"The rebellion. Hidden floos." Gracie blinked, feeling incredibly foolish now as she stood up and walked backwards. Her back hit the glass window as the train began to take off, "This entire time, we could have used the hidden floo connections to travel. We didn't have to travel like Muggles. This entire trip could have only lasted a couple weeks."
Instead they were almost a couple months in and not even over halfway done.
Gracie frowned both at the revelation and the fact that Sebastian had been lying this entire time to her. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Sebastian said nothing.
Ominis sighed quietly, "10 days, Sebastian. That's when the next crucial battle is happening. On the morning of the 10th day, regardless of how many creatures you've killed, you're going back on the frontlines. To Lower Hogsfield. Don't make me drag you there. Clean up whatever mess you've created." Ominis pressed his lips together, almost sounding apologetic. "And sever any unnecessary ties. Ranrock is only getting stronger."
He left them alone, but the silence that followed was deafening.
Chapter Fifty Six: Say Something
It had been minutes since Ominis left and they were both sitting across from each other with detached looks on their faces. Sebastian looked ready to get a tongue lashing, but Gracie didn't have the energy. She only had a question.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She ran a hand through her hair, unable to sit still, "I feel so stupid. This entire time..."
"You're not stupid." He said simply, but offered no other information.
Gracie's lips turned down in a fierce scowl, "You have a lot of explaining to do."
"What do you want me say?" Sebastian snapped, igniting her anger.
"Anything." Gracie stood up, walking towards him until her boots almost touched his. "Say something. Don't go back into that bloody dissociated state of yours. Why did you keep this a secret for so long when we didn't have to travel like Muggles?"
Sebastian glanced up, his stare burning into hers. "Why do you think?"
She met his stare, rising to the challenge without hesitation. Gracie leaned down, body numb with anger. "Why don't you answer the question instead of deflecting and turning everything back to me? You are the one being questioned."
Disbelief and something much more fragile flashed behind his eyes that he tried to cover with annoyance. But she saw it.
Fear. But fear of what?
Gracie pressed further, "What are you so afraid of?"
He shifted his boot, knocking the inner side of her right foot, effectively causing her to fall forward onto his lap. She tried to scramble off, but his left arm wrapped around her waist, keeping her on him. Gracie pushed against his chest, but gave up with his iron grip. She opted not to look at him, but his hand gripped her face, pushing slightly on her cheekbones to force her to look at him. It didn't hurt-he'd never hurt her, but it wasn't comfortable either.
"What could I possibly have to gain by not telling you?" Sebastian asked lowly, an unbridled rage quaking beneath his words.
Gracie's eyes narrowed, "It took longer. We spent more time together." His grip relaxed, but didn't leave her while her eyes widened in apprehension. "That's the reason?" Her voice turned incredulous, "You had us travel the Muggle way because you wanted to spend more time together?"
It was almost childlike in the way his demeanor turned defensive. She could see it in the way he squared his shoulders and looked at her coldly.
"Why would you want to spend more time with me?" She honestly couldn't understand. "Even back then? You hated me at first. You didn't trust me-You even invoked an Unbreakable Vow as proof. You had no faith in me."
"At first." Sebastian repeated in agreement. His fist clenched against her side, but not because he was angry this time. It had been shaking slightly. "At first, I thought a lot of things. I thought you were heartless because you didn't want to help the rebellion. I thought you were naive thinking America wouldn't eventually be affected by the war. At first I though you were spoiled for having the luxury of a choice not to fight."
Gracie hid her hurt with deflection, "Well if I'm such a cold hearted, empty bitch then let me go."
"Never." That inferno was back. As indignation sparked a small ember, that quickly grew to flames wildly out of control from the very pits of Hell. There was a new fire started that heated his tone, "That was before I knew you, Gracie. Did you really think I could simply not want to know more about you when you tried to outrun a basilisk for my sake? We both know we'd have survived, but one of us would've been severely wounded trying to fight something we couldn't look at while also avoiding each other in the conflict."
That was true. "Anyone would have-"
"Lie." Sebastian interrupted without a second thought, "Many of my men would have cowered in the face of imminent death. Instead you saw it as a challenge and won. You were beautiful in that moment, finding the will to fight. I had to see more. See if it was a fluke-if you could really be that brave and cunning."
Gracie felt the heat rushing into her cheeks as she could only stare back at him.
He continued, "I didn't really think you were serious about the desserts and then come to find out you're a monster for sweets. It was so-so human. This short woman who craved sweets was also one who could outrun a basilisk, protect me from a dragon, and is somehow still sane after falling into a lake full of crocodiles."
Fear caressed her heart, reminding her of her fresh trauma. She found her voice, "Sane is questionable. You'll likely never see me enter another lake or ocean ever again."
Sebastian's lips twitched, but he moved his hand from her cheeks to the nape of her neck where he tanged his fingers with her hair. It had been pulled into a ponytail, but he tugged the band down, letting it fall down her back in loose waves, "Every moment I spend with you, I find myself torn between wanting to know you and wanting you out of my life." He admitted, not unkindly as he tried to make her understand, "I have a lot of guilt to deal with, especially when it comes to Ominis and Charlotte. I'm working through it, but I still don't understand how it's alright for me to be happy while he's broken over her death."
That's where she assumed his thoughts were these last few days. It would be difficult to get over years of psychological torture and repression in a few days. "I can tell you it's not your guilt to burden, but I know how tricky feelings can be. And guilt is the trickiest of them all." She sighed quietly, her eyebrows furrowing as she chose to look out the window. Luckily he relaxed his hand against the back of her neck and she was able to focus on the scenery while baring her soul to him. "For the longest time, I felt guilty about being born. Imagine that. A child wanting to apologize to her mother about being born as if she had any responsibility in the matter. In order to feel guilty, you have to feel like you've done something wrong. When I realized I didn't do anything wrong, the guilt stopped." She shifted her attention back to him, "What happened to Charlotte and Anne down in the caverns was a tragedy, but you didn't have a direct hand in their deaths. Charlotte had the ability to wield ancient magic. She was stronger than you. Anne must have been trying to buy her time, but whatever Charlotte tried to do didn't work. Ominis likely only survived because he brought her to the hospital when Charlotte was already dead. He wanted to give you the opportunity to have your sister for however many more years the curse would allow her to live out. You were in chains in the headmaster's office for killing your Uncle. You did what you were able to at the time. Make amends with the past, Sebastian. You've been self-reflecting the past few days, been open about your feelings, but have you tried to forgive yourself?"
"Forgive myself?" He sounded far away for being less than a foot away from her face.
Gracie looked back at him, seeing his vulnerabilities out in the open. Finally. "You've been fighting for it all this time. I know you don't give a single fuck about the Ministry and their threat to have you sent back to Azkaban if you don't fight. You've wanted to make peace with their deaths by winning the war. But Sebastian, if you don't make peace with them now; we're not going to win. That anger and rage will only fuel you for so long."
"And what's stronger than my anger?"
His question was insipid, but the manner in which he asked it had her questioning if it was a challenge or a rhetorical question. Did she even understand to what full extent his anger blazed or was she so stupid for thinking there was something stronger than hate? It was on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to say it, but she couldn't. She didn't understand it.
Seeing her hesitation, he sat up straighter and tilted her chin up, "Gracie, what could possibly be stronger than my anger?"
Oh. It was a challenge. He wanted her to answer. He wanted her to acknowledge the intangible emotion that started wars. What Helen and Paris had that sparked a ten year war.
"You..." She pressed her lips together to which he swiped the pad of his thumb against her bottom lip, dragging it down slightly to release her pensive expression. "You loved them. You love Ominis. Fight because you still have people you love not because of your anger over the past. Hate is like an Obscurial."
"Love." He repeated the word like a tragedy, "And what would you know about love?"
Sebastian's words could have been intentionally cruel had his voice not been soft and genuine. His gaze was heavy and she felt as if he was taking in every single subtle movement she made to understand where her thoughts were leading to.
The radiant blush on her cheeks.
The loud thumping of her heart.
The uncertain glint in her eyes.
The way her breath caught.
The way she couldn't look away.
The way she felt as if the world was crashing down on her.
"Because..." Gracie said quietly, trying not to give away just how terrified she was in that moment. "Because I think I love you."
His breath caught. She could actually see his pupils had dilated and he was left reeling from her proclamation. Surely anyone else on this planet would take a love proclamation better than devil she was sitting on. This damned brute. This stupid idiot. This bloody demon. Why did she say that?
Gracie quickly backtracked, "It's probably not the case-just infatuation-"
"You love me." Sebastian repeated, looking at her as desperately as Narcissus did with his reflection in the river. "You... love me..."
"Who are you trying to convince?" She said just as quietly, afraid of his reaction as much as she anticipated it, "If you could reject me and we move on with our lives, that would be ideal."
"You love me."
"Sebastian."
"You. Love. Me."
Gracie huffed, wanting to get out of his lap, but the demon wouldn't allow it. The corner of his lips were beginning to rise. The last evil of Pandora's box was peeking through, filling her heart with delusions of hope that he was happy about her confession.
"How many times are you going to repeat it?" She inquired wryly, pressing the back of her hand against her cheek.
Merlin, either her hands were like ice or her face was positively flushed.
"As many times as it takes to convince myself you said you love me." Sebastian replied easily, a smile forming, but not yet settling on his lips. "Say it again."
"No."
"Why?"
"Because it's embarrassing when those feelings aren't returned." Gracie practically snapped, feeling wave after wave of insecurity hit her.
Sebastian's smile grew. You could almost spell sadist with Sebastian and it was fitting. "You don't think I love you?"
"No. I don't think demons are capable of love."
"Lucifer loved free will."
Gracie countered immediately, "You claimed you were worse than him."
"I love Ominis like he's my blood brother. You said it so yourself."
Well... He had her there. Maybe he was capable...
Sebastian's smile was finally full. The dimple she'd only caught a hint of was on full display as was the obvious adoration in his eyes when he looked at her. "You said you liked to read. Have you read Great Expectations?"
"Of course..." She didn't know where he was going with this, adding to her anxiety. "Why?"
"Then you must remember when he says, 'Out of my thoughts..." He left the sentence hanging, beckoning for her to finish it.
No... Not to finish it.
To say it together.
Their voices effortlessly became one, "You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since-on the river, on the sails of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, on the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with...."
Sebastian pressed a finger to her lips, adding to the quote words from his own pages. The ones tucked away at the very bottom of his heart where no one should have been able to reach them, "You deserve so much more than me, shortcake." His smile became sad. "But I don't think I have it in me anymore to let you walk away. Love, Gracie, is a beautiful commodity. Though I wish you were surrounded in it the moment you opened those amber eyes of yours, I can honestly say I'm selfish enough to be happy I'm the one that made you feel it first. I want to spend the rest of my life teaching you what it's like to be loved, but I also don't know if I'll even survive the war. Ominis was right. I should have let you go to America and not forced you into coming with me."
"I was never forced, you imbecile. I knew the Vow didn't work the moment we recited it. I went on this adventure of my own accord." Gracie said firmly, placing her hands on his shoulders, "I love you, Sebastian. I don't want you to push me away anymore and I don't want you keeping secrets from me either." He went to open his mouth-likely to argue-, but she wasn't finished yet. "I do have one request. If you refuse, I'm staying in America after this is all over. You'll never see me again. If you accept, I'm never leaving your side."
A deep weariness settled in his bones as he relaxed, "Name your price, shortcake."
"Kiss me."
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(✿ ♥‿♥) Long chapter this morning, but we finally have some confessions!! What did you think of this chapter? The next chapter will be in Sebastian's POV and be a mature read! For 25+ Comments by different readers, I'd entertain the idea of posting another chapter today!
(ෆ ͒•∘̬• ͒)◞ Can't wait for you to read the next update tonight at 6pm or tomorrow morning 6am EST! I look forward to reading your comments after work!
Thank you for reading and please leave a comment!