DORA
I found myself sitting in an absurdly long booth in a loud and trendy restaurant for one reason and one reason only. Gina.
As my best friend and the birthday girl, she got to pick the restaurant. To be fair, Gina had endured plenty of outings she wasn't crazy about for my happiness and not just because it was my birthday. My favorite place just so happened to be a dive bar outside of town because they served amazing deep-fried noodles.
That's not to say Gina didn't ever get her way. It was more like she always got her way and threw me a bone every once in a while. I didn't mind. I liked to keep the peace and it was hard to complain about Gina's wild plans when they almost always ended up in a spectacular and life-changing night.
"He's in town ya know," Gina said in a clipped yet casual tone as she checked her long, pointy pink nails.
"No, I don't know. Who?" I asked.
I was only half paying attention while simultaneously buttering the complimentary bread and studying the pretentious menu. We'd been sitting there for over fifteen minutes and I was still unable to determine one edible-sounding thing to order.
What is niçoise anyway?
A different waiter than the one who brought out our afternoon cocktails and admired my chest the same way Gina did the drinks. He paused a beat longer than necessary at the table and I wondered if he was going to pull out his phone to snap a pic of my tits.
"That'll be all," Gina barked, sounding like my best friend for the first time since we sat down to lunch.
She's off. This isn't good.
"Well, are you going to tell me?" I asked with a laugh as I chewed my hunk of warm bread.
"Chase."
I coughed, choking on the warm, salty crust. "Chase?"
"Yes. Chase."
Gina's light eyes were wide and wild and her odd behavior of the day finally made sense. She'd been sitting on a massive secret and she was just waiting for the right time to tell me.
Reaching for my pink cocktail I took a long sip and my worries of it being too early in the day to order such a drink disappeared. Instead, I found myself wishing I'd ordered vodka on the rocks, or whatever it was people ordered when they needed a good stiff drink.
"Sorry to catch you off guard, but I needed to tell you now because he's coming to my party tonight." Gina's eyes nearly bulged right out of her head. "I can't have you making a scene and taking attention away from me," Gina said with a forced laugh and a hand to her chest.
But she didn't fool me. She was worried about me.
"How long have you known?" Suddenly, I had no idea what to do with my hands. I picked up the curled ends of my long, dark hair resting on my shoulder to look for split ends.
"A few hours I guess," Gina said while looking at her rhinestone-covered phone. "He came over this morning and woke me up. Scared the shit outta me."
Under the table, I slowly walked my fingers over to my purse. When they touched the supple-slouchy leather I dove in and searched for my phone only to find a blank screen. It was stupid to think he'd contact me, but I couldn't concentrate on anything until I checked.
"I don't know how you feel about this, Dora. You've got to say something, so I know if we're angry, happy, or...whatever." She pounded her palms on the table and the sound her rings made on the wood made me jump.
"I'm...nothing. I don't care. And you can be happy about this if you want." It was obvious she wanted to be happy about it at least a little and I had to understand that.
"Okay. Well, you should care." She shook her head. "Don't think you need to spare my feelings because he's my cousin. You're my girl and he handled everything horribly and you should care a ton. If I were you, I'd be stressing out right now. This is big. Huge actually. And I really wanna know how you're going to handle this one."
I took another sip of my drink then unstuck my thighs from the leather booth. "Why are you trying to get a reaction out of me?"
"Why aren't you reacting even a little bit?" Gina's strange voice was creeping back.
To stop myself from saying anything I might've regretted later, I took another sip of my drink. Thoughts I hadn't allowed myself to think in six-long-but-not-quite-lonely months were flooding my memory.
After a lengthy pause with only Chase on my mind, Gina loudly cleared her throat, maybe a little too loudly. The noise caught the next booth's attention, but I was too consumed in Chase-hell to be embarrassed.
"What're you thinking about over there? Are you in shock or something?"
I nibbled on my bottom lip, the sugar and the alcohol from my cocktail giving me a jolt.
"I'll smile, and if he wants to talk to me, then I'll talk to him." My voice sounded flat. Why can't I be an expert liar? That isn't too much to ask for.
"Yeah." Gina laughed, undoubtedly with the prospect of juicy, unfolding drama dancing in her head. "It'll be that easy for the two of you." She took a swig of her drink. "Aren't you at least going to ask me how he looked or what he said or anything?"
I had to really consider what I wanted. No, what I needed. They were two separate things.
"No," I said in my most decisive voice possible.
"He was gone for a long time, Dora. It's okay to be curious. Healthy and natural even." Gina's normal feisty tone vanished for her softer, caring one she most often used me.
"Okay, I'll ask a question if it'll make you feel better." Pretending I was only asking to placate Gina made me feel better. "Um—" I paused like I didn't already know what I wanted to ask— "how long is he home for?"
"Indefinitely. He's here to stay this time." She pressed back into the booth. "For real."
The answer did surprise me. After being gone for so long without so much as a visit I assumed Pittsburgh was no longer home for Chase.
Very suddenly, the leather seat became entirely too hot. I shifted in my spot wanting to ask another question but not wanting to let myself get too involved at the same time.
You can't pretend he doesn't exist if he's here.
I drummed my neatly-painted mauve fingernails on the table and placed my other hand under my chin. Anything for a distraction. In a matter of seconds, I knew another question was going to be flying out of my mouth and I didn't want that to happen.
"Did he bring you a present?" Four seconds. I only held out for four seconds.
"Oh, Dora. Stop trying to be so indifferent about this. I'll make things easy on you. He looks good—happy even. Much better than the last time I saw him. He has been somewhere tropical, I forget where—with friends. And pretty much the first thing he talked to me about was you. And yes, he brought me a present."
The queasy feeling settled in my stomach as if it was setting up camp for the long haul. He spoke my name. Just that thought alone sent searing hot shivers through my body.
"What did he ask about me for?" I hated the words that left my mouth before I even spoke them. For a brief second, I considered covering my ears like a child to avoid the answer. That's how desperate I was to avoid the whole situation.
Gina ran her finger along the rim of her glass. It almost made a sound.
"He wanted to know how you were, what you've been up to, how often we see each other, what you're doing tonight. I swear he only came to see me to talk about you." It was Gina's turn to become interested in the bread. She buttered her roll as if she were painting a masterpiece, but I could see her eyes peeking at me under her lashes.
"And you answered all those questions for him?"
"Well, yeah I did." She bit off a large chunk of the bread but I wasn't going to let her full mouth stop me from asking my question.
"Gina, why?" The whine in my voice hurt my own ears. "What does it matter to him what I do? He left me."
Gina shrugged her narrow shoulders, chewing with an open mouth. "Because he's still in love with you. Obviously."