Roberta felt warm.
She wasn't just cozy in bed despite the autumn chill. Roberta was incredibly comfortable, feeling warmth radiate through her from some other source. There was a pleasant weight too, like a weighed blanket. Did she take a hot water bottle to bed last night? She couldn't remember. Opening her eyes, she was greeted by the darkness of her bedroom, as she was a light sleeper. Any light source was a distraction, so she used blackout blinds that made her room dark and gloomy as a crypt. Illuminated by the light of her bedside clock telling her it was 7am, she saw something on her nightstand. Something that glinted in the dull light. It was a small, square foil wrapper, one that she hadn't been familiar with for a while. Roberta's eyes drifted to look behind her, and she saw the 8ft 300lbs of muscle that was Wamuu.
"Oh my GOD!" She screamed, realising what had transpired the night before. Wamuu's eyes snapped open, his blonde hair tousled and his blue lipstick smeared. Roberta sat up in bed, pulling the duvet with her as she was nude underneath.
"Did we..." Wamuu began to ask.
"Yeah." Roberta replied, nodding to the silver foil wrapper marked "XXXL." She remembered running down to the 24/7 pharmacy late that night, face hidden by her longest coat, and buying a box of condoms. She'd gotten away with buying them without nobody recognising her, which would've been mortifying. Roberta laid back against her headboard, which had a chunk missing from the metal frame, as if something had been tied there, yet had ripped itself free with immense strength.
"So we did... That." Wamuu said, his usual confidence gone.
"Yeah, we fucked." Roberta replied. The two sat in silence for a moment, before Roberta buried her head in her hands.
God, why? Why did I have to fuck it all up? You probably think I'm just a dirty slut who wants you for your body..." She sighed. Last night had been exhilarating, mind-blowing, amazing... and yet old habits die hard, and Roberta was still plagued with self doubt.
"Why would I think that, my Morning Star?" Wamuu asked, cradling her in his huge arms. He lifted her effortlessly in the bridal party, and kissed her forehead.
"There's no reason why we can't be lovers. Damn what anyone else says!" He said. Roberta grinned, and traced the base of his horn with one finger.
"I don't care if Mark comes back. Nobody's ever made me feel the way you do. So let's see how this goes, and should it not work out..."
Roberta pushed away the pessimistic thoughts that plagued her mind.
"I'll still be your friend." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, so she could be eye to eye with the fiat warrior.
"It's been so long since I've had a lover. In fact, Roberta... I was a virgin until a few hours ago." Roberta squealed at this, and Wamuu got out of bed, still carrying her.
"How about I make you some breakfast?"
"Wamuu, the sun!" I don't have blackout curtains in the kitchen, you know." Roberta replied.
"Then we'll just have to stay in bed a little longer." He teased, heading back to bed. It may have been her imagination, but Wamuu was definitely walking with a slight limp. Still, she was too after such a night, so it was really to be expected.
As Roberta pulled on her sweatpants and t shirt, as her High Priestess lingerie lay on the floor, there was a knock at the door. It was a familiar jaunty rat-a-tat-tat! which only meant one thing... Kylie!
"It's Kylie! Wamuu, hide!" Roberta gasped. She looked around for a good hiding place, only to see Wamuu contorting himself and sliding under the bed, like a boogeyman.
"Well, that'll do." She said, before answering the door.
"Kylie, hi! Wassuuuuuupppp?" Roberta asked, playing it "cool."
"I ran all the way here when I heard the news!" Kylie wailed, her pink leather jacket bobbing around her shoulders. "There's been a break-in at the museum!"
"WHAT?!" Roberta yelled.
"That statue dude in the UV tank! The one in the vault that Mr Avdol told you not to touch? It's missing!"
Roberta gasped at this news. Santana was gone! Someone must've awakened him!
"They haven't found the statue, but they've found the perp..." Kylie continued. She showed Roberta her phone, and right there on the news site, was a face she never wanted to see again.
Mark.
"My brother has escaped captivity!" Wamuu yelled from under the bed. Roberta froze, and Kylie walked straight into her flat, slamming the door behind her.
"Who said that? Sounds like Jorge." She said.
"It's absolutely nobody. I think it's just the pipes..." Roberta mused. "Let's go and check the boiler!"
"No, that was definitely your mate from Guatemala. HOLA, JORGE! MI NOMBRE ES KYLIE!"
"What on Earth is she saying?" Wamuu replied.
"You don't speak Spanish? Damn, I watched all that Dora for no reason then! But why are you under Roberta's bed, and what do you mean my your "brother?" Kylie glared.
"I meant absolutely nothing." Wamuu replied. "After all, I'm just a normal human."
"Liar!" Kylie yelled. There was a pause, and Wamuu contorted out from under Roberta's bed in all his naked glory.
"You dare call me a liar, human!" He demanded unashamed of his nudity. His horn was extended and his facial markings revealed, and Kylie blushed as she gazed all over him.
"Roberta, you lucky lucky girl... But why does he have a horn?"
Roberta sighed, and sat down on the bed. She threw Wamuu a pillow to cover his indecency, and gave a soft sigh.
"It's a long story. So it all started after I went on a date with Mark..."
Half an hour of explanation later, Roberta had told the entire story to Kylie.
"And that's how I woke up with an Aztec God in my bed." She said. "Go tell Avdol and Polnareff, get me fired, because it's all over from here on out."
"I wouldn't tell! Why, Wamuu didn't want Santana to escape either, right? It's not your fault, Roberta."
"But... But I love him!" She gasped, admitting to that weird, comforting feeling that swamped her chest at the sight of Wamuu. "But if my boss finds out, I'll be done for!"
"This is like that movie where the mute woman falls in love with the fish guy." Kylie laughed. Roberta glared at her, and she stopped.
"Sorry. But there's got to be a solution...."
"Perhaps I can help?" Wamuu suggested. "You see, I made a replica of myself. If I keep posing as Jorge Miguelos, I can avoid captivity at the hands of the Speedwagon Foundation, which monitors all paranormal activity and stand users. They know about you, Roberta- they have a database of all stand users- but they don't know about me. Then, as a human, I can help find Santana before it's too late, and he awakens my masters! For once they find out that Joseph Joestar is still alive, they'll exact revenge on every last human!"
"Roberta's boss is the grandson of that crazy Joseph dude." Kylie blurted out. Roberta sighed, and yet Wamuu seemed unshaken.
"He too can help us. For now, let us find out where Santana might be heading!"
He stood up, and his pillow fell down. Kylie shielded her eyes, and Roberta squealed at this.
"But first, let us find me some clothes."
Humans. Filthy, dirty humans. When his host opened his case, the bombproof doors descended in the museum. Santana was stuck here, in a jail cell, in the body of a rather average man. There was a barred window, and as much as it might hurt, he had to escape. He had to get to Mexico City! He HAD to prove himself to his fathers! Santana stood up, and reached a hand towards the bars. Twisting himself, he squeezed between them like toothpaste from a tube. He was Ok, but Mark's body broke a few bones and ruptured his spleen. Still, it was nothing serious, as Mark was still a full body shield against the sun. He wriggled onto the ground, thankful that the officer who found him hadn't taken his wallet, and ran up to a taxi.
"Jeez, are you ok, man?" The driver asked. Mark's body was bruised and tattered, and covered in all manner of stains.
"Take me... South... Far as can go with this pay." Santana growled, passing the cabbie 200$. Mark had 1000$ left in his fattened wallet, which should be enough for him to get to Mexico.
And hopefully to approval, that which he had been craving his entire life.