Face still impassive, he stood there without moving a single hair. But his eyes - in those I saw the emotions warring inside him - anger, pride, jealousy and hurt.
I was hurting too. Hurting over his comment, hurting over Jake, hurting most at the thought that any second now Ben could walk out that door and out of my life.
My lungs felt painful; taking a breath was like sucking in fire, the flames scorching me and leaping up my chest to lick at my heart.
Milliseconds felt like hours.
"My last girlfriend...cheated on me." His voice was so quiet I had to strain to listen.
Dammit. Stupid woman; what the hell were you thinking? I took a deep breath, in spite of the flames. "I'm sorry." I said softly, shaking my head a little. "But I'm not her."
His eyes bore into mine. I let him see sympathy and hurt but also resolution; we couldn't have a relationship if there was no trust, it was as simple as that.
A hand came up and ploughed through his hair then ran over his beard. A hand, I noticed, that was shaking. Oh God, Ben, please.
"No." My heart stopped. "No, you're not." I took a small, life-preserving breath; the one he took was deep and ragged and pierced my heart. "God, Cara, I...I'm sorry, I...I'm just a jealous idiot, I...can you forgive me?" His eyes still held a residue of pain but there was pleading and fear in there too and most importantly, certainty and trust. "Please, I...I had no right to speak to you like that, I'm sorry."
Oh, thank God. I stepped towards him, his arms opened then closed around me, holding me tight. I could hear his heart thumping and feel him shaking still; I pulled him closer and rubbed my hands over his back. "If it's any consolation," I murmured into his chest, "When Jake kissed me, I kneed him in the balls."
His rumble of laughter was the sweetest sound I could hope to hear. "God, I love you Cara de Luca!"
"Glad to hear it," I told him, lifting my head from his chest to smile at him. "So why aren't you kissing me already?"
He quickly remedied that situation - very, very thoroughly.
---
"All right, let's go over the ground rules one last time." Ben groaned and moved a hand from my hip to my breast. "Definitely none of that at the party, Cuddlebatch."
His grin, equal parts cheeky and seductive, got a few things to twinge that shouldn't be right now and I had trouble concentrating on what I wanted to say. I tutted at him but didn't make him move his hand. Well, not move it away anyway, it did move...um, okay, hmm, let's not get distracted. What was I saying? Something about...oh yes! Ground rules.
We were laying in bed after what was, if I'm honest, some pretty amazing make up sex - actually, can you call it make up sex when you haven't technically broken up to make up? Oh, who cares, it's all semantics. Soooo, um...rules! Yes, right. Although my birthday is not until tomorrow, tonight is my party, where all my aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and grandparents would be gathering to celebrate the fact that I've gotten yet another year older. Hooray. What was different about this one is that Ben would be attending and therefore meeting my family for the first time - all of them, in one fell swoop. It had the potential to be a massive coup or a total disaster, depending on the toss of the coin, the luck of the draw, the spin of the...yeah, okay, you get it. Personally, I thought the odds were too even to call.
"You can kiss me on the hand or the cheek but not on the lips. You may hold my hand but don't put your arm around my waist. You've never seen the inside of my flat, let alone stayed the night. Don't swear or take Our Lord's name in vain."
"You do that all the time."
"Not in front of my family!" I shuddered, remembering the last time I had done so and my nonna had literally cleaned my mouth out with soap - not the nice soap she kept for visitors, either.
"Darling, these people do live in the 21st century, don't they?" Ben interrupted, his hand stilling momentarily, which left my body feeling a little...neglected.
I glared at him. "No of course not! Haven't you been listening to a word I've been saying?"
---
We were walking up the path to my brother's house, it being the only place large enough to hold everyone. I smoothed down the skirt of my dress nervously and stopped Ben to adjust his tie for about the tenth time. He bent as if to kiss me then remembered and straightened again, sighing. "Relax, sweetheart, it'll be fine. I'll be on my best behaviour, I promise. I am used to greeting crowds, remember."
"It's not you I'm worried about," I muttered, glancing towards the house, knowing that behind the closed curtains were sure to be at least twelve relatives peering out to watch us approach. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Suddenly a terrible thought occurred to me and I gasped, grabbing Ben by the arm to halt him again. "Oh G-heck! If any of my male relatives ask you what your intentions towards me are, tell them to mind their own damn business. No, you can't say that. Tell them...tell them...that we haven't known each other for very long and you don't know your intentions. That should hold them for a little while."
"What if I do know?"
"Know what?" I was distracted by one of the curtains twitching. Aunt Sophia, I bet.
"Know what my intentions towards you are."
He met my startled gaze with a steady, tender look that set my heart racing. My mouth dropped open, luckily going dry at the same time so I was saved the indignity of drooling. "Ben..." I breathed.
"Cara! È quasi ora! Everybody is waiting for you." My brother Tony stood in the now open doorway, gesturing in an agitated manner. (It's about time!)
"All right, Tony, keep your shirt on."
I took a calming breath. "Tony, this is Benedict. Ben, my brother Antonio."
"Buona sera Benedict." "Buona sera Antonio." They shook hands and we were ushered inside, where nonno and nonna greeted us.
"Ben, these are my grandparents. Nonno, nonna, this is Benedict."
"Buona sera signore e signora de Luca, è un piacere conoscervi." (Good evening Mrs and Mrs de Luca, it's a pleasure to meet you.)
"Buona sera Benedetto." "Buona sera. Benvenuto." (Good evening. Welcome.)
"Grazie."
Nonna gave me a small wink, which cheered me a little.
"Lei parla italiano, Benedetto?" nonno asked. (You speak Italian, Benedict?)
"Un po'solo. Ti prego, perdonami." (A little only. Please forgive me.)
"Certamente. È irrilevante." (Of course. It is of no consequence.)
"Cara, child, introduce Benedict to your family."
We went around the room while I introduced Ben to Marco, Maria, my aunt Rosa, uncle Tito, cousin Franco...and so on, and so on. I knew there was no way he would remember all their names and it must have been incredibly tedious for him, but he was unfailingly polite and friendly to them all.
They'd been warned beforehand, of course. When I told my grandparents who I was bringing along, I had given two strict instructions: one; speak English as much as possible and two; no one in the family could ask for autographs or selfies and there was to be absolutely NO taking of photographs or talking about Ben and I outside of the family. It was to be il nostro segreto - our secret. Nonna promised to spread the word.
Tony and Marco hadn't believed me at first when I told them I was dating him.
"Benedict Cumberbatch? You mean Sherlock from the TV? Come on, sorellina, pull the other leg."
"What is that supposed to mean Marco? You don't think I'm good enough for an actor to go out with?"
"That's not what I meant and you know it. Isn't he in that new Star Wars movie?"
"God, Marco, its Star Trek not Star Wars." I rolled my eyes.
"E 'la stessa differenza Cara." He shrugged his shoulders. (It's the same difference Cara.)
"Don't take Our Lord's name in vain," Tony chimed in. "Nonna would wash out your mouth with soap." I groaned. Give me patience!
"He's very dishy Cara," Maria came to my rescue, "and he seems very nice when he's on talk shows and things, doing interviews." God bless Maria. I sent her a smile that she returned. And then the inquisition began: Where did you meet him? How long have you been going out? Where does he live? Is he from a good family? Is he Catholic? Is he respectful? What are his prospects? (I would have sworn at this one if the threat of nonna and the soap weren't nearby.)
When I'd taken about all I could of my brothers' well-meaning interference, I put my foot down. "Enough! Tony, Marco - much as I love you guys, I neither want nor need your approval of whom I do or do not date. I'm bringing Ben to my birthday party because he wants to meet my family, which I personally think you should give him credit for - and I'm telling you now, you will behave yourselves and you will not embarrass me, or so help me, I'll...I'll...tell nonno and nonna what you used to get up to in the library with Stansa Cordielli," I looked pointedly at Marco, "and how nonna's prize-winning ricotta cake ended up in the window box with the tomato plants," this time looking at Tony.
That shut them up.
Meanwhile, back at my party...
After introductions, Ben was whisked off to join the menfolk while my aunts and female cousins all clamoured around me dying to know how I'd managed to snaffle myself a Hollywood movie star. I really didn't want to give out too much detail so merely said we'd met at work then began asking each of them about their husbands and children - a guaranteed distraction; they loved talking about their families.
A while later I was congratulating myself on getting away for a few quiet moments alone when -
"Buon compleanno Cara." (Happy birthday Cara.)
"Thank you." It was my cousin Abrianna, the bitch of the family - well, every family has one, don't they? She's a year younger than me, married to a successful orthodontist and has four beautiful children - you'd think with a mother like her, they would be total brats, but in actual fact they're four of the sweetest kids I know, probably due to the fact that her husband Tomas is the nicest person on the planet. Anyway, point is, she never failed at any family gathering to point out how wonderful her life is and rub my face in my abject failure to secure myself a husband and do what every good Italian woman should do, that is, have lots of babies. Told you she's a bitch.
"How have you been Bri?" She hated that nickname. "How are the kids?" She started rambling on about their scholastic genius, sports prowess and musical talents (hello, why is she not bringing them to me for lessons?) but I only listened with one ear. The other was straining to hear what Ben could possibly be talking about so animatedly over in the corner with nonno, my cousins Pietro and Nicolo, uncle Tito and Tony. It was quite a gathering; all of them at least six foot tall with what nonna called 'a good head of hair' and even being objective about my relatives, not at all bad looking. Ben's auburn colouring stood out in the sea of black, of course, as did his lighter eyes.
Just then he turned and caught me watching him, giving me a surreptitious wink and that adorably sexy half smile. I smiled back, not noticing that Bri had stopped talking and was watching us, a frown marring her otherwise perfectly smooth forehead.
"How did you really meet Ben?"
I almost choked; he'd been introduced to everyone as Benedict, so where did she get off calling him Ben as if she knew him? And what? She doesn't believe that we met at work? Sod off Bri! "He picked me up in a bar," I replied, which, while technically true, made it sound a little more scandalous - to her anyway - than it actually was.
I excused myself and went over to help nonna and Maria bring out more food - as if we needed more; the tables were already groaning with plates full of steaming dishes. Mind you, once my relatives got stuck in, those piles would deplete quite rapidly. If there is one thing Italians do well, it's eating.
"No, no, cara mia, it's your special day; leave us to do the work. Go and talk to that charming young man you brought with you, he looks like he's missing your company." Nonna never fails to surprise me. I looked over at Ben again to see that he had left the group of men and was indeed heading in my direction so I followed nonna's orders and met him half way.
"Hi," I murmured, thinking how gorgeous he looked in his dark suit, white shirt and black tie. I was longing to put my arms around him and hold him close, to breath in his scent and get lost in his eyes - but had to settle for standing as close as I decently could in company and appreciating his cologne.
"Hi," he murmured back and oh G-goodness, I really, really wanted to be alone with him right now and kiss that little half smile all the way into next week.
"How are you surviving?" He seemed to be holding his own so at this point I was really just making small talk while trying to think up excuses I could make for leaving early from my own birthday party. Musical emergency? Outbreak of plague?
"Just fine. How about you?" I was saved from having to answer by nonna announcing dinner was ready and the next minute we were almost crushed by the horde of bodies brushing past us to get to the food. Looking around, I saw an opportunity and I seized it; I grabbed Ben's hand and pulled him out of the room and along the hallway, slipping through the now empty kitchen and out the back door to the seclusion of Tony and Maria's garden. Once we were safe and alone Ben, being obviously a man of similar mind to my own, took me in his arms and kissed me. Thank God.