After school, when Mkhulu opens the door, it's abprupt, like he was waiting by the door.
There's an eager look in his dark eyes, a hope tugging smile. A question lingers in the air.
He lets me in, shutting the door behind us. We walk further into the house, heading for the dining room.
“Olivia and you…is the problem solved?” The hope that holds the tone of his voice, fades at the look in my face.
The answer is one I've been dreading to answer, even though I've been bold enough to face it all day.
Mkhulu understands, nodding solemnly. He stops and holds me in a tight hug. I hold him, just as tight, my heart crumbling in the safety of comfort.
My eyes remain dry. But despite no cry escaping my lips, I feel the cry in my chest. I feel it, deeply.
“ I tried Mkhulu.” I whisper into his ears..
He pats my back, speaking firm, even in his vulnerability. I draw from that strength. “ I know, son. I know.”
We spend the late afternoon, drowning out the taunts of pain with a marathon of our favourite movies and rounds of our favourite cereal. Kelloggs Cornflakes.
“There's a pens down party happening tonight. Dominique's hosting it. Can I go?”
Mkhulu is hesitant, his brows furrowed in thought. “...”
“Mkhulu are you there?” I tease, poking his shoulder. Mkhulu doesn't smile, his brows still furrowed. “What is this…pens down party you're talking about?”
“It's a pens down party.”
“What's a pens down party?” Mkhulu asks, frustrated.
Laughing, I answer him. “A party to celebrate the end of exams.”
Mkhulu shakes his head. “ What's up with this generation? Why does there always have to be a party for everything? A sweet sixteen. A sappy seventeen. A party for the opening of schools. A part for the closing of schools. A party for the sake of partying —” Mkhulu's cut off by my loud laughter.
The amusement in his eyes isn't missed by me, but he carries on his rant with fierce passion. “Why does there always have to be a party? Can't you all just go down on your knees and thank the Lord that you made it through. Isn't that party enough?”
“Is this your way of saying no?Don't worry Mkhulu. It's nothing crazy. Just a few of us celebrating the end of Highschool and I'm sure half the people invited canceled.”
“ It's always ‘nothing crazy ‘ in the beginning.—” Mkhulu mocks my voice in a nasal tone.
“ Nothing crazy but the police are called. Six people are murdered and the house has crumbled to ashes.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “So a definite no.”
Mkhulu shakes his head. “ You can go. But only because Dominique’s there and he's hosting it. I trust him but don't go telling him that.”
I lift my hands in promise, laughing.
Mkhulu smiles, amused. Then, he turns serious. “ But be safe, okay.”
“ I will.”
“And remember that peer pressure is just an excuse to do something bad and pin it on someone else. True character is strong and firm and nothing as stupid as peer pressure can make it collapse.”
“I hear you Mkhulu.”
“Don't talk to strangers. Look left and right before you cross the street. Don't get drunk or drink. Be sober minded. Breathe in and out. Don't choke on air.”
I'm laughing again, my stomach cramping.
Mkhulu doesn't seem amused by this, his lips pulled to a straight line.
“Anything else?” I ask, reigning in my laughter.
Mkhulu opens his mouth to say something but stops himself short, the words coming out in mumbled breaths.
“Be safe, Leonardo.” Mkhulu orders, firm.
“I will, Mkhulu.”
He holds my gaze, as if keeping me to my promise. Mkhulu sighs, releasing the tension that was building on his shoulders.
He turns back to the television and we continue watching.
A haze falls over my mind, my eyelids heavy and I feel myself drifting. The television's sound turns to murmurs and Mkhulu's stories of his past become a lullaby. I drift, my head falling on Mkhulu's shoulder, my eyes failing at resisting and finally closing.
Mkhulu lets me stay on his shoulder, unlike other times where he'd shove me with his shoulder and tell me that I'm not his bed.
I drift, the haze closing me in comfort. The last bit of light I see and hear is Mkhulu. He speaks, a tenderness to his baritone voice. I catch the last of his words before I black out.
“ It may not look like it, Leo but we'll only go up from here…the pain never makes sense but I'll be here. I promise. Another one has left but not me.”
❄️❄️❄️
It's nine pm.
The moon hangs over the sky, glistening its silver light over everything.
Music blasting inside the house, wrings out into the night air, in a low hum.
I stand right outside Dominique's house, dressed in jeans, a flannel shirt and a beanie.
The Pens down party sign, designed in a bright orange and yellow with hints of white hangs over me.
Inhale. Exhale.
The party began with a bang. People arrived earlier than expected, bringing along snacks and drinks. There was this surge of energy that emanated through everyone. We danced with everything in us. We sung to our hearts content.
Dominique even played the remix of the school song he created, with added beats and a faster tune. The crowd went crazy at that, a new love for the school song, surging from within us.
The charades game was played. Truth or dare. Never have I ever and more.
Then they were the speeches.
Dominique and I, along with a few of our friends would chant over and over :"Speech Speech Speech!"
We'd chant that and randomly give someone the mic and they had to make a spontaneous speech; how they were feeling, any last words and more.
It was funny watching a lot of people stutter through the nonsense they uttered from their mouths. It was funny hearing from the arrogant boys who claimed that by this time next year they'd be billionaires.
It was inspiring hearing those who were ready to pursue their dreams with everything.
Now, I'm here, right outside the party thinking about nothing else, focusing on nothing else but the sound of my breathing.
Inhale. Exhale.
Then I see Maggie, in a white dress that flows down her legs. She crosses the road, making her way to the house.
She walks up the stairs, stares at me, confusion passing over her face.
“The party's inside, right?” Maggie asks, looking around then back at Dominique’s white door.
“Yeah. It's inside. You can go in.”
She smiles, tension easing out of her shoulders as she pulls open the door.
The music blasting in the house is released into the air, loud, resonant, and with a bass that goes straight to your chest.
She closes the door behind her and the music returns to a low hum, tolerable.
Inhale. Exhale.
The hurt in Lisa's eyes flashes back to my mind, and the guilt washes over me, anew.
Before I can wallow more on this, the door flies open. Dominique.
He wears a party hat that says Happy New Year — 2006 with a garland of yellow flowers which weirdly matches with the black suit he wears.
Even though I saw him before, the sight before me makes me laugh again. Dominique chuckles, knowing that he's been getting this reaction the whole night.
“What a night!” He cheers, munching on the red bowl of cheese puffs he carried along.
“I have to say, I'm impressed, Dom Dom.”
He smiles, green eyes alight. “ We should do more of this. Last minute parties are the new trend.”
I laugh. “ Definitely. How did you pull this together? It's a mess, I'm not gonna lie but a beautiful mess.”
He chuckles, taking no offense.
❄️
When I first stepped into Dominique’s house, I felt the bass of the music blasting from the speakers in my chest like a second heartbeat. The lights were dimmed to a yellow tint.
The dining room was turned into a dance floor, with girls mostly filling it and the boys by the kitchen, snacking on anything they could get their hands on, while laughing with the echo of glee.
Decorations hung from every nook and cranny of the place. With a piñata hanging by the kitchen. A Happy 6th birthday, splayed by the television. A Happy Anniversary, hung on one of the walls and more random signs and designs.
The first thing I thought was. Wow, there's a lot going on.
The only thing that clarified exactly what kind of party it was, was the sign in front of the house and the countless pens on the floor.
Dominique made it a literal pens down party, decorating the floors with random pens. He got a lot of laughs and complaints from the idea, with people tripping over the pens while dancing.
Dominique’s hosting skills were not unnoticed. He made sure everyone was happy and safe, pulling out more snacks when things were short, making a playlist of different genres of music so that everyone would have a go at the dance floor.
❄️
Dominique smiles, the moonlight hitting his face. “ I can't take all the credit. My Mom and Dad stayed up all night helping me with things before they left for their trip. Not forgetting YouTube gave me all the ideas.”
Dominique motions for us to sit by the front steps. We take a seat on the second steps of the house, the music from the house covers the silence.
He puts the red bowl of cheese puffs into my view. I grab a handful, murmuring thanks. We sit there with our thoughts, munching on the chips.
I stare up at the crescent moon. Dominique glances at me, his gaze burning for a second.
“Leo,” he breaks the silence between the two of us. “I don't know if you know this. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't but the party is on the inside.”
I laugh softly but it quickly dies. Dominique's green eyes hold mine, questioning.
“I know. It's just…”
“It's just what? You can't dance. It doesn't matter. Did you see how William’s dancing, waving his arms like a helicopter and doing random squats even when it doesn't match with the beat. At this point, people are concerned.”
Chuckling, I shake my head. “No. It's not that.
“...”
“It's Lisa.” I finally confess.
Dominique's shock isn't missed. It takes a second for him to process that.
“Yeah I saw her too. She came with her friends.”
“Yeah…”
I explained everything to Dominique before the party, while we were waiting for everyone else.
“So Lisa's the reason why you're out here sulking instead of having the time of your life with the rest of us.”
I nod, solemnly. Dominique sighs.
“It's awkward…between us.”
Dominique nods. “ That does happen when a girl kisses you and you hit her with ‘I love somebody else’.”
“Dominique.” I chide him softly.
He stops, the silence engulfing the both of us again.
I didn't expect to see Lisa tonight. I knew that I'd run into her in the possible future due to our grandparents being friends but I didn't prepare myself for this soon.
I was walking down one of the hallways, laughing at the story Oratile was telling me and then she appeared all alone.
She was in a pink dress, her afro held up like a crown but she casted her head down, as if ashamed.
I moved to the left, trying to go out of the way so that this interaction would pass quickly but then she moved to the left. I proceeded to move to the right so that she could pass but then she moved to the right at the exact same time.
It was frustratingly painful. The whole time, she avoided my gaze, keeping her distance.
Oratile laughed when it happened one more time. The wide hallway was suddenly narrow, tight spaced and missing oxygen.
“Sorry.” She muttered, standing still so that I could pass. I paused, standing in front of her wanting to say something but coming short with words.
Her hazel eyes that were always sharp and confident were like deep wells of sorrow. I couldn't bear to see it.
“Lisa…” Oratile spoke, clearing his throat. “ I actually.”
Lisa released a shuddering breath, and moved left, running past me like a passing wind.
Oratile sighed, running his hands through his hair, muttering something.
“I'm going to step out for a moment, Oratile.” I told him, turning away.
“Right.” He said, clipped.
Dominique listens to me relay the whole thing. When I'm done, he sighs, understanding flashing in his eyes.
“I hurt her and there's no way to fix it. Just like me Lisa has to accept. Just like I have to accept that Olivia and I are done. We have to accept this pain…”
“It sucks.” Dominique remarks.
A silence settles over us, thoughtful.
A new song starts playing, and the cheers of everyone can be heard as the beat dissolves into a dancefloor breaking song.
Dominique and I smile, hearing our classmates shout out the lyrics from heart, with the echo of freedom.
“ I guess this is the perfect time to finally tell you.” Dominique starts.
There's a hesitancy in his eyes, but it's overwhelmed by the concealed joy.
My chest drums, excited from the news.
“Her name's Thandiwe…” then Dominique tells me everything, from Mr Milano's essay, to the experiment and 36 Questions!
He tells me about recently finding out, about everything happening for a reason. He talks about the exhaustion, sleepless nights, the reason for Tricolosis Bosis and the day it rained. He also explains the whole whale thing I heard them talking about.
He speaks with his cheeks flushed a deep red. A colour that only touched his cheeks when he'd laugh too hard.
He stumbles over his words, mixes up some things, his tone getting softer and softer like it's a secret that gets more sacred the more that it is unraveled.
He releases a breath, his eyes clear as he comes to the end.
When he's done, I'm happy, excited, angry and disappointed. The emotions escape in a laugh.
I'm also processing how Dominique did 36 Questions before me and it worked.
I'm thinking about how my best friend fell in love, got his heart broken, fell in love again and I wasn't able to tell... I had no clue.
A pang shoots through my chest. It kinda hurts, but in a sense I think I understand his sentiments. No, why wouldn't he share this with me.
I thought we shared everything.
"I still don't understand why you had to wait so long to tell me?"
"I told you already.” Dominique answers, “I wanted to tell you when she and I were at least heading towards a relationship. When she was mine."
"I'm sorry but that's dumb. It's like saying that you won't tell your best friend you have a crush until you get married."
Dominique chuckles."Look, it sounded smart in my head. If you say it out loud. It makes me sound dumb."
"That's ‘cause you are."
Dominique shoves me, a few of the chips falling. The colour in his cheeks has returned but the concealed joy remains, present and promising forever.
“ Don't lie to yourself Dominique. The truth is that you couldn't handle the teasing about finally falling in love.”
Dominique cheeks flush, he shakes his head profusely. “ No.”
I laugh at him, not with him.
Dominique tries to defend himself but falls short with words. He gives up, exhaling loudly. We talk, opening up more about the things we keep to ourselves.
Being a guy sometimes means keeping your friends at an arm's length. Having a good laugh with them but never letting them see you cry. Being a guy sometimes hurts because your friends feel like strangers and strangers feel like friends.
Dominique and I share these sentiments and we solemnly promise not to hide things from each other anymore. Although it's a struggle, we promise to work on being more open, more vulnerable.
It's the moment that Dominique is telling me the horse joke when it happens.
A scream breaks through the night, shattering the mood that the music brought.
It's a guy's scream and it came from the house.
Dominique stops short on his sentence, the both of us frozen in shock.
A phone flies out from the window on the second floor, landing on the road and shattering to pieces. The same thing happens with three more phones.
We stare at each other, wide eyed.
Dominique’s jaw tightens, the fury flashing in his eyes, mirroring mine.
We already know who could be the cause of this trouble and it's a hard pill to swallow.
“Wyatt.” We grit out, simultaneously.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
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