•:The LightHouse:•
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My eyes flutter as I'm pulled softly from my sleep. My body wrapped in the warmth of Rafes arms.
My nose filled with his scent and that same fuzzy fullness dances around my chest.
Wincing when I shift and feel the stinging in my arm, followed by yesterday and I do my best to shove it down.
I turn into him, our chests pressing against each others as I slide my arm under his bicep and wiggle as close as I can to him. I was never someone who liked to 'cuddle' especially while I'm sleeping. Occasionally when one of my exes would sleepover or I would sleep at theirs they'd want to and I didn't care for it.
I would get claustrophobic or uncomfortable. I wanted by space and the ability to lay however I wanted without someone being in the way and I'd usually push away from after a few minutes and scoot away so I had more room. But not with Rafe. With him I can't get close enough and I'll stay glued to his side the entire night and I hate when I have to move in the morning.
I'm still upset with him.. He really didn't help by treating me like shit yesterday but I do feel bad about hitting him. I shouldn't do that but when I get so angry my temper just takes control and I can't stop myself. It's gotten me into trouble before and I should have learned. I know Rafe wouldn't hit me back like Kade did and that was before he started being as abusive as he was.
We got into a fight because he was staying at some girls house and things escalated. I got too mad and slapped him. I don't want to think about it too much if I remember correctly I either shoved or punched him too.... It isn't an excuse for how he treated me and the awful things he did but in all honesty, I did hit first in our 'relationship'
It only happened once with him and with another ex when I shoved him because he had insinuated I cheated which I had..
I shake the thoughts away, sinking deeper into Rafe and burying my face in his chest. I feel almost nauseous about hitting him even if he was being a total fucking jackass, I shouldn't have hit him.
And I shouldn't have done it when I went through his phone either.
I want to be angry with him but I can't find it. I'm still hurt over how he treated me but the anger has seemed to dissipate. My eyes flutter open, falling on his chain that the sun is reflecting off of. Lifting my hand and brushing my fingertips over it before dragging them down his chest. Feeling chest move as he breathes.
I trail my fingers over his arm, if he was laying on the opposite side I could see his tattoo on his other arm. Or if he was shirtless all together I could see both of them.
I drop my hand, sliding it back around him before pressing my forehand to his chest and breathing him in. Musky and warm with a cool hint of pine and something almost citrusy. He smells so fucking good.
I press deeper into into him, shutting my eyes and soaking in how calm and soothed and warm I feel right now.
Feeling his arm shift before it slides up the back of my head and rakes through my hair, his fingertips softly rubbing against my scalp as a shiver runs warmly up my spine.
"Don't get up" I tell him as I turn in his arms, his front pressing into me as he shifts and pulls me deeper into him, his arm sliding around my waist as I feel his nose brush my neck. "I wasn't" he tells me and I shiver at his warm breath against my neck.
My cheek resting against his tattoo covered bicep. His skin is so smooth and soft.
His hand sliding up under my shirt and resting on my lower stomach making my skin tingle and warmth pool between my legs just at his touch and I instantly feel that need for him swirl. We haven't had sex in a few days, if I hadn't been dealing with everything else going on I'd be losing my mind. Having a different kind of withdrawals..
I shift slightly, pressing my ass deeper into him enough so that his hand will have slide a little farther down. Hoping I'm subtle enough that he doesn't know what I'm doing.
I can already feel that ache start to build in my core.
Feeling him shift behind me before he moves his hand and pushes the hair off my shoulder, feeling his lips brush there a second later making heat more heat pool before he slides his hand back down, pausing just below my bellybutton. "What?" He mumbles in my ear before kissing underneath it and I feel my insides melt as he drags his lips down my neck, twirling the strings of my shorts around his fingers.
Pulling them lose as he kisses that sweet spot on my neck and I whimper when he sucks on the sensitive skin there, sinking deeper into him. "Tell me what you Lily" he whispers in my ear as my breath becomes a little shaky. He hasn't even touched me yet and I can barley speak. "Touch me" I tell him, feeling his breath against my skin before he tugs on the strings and pulls them lose.
I can already feel myself soaking through them, begging for his touch.
His hand slides underneath them, lingering there to taunt me. "Rafe.." I mumble feeling his lips at my neck again. "Show me" he tells me, pressing his fingertips into my skin and I let out a small breath. Aching for him too bad to argue with his taunting. Reaching down and sliding my hand into my shorts, wrapping my fingers around his hand before pushing his fingers where I want them. Happy with myself for shaving down there just the other day.
"Good girl" he mumbles in my ear. A gasp leaving my lips when he slips his fingers through my wet lips and I pull my hand up, biting down on my finger, trying to keep from making noise. "Is that what you wanted princess?" He asks and I nod as he leans into me, his lips at my cheek, his warm breath blowing against my face only adding to the need pooling in my core.
A whimper leaves my lips and my eyes flutter shut as he rubs slows tortures circles against my clit sending electric like shocks up my lower stomach, that burning need building and building.
He slides his hand farther down, kissing my cheek before dragging his lips down, leaving sloppy kisses all over my jaw and neck as he slips a finger inside of me and I whimper as his thumb circles my clit before adding another finger in.
Pumping them tortuously slow in and out of me. A cry escaping my lips before I slam my hand down over my mouth. "Better be quiet Lily" he taunts me, pressing his lips to the crook of my neck before his teeth sink into the sensitive skin there. "Rafe.." I breathe.
I can feel myself dripping down his hand and down my thighs as he curls his fingers inside of me hitting that perfect spot that has me biting down on my lip. The burn in my core tightening, that elastic like feeling growing closer and closer to snapping.
His mouth at my neck, sucking and kissing only adding to it as he drags his lips up to my ear. "Do your sister know how to knock?" He asks and I nod as my eyes flutter open. More wetness pooling knowing why he's asking before he shifts behind me, pulling his hands from my shorts only making the throb grow.
"Sit up princess" he tells me and I listen as I push myself up on my elbows, my eyes watching me as he stands. Raking him up and down. His black tee shirt bunched up around his massive biceps, taking in how fucking tall and big he is. His eyes pour into mine as he watches me with a hunger dancing in them, filled with lust.
He pushes the covers off of me as I glance over at the door ensuring it's shut. It doesn't lock but Aria and Haley always knock. They never just throw the door open. We're respectful of each others space.
His hands slide up my calves, gripping them gently before he pulls me to the edge of the bed. Trailing his fingertips up to my thighs as he leans over me, my eyes following his until our faces are only inches apart as my heart pounds in my chest, knowing he'll kiss me. Of course he will, he always kisses me when we're having sex or doing something sexual.
I want it, I always do. I always want his lips on mine but wanting him to kiss me when it's not related to anything sexual. It's a different kind of want that I really don't think he'll ever fulfill. We haven't even started what he's going to do to me in a minute and I already know he won't kiss me after.
He lowers his face to mine, my eyes flickering from his lips to his eyes. My head being rid of anything but him and his touch, his voice, the way he makes me feel. It's like being let temporarily out of a prison, only the prison is my own mind.
"Tell me what you want" he says as my heart rate quickens, beating like crazy behind my ribs. His hand slides against my jaw, his fingers pushing through my hair against the side of my head as I feel his breath on my lips. My stomach swirling with butterflies as the spot between my legs throbs. "Eat my pussy" I tell him, watching his eyes darken as he grins. "Better keep that pretty mouth shut or you'll sisters will hear" he whispers against my lips before he presses his to mine sending electric like shocks through me. So soft and warm as they move against mine in a slow erotic rhythm before his tongue brushes the seam of my mouth and I open up, letting him in as his taste floods my mouth and I whimper into his kiss.
He pulls away and I suck in a deep breath, trying to catch it before he kneels down and tugs my shorts down my legs. Tossing them behind him as my cheeks heat up. Lifting my leg and setting it against his shoulder before he kisses my calf, sending heat pooling between my legs.
His other arm wraps around my leg as he tugs me forward, sliding my leg over his shoulder as he pushes my legs apart before kissing my inner thigh and I bite down on my lip. "Rafe.." I breathe as he kisses closer to where I need him.
Whimpering when he sucks roughly at the skin on my inner thighs, hoping it'll leave marks like he's done before. There's something so erotic and almost rewarding about seeing the marks he's left on me the next day. Like territorial confirmation he's mine to fuck.
Dropping my head back and crying his name when he covers me with his mouth. "That's a good girl" he says licking up my center and circling my clit with his tongue. "Oh my god! Rafe.." I cry, being as quiet as I can as I dig my teeth into my bottom lip.
"You taste so fucking good Lily" he mumbles, lapping hungrily at the hot wet mess between my legs, dripping down my legs. His words vibrating against my clit only adding to the throbbing need. He pulls me closer, his hands pressing deeper into my thighs making them feel bruised. "I want you" I tell him, feeling my lower stomach muscles tighten.
"Thats too much for you right now" he tells me and I want to argue with him but I can't think about anything except his mouth on me.
"Oh my god Rafe..don't..mm..don't stop" I plead with him, feeling that twisting burning urge start to push closer and closer.
Building an overwhelming pressure. "That's a good boy" I taunt him and he sucks on my clit so hard I roll my eyes back, feeling like I died and came back to life. "I'm gonna come, oh fuck! Rafe!" I cry, my words being whispered as loud as they can be, feeling it burn so deep I swear it'll leave marks on my insides. "Make a mess for me princess" he says before his hand falls from my thigh, the other saying pressed into my skin before he slides his hand up and slips his finger inside of me making me drop my head back as he adds another. "Rafe.." I breathe as I taste blood from biting my lip so hard. He pumps in and out in an erotic motion, curling them slighting and hitting perfect spot as my eyes roll back in my head. "Come for me Lily, come all over my face" he says before closing his lips around my clit sucking, quickening his pace as he pumps his fingers in and out of me.
Slamming my hand down over my mouth as I hold myself up on my elbow. Crying out into my palm as I dig my heal into his back, electric shocks shooting through me as my orgasm crashes over me. Colors and stars blaring behind my eyelids as I buck my hips and his grip tightens on my thigh.
"Rafe.." I breathe as I lose my balance, feeling the ache in my arm as I fall back against the mattress, trying to catch my breath, feeling them wheeze deep and the urge to cough climbs up my throat.
I'm not supposed to cough..or at least try not to.
"Breathe Lily" he tells me, kissing my inner thigh once more before he stands. Butterflies swirling violently around my stomach as I watch him suck me off his fingers. Pulling my leg up as he runs his finger's softly up and down my thigh before leaning over and finding my shorts. "I told you" he says and I roll my eyes as he tugs them up my legs as I struggle to breathe and not have a coughing fit. Maybe my lungs are too fragile for sex right now and he knows that..
I hate being proved wrong..
He leans over me, his arm wrapping around my back before he pulls me higher up on the bed. My arms wrapping around his neck as he leans in, using his arm to hold himself up.
My eyes flickering between his lips and his eyes. Watching how soft his gaze is when it meets mine. Begging him to kiss me. It's like knowing something will ignite a fire you've never felt before but not ever being able to feel it. Getting so close but it never happens..He never does it. Everything intimidate between us is sexual to him. He said it before, he has no reason to kiss me other than that. He doesn't want to.
A soft silence falls between us as we only glance around each others features. Reaching up and brushing my fingers over his cheek as the sun pours in and fills his eyes, making them glow the most beautiful crystal like blue I've ever seen. He's so beautiful.
His eyes fall to my lips and my heart spikes, that hope that just won't die, lighting up as it begs and pleads. Feeling his breath on them and for a split second I think he will but he doesn't and that hope drains, leaving an emptiness in my chest that would he filled with an overwhelming warmth if he'd just fucking kiss me.
"Let me see your arm" he says as he pulls away and I sigh before sitting up. Watching him move over to my dresser where he left the gauze last night.
Sitting down on the bed next to me before gently unwrapping it and I wince as the air stings then. My eyes widening when I see how deep and dark the blood is..
I was so wrapped in my pain and hooked on finding that after cutting calm, feeling the physical pain release the hell in mind, that all I could focus on was deeper..and that I did.
"You went a little deep Lily" he tells me, his words laced with a scolding like tone, twisting the cap off the neosporin before he smudges some over the thick red lines and I wince, grumbling in pain.
"I'll live" I breathe, watching as he wraps fresh gauze around them before sticking it to itself.
"Are you going to run off now and pretend you were never nice to me?" I ask as he reaches down and ties the strings of my pajama shorts. "You say that as if I've done it before" he tells me and I glare up at him. Is he serious? Is he not only bipolar but delusional too?
"You're an ass" I mutter watching him smirk and I roll my eyes before turning my head away and glancing around the room. His fingers softly gripping my chin before he turns my face back to look at him and leans in. Making my breath catch between my throat and tongue as my eyes flicker between his and his lips. "Don't be a brat" he tells me, our faces only inches apart as my eyes watch his lips. So full and plump, knowing how soft they are only makes me crave it more. We just kissed a few minutes ago but it's different. And apparently too different for him.
"You're just going to keep torturing me aren't you?" I ask softly, the words leaving my mouth before I mean for them to but I don't really care. I've never been one to be carful about what I say anyways.
I usually say what's on my mind. "I have no idea what your talking about Lily" he tells me, wearing a shit eating grin. Stupid jerk.
•••••••••••
I stare up at the boys completely dumbfounded as they babble onto Sarah, Kie and I about gold they think they've found..four hundred million dollars worth and it doesn't stop there! No it could never be that simple.. They think they've found the Royal Merchant. Only the most famous shipwreck of all time that hundreds of people have tried to find whether for the money or the notoriety of having found it..or both..Regardless! It's never been found and my knowledge of the wreck doesn't go beyond the name of the stupid ship.
Are they insane? I would expect some asinine idea of going looking for it from JJ. But I didn't expect this whole ordeal to be led by John B and I certainly didn't expect that he'd condone breaking into some random guys hotel room because they found the key in a sunken boat.. I take that back, they are fucking insane..
"You assaulted him?!" Kie asks as she stares at them with the same look as me and Sarah. "No..Kie you don't understand" John B shakes his head as he scrubs his hands down his face. Both JJ and Pope shaking their heads as if were the ones being unreasonable here.. They went to the lighthouse to 'find out more' about the wreck which somehow led to the lighthouse keeper being sensitive about some fucking compass they also stole off the sunken boat and John B got too aggressive with him apparently.
I'm not high enough for whatever fuckery this is right now. I was feeling a little too hopeful the last few days and even this morning, that the withdrawals wouldn't be that bad.. I knew they just hadn't set in yet but I had hope that maybe the little I was feeling was the worst..
But boy did it hit me like a fucking truck about an hour after Rafe left.. I was in quite a 'good mood' or the best mood I could be in given the circumstances but I was fine. I really felt it when he didn't kiss me again.. It irritated me as it always does but this time it burned deeper and almost surprised me at how deep it was. I wanted to fucking slap him again but I refrained. Even I could tell it was derived from something stronger, something deeper.
The second his truck was gone from the driveway I wanted to scream and it didn't even have anything to do with him. I just had this almost unbearable anger flood through me, like an irritating itch I you can't scratch. It didn't burn but the heat rose on the surface of my skin and I can feel the potential for it to grow hotter, redder, deeper. I just hope someone knows how to stop it before it gets too bad because I certainly don't.
I'm out of everything..or I should say everything has been taken as if I'm a child. I don't even have any weed to smoke and the boys..more so JJ have been warned not to give me anything due to my lungs.
At least I can have that once they heal a bit. I have no one to buy from, Barry won't sell to me now knowing I overdosed..and the other options are practically a death sentence even stepping foot near them.
I have nothing to take. I used to take Benadryl and just have a few sips of alcohol, just enough for the 'sedation' to take place and knock me out. A senior introduced me to that right after the accident..when I was a sophomore. But it's quite deadly if done wrong too.
Before I tried oxy..
"And how do you know he has it? How do you know it didn't fall through the stairs or something?" Sarah asks and I reach up and rub my temples. My body is still tired, my lungs hurt and everything is irritating me.. it's like having a really bad period but times a hundred. I just want to hurt anything and everything that exists and then I'm randomly emotional and have to blink back tears that I don't even know the cause of. Nausea randomly popping in and making me chuck up bile and saliva since I have no appetite to eat. My head throbs either from hitting it or from I don't know what. I don't care I just want to strangle it all.
It's odd..it's like it runs a course, throwing every symptom at me and sticking on my skin like fucking icy hot knives, poisoning and cutting me before it all swirls together showing me where it's all coming from..that deep, dark pit of burning urge, sickening craving for that deadly high.
I was already hooked on Oxy and I knew that even if I wouldn't admit it. Just the pills had me addicted but smoking it opened up a door to a world I never knew could exist. It was bright and weightless, dazy and flowy. Nothing hurt or could even be felt. I could exist in the numbness of it all. Floating on a cloud where my thoughts were paused, my pain was paralyzed and my memories of things I don't want to remember were momentarily erased.
Until it faded and all of that fell, letting it all sink back in and when it did it hurt ten times more than it did before I went there. And with each time and it intensified, not only the need to chase the high but the pain was worse when it came back which led to needing more. The high before the last was always weaker than the one to come.
Once one little amount was smoked, it wouldn't do again. It wouldn't send me where I needed to go, only adding more would, more with each time and pretty soon I was out of highs.
The next amount would kill me and it almost did....
I only wish that was enough to make my brain hate it enough to want to stop. I do but I want the numb more.
"Lily?" I almost jump when Sarah places her hand on my leg. My eyes moving to her, round with concern. "Are you okay?" She asks and I nod, placing my hand over hers before she squeezes it.
Turning our attention back as John B explains how he dropped the compass while they ran. Ram when the light house keeps radioed for the police. I pull my lip between my teeth as I chew on it, having a hard time thinking, even breathing .
Aching for that calm I seem to have around a certain person who isn't here right now. Normally I'd want to slap myself for craving it and I can't decide if theres an upside to having withdrawals..they're so horrible that I can't hate the way Rafe makes me feel, instead I want to wallow in how I feel with him. Or it's just another downside because I can't be defensive about it and deal with fucking withdrawals at the same time.
"And you need it why?" Kie asks as she shakes her head, my eyes moving to JJ whose watching me with his brows drawn like he's reading the pain on my face.
Watching as he pushes off the wall before walking over to me and sitting down on the couch before pulling me into him and I curl my legs up before nestling against him as his arm falls around me. Soothing me but not in the same way Rafe does. I wouldn't just say it's stronger but it's just different.. everything is different with Rafe.
"You don't understand, this is the closest I am to finding my dad" John B says as he scrubs his hands down his face and my heart sinks.
His dad was assumed dead after being lost at sea for months, only weeks before the accident. I didn't know him at the time but I had heard people talking about it.
I suppose that might have been why he was so sympathetic with me. We were both going through a hard time.
Only my friends were dead, there was no question. His father was only presumed dead and I'm not sure which is worse. Having a small piece of 'what if' to hold onto or just knowing so you can move on.
Hope either holds you tougher or keeps you from being able to let go until it drives you insane.
"Well you can't go back now, I'm sure he's had you trespassed by now" Sarah shakes her head as she sighs beside me. I dropping my head against JJ's chest as I continue to listen to John B go on.
"I need to drink" Sarah tells me as she pulls open the fridge and finds a beer before cracking it open and taking a sip making my stomach turn as my eyes watch the can.
Nobody ever said I couldn't drink..but I'm sure it's probably not on the list of things to do while going through withdrawals. Even as much as my mouth it water for some alcohol, anything to numb me, my stomach is much too queasy.
I watch as Sarah's eyes widen as if she's realized something before she pulls the can from her lips. "Oh my god I'm sorry Lily, I didn't even think" she says but I only shake my head, giving her a faint smile. "It's fine, it doesn't bother me" I partially lie. "You guys don't have to walk around on eggshells around me, acting different will only make things harder" I tell her honestly and she nods before grabbing a soda out and handing it to me, taking my hand and we head outside where the boys are lighting up the fire pit.
Still wearing the short pink and white sundress from earlier. Except I wore a sweater over it to hide the medical wrap on my arm and what's underneath.. Sarah insisted we have a 'aesthetic summer day' which entailed stopping by the island club for something she had to drop off for preparation of midsummers and then getting brunch to which I picked at.
I curl up in a chair with my soda, sipping at it lightly but knowing if I drink too much I'll probably throw up. I feel almost nervous which is close to foreign for me. I've never been someone who got anxious or nervous easy. I was always so bold and fearless and I think I still am only the parts that made up my personality turned into a defense mechanism in order to protect myself.
And right now even it can't help me. I just want someone to take it away.
It's dark now, as we sit around the fire pit. It's flames warming the air. John B and I being the only two not drinking, although I'd love to be intoxicated right now.
"Get down from there" I here JJ growl at Kie as she drunkly climbs on top of the stacked rocks surrounding the fire pit, shooting him a rebellious grin before lifting her foot and balancing, holding her third or fourth beer out and wiggling it.
"Kie.." Pope warns her but she only giggles, proceeding to walk in a circle around the fire as Sarah drunkly cheers her on. "You're going to slip, Kie please get down" I tell her as I sit up but she only waves her hand. "No no it's okay Lily, I'm a professional" she drunkly tells me as she goes to balance on one foot again. "I've become a master-" she cut off by her own screaming as JJ rips her down roughy by her arm. "What the fuck!" She shouts as him as he drags her away from the fire.
My heart rate settling down. "You're not getting barbecued tonight" he tells her as she practically growls at him, yanking her arm away before running over to Sarah and the two proceed to swing around in a circle making my stomach sink a bit.
I'm happy they're having fun, I just wish I could enjoy it with them.
"Alright time for bed" John B says before standing from his chair when they start doing handstands and spilling bear all over the place. JJ follows him, although pretty buzzed himself but not half as bad as Sarah and Kie.
"No!" Sarah shouts as John B drags her away and JJ holds onto Kie as she yells and curses him out. "My parents will kill me if I come home drunk" she struggles to speak clearly as JJ sighs and Pope stumbles from his chair moving to help JJ hold onto Kie and she wiggles and kicks. "Then stay here" John B tells her and I watch as her hand suddenly flies up over her mouth and both JJ and Pope release her as she bolts into the house.
JJ already following after her. Pope turns the hose on, spraying it over the fire to put it out as John B fights with Sarah to get into the Twinkie.
"Come on Lils" Pope tells me as his arm slides around my shoulder, guiding me over to the open doors of John B's van and I climb in next to Sarah who reaches for my hands and I squeeze them.
Listening to her slur and drunkly babble on about getting revenge on John B for making her stop drinking. I can't help but giggle as she strategizes things she'll never do like slashing his tires. She's been around me too long.
Damaging vehicles of those who have pissed me off is nothing new to me.
Watching Sarah's eyes grow heavier and heavier.
I hug Pope before he climbs out as we drop him off before heading to Sarah's house. Pulling my phone out and letting Aria know I'm staying with Sarah tonight. A small spark of apprehension swirling in my stomach about Rafe, maybe he'll let me sleep in his room or maybe he's gone back to being a jerk.
I quietly push the French doors open as John B follows in behind me with Sarah almost passed out in his arms.
Wars, Rose and Wheezie are still out of town until tomorrow so Rafe should be the only one here if he is at all. I forget to look for his truck when we pulled in.
The house is dark, only lit by the moon flooding in through all of the big opened windows, the tall ceilings with the arched windows like in Sarah and Rafes rooms, high enough for the moons light to reach and flood into the house. I wonder what it's like to come home to house like this every night, your entire life. It's so foreign for me to even be in the presence of something so grand. I feel out of place.
John B follows behind me up the steps, carrying Sarah up the carefully. "What the fuck" is growled when we reach the top of the stairs and my eyes snap up meeting Rafe, standing at the top staring down at me in the dark. Wearing dark when's and a white tee shirt, my eyes raking him up at down as the moon light reflects off of his chain. His sleeves bunched up around his biceps showing off his tattoo. That stupid spark of excitement for seeing him thuds in my chest as I cuss it out. "Sarah's drunk" I tell him watching his eyes snap to his sister, something flickering in them. "Again?" He speaks low through his teeth, shooting daggers at John B with his stare. His eyes practically turning red and I swear I can feel the heat radiate off his skin. "Why is it that every time she goes over to that dump of yours, she ends up wasted? You better not have driven them here drunk" he growls as I step between him and John B, just in case..
"Really? You think I'm-" I cut John B off as he starts to speak, stopping a fight before it can begin. Motioning my head to him to take Sarah to her room. His eyes flickering between me and Rafe before he listens. Watching as he disappears into her room before turning my attention back to Rafe. "You better not have been fucking drinking either" he tells me as I glare up at him, feeling my irritation grow at his words. As if he's my parent, a thought flickering through my brain as a tiny smirk pulls at my lips and I cross my arms over my chest, staring up at him. "I swear to god Lily, were you?" He growls only making my grin deepen as I step up to him, snaking my arms around his neck and pulling him closer until our faces are only inches apart. "Kiss me and find out" I tell him, feeling his hands at my hips, kneading at my skin through my dress, his eyes watching mine before moving to my lips, my pulse pounding in my throat so loud I can hear it.
His one hand moving from my dress and sliding up my throat, his fingers flexing under my jaw as everything in me turns hot and red, needing his lips on mine, needing him.
"Why's your heart beating so fast?" He asks, his breath on my lips making me shudder. "Maybe because I was drinking" I lie, watching his expression stay blank as he watches my lips before he leans in, a small whimper breaking through my mouth as his lips barely brush mine. "You'd be doing something a lot more reckless if you were" he says against my lips before pulling away and walking off towards Sarah's room, leaving me hot and flustered but more than anything fucking livid, coming down off my high of how he makes me feel.
He is so fucking infuriating!
It's not like I have a crush on him or something stupid like that. I don't want to be in a relationship but I don't understand the way I feel with him, I just know it feels good and I don't want to lose it. Maybe he has a point about kissing besides sex, we aren't together so why would we? Can't we kiss with no strings attached? JJ and I did..
He'll fuck me and bury his face between my legs, eat my pussy until he can't even breathe and I'm shaking. Devour me as if he's never tasted anything like me. He'll do unspeakable things with me yet he won't fucking kiss me unless he's about to fuck me. People can kiss without it meaning anything so I don't fucking understand and it bothers the hell out of me. Is letting someone know you don't like them that important to him? Is he that afraid I'll get the wrong message? That only stings knowing that even if I wanted there to be something between us, there never would. I'm a pogue and his eyes I'm filthy, he'd never want me like that.
He is such a fucking jerk, it's infuriating and..hurts in a way I guess. He doesn't want to, he just likes to fuck with me because he knows I do. But from this moment on I don't..or I'll tell myself that until I do. I don't want anything intimate with him except what we've had all along, sex.
And it fucking hurts that everything hurts right now and he has the ability to take it all away if he wants, for some reason I don't know, but instead he causes me more pain.
I suck in a deep breath, before following them into her room. Making an effort to bump into his shoulder as hard as I can when I pass him, only regretting that when it hurts me more than it does him.
I move over to John B as he rubs a wet washcloth over her face, to wipe her sunscreen off. Some sinking feeling filling my chest as something deep in me wishes that maybe someday I'll find someone who loves me as much as John B loves Sarah but I know I won't and I know that I really don't want that, it'll only hurt.
"Make sure Kie is okay and text me when you're home" I tell him as he stands and I wrap my arms around his neck hugging him goodbye. He nods, giving me a flat smile making something odd sit with me.
Reaching down and brushing the hair out of her face so it doesn't stick to her forehead. Glancing over my shoulder as John B extends his hand to Rafe whose jaw is clenched as he stands with his hands on his hips, sneering at John B before he rolls his eyes and reluctantly half ass shakes his hand.
I roll my eyes turning back to Sarah before leaning over her to throw the decorative pillows off her bed, and pulling the blanket up higher over her before turning around.
Feeling my brows draw together when I catch Rafe's gaze watching me like a hungry predator would stalk its prey. His eyes dark with something dangerous as I look down remembering I'm still wearing the dumb sundress. Good, I hope he's sees what he won't be getting, not only because of my inability to breathe too hard but also because I'm pissed at him.
I shove passed him following after John B, catching him outside the doors, not feeling right about him. I got to sidetracked with Sarah that I completely spaced off what happened at the lighthouse today.
"John B" I shout at him as I follow him over to the Twinkie, reaching for his hand to which he wraps around mine. "You're not okay" I tell him as I try to catch my breath, feeling the wheeze in my lungs bubble up as I try to steady my breathing.
"What me?" he asks and I tilt my head at him as he presses his lips into a flat line. "It was my fathers, he wanted me to find it I know he did..I just don't know what why he'd carve Redfield into it but.." he trails off as he sucks in a deep breath. "I guess I'll never know" he breathes and I squeeze his hands. My heart hurting from the defeated look on his face. He really does have hope, I can see it in his eyes and it's enough to spark it in me too; or at least my brain is latching onto something to distract itself from the hell it's imprisoned in right now.
"And your sure the keeper has it?" I ask, as my thoughts begin to spin. He gives me a nod before his eyes come to me, his brows twitch and draw together as if he's noticed or realized something. "You can't go there Lily, not by yourself" he tells me as I chew on my lip, my vision being lost as I space off thinking about it. Blinking my eyes before moving them back to him. "I wouldn't be alone" I tell him not needing to explain who would he with me, he knows. The 'oh' look in his eyes tells me he does before he raises his brows and nods. "You don't have to find it" he tells me but I only give his hand a squeeze before wrapping him in a hug.
"Just promise me you'll be carful" he sighs knowing he's not going to stop me. If I want to do something, nothing is going to keep me from it. "I promise"
I make my way back upstairs, feeling weak by the time I reach the top of the steps.
Moving back into Sarah's room as I watch Rafe as he gently pulls her shoes off before lying the blanket over her. I didn't even think to take them off.
At least he been consistent in being nice to her.
Ignoring him as I move over to her dresser, pulling the top drawer open before rifling through it for some pajamas. Tugging my sweater off over my head as I toss it in the chair. Hoping Rafe is watching me.
With the tiny thin straps that are practically a thread and tie at the shoulders. The bottom is flowy and stops at my mid thighs. Wearing nothing but a lacy thong underneath. I tug my hair from the braid it's been in, raking my fingers through it as it falls in big waves over my shoulders. So long that it stops at my lower back.
I should strip right here and change in front of him.
I gather some clothes into my hands before turning around, not prepared for my cheeks to heat up when my eyes meet his. Watching me hungrily.
I continuously seem to forget the effect this man has on me.
"Do you need something?" I ask trying to sound as bitchy as possible as I glare over at him. "I'm sleeping in here, so if you're done playing caregiver then you know where the door is" I tell him crossing my arms over my chest, watching his eyes flicker with something from across the room. The moon light reflecting off of his chain almost makes it appear like it's dancing around his neck as he stalks towards me. "No you're not" he tells me, his voice laced with something dangerous as he stalks closes and I back up. "Yes I am"
Hitting the dresser when he comes to tower over me, trapping me between himself and Sarah's dresser. "You don't want to sleep in here" he says low, his words coming from the back of his throat as his eyes take over my body, watching the muscle in his jaw flex as he clenches it. My heart rate picking up as butterflies swirl in my stomach and heat starts to build in my abdomen. "You don't know shit Rafe" I breathe as his hands slide up my thighs, traveling up under the skirt of my dress as I shudder at his touch. His one hand snaking to the back of my thigh as his fingers trail up the side of my ass, slipping them under the elastic of my underwear at my hip while the other slides up my throat. Heat pooling between my legs as hot warmth soaks the lace of my panties
His thumb sliding up my chin, his fingers pressing into my jaw before he pushes my bottom lip down. Leaning in as my eyes go round, watching him. The moonlight reflecting off his eyes, almost appearing black in the darkness of the room. Our faces so close, I can feel his breath on my lips and my own pulse in my ears. "I know you're wet right now" he says against my lips and I shudder at his breath, angry that his come back for my comment is correct..I'm soaked
"You're wrong" I lie, as my breath hitches in my throat watching him smirk as he grips my jaw. His other hand dropping from my hip and sliding up my thigh, up under my dress. My skin burning with a tingling need wherever he touches me.
Sucking in a breath as it catches in my throat and muffles my whimper when he pulls my panties to the side and slips his fingers through my soaking wet mess. "Now you're just lying to me princess" he snickers as he pushes his thumb down on my bottom lip. "Suck" he tells me and I lose any and all composure I have. Any ability to follow through with my plan to be cold to him and not let him have anything.
It's all been thrown out the window.
I close my lips around his thumb, sucking it into my mouth as he growls low in his throat. Pulling his fingers from my panties and sucking me off his fingers as I watch. My eyes flickering over to Sarah.
"Sarah" I tell him, having forgotten we're still in her room. The spot between my legs on fire as it throbs. My core burning with need as he leans in, his lips brushing my ear. "Better be quiet then" he says low before his teeth sink into my neck and bites down so hard it burns causing a cry to leave my lips and he slams his hand down over my mouth as my eyes widen and I shake my head.
"No Rafe please" I plead with him as he rolls his eyes before his hands wrap around my thighs and he lifts me up, my legs going around his waist as he carries me out of Sarah's room. My hands wrapping around his throat before I lean in and suck on his neck.
—Rafe—
Her little hands wrap around my neck before she starts sucking at my skin, feeling the blood vessels break under the surface from the pressure of her mouth. Burning and stinging making me dig my fingers into the soft skin of her thighs as I carry her into my room and kick the door shut behind me. Sarah's passed the fuck out but I lock it just in case.
Throwing her into the center of the bed, watching her tits bounce in that slutty little dress she has on.
I can't wait any longer, I need her. I need to be inside of her and feel her wrapped around me. I'll be gentle if I fucking have to, I fucking need her so bad it's painful.
I wasn't about to fuck her in my fucking sisters room I only wanted to watch the wheels spin behind her eyes not knowing if I was serious. Watch her face to turn red and see that look of shock. Something I don't see a lot of on her. She's always so smug and running that mouth. I take her breath away when I eat that pussy of hers or fuck her into the mattress. Sometimes it's amusing to do it with only words which usually with her, requires fear.
I reach for her leg, pulling it up before tugging her shoe off, kissing her leg before tugging the other off.
I crawl over her, my fingers raking through her hair as my hand slides against her jaw. Capturing her lips with mine and tasting that sweet smart ass mouth of hers. Her legs falling apart as I sink between them, her dress bunching up around her hips.
Her hands wrapped around my neck as she tries to pull me closer. Her soft full lips moving against mine in a deep erotic rhythm. My tongue brushing the seam of her mouth and she opens up letting me in. Her taste flooding in, our tongues tangling as she tries to dominate the kiss. She's such a fucking brat, she should know by now she's not in control, despite the times I let her. She's the only girl I've ever fucked who I've let take control when she wants to and usually she's a submissive little mess just begging to be fucked.
My cock starts to throb in my jeans for her, wanting nothing more than to feel her soft warmth wrapped around it. Fill her up and give her exactly what she needs, what she wants. Fuck her so good she's shaking and panting by the time I'm done.
I never cared about the other persons pleasure when I was fucking them. Sure sometimes it was amusing to watch whoever it was unfold and lose it from what I was doing to them but it's nothing compared to Alilia. This entire arrangement started as revolving around my own pleasure. It never had to do with fucking her. I didn't expect her to feel as fucking good as she does, like nothing I've ever felt but it wasn't about the sex. It was humiliating her, controlling her. Putting her in situations that would make her feel weak and pathetic, that's where my amusement stemmed from and it makes me fucking sick.
She whimpers down my throat as I suck her tongue into my mouth, reminding her whose in fucking charge as her hand slides down my back and up under my shirt. Digging her nails into my back.
Kissing her so hard she doesn't know whose air she's breathing.
Pulling away and dragging my lips down her throat as she sucks in a sharp breath reminding me of the delicate state of her lungs. "Through your nose Lily" I mumble against her throat, biting down on the sensitive skin there before licking over it. Kissing down her throat under I reach that spot that makes her lose it and press my lips there. Her hands sliding up the back of my head trying to press me deeper into her as she drops her head back against the mattress, her pretty whimpers leaving her mouth as I suck and kiss her neck.
Wrapping my arm underneath her and pulling her leg up around me before flipping us over. "Catch your breath" I tell her as she breathes heavily. Her breath broken up by coughs she attempts to shove down only making it harder for her to breathe.
She listens, for once in her life.. Sitting up, leaving her straddling me as she pushes her hair out of her face, watching me as I run my fingers up and down her thighs. Her tits practically spilling out of her dress that's punched up around her waist.
"Take this off" she tells me after she can finally breathe without struggling not to cough. Her hands tugging the bottom of my shirt up and I sit up helping her pull it off before her lips are on mine again.
"I want to lick everything inch of you" she breathes, her mouth on mine again as I wrap my arms around her body, pulling her deeper into my lap as her chest presses against mine. "If you insist" I mumble into her kiss before shoves me down and I fall back against the mattress.
Dragging her lips down my jaw as she licks up my throat, sucking and kissing all over it before she slides down my body, dragging her tongue across my abs. Tracing it around the tattoo on my side as I let my head fall back, wallowing in the warmth of her mouth all over me. Her hands reaching down and undoing my belt as she licks down my stomach. Clenching my teeth together just knowing what she wants to do, what I want her to do. Fuck
"Lily" I warn her as I prop myself up. Wishing I had less self control and I don't. It's taking everything in me not to let her. But I won't let her do something that will hurt her and right now it will; even if it leaves my cock painfully throbbing.
"I knew you were going to do that" she huffs in annoyance as I sit up and pull her back into my lap, her legs straddling me as our chests press against each others. "As if I don't want that sweet mouth of yours wrapped around me" I mumble into her neck before kissing it. "We're supposed to be keeping you from coughing not doing things that will make you" I tell her as she rolls her eyes.
"I'm not going to fucking gag, I know how to do it" she tells me and I can't help but smirk at her and the way she defends herself like a child. "I'm sure you do" I tell her before kissing her again, slipping my tongue into her mouth and dragging her bottom lip between my teeth before falling back against the mattress, not breaking apart as she snakes her tongue into my mouth and the tangle together as she whimpers down my throat before pulling away and sitting up to catch her breath. She's such a little slut. I'm sure she's had lots of experience in sucking someone off, the thoughts only making anger burn my skin. Thinking about her with someone else has me wanting to murder someone or just fuck her even harder until she can't remember anyone else she's been with.
My eyes rake up and down her body, her dress all bunched up around her hips and her tits spilling out of the top. Her cheeks pink as she watches me. Feeling her soaking through her panties against my bare stomach as she straddles me.
I need to taste her.
My hands slide around her thighs, digging my fingers into her ass as I pull her forward. Watching the way her brows furrow, not knowing what I'm doing but I do. I need that sweet pussy in my mouth.
"Scoot up princess" I tell her and she listens, catching something dirty flicker in her eyes and she smirks down at me. Her soaking wet mess seeping through her panties against my chest.
Pushing her further until I have her right in front of me. Her legs practically straddling my throat as I reach up and push her dress up, ripping her slutty lacy panties apart with a loud tear sound. "Rafe!" She scolds me as I press my hands into her soft thighs, my mouth watering to have her in my mouth. "You can't just tear my clothes apart" she says but I ignore her. "You'll live" I mutter before I pull her down onto my face and cover her soaking wet pussy with my mouth as she whimpers and cries my name only making my cock throb harder for her. Sliding my tongue up her silky hot center, her sweet taste invading my mouth and I growl deep in my throat, digging my fingers into her hips. Sucking on her clit as I shut my eyes and lap up her mess. "Fuck! Yes Rafe eat my pussy" she whines only making me lick her rougher.
"Oh my god Rafe!" She cries as I feel her legs start to shake from holding herself up. "Put your weight down on me" I tell her, flicking my tongue over her clit. "No" she breathes as I suck harder on her clit making her cry my name. If couldn't fucking handle all of her weight on my face, I wouldn't ask.
"Now Lily, don't fucking tell me no" I warn her as I yank on her, pulling her deeper into my mouth as she finally gives in sets her weight down on me. Burying my face between her legs as I slide my tongue all around her silky wet warmth, her sweet taste covering my tongue. Hearing her pretty whimpers escape her lips and she cries and moans like a mess. "Ride my face princess" I tell her, using my hands to push her far enough up that she can hear me.
Grinding herself against my tongue, cutting my oxygen off as devour her like my last meal. That's my good fucking girl. She's so fuckable when she listens to me.
"Oh my god Rafe! Yes! Fuck" she cries. Opening my eyes as I watch her pull the straps lose on her dress and pull her nipples between her fingers. Her eyes slammed shut as her mouth falls open in ecstasy. I need inside of this sweet cunt right fucking now. But not before I make her come in my mouth like the slut she is.
I close my mouth around her clit, flicking my tongue over it before scraping my teeth across it and she bucks her hips only making me pull her deeper into my face as I suck on her sweet mess.
"Fuck! Rafe..I'm..g..gonna c..come" she whines, bucking her hips forward a second later as she cries my name. Reaching for my hands and I drop mine from her thighs, lacing my fingers with hers.
Letting her ride out her orgasm as I lick up her center. Dripping down her thighs and all over my mouth.
She moves off my face as she's comes down from the high of her orgasm and I sit up, keeping her in my lap. Her naked breasts pressing up against my bare chest as she slides her hands against my jaw and crashes her mouth down on top of mine. Her soft warm lips moving against mine before her tongues snakes into my mouth, tasting herself as I growl down her throat.
I reach down and tug her dress the rest of the way off and toss it somewhere behind us.
Wrapping my arm around her before lying her down against the mattress. "Breathe Lily" I tell her as she chokes on her breath. Reaching over into the night stand and grabbing a condom. Ignoring her glare of disapproval only making me smirk.
It's usually the guy who argues about using a condom but not with her. She wants it raw every time.
Feeling my jaw clench before I even know why as I wonder if she was like that with every other mother fucker she's slept with. I can't fucking fathom that someone else has been inside of her, feeling her warmth with nothing between them.
I rip the condom open with my teeth, crawling back over her as she reaches between us and unzips my jeans.
"I should tie you up with this, or wrap it around your throat" I mumble against her lips as I pull my belt from my jeans. Her teeth scraping against my lips as she grins. "Maybe you should" she taunts me before kissing me and I drag her bottom lip between my teeth before I toss it on the floor. I would if it wasn't for threading around her fucking lungs. As soon as they're healed I'll be making her choke a different way.
"Take them off princess" I tell her as she grins, lifting her legs and pushing my jeans down with her feet and I kick them off. "Fuck me" she says as she wraps her arms around my neck and I reach between us, rubbing my throbbing self between her swollen dripping wet lips and she drops her head back.
Gritting my teeth, wanting to slam inside of her with nothing between us. Using my hand to slide the condom on.
If she wants to be fucked, she'll get fucked. I use my one arm to hold myself up, not wanting to crush her.
"What do you want?" I ask her, kissing underneath her jaw, dragging my lips up her cheek under their hovering over hers and our noses brush. "Fuck me" she breathes, and I reach down pulling her thigh up and draping her leg over my back. My breath hitching in my throat when I reach between us and rub myself against her swollen wet lips and she whimpers. "Please please fuck me like a fucking slut" she begs, something dirty flickering in her green eyes and I slam into her.
My breath hitching in my throat as I slam my eyes shut, hearing her cry as she takes every fucking inch of my throbbing cock. Her silky wet warmth swallowing my size like it was made to fit inside of her, fill her up.
"Oh my god Rafe; you feel so fucking good" she cries, dropping her head back and shutting her eyes as I begin to thrust into her. "Fuck.." she breathes, her perfect tits bouncing as I thrust into her making her whimper like a mess as she squirms trying to adjust to my size. "Take it like a good girl Lily" I tell her, sliding my hand gently up her throat.
My hand griping her jaw before I lean in and kiss her, licking the seam of her mouth and she opens up, whimpering down my throat before I shut her up and suck her tongue into my mouth. "Look at me Lily" I tell her, feeling her start to tighten around me but she keeps her eyes shut, her mouth falling open and she breathes sharply, her cheek against the mattress. "Look at me or I'll stop" I grip her jaw, turning her face back to me and her eyes flutter open, completely lost in ecstasy of having me inside of her. "Good girl" I breathe, thrusting deep in and out of her sweet tight warmth.
"Rafe.." she whimpers wrapping her arms around my neck, feeling her tighten more and more around me and I growl through my teeth, slamming into her harder and she cries my name into my shoulder. My arm wraps around her back as she starts to lose the ability to hold herself up, pulling me closer. "Make a mess for me baby" I tell her, my eyes rolling back into my head as I grunt into her neck, burying my face in her fiery red hair. My nose being overtaken with her sweet fucking cherry and vanilla scent and I breathe it in like a it's a fucking drug I can't get enough of.
"Rafe!" She cries clenching around me and arching her back off the mattress, squeezing her arms tighter around my neck crying and whimpering as I come inside of her, only wishing there was nothing between us. Her body going limp and I put my arm out in front of me, holding her against me with the other. Catching myself before I fall on top of her and crush her.
She shakes underneath me and I gently lie her back down against the mattress trying to catch my breath.
Her eyes flutter open after a minute and she looks up at me, the green in them so soft and dazed. Sucking in a sharp breath making a cough climb up her throat as she chokes to hold it back and not further irritate her lungs. "How many times do I have to remind you how to breathe?" I ask as she glares at me, scrunching up her nose as she coughs again. My eyes falling to her lips as I fight the urge to kiss her. As if I didn't just have her tongue down my throat but it's different. I can practically see the hope in her eyes, mentally cursing at myself before I push off of her.
Finding my jeans before heading off into the bathroom.
I want to be done trying to fight the way she makes me feel, or whatever the fuck it is that makes my chest tighten and my pulse pound whenever she's around.
I'm too fucking afraid of what will happen if I do fucking give in and kiss her. Kiss her in a way that isn't sexual, be soft and intimate in a different way with her. If this is how strong it feels already it'll only grow deeper and I don't know how to fucking handle that.. She's put me through hell the last few days, overdosing and losing her mind from getting her drugs taken away, watching her drip blood all over the place, see the deep self inflicted wounds on her arm. Picking her up off the bathroom floor because she was too fucking exhausted to even move. Every one of those things making the intensity of this fucking feeling deepen.
—Alilia—
I sit up in bed, feeling my lungs start to calm down and the wheezing start to settle down as I find Rafes shirt and pull it on. Large enough to h cover the fact that I have no underwear on since he fucking ripped them.
I won't lie, watching him tear them off of me like paper made the butterflies in my stomach swirl around violently. But now I'm out a pair and I didn't feel like taking my monthly stealing trip sooner than needed.
I was disappointed in myself for having hope he'd kiss me after.
I do every time and he never does but I suppose I'm less let down than the other times.
I pull his door open before moving down the hallway to Sarah's to find some clothes.
Being as quiet as I can not to wake her. Finding the clothes I dropped earlier. Pausing when I remember John B's compass. I need to go find it, even if I don't, I need to at least try. I owe it to him after all, he's done for me, always being there, never judging me no matter what. Being the best friend anyone could ask for. I don't get my hope that maybe the tragedy isn't true..my friends are dead but he deserves to use his and exhaust the 'what if' until it's proven wrong or not, and if I can help make that happen, I will.
I shut the drawer, quietly, pulling open another one, and finding a pair of jeans before quietly, exiting her room and closing the door behind me.
Seeing Rafe is still in the bathroom when I return. I pull some underwear on before tugging a long sleeve shirt down over my head. Hearing the bathroom door pop open and my ice snap up meeting Rafes. Now wearing jeans again and a black sweatshirt.
"I need you to take me somewhere" I tell him as I tug Sarah's jeans up my legs. Watching him narrow his eyes on me as he waits for me to explain. "And where would that be?" He asks, his tone now colder again but I brush it off. "The lighthouse" I tell him and he gives me a disgusted look. "Why the fuck-"
"John B dropped something, I need to find it" I cut him off, not giving him a full explanation. Feeling stressed as I pull my shoes on, I don't know what time it is, close to midnight but I need to get there and find it before the sun comes up or something else.
Irritation growing on my skin as I push my hair off my shoulder. Becoming overwhelmed as heat begins to hit my skin.
"Calm down Lily" Rafes voice pulls me from my spiraling episode of my overly active emotions, only feeling more irritated as it clicks why I'm so upset. The fucking withdrawals are controlling me, pulling the strings and I'm the puppet.
He comes to stand in front of me and I look up at him as I take a deep breath. His eyes watching me filled with something I can't place. "I just need to go" I tell him and he sighs. "You're not going by yourself"
" And you fucking believe this shit?" Rafe growls as he turns around the corner. I knew better than to explain the situation to him, I knew he would overreact and call it asinine. And maybe it is, most of all of me agrees with that, but I have to try. If John B has hope that his father is alive, or that he loved him clues to some thing then I back him a hundred percent no matter what anyone else thinks.
"His father is dead, Lily. He died at sea. Peterkin said so herself, it was on the news..Do you not remember this shit?" He asks as I dig my teeth into my lip, growing agitated.
"It was never confirmed, he was presumed dead at sea" I correct him as he laughs as if I'm insane and maybe I am.
"I know you're not the stupid Lily" he tells me and I shoot him a death stare. "How sweet of you to comment on my intelligence" I tell him dryly. Staring out the window as we drive. Trying to push down the anger bubbling under my skin.. I know it's the irritability from the withdrawals..I know that.. I know that..
"He's dead-"
"If you say that one more fucking time Rafe, I swear to god! I didn't ask for your fucking opinion. You never gave a shit about what I did before so don't pretend to now, go back to worrying about what daddy can buy you" I snap at him, the words leaving my mouth before I can even comprehend what I'm saying. Feeling as if I don't even have control over what I'm saying, my temper does.
A silence falling between us for a moment as I stare at the dashboard, wanting to cry at how unbelievably angry I feel. Swinging in and taking control of me and I can't stop it before it's too late.
My eyes flickering to the way, his hands grip the steering wheel, his knuckles, turning white as he flexes them against the wheel.
"I'm the one driving your ass to the fucking lighthouse at one in the fucking morning Alilia, you better bet your ass I'll know what the fuck its for" he speaks low, his tone laced with anger as I swallow down the lump in my throat. "And not that it's any of your fucking business but I don't need shit from my father, I have my own fucking money" he growls, his words sinking into me and making me shutter at his icy tone as we come to a stop and he slams his truck into park.
My eyes snapping up as they meet the fence surrounding the entrance to the lighthouse, no trespassing signs scattered throughout. Trees surrounding the area, the lighthouse out in the distance, the water, waving behind it, dancing with the reflection of the moons light.
The sound of Rafes door slamming making me jump in my seat. Pulling my seatbelt off as I jump out.
Feeling my chest swell up with guilt as I move around the front of the truck. Watching him pull his hood on. Throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face in the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry" I tell him as I feel his arms slide around me, soothing my every nerve by just holding me.
Pulling my face away from his neck as he stares down at me in the dark. "I'm sorry..I just..it's the-"
"I know" he cuts me off, sliding his hand up the back of my head and pressing me back into his chest before he drops his face into the top of my hair and kisses the top of my head, filling me with warmth.
"Let's get this ridiculous shit over with" he sighs and I nod before pulling away following him a few steps before he stops, and I watch the muscle in his jaw flex as he clenches it, glancing back at his truck, as if he's contemplating something.
Watching confused as he moves back over to it, pulling the door open before reaching for something in the center console. Sealing my brows draw together and worry flood my stomach as I watch him, take his gun into the back waist line of his jeans before slamming the door and locking his truck.
"Why are you bringing that?" I ask as he comes walking back over to me. "We're breaking into a fucking lighthouse Alilia.."
I follow him as he holds open the rip in the metal fence for me. My shoes sinking into the sand as we walk.
Reaching the door to the bottom as I pull on the rusted handle, feeling rough against my palm as I shake it but it doesn't budge. "It's locked" I tell him as I start to panic, looking back at Rafe as I watch him close his eyes and sigh, reaching behind him.
"Move" he tells me and I listen. Stepping aside as he flips his gun around in his hand making my heart spike. I've never touched a gun before, and the only one I've been around is one JJ stole from his dad.
Just looking at it scares me but I assume Rafe knows how to use it. Watching as he grips the barrel in his hand before winding his arm back and smashing the end into the small window as glass shatters everywhere.
He sticks his arm through it before reaching in and flipping the lock. Jesus Christ, this man..
Butterflies swarm around my stomach watching him, I shouldn't find these thing's attractive.
I step closer to him as I follow him inside the very dark room, the moonlight peaking through at the top as the stairs go on and on.
Sighing as I take in the amount of stairs, we have to climb. I'm still weak from my overdose.
"You're sure the fucking keeper took it?" He asks and I nod as I try to take a deep breath without my lungs wheezing. "That's what he said"
I follow him up stair after stair. Watching my feet the whole way to make sure I don't slip or fall through them. Avoiding the eroded holes in the metal. Neither of saying a word as we try to stay as quiet as possible in case the keeper, or someone else is here. Even the sound of a water droplet falling wood echo off the walls and then bounce around like music coming out of a speaker.
The air is thick with the smell of rust and salt. Clammy and moist making my skin crawl. The walls of the room growing loess dark the more stairs we climb, getting closer to the top where the moonlight is.
I stop as I bring my hand up to my chest, feeling the wheeze bubble up in my lungs, a cough climbing up my throat as I choke to hold it down.
My hand slamming down over my mouth as it fights it's way up my throat and I break into a coughing fit. Rafe immediately pulling me into him so I can cough into his sweatshirt and muffle the sound. His fingers running through my hair as my lungs burn. "This was a bad idea" he whispers but I ignore him as I do my best to hold my breath until my coughing fades. Pulling away once I can finally breathe. "I'm okay" I reassure him as he shakes his head and continue to climb the stairs.
"There's a room at the top for the keeper. His office I suppose" Rafe tells me and I nod. "If he took it somewhere else there's nothing we can do Lily" he adds and I nod. I know that.. but at least I'm doing what I can for John B.
My legs feel wobbly by the time we reach the top. I follow Rafe as he moves over to a door. The top of the stairs filled with the light of the moon peeking through the top of the lighthouse.
Wondering how he knows his way around this place so well. Irritation hinting at my skin as I wonder if he's brought a girl here before.. Even at a time like this, my jealousy finds a way to seep in. Being jealous almost feels foreign to me I've never really experienced it before, except with him.
The cold air of the night hits my skin as we step outside onto a balcony like thing that rounds around the top of the light house. My eyes widening as I see large eroded holes in the metal of the flooring.
Rafe's hand nudging me as he extends it to me and I take it, lacing my fingers with his. The size of his hand, swallowing mine, filling my chest with worms and sending tingles through my arm.
He pulls me along as I'm carful to avoid the holes. Having no idea where we're going but trusting he does.
"Fuck" he mutters before he slams me around and pulls us around a corner. My pulse spiking when I hear footsteps but we stopped moving.. "Whose out there?!" A crackly voice shouts and adrenaline floods through me as my eyes shoot to Rafe whose jaw is clenched as he shakes his head.
Slipping my hand into his other one before reaching under his sweatshirt and finding his gun making my stomach fall. "Stay behind me" he tells me, his tone deadly serious before he's pulling me along again.
Staying glued to him as we walk, so close you couldn't even slip a piece of paper between us. "I'll find'ya!" The voice shouts making me shudder. "Not if I find you first" Rafe shouts, shocking me. His words laced with a taunting manner before he comes to a stop and I peak around his shoulder as my eyes land on an old man with a white beard, dressed in an blue suit that resembles a janitors. Sneering at us as he holds a large sharpened stick.
"You best get on outta here! I'll stab you sons of bitches trespassing" he snarls and my fingers curl around the fabric of Rafes sweatshirt. The man's threat not seeming to even faze him. Rafe would tower over him if he came closer.
"Try it and see what happens" Rafe warns him, as he lifts his gun into the man's view and I watch his beady eyes widen as they land on it. His expression falling as the move back to Rafe before falling on me and I feel my stomach turn. "Whatta you kids want?" He snarles hoarsely, readjusting his grip on the stick he's holding. His eyes moving back to me as I press my mouth into Rafe's arm to muffle my breath and reassure myself I'm safe. He's here.
"Look at her one more time and I won't even give you the chance to cooperate" Rafe speaks, his tone deep and filled with warning, even sending shocks of fear through me. He's so intimidating that even my brain puts out an alarm to be worried. My eyes watching the man as his eyes immediately fall from me and move to Rafe.
"Whatta you want?"
"Where the compass?"
The man's face contorts into disgust too fast for him to try and pretend he's clueless and I start to tug on Rafes hand to tell him but he beats me to it. "Let's not play this fucking game, you'll lose. Where is the goddamn compass?" Rafes growls as he tugs me behind him, stepping forward and the man backs up. "I'll call the police!" He hisses but Rafe only snickers, unfazed by the man. I press deeper into him, trying to sooth myself. Feeling him squeeze my hand to reassure me I'm okay, my heart rate steadying a bit but still pounding through my throat.
"Move an inch and see where it gets you" Rafe tells me as I watch the man look around as if he'd be able to run and get away. Rafe would stop him so fast.
I shouldn't be having butterflies over this right now..for fucks sake.
"Are you fucking deaf? Where's the fucking compass?" He growls.
Almost feeling bad as I watch a sort of defeated look, cover the man's features before his size, and reaches into his pocket, something around in silver in his hand clinking as the moon light reflects off of it, and I feel something jump in my stomach hitting clear into my chest as I realize what it is. The compass.
"Whatta you want with it?" He asks, his voice hoarse and crackly. "Don't worry about it" Rafe tells him and I watch as the mans eyes jump between the compass and off the side of the railing, making my pulse flutter, as if he's thinking about throwing it. "Don't even fucking think about it, I'll blow your goddamn hand off" Rafe growls.
"Hand it over and you can keep both your wrists" he tells the man. A moment passes before the old man sighs, dropping his stick before, stepping towards us, and I sink into Rafe as he pulls his hand away and sneaks his arm around me. "Give it to her and get fucking lost" he tells him, nudging me and I stick my shaking hand out. The man sneering at us once more before he drops it into my hand. The coldness of the metal almost shocking me as it hits my palm and I close my fingers around it to keep it safe. The man scrambling to pick his stick up before rounding the corner and disappearing.
Rafe not wasting a second before he laces his fingers with mine again and pulls me behind him back through the door.
Practically dragging me down the stairs as I try to keep my breath steady. "What if he calls the police?" I ask, trying to keep up with him as he practically runs down the stairs. "He won't" he tells me so confidently it makes my tummy flop as his smugness. He's so hot, everything he does is.
I'm out of breath, breaking into a coughing fit as we come to the bottom of the stairs, him pulling me outside before I'm gasping for air as my lungs, wheeze and contract. "Fuck" Rafe mutters as I choke on air, coughing so hard my eyes water.
"Breathe through your nose Lily" he reminds me and I slam my mouth shut, trying to regulate my breathing.
A minute passes of me struggling to choke down my coughs, feeling my lungs start to settle down.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking" he tells me as he cups my face, using his thumbs to wipe my tears away, caused from coughing as I shake my head. "I'm okay" I breathe.
We walk the rest of the way back to his truck, feeling my pulse start to settle down. Knowing I have the compass and we got away without anything too bad happening. Feeling exhaustion set in.. I really need a few days to recover from my overdose without anything heart attack, inducing happening. On the bright side, it's been enough to distract me from the hell swirling around in my head derived from my withdrawals.
"Lily?" Rafes voice startles me as I turn the compass over in my hands for the hundredth time. "Put that the fuck down before you get tetanus" he tells me and I roll my eyes before tossing it on the night stand. "He better fucking thank me" he mutters as he climbs into bed next to me as I scoot up next to him, his arm falling around me as I slide my hand up against his jaw. His eyes meeting my gaze as he lays down next to me.
Filled with the light from the moon pouring in through the windows. "He will" I tell him as his hand slides up my hip and pulls me into him.
My eyes move around his face flickering back to his admiring how unrealistically beautiful he is. How unfazed and unmoved he was tonight. Not a single thing that man said scared him. Nothing scares him. Not Nico, not Kade, not my father. No a single person in my life whose controlled it with fear has been able to shake him. He overpowers them with ease, he annihilates them with his power. He's become my own personal protector and I'm so afraid to lose it.
"What's that look for?" He asks as I I shake my head, my eyes flickering from his to his lips as something unravels inside of me but I'm not sure what it is. Something deep and intense, that seeps in and wraps my nerves in warmth, settling in and opening up a need for fulfillment but I have no idea what it needs, just that it has to do with him. But I'm too exhausted to try and figure it out right now or at all since I know it's treading around something too dangerous to tamper with and I know it's something to far out of reach. Something he'd never want so I shove it down..
"Thank you" I tell him as I drop my hand and drape it over his stomach, nestling my face to his chest as he mutters 'mhm' before pressing his lips to my forehead and warmth floods through me as my eyelids grow heavy and I start to drift off to sleep, feeling a new heavy emptiness grow in my chest, but it's different than the kind I felt before. Like it's mourning for some thing it hasn't lost yet..
Hey guys!
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This is the longest chapter yet! At 14k words!
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