I hope you guys enjoy <3
What the fuck? I turned my head to the source of that angry, loud voice with shock. Then I saw the owner of that voice. It was Jean. And he was looking directly at me. With piercing eyes. Making everyone at the party stare at me whilst Connie tried to jump in.
"Jean, don't-"
"Don't what? Get rid of her immediately. Or else I will."
I had no clue about what was going on. Why was Jean furious with me? Why was he looking at me like that, as if I was something infecting.
Everyone was shook and nobody was able to move, including me.
"Do I have to repeat myself? Make it dissapear." The sound of his cold, ruthless voice was making me want to cry. What was going on? Not being my friend was one thing, but having this much rage towards me was not something that I could handle. Luckily, without me having to do something, Eren had stepped in.
"Jean, shut it. This is my house. She will stay."
"Actually no, I will leave." I said this as I started to walk back to the front door.
"y/n, wait! Don't listen to him-"
Eren held my arm, trying to not let me go.
"Let me go Eren, I knew coming here was a mistake."
"No, it wasn't, I'm sorry-" said Eren, eventually letting my arm free.
"Bye Eren."
I left the house in a hurry, my tears blurring my eyes. I stopped when I got out of the garden, giving myselft some time to cool off. My heart was shattered, way more shattared then it was before. I sat in a corner and let it all out. All those years of being left out, having to deal with such great pain by myself while they were all together. Looking back at those times, I thought I was a fool, I really thought those people cared for me. A kind voice interrupted my thoughts.
"y/n, please don't cry, I'm really sorry about Jean."
It was Sasha.
I didn't look at her, I kept crying with my head in between my arms, pressed to my legs.
"What the fuck is wrong with your best friend?" My voice cracked a little.
She sat next to me, I felt her hand up in the air above my head, but she didn't put it on my head, she didn't have the courage stroke my hair.
"Y/n... You know Marco was really special for Jean. Losing him made Jean go crazy. It's not just towards you, I promise. It took him a long while to even get used to us."
"That's different, Sasha. You saw the way he looked at me, called me a 'slut', basically spitting it."
There was a silence between us, she couldn't give a proper explanation for her friend's behaviour.
"I am so sorry. For everything. For stopping being friends with you, for ignoring you and your feelings all these years without an explanation, for Jean's behaviour..."
"You know Sasha, I still have no idea why Marco died. You guys didn't even spare me that much. Was I that unimportant to you? If so, why did you all act like you were my friends? And you, I thought we were even closer..." My voice was shaking as my tears kept falling down. I still couldn't look at her face.
There was silence again. It was not necessarily awkward, I was too busy with my own feelings and she was probably trying to gather her thoughts. We could still hear the music coming from Eren's house, as if nothing had happened. But along with the lyrics of the song that's been playing, we heard a person yell.
"You do NOT get to decide who is attending my party or not! Do you get it? You know nothing, Jean. And there is a reason for that. The reason is you, and your stupid furious reactions to everything. We are fucking scared to even talk to you!" That was Eren speaking. Normally the thing he said would've caught my attention but I was so wrecked with everything going on I couldn't focus on them, all I could think was 'Eren's speaking up for me'. Then we heard a door being shut really fast, along with some furious footsteps that were coming to our way, leaving Eren's frontyard. Our eyes met as Jean was walking past me and Sasha. His eyes were filled with rage, and meeting my eyes just made that rage grow wider. Luckily, he didn't even bother saying another word to me and just went in his car and drove away.
"Yea I'm sure I totally deserved everything and that."
I sarcastically said. I heard Sasha chuckling to my comment but she immediately became serious again.
"I'm sorry I can't answer your questions, y/n. I know it's unrational but you will learn everything when the time comes. Meanwhile though, can you try and let us be around you? We fucked up, and we miss you."
I looked at her like she was joking. What was going on? Why were they so mysterious all of a sudden? And they were trying to be my friend after making me feel like I wasn't worthy of that friendship. Everything got so confusing in a day, I just wanted to got home and rot in my cozy bed, thinking about this stuff. So I got up, feeling confused looks of Sasha on me. I walked away slowly, wiping away my tears that dried on my face, that have made a mess on my cheeks.
I called an uber and started waiting for it on the sidewalk. I was still hearing the sound of the music from the party house, alongside with the sound of raindrops hitting on the ground. I normally would've panicked and tried to find a shelter to not get wet and have messed up hair, but in that moment I didn't feel the need to do that. I felt as if rain was washing me away from all of the memories from today. Historia and Sasha inviting me here, seeing Armin alone, speaking to Eren and have him apologize to me, Jean yelling me to get lost, Eren defending me, Sasha coming up to me and apologizing... It all seemed like a long gone memory even though it was literally 5 minutes ago. It all felt unreal, like this was a nightmare that Hitch would wake me up from. But no, this was as real as the hate in Jean's eyes that I saw today.
I sighed to myself. Did I need this much drama after everything I've been through? My answer to this question was negative even though life had other plans for me. I've tried to keep my peace for so long but now it was shattering again despite my efforts. Then again, coming to this party, I might've deserved it to be shattered. I didn't know anything and was feeling my heart ache.
My uber was taking so long and I was starting to get really wet from the rain.
"You should come inside, you're going to be sick."
"I don't really care." I said bluntly, but I could see the worry in Eren's eyes.
"I do. Come in please."
"You didn't care yesterday, or the day before. Or the day before. I'm not going to count on your care."
I heard him sigh.
"You really leave me with no choice."
As I was trying to figure out what that phrase meant, he grabbed and and put me over his shoulder and started to carry me back to his house.
"What the hell Eren!! Put me down immediately!" I yelled, hitting on his back.
"Damn you really got wet under the rain."
He was acting like he wasn't hearing me, or feeling my hits on his back. When he finally put me down at the entrance, everyone was weirdly staring at us. They witnessed a lot of drama today, giving them so much to gossip about afterwards.
I canceled my uber that was super late and put my phone back to my purse. I was giving Eren some annoyed looks as he dragged me to his room and locked the door. I didn't say anything, just crossed my arms on my chest and watched him try to find dry clothes.
"These should fit you." He tossed a sweater and some sweatpants on his bed.
"If you think I would wear those to a party you are terribly mistaken." Now he was giving me annoyed looks.
"Though luck. If you just listened to me and never left you wouldn't have to wear these."
"Whatever, just leave so I can change, I'm freezing." He nodded, leaving the room. But he didn't go away and guarded the door, as the house was insanely crowded. I looked around in the room. It was the same old room that he always had, he even had the photos with Marco in them. I smiled sadly. I never thought seeing the captures of those happy memories would make me this miserable.
"Are you done yet?" he asked from the other side of the door.
"Yeah come in."
He gave me a sack to put my wet clothes in and I put them away without saying a word. Then I sat on the bed, crossed my legs and started to stare at him.
"What?" He was disturbed by the way I looked at him.
"What do you mean what? You forced me to come back in, now what will happen?"
"I don't know... We could just talk and catch up." He said, shrugging his shoulders.
"I still have a ton of questions and I'm still mad but fine. So what's up with Armin? He seemed like he had some problems."
Eren sighed and turned his gaze to the floor, avoiding eye contact.
"Him and Annie recently broke up, I wouldn't ask too many questions about it."
I was very intrigued. What could've happened that would seperate them? They were dating since second year of highschool, and despite their differences they were very happy.
"I'm sorry to hear that, but also can't help but wonder the reason." I said, trying to get Eren to tell me more. He didn't take the bait.
"It's too recent to talk about, we'll talk about it later, when things cool off, okay?"
I wasn't content with his answer but nodded anyway. He was still on his feet, so I motioned him to come and sit next to me on his bed, like I was the host. He did as I showed. His smell was a mixture of his strong parfume along with alcohol and cigarettes. His hair was messed up, and noticebly wet from carrying me to the house under the rain. Once he got comfortable on his own bed he started talking.
"So, what's up with you? Any loverboys around?" He asked with a smirk on his face.
I hit him on his shoulder jokingly. He knew I had the ick from the word 'loverboy'. We shared a laugh.
"No, not really." I said slowly. I wanted to say more. How I had 'fear of abondonement' because of everything that had happened. How I felt unworthy of even platonic love. But I kept it to myself. I didn't want him to pity me.
He realized my mood going down. "I'm sorry y/n, was that a sensitive topic?" he asked with a soft voice. I smiled because of his concern.
"No, really. I've had some failed situationships but nothing serious. Noone really caught my attention." I said, reassuring him. He looked at me intensely, as if he was trying to figure out if what I said was true or not. He must've decided that I was telling the truth, so he got his eyes off me and laid down on his bed. I did the same thing as him. Now we were laying down next to eachother, facing the ceiling. We were next to each other but weren't touching anywhere. This was our thing, laying down, not making eye contact, talking about life, stuff that would normally make us uncomfortable talking face to face. We could still hear the loud music bursting through speakers, making it's way to Eren's bedroom as the house was not that big. It had 4 bedrooms and a wide livingspace. Normally it was enough for this big of a party but because of the rain there was a lot more people on the inside, making much more noise than usual.
I broke the silence. "Eren?"
"Yeah?"
"What is Jean's deal? What could I have possibly done to him?" I heard him sigh, signaling that was a question he was going to dodge again.
"I'm not really sure. Ever since Marco died, he has this weird reactions." Another response that wasn't really answering my question. I figured I wouldn't get any answers to that question that day so I let that slide, not saying anything.
"I'm glad you decided to come." He said, after a little pause.
"I kinda have mixed feelings about that." My sarcasm made him chuckle. "Regardless, I've missed speaking to you."
I could almost feel his smile.
"I've missed you so much. Again, I'm very sorry that we abondoned you like that. I swear there is an explanation, but I can't tell you yet."
"Eren, don't tell me there is an explanation when you won't say it. It only annoys me."
"Annoying you is my specialty anyway."
"No argue to that."
We both smiled, keeping our positions, facing the ceiling. We could hear the song 'Hot n Cold' by Katy Perry. I started singing along.
"Cause you're hot then you're cold-"
"Are you literally dissing me through Katy Perry?" Eren started laughing.
"I'm surprised you got it." My answer made his laughter stop.
"Shut up."
I did as he said, I shut up. We were in comfortable silence, not trying to force any conversation, just enjoying each others company after 2 whole years. His familiar scent, his sincerety and our old-time like conversation really made me cozy in a way I haven't felt in a long time. The sweater I wore kept me warm, and that feeling of familiarity made me relax so much that I fell asleep.
I heard someone opening the door but didn't open my eyes. Two people were whispering.
"See, Mikasa? There he is, in his room. Is that y/n?" Connie's voice sounded surprised.
"Yes, it is. Did they really fell asleep with all that noise?" Mikasa sounded relieved, she was clearly worried by Eren's absence. I knew she wasn't jealous of us falling asleep on the same bed, since this was a thing me and Eren used to do a lot. We had a different bond and only had respect and platonic love with each other.
"Appearently. I'm glad y/n is here despite Jean's stupid reactions."
"Come on Connie, Jean doesn't know what we do. It's normal, but also unfortunate for y/n." She said, putting blankets on us.
"I guess. Our actions towards y/n were pretty unfortunate too. I hope she can forgive us." Connie said, as their voices were getting lower, they were leaving the room.
"Looks like she can." Mikasa said with a soft voice, then I heard the door being shut. I got cozy with my blanket and threw myself back at the loving arms of sleep.
"Wake up sleepy head, it's breakfast time!" Sasha's voice pierced my ears. I peaked with an eye, saw her getting ready to throw some pillows at me.
"Don't you dare, Sash! I'm awake." I got up quickly, not giving her enough time to attack. She frowned jokingly, then came and hug me. I didn't question it, I could already imagine the things going through her head.
Before leaving Eren's room, I checked my phone and saw that it was already 13:55. But more importantly, I got a billion texts and calls from Hitch.
From: H <3
How's the party going?
Are you okay?
y/n?
Where are you??
I didn't really wanted to speak about everything at that moment, even myself not knowing what was going on, so I just texted her back.
To: H <3
I'm okay, sorry for worrying you. I'm at Eren's still.
I decided that I needed to go to the living room and meet with others, but anxiety had taken over me once more. What would happen now? Was I supposed to just go and try to blend in with them? Act like nothing happened? I had no idea what to do, but regardless, it was time to face them.
When I went in in the living room I saw Sasha at the table, already started eating her food and being almost finished with it, Mikasa was making tea with Eren, Connie was surfing through channels and trying to find a fun show to watch, and lastly, Armin was sitting at the table, not really doing anything, just staring blankly. Seeing Armin like that broke my heart.
Connie was first one to notice me.
"Good morning y/n!"
"Good morning Connie."
"Your hair looks funny." He said, giggling. I rolled my eyes to him. My hair was always a mess when I woke up. I sat on the table, next to Armin. I beated my shyness.
"Good morning Armin." He didn't turn his face towards me, just said "Good morning y/n" and even that came out like a whisper. He kept staring at a point at the table.
"Do you feel sick? I saw you drinking last night." I tried to get him to talk but he was so deep in his thoughts.
"Yes." He answered. I didn't take his responses personally, knowing he was going through something.
"You should eat Armin, you'll feel better." Eren jumped into our 'conversation', if you could even call it one.
Armin nodded, grabbed some bread and ate it by itself. I gave a concerned look to Eren, he motioned like he didn't know what to do.
"Come on Connie, let's eat." Mikasa asked Connie to the table, everyone took their seats to eat. Eren and Mikasa did a good job, preparing all these food for us.
"Did you guys see Bert flirting with a blondie?" Sasha asked, eager to gossip.
I jumped in, saying "No way!" as a reflex, I didn't really thought about it.
She nodded as she was burying her face in more bread.
"He absoluetly was flirting with some lower class girl. His shyness was kind of gone because of the alcohol he drank."
"Bertie's getting some! Nice." Connie added.
"I think joining the soccer team really helped him with his confidence." Mikasa nodded to Eren's commentary, agreeing with him.
"Oh I didn't know he joined the team." I said,being surprised.
"Yeah it's been a month I think. I'm surprised Hitch hasn't told you this, I'm sure they had practice with cheerleaders." Sasha's response was kind of funny because Hitch was so annoyed with them, it was super normal that she haven't told me a thing about them.
A silence had occured again, we could hear the sound of the utensils that we were using. Mikasa was the one to broke the silence.
"y/n, I know it must be hard for you to be around us again, without any answers. I just want to tell you I am deeply sorry. We all missed you, and happy to have you with us right now."
Connie nodded crazily, and Armin's eyes finally met mine. He didn't say a word but I could read it in his eyes. I felt the need to say something but I was feeling very weird.
"Yeah, I-. It is hard. I don't know, this feels weird."
"I'm sure it is, but please try to be a little more patient about all this. Let us be there with you." Eren said, passionately.
This much of a deep talk had really made me overwhelmed.
So I said "Shut up Birdie." Jokingly, lightening the conversation. Everyone but Armin giggled, but I could swear he was smiling he bit.
After breakfast I helped them clean up around the house for a bit. It was a saturday afternoon, and leaving all the schoolwork to sunday started weighting on me. I wasn't feeling ready to do all the work and go to school on monday, having all those lessons. Still, I had to leave so I could get somewhat prepared, not to mention I would have to tell Hitch about everything that happened yesterday.
"Thank you for the breakfast guys, I should get going."
"Wait, Sasha and I will leave too. I'll drop you off." Connie said, offering me a ride back home.
"That's not really necessa-"
"Don't be silly y/n, just wait 5 minutes so Sasha could steal some snacks." He said, winking at me. I nodded and got my stuff ready to leave. Eren, Mikasa and Armin were talking in Eren's room. Armin had his friends there for him, hopefully it wouldn't take him a long time to get himself together, it was unusual to see him this lost.
Nothing really happened on the ride back home. We chatted, laughed, I mentioned Connie's hair that he grew out. It gave him a completely new look, a good looking one. Sasha was gushing about a guy she met in the culinary class that I couldn't remember the name of and Connie was making fun of her relentlessly.
We said our goodbyes when we arrived at my apartment with Hitch. I took a deep breath. It was an eventful night that I had to tell Hitch word-by-word. I climbed the stairs and ringed the doorbell. An unexpected face answered the door.
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I know this is a Jean fic and he is barely in the story yet. But don't worry, he'll come like a hurricane :)