In My Time Of Dying
"Dean, I don't know if you're here or if you can hear me right now, but I'm sorry." I say, taking his hand in mine. "Okay, I'm sorry I gave up. It's not because I don't have faith in you. Dean, I started nursing school and when the doctor started saying all those things I realized how impossible it is to come back from those things. Then my family...They're gone too."
"I couldn't handle it. I was too weak." I pause, holding back tears. "I couldn't bear the thought of someone telling me I'd lost you too. I was so scared and I'm sorry. I know...I just--I can't...I can't do this on my own. I'm not strong enough."
___
"Dean, are you here?" Sam asked as we stood by Dean's bedside. Nothing in the room moved, not one sounds was made. "We couldn't find anything in the book. I don't know how to help you. But I'll keep trying, alright? As long as you keep fighting." Sam scoffed. "I mean, come on, you can't--You can't leave me here alone with dad. We'll kill each other. You know that."
Sam sighed. "Dean, you gotta hold on. You can't go, man. Not now. We were just starting to be brothers again. Can you hear me?"
I reach out, taking Sam's hand in mine and giving it a comforting squeeze.
Suddenly, Dean's eyes shot open and he gasped for air.
"Help! I need help!" Sam yelled.
___
I sat on the side of Dean's bed, his hand clutched in mine.
"I can't explain it." The doctor says. "The edema's vanished, the internal contusions are healed. Your vitals are good. You gotta have some kind of angel watching over you."
"Thanks, doc." Dean says. The doctor walked out then. "You said a reaper was after me?"
"Yeah." Sam nodded his head.
"How'd I ditch it?" Dean questioned.
"We don't know." I say. "But it doesn't really matter. As long as you're alive."
"Dean, you really don't remember anything?" Sam asked.
"No." Dean shook his head. "Except this pit in my stomach. Sam, something's wrong."
"You've got that feeling too?" I asked. "I feel a little better knowing it's not just me."
A knock on the door made me look over. John stood there, leaning against the frame. "How you feeling, dude?"
"Fine, I guess. I'm alive." Dean shrugged.
"That's what matters." John says, smiling.
"Where were you last night?" Sam asked.
"Sam, please." I whispered. As much as I wanted to know what the hell John was up to, I knew it was best not to argue.
"I had some things to take care of." John answered.
"Well, that's specific." Sam remarked.
"Come on, Sam." Dean complained.
"Did you go after the demon?" Sam asked.
"No." John shook his head.
"Why don't I believe you right now?"
"Can we not fight?" John asked, stepping into the room. "You know, half the time we're fighting, I don't know what we're fighting about. We're just butting heads. Sammy, I've--I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?"
"Dad, are you alright?" Sam asked.
"Yeah." John nodded his head. "I'm just a little tired. Hey, Sammy, would you mind, uh, do you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?"
"Yeah, yeah, sure." Sam nodded, walking toward the door.
As Sam walked down the hall, John watched him for a moment.
"What is it?" Dean asked, his grip on my hand tightening.
"Saige, can you give us a minute, please?" John asked.
"I'm actually not allowed to be alone." I mumbled. "Apparently it's not safe."
"Saige. Please." John says.
"I'll behave." I nodded my head before leaning in to kiss Dean's cheek. "I'll be back."
I stand then, walking out of the room.
I waited in the hall, leaning against the wall. After a while, John walked out of the room and toward me.
"I want to talk to you." He says.
"Whatever it is, I didn't do it. It was probably Dean's idea, anyway. I, um, I'm innocent." I spit out.
John gave me an odd look. "No. I just...Saige, your dad was one of my best friends and I love you like my own. So I'm sorry. But if you don't mind, I have a favor I wanted to ask."
"Sure. Of course. Anything." I nodded my head. "And don't sweat it. I understand."
"I need you to do what you've always done and take care of Dean. Keep him...Just watch out for him." John says.
"Of course."
"Thank you." John pulled me into a hug.
"We're good." I stated, holding back tears. "You...You were like another father to me, John. Thank you."
"Keep my boys on the straight and narrow, okay? God knows they need it." John laughed a little, kissing my head.
"Okay."
___
"You'll have to wait outside." A nurse tells us.
"No, it's our dad." Dean snapped, watching as the doctors tried to revive John.
"Still no pulse." A nurse stated as they whispered among themselves.
"Okay, everybody, that's it, I'll call it." The doctor says. "Time of death, 10:42 a.m."
I gripped Dean's hand in mine, tears brimming my eyes.