I woke up the next day, at the same place where I fell asleep. I was facing a plain white wall, and the whole room was pretty bright, because of the absence of curtains.
It's only when I moved my head to the left that I realized Trevor was holding me by behind ; one arm on my belly, the other one under his head. I was feeling his knees against the back of mines, my butt against his part. He didn't flinch when I moved, so he still probably was sleeping. I tried to relax and put my cheek back on the pillow. If I got up, I would wake him up right away. And I was apprehending his awakening. What would happen ? Maybe last night was a mistake. I don't want to regret my first time, but maybe it was one. What did Trevor do when he slept with his bad girls ? Was he waiting for them to wake up ? Surely not. He probably was getting his clothes and leaving like a thief. But what if the girl woke up before him ? He did make sure she understood this was one night thing and that was it... But what about us ? I thought we were friends. He got what he wanted since the beginning. Finally. He can congratulate himself. 'I, Trevor Jackson, had the privilege to steal Maddie Wilson's virginity. Maddie, who's not an easy girl !!'. Yeah, I pictured that.
Now the whole question was : was I wrong ? Because if I were sure that Trevor did this ONLY for sex, I would've already headed out of the room without a word, not caring about the fact if he was awake or not. No, I was hesitating, because maybe... Maybe there was something else. It seems and sounds so cliche when I say it, but... I felt like this was a love scene. Not a sex scene. I don't know if I were right. But if I were, what did that make us ? We wouldn't be dating. Trevor doesn't date. But we couldn't remain just friends after that ; well I couldn't. Either something more, either something less.
I felt Trevor moving and breathing. Guess I'll find out now.
"Hey" he said in a morning voice. Oh god.
He kissed my neck. "How are you feeling ?"
I felt his hand running across my stomach.
"Good" I simply answered, not returning the question.
I sat on the edge of the bed and bent down to pick up my clothes.
"What are you doing ?"
"Getting dressed" I spoke and got up, still not looking at him.
"What for ?"
I finally turned around to face him as I chuckled. "Because I don't want anybody seeing me like this"
"Not even me ?"
In my underwears, I managed to smile. "Not even you."
"Why not ?"
"Is this an interview ?" I dryly answered.
He smirked and I took my dress, about to put it back on. He suddenly moved to the edge of the bed and sat on it to grab my waist.
"Don't" he said. He threw my dress away and made me kiss him. I had no choice but to sit on his lap, facing him.
"You're so hot" he murmured, looking at me after a kiss full of passion.
I felt a bulge again, this time right between my legs, on my panties. I threw my head back to the ceiling and took his head to guide it towards my cleavage . He breathed onto my skin and kissed my stomach. I started to grind on him. I never thought I'd dare do that kind of things. Well, to him at least. If I had a longtime boyfriend, of course I would do nasty things with him. But never with a player, not like this... What was I doing ? The feeling between my legs made me do it. I couldn't stop because of it . I was sexually aroused and needed him so badly.
I myself put to the side my panties to connect his private part with mine. Trevor let out a groan.
"Maddie..." He said, his breath getting heavier and quicker by the second.
I grinded, thrusted, twerked, you'd name it. I did all of those things, moving my hips, taking my time. I was so enjoying it. I saw him putting his head back up, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. "Maddie..." He repeated.
I fastened the pace I was at. "God !" He yelled as he was reaching his climax.
I was so proud of myself to be able to give him that.
"I bet no other girl has made you feel like this" I whispered in his ear. "I bet they never had that much effect on you as I do"
His moans answered me. "Do they ?" I asked.
"No" he shook his head.
I pulled away.
"Maddie ! What are you doing ?" he told, surprised and frustrated.
"You don't have a condom on."
He got up to face me.
"B-b-but I can put one on and then we'll-"
"Trevor, no."
I looked up at him. "I'm not sure if last night was a good idea..."
"What ?" He said, confused.
My dress in my hands, I sighed. "Trevor, what are we ? I know it seems to you like a stupid girl question but you got what you wanted from the beginning. Since we know eachother, that's all you wanted, right ?!"
"No, no, baby" he put his hands on my arms and caressed my skin. "We're together"
"And how many girls have you told that ?" I started to get annoyed.
"Only one."
He kissed my forehead. "I want you. That's what I wanted from the start. You, and that's it."
"And how can I be sure of that ?!"
"Because every time I see you with Eric it's killing me !! Because every one saw how much I changed since we became friends !"
"But you became friends with me just to get the benefit of deflowering a good girl !"
"No, I didn't !"
He was looking in my eyes this whole time. "I swear."
He gulped to look down, then back into my eyes again. "I'm in love with you."
I clenched my teeth together as my eyes got sweaty, taking away my arms away from his. "You're not."
My chin trembled just a bit. I put my dress back on, grabbed my shoes and my bag then looked at him one last time before heading out :
"You don't fall in love, Trevor."
Inside of my car which was in Olivia's yard, I got out my phone to see I had 3 missed calls from my dad, 5 from my aunt, 11 of my mom and 1 from Chris. Shoot. They didn't know where I was. I was surely gonna get grounded when I'll get back. I read my unread messages from Chris. The first one was sent at 4am asking where I was. The second was sent at 10 and a half, -and it was 10 and fourty- saying that I was lucky Olivia called my parents to say I was sleeping over since I wasn't answering.
"Sorry... I'm here in 10 minutes" I texted back.
I quickly drove back to my house and parked there, to enter quietly twenty seconds later.
"Madison Camara Wilson, you have some explaining to do !!" my mom appeared right in front of me.
"I know, I'm so sorry mama..." I told, looking down.
"You know how I let you sleep at Olivia's whenever you want, all you have to do is warn me !! You could've said so before you go out, I was not happy about seeing Christopher coming back home ALONE !" She almost yelled, her fists on her waist.
"I was not really alone..." Chris got out from the kitchen. "April has brought me back, and she's a friend of Maddie."
"It doesn't matter !! Madison didn't stick to her responsibilities !! You could've at least warn us ! Thanks to Olivia, she saw you fell asleep on her bed so she called us to tell us you were staying here. I am not happy ! And how do I look in front of Cara ?! Huh ? What do I look like ?"
"I'm really sorry mama..."
"I hope you are !"
Her look and tone softened. "Well, nothing bad happened, that's the most important. I don't wanna be too hard on you, you stayed in the house those vacations, I understand that you wanted to stay longer in that house and especially that night. But keep in mind that the next time you do this, you are grounded ! We were so worried."
Ashamed, I looked down at my feet.
"Aw, baby... Everyone got home safe, that's all that matters. Let's forget about this."
She went to me and I bent down so that she could kiss my cheek and out her palm on my other one. "Happy new year."
"Happy new year mom" I said.
"Let's go to the living room"
Chris smiled to me as we all three joined the rest of the family into the living room. "Hey everyone" I saluted with a little voice.
Fortunately, everyone greeted me with hey's and smiles. They all got up to kiss me and wish me a happy new year. When I got to my aunt, I apologized that Chris wasn't brought back home by me.
"Aw honey it's okay" she answered. "Chris is old enough anyway, he's very responsible and I knew he would get home safe."
I smiled and sat next to her, wincing as I bent my knees. I was sore.
Five minutes later, Chris and I were dismissed, having the right to head to whatever we wanted to do. We both climbed upstairs to my room and sat on my bed.
"Soo..." He started. "How was last night ?"
"Good." I nodded. "How 'bout yours ?"
"Good."
I smirked. "I saw you got along well with Jess. Are you guys gonna see eachother again ?"
Chris blushed. "She gave me her number..."
"Oooooh so that means yes !! What had make you so close yesterday ? I mean except your age, why did you get along with her more than other people ?"
"Well actually when you left to dance I was kind of alone with her and I noticed she smiled to me so after a few minutes of silence looking at the crowd I decided to speak up... And we found out we have a lot in common. She's kinda shy at first, but she feels more comfortable after."
"Like you" I smiled.
Chris chuckled. "Right."
"But...you're going back home today... How are you gonna be able to see her ?"
"If I do plan on seeing her, I'll probably come back on weekends or something. I'm not that far away, if I take the car it's like, twenty minutes or half an hour."
"That's good" I smiled, happy for him. "So you didn't get bored ?"
"Nah don't worry, you did your job right" he smirked.
I chuckled with him and he continued :
"And you ? What happened with Trevor ?"
I hesitated. "Um..."
My aunt's voice yelled my cousin's name. "Are you done packing ?!"
"Yeah !!" he screamed back.
"Then come downstairs we're about to go !!"
Just got saved.
We both got up and headed downstairs with his suitcase, and five minutes later, all the people left in my house were my mom, my dad and I. I was gonna miss him. It will feel weird not having him around anymore.
Well. It was just another year. No biggie.
"I think I'm gonna take a nap..." I announced, rubbing my forehead.
"I'm gonna go too ; we're all very tired. Sleep well sweetie !" my mom answered.
I went up in my room and slept until 1PM. My parents were still sleeping so I just cooked some pastas and ate them in front of the TV. Sat on the couch, I felt my phone vibrate for the hundredth time of the day.
I read the most recent message from Trevor who was asking why I wasn't answering his calls. As he phoned me again, I decided to finally pick up.
"What ?" I chewed on my food.
"Maddie, finally you're answering !"
I sighed. "What do you want ?"
"Why weren't you answering my calls and texts ?"
"What do you want ?" I repeated.
There was a short silence on the other line until he spoke up :
"Can we talk ?"
"Well go ahead."
"I mean face to face."
"If you wanna talk you can call any of your friends"
"No but I have something special to tell you."
I sighed again. "Alright. Tomorrow morning ?"
"Uh, yeah, sure. I-I'll arrive at your place at 11."
"Cool."
I hung up without letting him say anything else.
I ran upstairs to my room, and as soon as the door slammed, I bursted into tears. I couldn't stop, it was awful.
"Oh gosh" I said to myself. "Breathe Maddie, breathe. Stop crying."
I agitated my hands to ventilate myself. I held my breath for a few seconds then breathed out to calm myself down, but once this was done, the sobs exploded again.
I put a hand over my mouth as I reached for my phone in my pocket.
"Hello ?" a voice answered.
"Olivia, please come to my house right now. I need you." I tried to talk between the hiccups.
"Oh my god yes, I'll be right here" Olivia's worried voice returned to me.
I hung up without adding anything else and just sat on my bed, hugged my knees and waited.
"Knock knock" a soft voice said behind my door.
"Come in" I mumbled loud enough so they could hear.
Olivia came in with a sad smile and closed the door behind her.
"Hey... What's going on ?"
She sat on my bed next to me.
I lifted up my head from my arms so that she could hear me, but as soon as I did, the crying started again.
"Aw c'mon" she said. "Here, I brought tissues and ice cream"
She got out two boxes of paper tissues and an Häagen Daz pot. She opened it and took a spoon out of her bag and handed both to me.
"Wipe your tears, blow your nose, and then let me hear about what makes you sad interrupted by sobs and choked by the ice cream you'll stuff into your mouth, or else I'm gonna start to worry. You're my best friend and I know you don't cry for nothing. Well, except when you're on your period. Are you ?"
I managed to smile as I rubbed my fingers over my cheeks to take away the salted tears.
"Not even..."
"Okay this is getting serious. Tell me I am starting to get scared."
I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose, then started to explain as I ate the ice cream.
"I lost my virginity."
"What ?!!"
"To Trevor."
"WHAT ?!!"
I nodded as the tears started to flow again.
"Do you love him ?"
The crucial question.
It was a myth for us since we were 12. We were thinking about boys since we were this young and promised ourselves that we would wait for it, until we're ready, and with the guy we'll love at this time. We knew it was the only way to have a good time because this was really important ; we were aware that we weren't unconscious, naive little girls, and wished more girls thought like us so that they wouldn't regret it later on. We realized we were lucky to think this way. We knew how important it was to do it with someone you loved. Virginity is something you can't get back. We had to make sure it wouldn't be wasted, because we had only one chance.
My chin started to shake and my eyes to fog after Olivia's question while she was preparing for the worst.
"I do."
Relief appeared in her eyes.
"So ? Maddie that's so great ! That's all that matters ! There's nothing to be sad about !"
"There is." I nodded.
"Then what is it ?"
"He doesn't."
I cried even more as Olivia moved to be right next to me and be able to hug me by the side.
"Aw c'mon, shh, it's alright..."
She rubbed my head and my hair. "How do you even know that for sure ?"
"Because ! I mean Olivia think about it !! Trevor never loved anyone of his life ! I feel like even his mom is not enough ! His little sister is the only girl he'll ever cherish."
I stuffed another piece of ice cream into my mouth.
"Did he tell you he didn't love you ?"
"No..."
"Did he tell you he loved you ?"
Did he ? Honestly, I didn't remember.
From the beginning of the year, since I knew him ; I clearly remembered myself saying it to him as we were fighting on his bed, and then we fell asleep. But did he say it back ? I didn't think so. And that time at the park, and this morning... He told me he was in love with me, I remembered. But has he told me he loved me ? I honestly didn't have a clue. But at the time where we had sex, he didn't say it.
"No. And plus, it doesn't matter. He says it to every girl he sleeps with. Well, every good girl. He makes them believe things, to get in their pants. But he's not gonna fool me. I'm smarter than this."
"He acted like this before...but that was before he knew you"
"That's not true, Olivia. Stop saying lies to make me feel better."
"I ain't."
I sighed and there was a silence.
I put the boxes of ice cream and tissue on my night table and lied down, curled up in a ball. "How did you not know by the way ? You warned my parents I was spending the night at your house, so you must've seen me with him in a bed."
Olivia's eyes widened. "That bastard !"
"Who ?" I frowned, confused.
"Diggy !! He's the one who told me he saw you in a room asleep, so I called your parents without even checking, but he didn't tell me you were naked with his best friend !!"
I giggled.
"Let's not worry about this for now. That's not the most important" Olivia continued.
I sniffed and looked at her. ""I was used, Olivia. And I am so humiliated and ashamed of myself."
My eyes started to close as I felt Olivia's hand rubbing my head again.
"There's no shame by loving someone, Maddie."
I felt asleep with those words. And when I woke up, Olivia was gone.
A/N : PLEASE comment what you think about it ^^ and btw if you don't like smut, I'm warning you that there's only one left and then it'll be done !! Apologizing for those who don't like it but the next (and last one) is gon' be kinda important ;P #ooohsneakpeek lol comment what you think about it tho !! ;) :* <3