At this point, I'm in full misery. We've been to 2 different bases. It has been a few weeks, and menstruation problems will soon pop up. In times like these, I like to have a hysterectomy. Please I don't want to be on my period in the field.
We were let onto a Russian base, so I was able to bathe which significantly made me happy. It was a 180 change, sometimes self-care is mental care.
"You know... Why were you so upset?" Soap asks looking at me. I sigh and set my cup down.
"How sugar-coated do you want my answer to be?" I ask. I remember the time I wasn't sugar-coating my words I made someone cry and Charlie had to lecture me to be— "polite" or whatever word he used.
"Be truthful."
"I don't like being dirty, I don't like my uniform being dirty, I don't like having overly oily hair, and I'm very sensitive to B.O.," I say with a candid tone. Soap nods.
"So, you were just miserable."
"Also, low-key freaking out because my period is coming, one of these days."
"Oh," Soap's eyes widened as he grew slightly uncomfortable.
"I also get really bad cramps... Being out in the field with that type of pain— I would have bitten all your heads off." My tone was joking but I wasn't. It's the truth I would have bitten their head off.
Gaz and Charlie walked into the chatting away. They turn to us and join us on the couch. "Charlie," Soap begins, "Did you know she doesn't like being dirty?"
"Yes, why she chose the Marines I will never understand," Charlie chuckles.
"I should have picked the Air Force," I grumble and take another sip of my drink.
"Why did you pick the Marines?"
"Because Charlie would only join if he thought what I was doing was dangerous." They nod and look at Charlie.
"You're a Simp," Gaz said with a smirk.
"When did you learn that word?" Charlie asks with a confused look.
"I'm not that much older than you!" Soon Ghost and Roach appeared, from how much sweat on them they just come back from working out. Roach was immediately captivated by our conversation.
"Then why do you act so old?" I ask him. Gaz turns to me with the most offended expression.
"How dare you!" He stands up outraged. Price walks into the room, going back to the kettle to get his 10th cup of tea for the day.
"I dare," I smirk back at him, he looks to Soap and Charlie to be on his side. They only smiled at him.
"You're very mouthy today," Gaz sits down annoyed.
"Well, when you're mute for a time sometimes you just want to speak."
"How does your mutism work?" Soap asks. I could feel everyone in the room looking at me.
"Psychological, like my echolalia and palilalia. When I'm stressed or exhausted it's more likely to happen, but it also just comes in randomly." I state.
"We haven't heard you repeat yourself."
"If I know it's happening, I shut up, but sometimes I just can't so... I hate those usually lead to me losing my voice." Soap nods and Gaz looks at me.
"You were shutting down earlier, right?"
"Yeah."
"I was doing a little research," I said my eyebrow raised in shock. Not every single day a comrade will go out of their way to research your disability. "Would you have a meltdown if we stayed out there any longer?"
"Yes."
"When she enters a meltdown, her world is just ending." Charlie smiles, and I roll my eyes. He always likes to poke light fun at how dramatic I can get. "If you think Bollywood, Hollywood, or K-dramas are dramatic, she's 10 times worse! The funniest part is the aftermath when she's finally calming down and she pulls out the midlife crisis question."
"That sounds like a nightmare," Ghost speaks up. I look over to him fighting the urge to flip him off.
"It is— for Monkey, she suffers. It's so mentally draining, and she cannot regulate anything. It can go on for hours!" Charlie states with a long sigh.
"Doesn't stimming help?" Gaz asks, "I haven't really seen you stim."
"Stim?" Soap questions.
"She does remember her fiddling with that stick. Or when she whistles." Realization Dawns on Gaz's face as he smiles brightly. It's like seeing a child making his first educational guess and being correct.
"What's stimming?"
"It's doing something to self-regulate. Have you ever seen other autistic people flapping their arms or rocking back in forth? That's stimming." Charlie explains. I don't mind helping people understand my autism, but I do not want to be the teacher, that's so... draining.
"So stimming is a good thing?"
"Yes and no," I speak up, "I do it when I'm bored, I do it when I'm stressed, I do it when I'm excited— but sometimes mimicking your teacher because you're bored can lead to the principal office." I sigh, and Gaz and Soap chuckle.
"She does have negative stims," I shoot Charlie a glare. They don't need to know that!
"What's your special interest?" Gaz asks. I could tell he was very proud of himself for his little research moment.
"Vocal tricks," Gaz, Soap, and Roach look surprised.
'What can you do?' Roach signs.
"I like doing sound effects," I could see the boys lightening up.
"What can you do?"
"What can't she do?" Charlie jokes.
"Can you do a water droplet sound?" Soap asks. I like doing sound effects with a microphone it sounds better and more impressive, but the little display I did for them was enough to make them giddy like children.
"OH!" Charlie interrupts loudly. "I forgot to tell you guys something." They all turn to him waiting.
"She's highly possessive of certain things." They turn to me.
"I read about that," Gaz said, "Are you possessive of objects?"
"Highly," I state.
"What?" Ghost asks speaking up. It was a cold "what" but intriguing question.
"My gun. My spoon. My cup. My stuffed animal. My equipment. and Charlie— he's mine. My stuff is my stuff, and his stuff is our stuff." I state confidently. The room grew deadly silent. I look over to see the shocked faces of Roach, Soap, and Gaz. Charlie was the only smiling person. "I also don't like people touch my stuff."
"Not even me, unless I ask," Charlie stated.
"No offense, but I run if I was you, Charlie," Soaps said quietly but not overly quietly that I couldn't hear.
"Look I crawl out of my depression room and overly comfy bed to spend time with him, I be damned if he doesn't give me all his attention! I'm going out of my way for him!"
"That's—" Gaz began bewildered by my words.
"That is inappropriate behavior," Price states.
"Not really," Charlie states.
"Blink twice if you need help," Ghost said.
Charlie looks at me and I look at him. We shared the same confused look. He wasn't being held hostage... Charlie looks away chuckling.
"I'm not being held hostage and I think the same—"
"I think this is called neurodivergent thinking—"
"Sounds like stalker thinking." Soap replies. The room grew quiet, and we just looked at each other.
"Well," Charlie begins, "It's my relationship with her so... I'm fine with it." I shrug and look away. They ask— I just spoke the truth and sometimes reality sucks.
"Any other questions?" I ask after a moment of silence.
"Do you mask?" Gaz asks trying to break the silence.
"No."
"Why not?" Soap asks.
"It's hard to mask your behavior all the time— I don't have the energy reserve for that. I'm not an extrovert so masking is hard and it's draining."
Silence fell upon the room once more.
"Is there anything else we need to know about?" Price spoke up.
"Yes—"
"Shut the fuck up. We are not doing that today!" I snap at Charlie that conversation is a conversation where I need to be ready to talk about it. And that is not today.
"Gisele they're gonna need to know."
"They'll know when they need to know." I fold my arms. Charlie looks at me with a look mix between judgment and exhaustion.
"You don't have to say shit let me tell them!"
"No."