"Cam, you up?" I hear Dad ask
I jerk awake to see Jeremy asleep next to me, oh shit, "Shit, we fell asleep" Jeremy wakes up, "Uh, one second, Dad, I got a boob out" I yell
"Oh, crap! Oh, crap! Oh, crap!" He whisper yells, "Oh, hey, Cam, can you tell your dad that I can do the ride along today?" He asks
"Yeah, if you're still alive, go" I tell him
He hides in the bathroom before I open my door, "Hey" I say
"Hey, I'm leaving in ten minutes if you want a ride to practice" He says
"Yeah, okay, cool, cool" I say
"What's going on?" He asks
"Nothing...nothing. He, Dad, Jeremy told me he could do the ride along today—yesterday, well he told me yesterday" I say
"All right, well, it's at 3 and if he likes it, I could set him up with a good training program, cause you gotta be ready for those certification tests, especially the written one. It's a killer" He says
"Okay, I will tell him—text him. I'll let him know" I say and shut the door
"I didn't know there was a test" Jeremy says
"If my dad can do it, you'll be fine. Now the real test: can you jump out of a very high window?" I ask
[Home - Later on]
I just got back from a night training when my dad walks out the door, "There you are. What the heck happened with your boyfriend today?" He asks
"What? Wait, I've been doing hills and intervals, intervals on hills. Do I still have legs?" I ask out of breath
"Jeremy didn't show up for the ride along" He says
"What?" I ask confused
"Yeah, maybe something came up, but I expected a call or something" He says
"That's weird" I say
"Yeah, and we were ready for him. Chuck even wore his good pants" He says
"Man, I'm sorry, Dad. Something must have happened. I'll check in with him" I say
"All right, do that" He says
"Yeah" I say
"You're working hard, I'm proud of you" He says
"Thanks" I say
I head up to my bathroom and text Jeremy...
Me:
Where are you?
No response. I roll my eyes before I place my phone down and Sam walks in, "Did you get Paige's e-vite?" He asks
"Hello, brother" I say
"Yes or no?" He asks
"Yes and no. Yes, I received it. No, I will not be attending" I say
"Why not?" He asks
"Don't wanna" I say
"Me neither, but Paige would really like you to go because for some reason, she considers you a friend, and she thinks it'll cheer me up to have you there" He says
"Why do you need cheering up?" I ask
"Because I failed my Socratic seminar which means I'll probably fail college" He says
"How is Paige hosting a dinner party if she's in Maine?" I ask
"She'll be on the tablet" He says
"Okay and that's just stupid enough to intrigue me. I'm in" I say
"Okay, good. Now, for dress code, Paige was very specific. No tweed" I walk out, "Cameron, no tweed!" He yells
[Dinner Party Time]
It's the night of the dinner party and I bet you can guess what I am wearing. Izzie and I walk in towards the dining room to see Sam and Paige on the table, "Hey dorks. Look what I found at the thrift store" I say
"And I brought pie to make up for it" Izzie says
"Sam, I said no tweed" Paige says
"Oh, my bad. I thought you said only tweed" I joke
"We'll make it work. Now, what time will Jeremy be arriving?" Paige asks
"He's working, so Izzie is filling in" I say as I drape my arm around her shoulder
"I'm her date" Izzie says
"Oh, okay. Tweed suits, new guests...I mean, what's in the pie? Dog poop?" Izzie and I laugh as the doorbell rings, "That's the delivery guy! Ladies, please take the pies to the kitchen. Sam, take e to the door so I can check the bags" She tells us
Izzie and I walk into the kitchen, as I scratch my back, "The look on Paige's face was well worth the $11 but I gotta say, this suit itches like a bitch. And there's a spot on my back that I can't quite reach" I say
"I can reach it" Izzie says and starts scratching my back which sends shivers down my spine
I turn quickly, "So, weird that Jeremy didn't say anything about my dad, right?" I ask
"Yeah, he was probably just embarrassed but he should have at least called" She says
"Right?" I say
"Whatever. Boys are dumb, we don't need them" She says
"Hmm. Yeah, screw boys" I look at her, "Thanks for being my date to this insane dinner" I say
"Yeah" Izzie says
"What's insane about it?" We hear
We turn around quickly, "Nothing" Izzie says
"All cool, robo-host" I look at Sam, "Is this cheering you up?" I ask
"No" Sam says walking away
There's a knock and in walks Zahid, "Hello" He says
Izzie and I walk out towards the door, "Hey" I say
"Everyone, this..." A girl walks in, "...is Gretchen. We met at a dumpster. She's my soulmate and my sole mate. Same she size. These are hers" He says
"Nice to meet everyone" She says
"Gretch, this is Cameron" He introduces
"If it helps you remember, I'm the one in tweed" I say
"I don't know this one" He says pointing to Izzie
"I'm Izzie" She says
"She came with the suit" I joke
"Oh. The robot is Paige" He says
"Hi. So...meet...you" It cuts out
"I think your girlfriend is buffering" Gretchen says
"Our WiFi doesn't reach the front door. We don't typically stream guests in this area" Sam says
"And the man himself, Samuel Gardner" He says
"I have been hearing all about Zahid's best friend, the smartest person he knows, so I figured I'd scope out the competition" She says
"Well, I failed my Socratic seminar so I can't be that smart" Sam says
"That's what I thought" She says
"Za-boom! She got ya!" Zahid says
Izzie and I look at each other, "The WiFi's better here" Sam says stepping into the living room
"Okay, well, that's enough chitchat. Let's eat" Paige says
As we are sitting at the table, eating, "So, since we have a new guest, I thought we should start with an icebreaker. It's called Betty Boop—" I cut her off, "Nope" I say as I place the tablet face down on the table
"So, Gretchen, where are you from?" I ask
"Near the Walmart. But my mom's from Melbourne, so I'm half Australian" She says
"Zahid hates Australians" Sam says
"I don't hate this little koala, especially when she plays my didgeridoo" He says
"Yuck" Izzie says
"Didgeri—eww" I say
"Oh-ho-ho! Lovely burn. Gretchen thinks I use the word, dope, too much, so now when I'm about to say dope, I say lovely instead" He says
"I just know you can do better" She says
"That's it! My ethics professor has officially taken longer grading my paper than it took me to write it" Sam says
"Who cares? College is stupid. It's just a big old waste of time and money" Gretchen says
"What? That's not true" Sam says
"No one successful ever graduated college. Plus, you can learn everything on YouTube these days" She says
"She has me questioning everything" Zahid says
"Hey!" Paige screams startling us all
Zahid spills his water on himself as I lift the tablet up, "Sorry, I was missing out. Can someone pass the guacamole" We look at her, "Joke. It was a joke. See? I have my own" She says
"Ugh! Now my lovely threads are all stacked. Sam, can I borrow a shirt?" Zahid asks
"Sure, but I don't have anything in silk" Sam says
"That's okay. Gretchen taught me that silk comes from a worm's butthole. So I'm off the stuff" He says
"YouTube" She says
Zahid stands up and walks upstairs, "So, is it time for an icebreaker? We could do this or that. First one, toilet paper: over or under" Paige asks
Izzie leans close to my ear, "Is she always like this?" She whispers
"Yeah. Why do you think I wanted you to come?" I tell her
"I really wanna know what you guys think" Paige says
"Ooh, melty Brie! Brie and Mexican food, I love it. Where'd that come from?" I ask
"I have a cheese guy. I just...I really like cheese" She says
"Here it is. Statistics show that college graduates are 177 times more likely than high school grads to earn $4 million or more" Sam says
"Is that what life is all about, earning money?" Gretchen asks
"Kinda" Izzie says
"College just creates drones, cogs in the system, robots. Must make money" She says imitating a robot
"Must eat cheese" I say imitating a robot
I reach over Izzie, "I got it" She says
She grabs a piece, "I want it" I say
She places it in my mouth and giggles, "College also helps with social skills as well as building the idea of a community. Plus, college graduates are twice as likely to volunteer" Sam says
"JCPenney never put a college education model in their catalog. Not even once" Gretchen says
"Oh, well, I find that very hard to believe" Paige says
"Sweet Gretchen, is there a reason you're antagonizing my brother?" I ask
"We're just talking" She says
"Casey, I have to pee. Do you?" Paige asks
"I am not taking you to the bathroom with me" I say
"Come on. Okay, this is what girls do" She says
"All right, fine. Don't eat my cheese" I tell Izzie
I grab the tablet and head to the bathroom, "Oh, I don't like her" Paige says
"Oh, garbage girl? The worst. Grade A twat. But Sam handles her well" I say
"We have to do something. We can't let her ruin this. I mean, should we...should we harm her?" Paige asks
"Yeah, I'll hold her, you punch" I joke
"So what do we do?" She asks
"I don't know. Wait it out, make fun of her after" I say
"But she's turning this dinner party into a garbage party. We can't let that happen" She says
"Why do you care? You're not even actually here?" I ask
"I just really, really need a win right now, okay?" She tells me
"What's up with you?" I ask
"Nothing. Sorry, I just...I just don't like this girl" She says
'This Brie is really good" I hear
"Jeremy" I say and run out
"Is everything okay?" Jeremy asks Izzie
"I mean, at least you had the decency to show up" She says
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks
I walk out, "Jeremy, hey" I stand next to Izzie, "What's this look about?" I ask
"Oh, I was just saying that I'm glad he bothered to come instead of just standing us up" Izzie says
"Izzie" I say
"What?" He asks
"You stood up her dad" She says
"Wait, you told her that?" He asks
"Well yeah, she's my friend and I was upset. And you never told me what happened with my dad" I say
Then we hear Paige shout, "Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god!" She says
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry" Zahid says
We all walk out towards the door, "What happened?" I ask
"I saw Zahid's penis" Paige says
"What?" Sam and Gretchen ask
"Not on purpose" Paige says
"I was looking for a new shirt, and I had the urge to drain the main vein, so I went to the bathroom" Zahid says
"And Cameron left me in there, and I thought that she would remember to come back for me, so I just kept working on my rainbow Loom and then I heard a...tinkling" She says
"If I had known she was in there, I would not have unleashed the dragon, okay? But I was midstream. You can't pinch off the dragon midstream" He says
"This is unbelievable" Paige says
"I'm sorry, Paige. It sucks cause now every ding dong you see will have the unfortunate fate of being compared to mine. A sad, junks—taposition, if you will" He says
"Paige, I'm sorry. I heard Jeremy coming so I just—" Jeremy cuts me off, "Oh, come on, so this is my fault now? Yeah, good party" He says
"Chill out, dude" Izzie says
"You chill out" He says
"I would be upset if I were him, too. I thought you two were a couple" Gretchen says
"What?" Izzie and I both ask
"Come on" Jeremy says
"Maybe I should go" Izzie says
"Umm, maybe that's a good idea—" Jeremy cuts me off, "No I should go"
"No, we'll go" Gretchen says
"Stop! All of you! Okay, we are here to have fun! And yes, some of us are arguing, and some os us got wet, and some of us saw penises! Okay? But we are committed to this dinner party, so we're all gonna stay, we're gonna sit down and have a delicious..." He phone rings, "Oh, shoot. I've gotta go" She says and ends the call
Then mom walks in, "Hi, guys. Oh, keep having fun, I'm not here" She says walking upstairs
I look around, "Where's Sam?" I ask
We start looking around and I find him with mom in her room, "Hey, there you are. Everyone's looking for you. Should you really be having a candle burning by your bed with your track record?" I sit on the bed next to her, "Are you okay?" I ask
"None of your business" He says
Then Jeremy walks in, "Ooh, lavender? Hey dude, you okay?" He asks
"No, I got a C on my ethics paper" Sam says
"It's his business but not mine?" I ask
"I'm sorry, man. At least you tried. Some people don't even do that" He says
Then Zahid walks in, "There's a cuddle party happening and no one invited me?" He jumps on the bed, "Hey, Mrs. G. Good vibes in here. Is that lavender?" He asks
"Hey" She says
"Sorry I can't stay long. Gretchen's waiting for me in the car. You okay, bud?" He asks
"Yeah" Sam says
"Good. Sorry that Page saw my dong" Zahid says
"What's that now?" Mom asks
"But hey, at least you and Gretchen hit it off. you even had one of your little Socratic conversations thingies" He says
"Seminars and no, we didn't" Sam says
"Sure you did. You talked about college, doing research, conversed with one another" He says
"He's kind of right" I say
"I was pretty good at it, too" Sam says
"You know, I bet Gretchen was Miyagi'ing you the whole time, secretly leading you down the right path. God, she's an amazing woman" Zahid says
"What's Miyagi'ing?" Mom asks
"Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid" He says
"Oh, right" She says
"Duh" I say
"Jeremy was a karate kid" Sam says
"Oh, my god, you have to see the video" I say
"No, hey, that was an us thing" He says as I pull out my phone
Afterwards, we walk into my room, "So what happened?" I ask
"I don't wanna talk about it" He says
"Come on" I say
"We have to talk about it?" He asks
"Yeah" He sits down, "Why didn't you show up?" I ask
"When your dad mentioned the EMT stuff, it just...it seems like something that I could do" He says
"So what changed?" I ask
"Well, then he said there was gonna be tests. I suck at tests. I hate tests. Look, it...it's not like a big thing, and I don't really need to get into it, but...I'm dyslexic" He says
"What? How have you not told me that?" I ask
"It's just I get anxious. So what if I take all these classes and then I don't pas any of these tests? Then it's just a big waste of time and money, and I've just, you know, let everyone down" He says
I sit next to him, "Well, I really think you can do it" I say and kiss his cheek
"Thanks" We sit there for a second, "Hey, don't tell Izzie" He says
"I won't" I promised him