unspoken words fly out with the air to disappear into nothingness. Words that I knew I could never tell her again, not because she wouldn't accept them but because it wouldn't change anything.
I still love you.
"-Thea... Alth--mm." She groaned again as she curled in tightly into herself.
My name falling from her lips made my heart flutter but I swallowed it down, "now if only we could live in your dreams." I mutter quietly as I unfold the blanket, placing it over her to get her warmed up.
As soon as I tucked her in and as if on instinct, I leaned forward and place a soft kiss on her forehead. The contact lasts no longer than 5-seconds but even without seeing it, I feel Jade's eyes open and her breath to hitch. I pull back just enough so that our eyes met, her hooded from sleep but the conflict behind them was as clear as the dark sky outside the window.
My voice gets caught, all the words I had been thinking just a few moments ago now bunching in twisted knots in my throat. Jade was looking at me like she was expecting something, her eyes burning into mine just like they always did.
I could kiss her. I could make love to her and make her forget the world outside and I think she knew that too; because I could see the trepidation that mixed into the cocktail of emotions behind her eyes. Again the cliff I had once stood on flashes in my mind but instead of looking down at the pool I had once jumped into, I was looking up at it; wondering how much effort it would take me to make the climb back up.
Like one of those climbers who make camp halfway up a treacherous mountain. To the right was a nice, paved path back down where I could reorganize my pack and maybe choose another mountain to climb. To my left, a rugged path filled with both dangers and the beauty of an unknown sights.
I could keep fighting for her because I knew she still loved me. I could try to get her to fight and leave her family for me but then what? What kind of person would I have to become? How much would Jade have to give up just to be with me?
Thinking about it, she'd have to give up too many things.
Her family.
The life she grew up living.
Her home.
Her inheritance.
Her name.
All too much just to be with me.
"Althea..." Jade whispers, her hand cupping my cheek gently. It takes me another second to listen to my head but when I do, I jump back with a muttered apology.
"I just-- I came in to get you a blanket. I'm sorry I woke you up. I should go." The words were out of my mouth so quickly that I didn't even register all the words that I had said. I turn and head for the door without waiting another moment but just as I reach it, I hear Jade's soft voice.
"Althea, wait." She calls and I pause with one hand on the knob, turning my head slightly so I could see her from the corner of my eye. "Please stay."
The grip I have on both my control and the door knob tightens until my knuckles turn a pale white. God, why is it so hard to say no to you. I thought quietly without looking at Jade. If I stay, it won't change anything. Tomorrow we go back to being nothing. Tomorrow she'll go home and in a few weeks, she'll marry David. It's not a good idea. It's not. It's really not.
"Look, we don't have to do anything. I just miss you and I miss talking to you."
I blink rapidly to keep the tears at bay before slipping out of the room, leaving her and the shattered pieces of my heart in that room.
The next morning, I wake up later than usual. The sun was shining bright outside the window, it's rays creeping along the wooden floor of the living room before landing directly on my eyes and with a low groan, I pull the pillow from under my head to use it as an oversized sleep mask.
It was no use though because soon enough, my other senses begins picking up random things around me. The itchy fabric of one of the pillows, the heat on my skin, but most importantly, the scent and sound of something cooking.
Energized by the smell of bacon, I huff and sit up on the couch before heading to the bathroom so I could wash the sleep out of my face and system. Inside, I grab my toothbrush and begin my morning routine.
"She hates me."
I hear Jade's voice drift in through the open door of the bathroom, making me stop mid brush.
"Althea doesn't know how to hate anyone, I think you know that better than anyone." It was my father who answers and with my curiosity piqued, I spit the minty foam and rinse before moving close to the door so I could hear them better. "I don't really know what's going on between you and my daughter but if there's one thing I know, it's her. This farm is her quiet-happy place, If she hated you she would have sent you home, she wouldn't have let you stay here and she sure as hell wouldn't be sneaking into my room at an ungodly hour to get you extra blankets."
I hang my head and mentally kick myself for even thinking I would get past him when he can wake up at the drop of a hat.
"She did that?"
I didn't hear the answer but I knew he confirmed it because Jade's melodious giggle followed the short silence.
"Whatever happened between the two of you, she still loves you. That kid is stubborn as hell and I think she's trying not to but we both know that she's failing. The question is, do you love her?"
My heart hammers and I feel like I just gained superhuman hearing in the short span of time between my father's question and Jade's answer.
"Yes. I've never loved anyone the way I love Althea but it scares me because if I choose her, I might lose my family. How can I be sure that she's worth it? That she won't leave me one day?"
I nod solemnly as if Jade was talking to me. "You can never know for sure. That's why a lot of people are scared to take a risk in love. You just have to know in your heart that the person you love is worth fighting for, no matter what. Besides, if your family truly loves you, they will understand."
"After everything we've been through, what if she's done with me? What if she's tired of all the drama?"
"Althea is a strong girl, just don't let her be the only one fighting for too long."
There's a long pause and I contemplate sneaking back to the living room so I could pretend to be asleep but Jade suddenly answers and her voice sounded very, very close.
"I have no doubt that she's strong. I wish I could be as strong as she is." Jade answers before pushing open the bathroom door. It swings open and she steps in, stopping in front of the sink. Our eyes meet through the bathroom mirror.
"Did you hear all that?" She asks quietly as her hands move to the door, closing it.
I nod.
"Was that true? Do you still love me?"
I bite my tongue and clench my jaw to keep myself from answering, from spilling the contents of my heart for someone who can't catch it.
"Althea... I want to know."
Stubbornly, I turn my head and lock my gaze unto the toilet. "What about you? Do you still love me? Or did you go here because of pity?"
Jade scoffs and moves forward, cupping my jaw so I had no choice but to look at her. "Is that what you think? That I came all the way here because I feel sorry for you?"
I don't answer because now that she said it out loud, it sounded ridiculous.
Without warning she surges forward, pressing herself to me so that my body was pushed against the wall as her soft lips capturing mine in a firm and heated kiss.