Chapter 5
Unwritten Feelings
I introduced Jerry to Lily, and she surprisingly didn't flirt with him or anything, she was respectful of the connection to Derek.
"Lily, Jerry and I need to go talk, we're gonna go and walk around the city, will you be all right here?"
"Are you kidding, I'll be fine. My host buddy is getting off in like five minutes."
"Kay, any problems, you know you can call me."
"Lex, I know some self-defense. He's not gonna rape me or anything."
I rolled my eyes, "Bye hon." I hugged her and I was gonna let go until she held onto me and whispered into my ear,
"He is so fucking hot!"
"Lily! Ugh, I can't take you anywhere!" She laughed as I walked away with Jerry.
We got outside and I exhaled from the cold.
"Wow, it's been such a long time. How have you been?" I asked as we started to walk on the cobblestone street.
"Well, I got a job here. I'm an architect like I always wanted to be. But, I'm still single. I have no girl in my life." He stopped, "Well, except Mom of course."
"How is she? I haven't talked to her like a month." I asked
"She's good." He repeated, "She's good."
"And Dad?" I asked
"Same as mom. Kind of going through a mid-life crisis. Just bought a 1970 Chevelle."
"Well, good for him."
"No." He laughed, "You haven't seen the color! It's the brightest neon orange you will ever see. It's so ugly."
I laughed, we continued to walk as there was a moment of silence between us.
"You look good, Lex." I blushed at his remark. I then vividly remember how Derek would tell me all the time how Jerry, who was two years older than us, liked me and did ever since he met me.
'So do you." I smiled, "How can you not have a girl? I mean you always were the guy that all the girls went crazy for, but you never really gave them the chance."
"Well, there was a girl. We went out for year. Her name was Hailey."
"What happened?" I asked, kind of pushing for more. He laughed and then I felt bad, "I'm sorry, this is really none of my business..."
"No, no it's fine, we haven't talked in forever. Besides, you were always close to my family." He sighed, "She cheated on me, with roommate from college."
"Oh, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, no- it's fine. She was drunk, so was he. And I caught them. No biggie." He said, actually meaning it, not like me where I have to convince everyone something.
I kinda laughed at his casualty.
"What about you?" He asked, "Got a boyfriend?"
I shook my head, "No. No, I definetely don't have a boyfriend. I haven't been on a date since... since Derek and I."
He turned to me, "What?" He stopped.
"What?" I stopped as well.
"You haven't had a date since Derek?" He questioned.
"Yeah." I looked down. I didn't want to talk about him. If I did I was going to start crying. I didn't want to do this in front of his brother. I couldn't. But it was too late, I felt the pit in my stomach and the knot in my throat. I tried to fight them back, really I did. But they just started to flow right down my cheeks. I didn't want to look at Jerry. I couldn't.
I saw Jerry's black shoes come toward me and felt his arms wrapped around me as I felt like a stupid idiot, standing there crying.
"Jerry, I'm so sorry."
He hushed me, "C'mon, I'll take you back to my apartment, we can talk there."
"Okay." I didn't fight it. I needed to talk to Jerry, I needed to talk to someone who knew Derek besides his parents. Maybe this would be a sense of closure for me so I could start living life again. I felt all these emotions that were coming at me at so many speeds that I didn't know what to do next. But all I could think of for now was talking to Jerry about how I really feel right now. The hurt, the pain, the agony in which I've felt deep down inside that I couldn't show anyone. Now I can, and I wasn't sure if I was even ready to say it all now.