NICOLE
Humans live their lives, never knowing when things will change. As someone who has been through so much change, I often found myself wishing for my life to stay a certain way.
It was obviously due to fear. There is a good change and there is the change that will rock your world upside down till you wish you were dead. No matter how good life gets, everything will change.
As I snuck back into the ZEN building, I thought about what kind of change I was going through. It was hard to decide through my shock-fried brain. Although I wiped away the tears, my heart was in mourning.
All these years, I was told my father was stuck in a coma, but he was awake when I saw him. I didn't want to think about it. All I wanted was sleep and work.
If I had enough work, there was no way I would think about crying or holding back my tears. Even with my resolve, it was very hard to stay on my two legs without support.
The company building was empty except for the security on patrol. They were aware that the Programming team slept in the building sometimes so I was stopped at the entrance.
As soon as I made my way through the pass checkpoint with my ID I rushed to the already opened elevator. Someone had just come out of it and was heading home for the day.
The elevator had just me in it and it gave me too much space to think, yet my brain was floating. I stopped at the programming floor and walked towards the dormitory.
Everyone else was sleeping there, but this would be my first time here since working on a project. Aiden made sure I stayed next to him every night. It would be hard to explain my disappearance, so I thought sleeping here for the night was a good idea.
It was a difficult plan considering all my toiletries were in his restroom. However, just as I made my way to the women's dorm that was added after I arrived, I spotted a figure leaning on the wall with his eyes closed.
Aiden had his hands crossed on his chest and I knew he was tired, but he had been waiting for me. I did not expect to talk to my father today, so I ended up staying longer than I was supposed to.
If Aiden asked me where I was, I'd have to lie to him and I felt guilty about lying. He has been so supportive and good to me. I froze, contemplating running away when his eyes opened and he took quick strides to reach me.
Before I could blink, Aiden was in front of me blocking my path out of the dorm.
"Where did you sneak off to?" he asked.
His tone was low and held little energy. Maybe he didn't want to wake the others sleeping, but I knew he was probably exhausted. How long has he been waiting for me? I swallowed hard and rearranged my braids, trying to find a good lie.
"I just needed some air for inspiration," I replied.
Aiden stared at me, and I wondered if he was suspicious of my life. It was a terrible lie, but I couldn't tell Aiden what had transpired in the last few hours without breaking down.
He was already involved in so many things concerning my life and family. If I couldn't handle this problem myself, then I didn't deserve to be by his side.
"You should have taken me with you," he whined, leaning his head on my shoulder.
My heart skipped several beats and became heavy with guilt. I just lied to Aiden, even though he was taking care of me. I wanted him to ask more questions, but he pulled me closer to hug me and take in my scent.
"I missed you," he whispers, kissing the skin underneath my earlobe. "Promise you'll take me with you next time,"
"Next time," I replied, rubbing his back gently.
"Let's go up. I'm tired. I need sleep,"
I nodded and allowed him to take me out of the dorm to the elevator. Aiden never let go of my hand as we went into the room attached to his office. Maybe my life was meant to be this way.
If I had let go of everything and followed Aiden like this, I would never be in pain. This idea was floored because I knew Aiden wouldn't be with me all the time, but I was tired of the changes.
Aiden may be in love with me now, but what if he changes tomorrow and hates me? Would he hate me if he found out the secret I have been keeping? He was the only one who still had his memories from our childhood, and I wonder if he remembered what happened to my father.
If I asked him about it, would he say it was my fault too?
"Won't you take a shower?" he asked when he caught me standing aimlessly in the room.
"I will soon," I replied.
To avoid more suspicion, I rushed to the bathroom and took a light shower. The water was warm and soothing to my aching muscles. Today felt like one of the most overwhelming days of my life.
When I went back to the room, Aiden was scrolling through his iPad while sitting on the side of the bed. We only had four hours to sleep before we had to get up and start working again.
Without checking my mail, I knew that Harvey had sent a lot of tasks I had to fix in the next ten hours. I was too tired to take care of them now so maybe I would be able to after sleeping.
Aiden dropped his iPad and pulled me into the bed. It was a lot smaller than his bed back home, but it was big enough. He hugged me back and took in my scent again.
"Are you turning into a werewolf?" I asked.
"I could howl for you if you want," he replied. "Would you be my full moon?"
I turned around and pushed his chest slightly, but he only laughed. This Aiden was so much fun and I wanted to laugh with him, but I was afraid of crying so I just turned around and closed my eyes.
Aiden covered me with the duvet and turned up the temperature in the room to make it perfect for sleeping. Even lying with him, my heart was still heavy with tears of today and regret from lying.
As I tried to force myself to sleep, I could not help but remember the conversation I had with my father. After I discovered my father was awake, he grabbed my hand and told me things I wasn't sure I was ready to hear.
My father woke up while they were in London, but his body was not strong enough to stay alive, so they kept him in an induced coma with occasional tests until it was time.
The man I had seen come out of the room was the doctor who had come to check his vitals. He was also waiting for my mother's return before he had to make the decision to go back into a coma again.
It was all explained in the report Curtis gave me. If I had taken my time to read it and understand it, I would have known my father was waiting for me. I finally understood why Curtis let me in.
He had no idea I was planning to take my father away. He thought I was there because I was happy to see him. I was truly the worst daughter alive.
"I'm so sorry," my father cried. "I've been away for so long,"
All I could do was cry as the image of him getting stepped on filled my mind. My father suffered so much for me. The pain I had to endure was nothing compared to what he had sacrificed for me.
"Don't be sad, baby," he said.
How could I not be sad when I saw him lying here like this? When I knew it was my fault.
"You have suffered so much. I heard everything and I'm sorry. Don't blame your mother. You know she loves you,"
I didn't believe that, but there was another question pushing through my mind as I held his hands. I tried to remember what he smelled like, but everything in here smelled like the hospital.
This was unfair. I wanted my father back.
"Did you wait," I asked, holding back the tears. "Were you waiting for me?"
"You're my only baby. How could I not?"
The tears flowed down again. I could barely hear anything after that. He told me to come and see him again in three days before he made his decision. I would see him again, so why couldn't I stop the tears?
My body jerked on the bed as I used my hands to stifle my sobs. I hoped Aiden had already gone to bed so he wouldn't hear or see me cry. I hated myself for being so naïve and weak.
If I hadn't been so weak, I could have been by my father's side when he woke up the first time. I would have apologised. Yet all I could do was cry. Even now, crying was the only thing I could do.
As I cried, I felt a hand pull my waist gently. Aiden? Who else would it be when it was him lying next to me?
Oh no! He heard my sobs.
Aiden tapped my back to console me and hugged me. His hug was so warm and safe. I could not help but rely on him for comfort today. He never pried on where I went and even now that I was crying, he only comforted me.
What did I do to deserve a man like Aiden Stark?
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Song recommendation: Spring day - BTS