#MNLYwp
the song i listened to (on repeat) while writing this chapter (for the vibes hahaha):
scott street - phoebe bridgers 😄
one chapter muna. 🤍
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49
SCRIPT/DIALOGUE
EXT. FELICIA GARDENS LAKE PARK, LAKESIDE BRIDGE — DAY
SANTI
What... did you say?
SANTI
Ginn—face me. Julienne. What did you say?
Ginny shakes her head. Santi tries to get a hold of her wrist but takes a step backward.
Tears continue to fall down her cheeks.
GINNY
(voice breaking)
Would you have left me, too?
SANTI
...What?
Ginny covers her mouth with her palm. She closes her eyes, letting the tears fall. Harder.
GINNY
Sorry. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I didn't come home.
GINNY
I'm sorry.
GINNY
Please. I'm sorry.
GINNY
I'm sorry. I'm never enough.
SANTI
No. That's not fucking true. Ginn—please.
GINNY
(shaking her head, crying)
I'm so sorry. Please.
Santi takes a step forward and pulls Ginny, wrapping his arms around her. He rests his chin on the top her head, letting the tears cascade down his cheeks.
He feels Ginny cry harder.
SANTI
(closed eyes, crying)
Julienne.
SANTI
(voice breaking)
Please.
SANTI
Ang sakit-sakit na.
SANTI
Tama na. Stop crying, please... Nandito na. Nandito lang. Hindi naman aalis.
Santi caresses Ginny's hair as she rests her head in the crook of his neck.
SANTI
What happened? Were you... pregnant?
Ginny breaks free from the embrace. She faces Santi and shakes her head.
GINNY
(smiling sadly)
If I were... I would've come home.
GINNY
Santi, I really wished I were. Believe me. I hoped and prayed...
GINNY
But I wasn't.
GINNY
(crying, voice breaking)
Hindi ko naman... ginusto...
GINNY
Santi. I'm sorry. Hindi ko naman—ginusto, e...
GINNY
(whispers)
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
SANTI
Julienne—
GINNY
I'm sorry I'm just like Mommy. I'm sorry—I know I promised to everyone, to Tita and Tito. And to your family. Alam ko... Nangako ako.
GINNY
But when... I got in New Jersey.
GINNY
When everything fell apart... When Daddy left—noong... iniwan niya kami when Mommy's heart was on the line. Because he was already... unhappy with the marriage.
GINNY
When I begged him not to do it while Mommy's unstable.
GINNY
When I... was there for her alone. Kasi wala naman... akong kapatid.
GINNY
I... know I should've taken care of myself better.
GINNY
Because... I missed my period. For a long time.
GINNY
Hinayaan ko lang. Because I thought it was just out of stress. Not sleeping regularly. Not eating on time.
GINNY
I'm... sorry hinayaan ko lang. I know I shouldn't have. Kasi...
GINNY
(sadly smiling)
Kasi... it started to hurt.
GINNY
It hurt badly. It was so painful. To the point that I... couldn't walk. I couldn't even sit.
SANTI
Julienne.
SANTI
(voice breaking)
What?
SANTI
Why? Why didn't—you tell me?
SANTI
(whispers)
Bakit hindi mo sinabi?
Ginny cries harder, staring at Santi before him.
GINNY
Because I wasn't pregnant, Santi...
GINNY
(sobbing)
I wasn't... pregnant.
GINNY
No one knows about this. Not even Mom kasi alam kong mag-aalala siya. Not even Basty. Noong una—akala ko rin. I was so scared... that it was an ectopic pregnancy.
GINNY
But when we did the ultrasound.
GINNY
It was...
GINNY
It was a nine-centimeter cyst.
Ginny's hand trembles as she covers her mouth when Santi weakly steps backward.
Santi doesn't blink—as if his world just got shattered into pieces before him.
SANTI
And... you didn't tell me? Not until today?
GINNY
(crying)
I'm sorry... Hindi ko naman ginusto...
GINNY
(catching her breath)
I'm sorry. I didn't... expect it to affect me that much. Kasi, Santi, doktor ako. Doktor ako, e... I know it's normal for women to have! Sometimes they're just functional cysts. They can disappear in time.
GINNY
(shaking her head)
But I—was so scared... considering the measurements, the options were surgery or pills. But I couldn't risk Mommy. Sino'ng magbabantay sa kan'ya if I'm recovering from a surgery?
GINNY
(whispering)
So, I chose the pills. Birth control pills... to regulate my hormones. Walang kasiguraduhan, but baka sakaling functional cyst lang naman... So, I had to be extra cautious. Because it still might rupture. And that would put my life at stake.
SANTI
Ginn...
GINNY
(sadly smiling)
But I... was so scared. Wala ka naman doon... The pills... messed up with my mood a lot. I'm sorry I was so afraid.
GINNY
Hindi ko sinabi sa'yo kasi... nawala naman after a few months. And I didn't want you to worry about it kasi you're okay na with your residency here. Tama na 'yung... burden ko sa'yo with the house and everything I left here in the Philippines. Gumana... naman kasi 'yung pills.
GINNY
(crying harder)
But, Santi...
GINNY
I'm—sorry. Alam ko, nangako ako... na pag-uwi ko after everything was settled there, we'll pick up on where we left off with our plans.
GINNY
(sadly smiling)
I... won't blame sina Sainte. And sina Khali and Basty. For mentioning about baby plans... kasi everyone was expecting, 'di ba? Gusto ko rin naman...
GINNY
And... it actually warms my heart whenever they ask. Kasi I know you'd be a great dad. And they think... I deserve to be a mom.
GINNY
But... during those months. When I was in pain. When I... was emotionally unstable. When I was constantly worrying if I'd be sent to the emergency room and leave Mommy alone—or what.
GINNY
(voice breaking)
I...
GINNY
(whispering)
I... suddenly didn't know if I wanted a child anymore...
GINNY
(crying)
I'm... so sorry. Hindi ko—alam. All I know was I was so scared...
GINNY
Hindi ko rin alam bakit bigla'ng... hindi na ako handa. Of all people, I should've known better, 'di ba...? Kasi doktor ako. Santi, I finished medical school. I passed the boards. Alam ko 'yung mga pinag-aralan ko. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit ako natakot bigla. Hindi ko alam... bakit ganoon na ako.
Ginny places her palms on her face, covering her eyes.
GINNY
Santi, I don't know... I've always wanted to have children. I still... dream of being a mother. I feel so terrible for myself. Believe me, gusto ko naman... Kaya... nangako ako noon... I didn't fake wanting.
GINNY
I don't know... why that one event can shatter my dream. Kasi deep down... I still dream of becoming one... But—I don't know why I'm so scared. I—know your family would hate me. Kasi nangako ako... bunso ka pa nila. Nangako ako. I understand if they will...
GINNY
(chuckling)
Maybe because I know I'm a miracle baby. And Mommy has underlying issues with fertility. I'm scared... to know na baka what happened to me was just a sign of me being one in the future. Ayoko—ayokong malaman.
GINNY
Kasi I know... it was one of the reasons why Daddy was unhappy with the marriage. Kaya... he built a big family for himself now. Kasi... Mommy promised him, too.
GINNY
(closing her eyes, fiddling with her hands)
Tapos... ang tagal. Ang tagal-tagal... bago natupad. Hirap na hirap sila magka-anak, palagi siyang nakukunan. Kaya... ako 'yung bunso sa aming magpipinsan. Even though Mommy's not even the youngest of them sa magkakapatid...
GINNY
(shaking)
I'm sorry... Santi, hindi ko kakayanin na may umalis pa. I know I may not be enough—kaya... kaya umalis si Daddy. Kahit ang tanda-tanda ko na... I'm sorry, hindi ko naman ginusto...
GINNY
(voice shattered)
But, Santi. I'm not as strong as Mommy. Hindi... ko kakayanin. Hindi ko kakayanin... kung pati ikaw.
GINNY
And... I didn't want to shame you like that to everyone I promised to...
GINNY
(crying)
I'm so... so sorry. I'm sorry. Santi, hindi ko 'yun gugustuhin...
Santi pulls Ginny for a hug again. This time, tighter, as he kisses the side of her head—crying hard.
Ginny cries harder.
Holds tighter on the hem of his shirt.
GINNY
I'm sorry... hindi ko naman ginusto... I'm sorry... I was so scared. I was trying to heal from this for years.
GINNY
I'm sorry... when Daddy left, it messed with my head. So bad. I know you're not him—but I couldn't... control my thoughts. Because I was starting to think you deserved someone... better.
GINNY
(voice breaking)
Someone... who can give you an assurance of building a family. Hindi... hindi 'yung bigla'ng ganito.
GINNY
(shaking her head)
Hindi 'yung ganito, Santi...
GINNY
(whispers)
After everything you've done for me... ganito lang? Sasabihin ko lang... na natatakot na ako?
GINNY
I'm sorry. Please... I'm so sorry.
GINNY
Hindi ko naman... ginusto...
GINNY
I'm so sorry. Santi, I know—I know you've always wanted to be a father. I'm sorry... hindi ko rin kasi alam kung ano'ng gagawin ko sa sarili ko if I become like Mommy. I'm not half as strong as her... I won't... handle miscarriages well. I'm—
GINNY
Hindi ko kakayanin. I'm... so sorry. I know I should've dealt with this before we got married. I'm sorry... if the woman you married is so full of lapses.
GINNY
(trembling)
Santi... It has been four years. I'm... I'm still like this. I'm sorry. I promise... I'll try to heal faster—
Santi gently cups Ginny's face.
Both of his thumbs graze over her cheeks, wiping the tears away.
SANTI
Tama na, Ginn... I love you. Okay?
SANTI
I married you because I love you. Nothing more, nothing less.
SANTI
Listen to me.
Santi plants a gentle kiss on Ginny's forehead.
SANTI
(whispers)
All my heart... okay? Remember that. So stop—stop apologizing.
SANTI
God, Julienne. I'm so sorry for not saying it enough for the last four years. I love you.
Santi rests her lips on top of Ginny's head.
Lets his tears fall endlessly—as if his aching heart never dries out.
He brings his forehead to touch hers.
SANTI
Tama na... You're all I need.
SANTI
(whispers)
Why would I... ever leave?
SANTI
I told you... you could always come home.
SANTI
(voice breaking)
Julienne... Bakit kita pababayaan?
SANTI
(sobbing)
Tangina.
SANTI
Mahal na mahal kita.
SANTI
Bakit kita... pababayaan?
Santi's forehead falls on Ginny's shoulder.
He feels her body badly trembling.
The silence breaks his heart once more.
He hugs her tighter.
SANTI
I love you... I'll never ask for more. Baby, you hear me?
SANTI
(softly)
I love you. I love... you. Nothing's your fault. Nothing's wrong with you. You get me?
SANTI
Those were all I ever needed to hear.
He kisses her cheek. Twice.
SANTI
(voice breaking, sadly smiling)
Tahan na... please. Hindi... ko na kaya, Ginn...
SANTI
I'm... not mad. I wasn't mad. I'll never hate you. Never. Sabi ko sa'yo... gusto ko lang namang umuwi ka, 'di ba?
SANTI
We'll get through this together.
SANTI
(sadly smiles)
It's going to be okay... Nandito na. You won't go through it alone again.
SANTI
(whispers, caressing her hair)
I love you... Nandito na ako. Walang aalis, get that? We'll be okay.
SANTI
(voice breaking)
I'll... never leave. I promise. You understand?
Santi breaks down into tears when Ginny barely nods while crying.
He rubs her back, the other hand still caressing her hair.
SANTI
I promise, my love. I promise I won't leave—Ako na'ng bahala sa lahat... Just tell me what you need, okay? You don't have to force yourself.
SANTI
Fuck. I love you with all my heart, Julienne.
SANTI
I'll move mountains for you.
SANTI
(whispering lowly to himself, almost mumbling; crying hardly)
But how... would I ever heal from this?