September 28
"josie" a voice says behind me and i huff, ignoring them trying to focus on professor slughorn carrying on and on and picking on younger class mates.
"josieeeee" he says carrying out the e, still holding my ground and ignoring theo over his comment to me earlier.
"do i need to go get malfoy to kiss the attitude out of you?"
"give it up mate, you're getting the silent treatment" blaise says to him and theo groans. i smile shaking my head. he deserves it, 100%.
"why exactly are we ignoring Nott?" harry asks next to me and i shrug, "because he's an annoying snake" i reply back- loud enough for theo to hear and blaise chuckles. i can see theos eye roll without even having to look back to him.
harry thinks about it for a second then nods in agreement, going back to his book. i lean my head in my hands and continue to listen to the lecture. it bores the absolute shit out of me and i can tell ron is about 15 seconds away from falling asleep.
"next week we are doing Amortentia so, read , learn , practice because we're only doing it training, practice, testing. it's not a spell we can do many times as you teenagers love someone new everyday SO, we want this right and precise. i recommend partnering up and exploring who or what you love, come to terms with it. accept it and expect it. i don't need anymore outbursts of this person smelled this person which is not who they are actually with!" professor slughorn says as everyone's gathering their books up.
"i'm serious witches and wizards! it's an important part of your grade!" he yells out and everyone yells out goodbyes and escaped into the hallways.
"wanna be my partner?" harry asks and i smile, "course harry!" i loop my arm with his and follow him out to the halls.
"maybe .. you can help me with my map also?" he suggests and i look up at him, "do you feel ill potter?" i ask and he chuckles, "no i'm just .. stuck with it. need help." he mumbles the last bit and i reach up poking his cheek.
"awhh harry! of course i'll help you" i squeal and he rolls his eyes walking us further down the hallway, our arms still looped.
"we can start tomorrow?" i ask and he agrees.
"got yourself a date hmm potter?" someone says behind us and i jump and turn to see draco standing behind us and blaise is following behind looking down at his shoes.
i glare at draco, "piss off malfoy we're studying, something you wouldn't understand" i shoot at him and he doesn't seem fazed one bit. his eyes are dark and his hair seems messed up as if he ran it through it frustratingly.
"you just shag everyone who gives you the time of day figgins? you're always begging to.. what is it? don't stop right? can't get it from anyone else so you're resorting to fucking potter?" he says and takes a step towards me. his eyes look like if they could, he'd set me on fire right now. and they flicker to my arm looped around his.
"i wouldn't take another step towards her malfoy, wouldn't want a repeat of last year would we?" harry says stepping in front of me and ohhhh no.
here we go.
"you mother fucker" malfoy takes him and slams him against the wall his wand pointing into his neck, "you think i would harm a hair on her fucking head you pathetic piece of shit" he hisses through his teeth.
"malfoy let go!" i say grabbing at his arm.
he doesn't budge if anything his grip gets tighter on harry.
"wouldn't put it past you malfoy. you don't seem like someone who isn't above hurting her." harry then grits through his teeth pushing draco off of him.
blaise finally steps between them pushing malfoy back, "cmon mate. go. before you fuck it all up." he says and his eyes are less dark before they look back to me.
"fuck all of you" he says and turns around moving through the halls. harry mumbles a "see you later"
to me as he goes the opposite way. all i can do is stand there in disbelief and look over to blaise.
he looks away from malfoy then over to me, "don't.. don't take it to heart, what he says he's .. having a hard time and just seeing you wrapped up with potter fucking sent him" he shakes his head.
"wrapped up with potter? i had my arm wrapped with his because he finally is letting us help him with something he's struggling with. no fuck this and fuck him. i have a little bit of decency to not let any man talk to me that way." i say turning around going the direction harry was going.
"please.." blaise says gently behind me, "please try not to hold it against him.." he says and he looks sad.
"blaise, i've always liked you. but you should have more self respect than to let your friend talk and treat women horribly and to stand up for him. you're better than that" i say to him and he looks taken back. and then angry. like my words clicking in his head.
"you'll get back okay?" he asks looking into the direction of the gryffindor girls dorms and i nod.
"later figgins" he finally says and walks away.
i groan turning the other way going towards the dorms. tears weld up in my eyes, and i can't fucking stand him. he's all sleeping in my bed making amends with hermione one night then a couple days later basically calling me a whore in front of everyone.
he's got issues. i know that, i know that! but at some point when does everyone stop enabling him? when does everyone stop laughing and finally say, "that's enough. we're grown."
a part of me wants him to come begging for me to accept his apology. another part of me never wants to hear a word from his mouth again. i round the corner to my room and see a figure leaning against the wall by the door waiting.
except it's not a blonde, it's a brunette with curls.
"josie! oh thank merlin, blaise told me.. malfoy he's.. fuck you okay?" he says trying to gather his words from rambling.
i cross my arms and raise an eyebrow up to him and he sighs, "ugh right, okay! i'm sorry for my comment early. it was rude and childish. i'm sorry" theo says looking down at his green tie in his hands. i smile at him and walk up to him.
"no more comments about malfoy. ever. not to me" i say and he nods, "seriously theo. it's a boundary now" i say and his widen some but then he nods, truly, in agreement.
"never again" he says, his voice is stern.
"seriously josie, blaise told me what he said and it was fucked up. you know he doesn't.. think that of you, nobody does" he shakes his head and i open the door to my room letting him follow me inside. he shuts the door as i throw my books on the desk.
"seemed like he meant it to me.. i wasn't doing.. anything wrong" i frown, "and even if i was it's not his place to be mad he's not my boyfriend or anything gods we were just becoming friends i guess you could say" i pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep inhale and exhale.
"you didn't do anything wrong josie.." he says sitting down on my bed looking over at me.
"malfoy is just... malfoy" he shrugs, "like he's basically my brother right? but gods he can be suck a proper twat. i mean usually we all laugh and shit at the things he says but hey, nobody's laughing when it comes to you josie" he says and grabs my hand pulling me over to sit by him.
i lean my head on his shoulder and sigh, "i just don't understand.. i just had my arm looped with harry... he's been so sad lately and he finally was perked up some today and i was just so grateful for that.." i tell theo as if he cares any about potter.
he nods, listening but then says, "that's exactly why it pissed him off josie, because it was potter. how many times have you sat on my lap or i kissed your cheek in front of him? even blaise has and he's never pulled that. i think he understands the dynamic of our friendships because he's there for it but potter and you? that's something he's doesn't quite understand. maybe he's scared he's going to lose you.." theo says and i look up to him. he's so handsome and full of life and smart.
"why can't i just fall inlove with you instead?" i ask him and he laughs wrapping his arm around my shoulder pulling me into his side.
i can't help but think, it's just not as comforting as draco. and that's why, right there.
"that's like almost incest, you're basically my sister. even mum says you're basically her other kid" he shakes his head and i smile at thinking about mrs nott. in a way, i'd never tell her, she reminds me of mrs weasley, how warm and inviting she is.
"i know but it'd be simpler wouldn't it?" i ask him and he nods in agreement, "life isn't supposed to be that way though." he says.
"i suppose you're right" i agree with him and he looks down.
"right that shit in the calendar. josalynn figgins says theodore nott is right." i pull away smacking at his shoulder as he laughs.
"josie" he says as i stand up walking over to hand my robes up.
"hmm?" i ask him back. finding i'm getting too tired to even get words out.
"you shouldn't.. forgive malfoy right away. make him sweat a little" theo says standing up and pressing a kiss to my cheek as he goes to leave.
"i won't, trust me. the dead parents comment i felt i earned i threw a comment on a touchy subject i didn't know anything about. but this? no.. saying what he said i didn't deserve. as broken and in distress as i am, even i know that" i tell theo, my voice chokes up a little.
"josie you're not... broken by any means. you've lost something so great nobody expects you to be the same. you're healing and it takes time. tell you what, saturday let's go to hogsmeade and get proper shit faced at the leaky cauldron!" he says and i wrap my arms around him and hug him. i feel so happy to be close with theo.
"sure, can hermione come?" i ask him and he groans, "oh cmon on theo i know you two were awfully cuddly over the summer." he glares at me and i giggle.
"fine she can come. but she better not bring the weasel with her" i raise my pinky finger up to him, "promise" i smile and he brings his up wrapping it to mine.
he leaves and i shut the door behind him taking a deep breath. i look over at the stack of books knowing i have a lot of homework but then my bed, my bed looks so comfy. i migrate towards it and fall down onto the pillows.
fuck today. is all i can think. but i still catch it here and there, the lingering scent of green apples with mint and it makes my heart ache for him. i've been trying to figure out exactly what that means, but all i can come up with is he brought a sense of comfort nobody has been able to yet and i'm longing for it. longing for the sleep that didn't cause me to toss and turn all night. longing for his warmth. for him.
i groan and turn on my back looking up to the ceiling.
i should be angry, i am angry. i should be more angry is what i should say. but it's hard for me to feel anything more than how sad i am all the time. it's like if i let myself feel anything more outside of my parents death it just might kill me.
i think if i allow malfoy in any further than he's already snaked his wake in, it will fucking kill me because something about this, all of this seems so much greater.
hermione comes walking in angrily mumbling to herself as she slams the door shut. my eyes widen as i look over at her, her hair seems much more crazier than usual.
"josie. im going to freak out" she says and comes to crawl into my bed.
"me and you both" i say making room for her and she looks like she needs to scream. or hit someone. or both.
"you seem a lot calmer than i do..." she says and folds her arms over her chest and i let out a small chuckle, "go on tell me what's wrong" i say to her and she lets out a deep breath.
"ron is just so... infuriating right? like after the start of the year welcome party it thought, this is it! he's finally noticed me. but now it's like i'm back to just being his good ole pal hermione.." she says and i frown.
"what's changed?" i ask her, careful of my words. i don't want her to feel like she needs to stop talking, she's in charge of this conversation.
"im not sure. before there would be small touches to my waist or hand.. now nothing. it's like he can't get farther away from me.." she says with a sad look and her voice sounds like she's going to start crying any second.
"usually i'm all, go talk to him yeah? but after the day i had i think karma should get these fucks. so, i think you should make him jealous" i say with a smirk on my face and she turns to look at me, taking in my words, knowing her brain is working overtime and she's calculating every which way this could go right or wrong.
"how?" she finally asks. i stand up real quick and almost knock her off the bed, "i'll be right back! stay here!" i say leaving the room and i don't miss the "what the hell josie?" she yells as i close the door.
please gods don't make me regret going this way after today. i make my way towards the dungeons quickly. i pass from red into yellow, some purple and then there's green. i've spent enough time in this dorm to go right where i need to. i knock at his door and he opens it with a raised eyebrow.
"figgins if you've come to guilt me more.." blaise says and i shake my head.
"no i need a favor, i think you owe me right?" i say and he does a subtle nod.
"okay perfect come with me." i say and he starts following until i hear giggling and a door open. pansy is leaving out of a room fixing her shirt and hair and walks further down the hallway. and draco comes out and leans against the frame to watch her go as he fixes his belt.
i shudder a breath in and my stomach lurches. he looks over with a smirk on his face until he sees me. and he looks like he could also puke. blaise wraps a hand on my shoulder tucking me into his side as we pass him.
"don't even give him the time of day figgins. head up." he whispers in my ear and i can feel his eyes burning into my back. or maybe he's thinking about cutting blaise's hand off that's touching me, im not sure yet. but i don't look back and we walk out of the dungeons.
"what's going on with those two anyways?" i ask him and he shrugs, "fuck if i know. those two just use eachother i feel like, except pans she thinks well their destined to marry because of the last names.. i'm not sure malfoy is on the same page though.." he says and i nod.
i don't miss the way my heart feels heavy ever since seeing them together.
"i mean they should just be together. even when malfoy was dating astoria she found pansy in his bed one night so like fuck it just be together.." blaise says and i feel a look of disgust creep on my face.
"malfoy cheated on astoria?" i ask him and he sighs, "the story is she came there upset about something and he was just letting her talk.. but i mean knowing their history and astoria walking in to see her on his bed... i mean nobody knows the truth i guess.." he says and i nod.
i wouldn't put it past him.
we're walking back up to my dorm room and he finally asks, "what exactly is going on? are you planning on killing me?" he says and i grab the door handle, "no. but you might kill me" i say and he looks down to me.
i push the door open walking in, "hermione meet your new fake boyfriend, blaise zabini" i say and they both look at eachother then look at me.
"what the fuck?" and a "figgins have you lost your bloody mind" they both say to me and i raise my hand to quiet them both.
"look you owe me" i say to blaise and, "and you need someone to make ron jealous and blaise is the perfect person to do that." i say and hermione blushes at my words.
"making weasel jealous you say? you should have started with that, granger come here darling" he smirks as she rolls her eyes and walks closer towards us.
"so you'll do it?" i ask him and he shrugs, "sure especially if it'll make that red headed twat cry a time or two" he smiles a big ole happy smile.
all hermione does is sigh, "are you sure about this?" she asks me and zabini throws an arm around her and she tenses but then relaxes, "cmon granger it'll be fun! you can even sit with the snakes" he says and she looks like she's gonna throw up.
"it'll just be for a week or 2 tops, then ron will freak out and beg for you back" i say and she bites her lip. i don't miss the way blaise watches.
"okay fine" she says and i clap my hands, "perfect!"
i say wrapping my arms around both of them into a group hug.
they talk over a few things and setting boundaries and what not and blaise goes to leave.
"figgins a word?" he says and i nod following him out. he bids goodbye to hermione by saying "see you soon girlfriend" and she almost gags.
i laugh closing the door as he leans against the wall.
"what's up?" i ask him and he looks, i'm not sure. like he's going to burst into tears.
"you were right what you said earlier. i should be, i am ashamed i let malfoy talk to you and treat you that way.. it's just we've grown up together. he's my best mate as big of a dick he is.." he trails off, "anyways, i promise to not just stand by anymore, okay?" he asks and i nod.
"okay, thank you blaise for everything, all of it" and he smiles backing away.
"tell my girlfriend i'll see her tomorrow for breakfast, i'll come by to walk her." he says and i smile.
i might get a kick out of this more than anyone.