When I tell you people went crazy, they went crazy.
I created new accounts on twitter and instagram, and holy hell, im scared of the mcr fans. Everyone was freaking out about Mikey and I. Not only the fans, a ton of news stations and talk shows have already talked about our return. It's been one day since the first show, and Nicholas has already booked me to get interviewed so many times! Practically twice in every city on the tour.
Today was my first interview since 2008. I only agreed to do it because apparently a fan of the band was the interviewer. He had a pretty famous podcast, so Nicholas agreed. Im pretty nervous though, I've never been interviewed by myself. I don't even know how Mikey doesn't have to get interviewed until the next show! Gerard knows I'm going to be interviewed and they're probably more nervous than I am.
I was just laying on the bed in our shared hotel room, dressed and with my hair and makeup done. Gerard was pacing back and forth, giving me lists of things to remember when I get interviewed. I was kinda tuning him out.
"Remember hon, if he asks anything that makes you uncomfortable, stop the interview! I will not stand-"
"Gerard, I know!" I sighed. I love them to pieces but they just kept saying the same thing over and over again! "Listen sweetie," I started, "I don't think it'll be that... bad? I mean, I've looked into the guy, he's interviewed a ton of people, and from what I saw, they were comfortable." He sighed and laid next to me, digging his head against my chest and arm. I happily held him me closer to me.
"I'm just scared for you." He whispered. I pulled him close to my face, "I'm sure I'll be fine, and if I want to leave, I'll leave alright?" They remained silent for a few moments before they sighed and nodded. "You need me to go with you?" Although I would love him to, it would be too suspicious. "Gee, wouldn't that be odd? I mean, all people know is I'm back. But they don't know about us, or at least, that we're close. I feel like it'd been too risky." They groaned, obviously knowing I was right.
We just laid together, talking about anything and everything until I had to leave for the interview. "Are you really sure you'll be okay?" I sighed, "Yes, Gerard, Im pretty positive." He stayed quiet for a few moments until he frowned and said, "If anything starts bothering you, like anything at all... you'll tell me?" I couldn't help but smile at them. "Yes, I will." They kissed me goodbye, I grabbed my bag, and headed out the hotel to my uber.
The ride to the studio where the interview would be held was interesting to say the least. On my way to the uber, which was a 8 minute walk, I was stopped like 10 different times by fans. Don't get me wrong, Im not complaining! I was actually thrilled, it's just, so unexpected for me. Im not used to people stopping me and freaking out that they're meeting me. They wanted photos with me, and me to sign things of theirs, which was expected, but they were actually telling me stories of how i've influenced them. Although each interaction was amazing, one really made me think.
It was this teenage girl, I think she looked about 17 or 18. She has short black hair, and had an mcr shirt. She actually didn't stop me, I stopped her. I had sunglasses and a hat on, to be a little low key, so I guess she just wasn't paying attention. Lucky for her, I was. I just simply said, "Hey, I like your shirt." She stoppped, looked down at her shirt and then smiled at me. She looked at me kinda weirdly and then started freaking out. I couldn't help but just beam at her. I understand how she must be feeling. She told me she was at last nights show and how she was so happy.
Our conversation was a little scattered but she ended it by saying, "I just want to thank you. You're music and influence- I dunno... you saved my life so many times." She gave me a hug, and was on her way. I didn't have time to respond, or even think up a response.
There's no way I saved her.
She saved herself, I just... helped her? What an odd concept. Im so shocked! I wasn't expecting to hear that. How should you even respond to that?!? Nonetheless, it's a nice feeling. Like, I've affected her life so greatly, to the point she told me herself, yet, we've never met. She could know everything about me, but I didn't even get her name. I need to get better at what to say to these things. Maybe I should ask Tyler later?
I finally made it to the uber.
The drive up to the studio was about 40 something minutes with LA traffic. It was a nice studio, kinda cozy too. I was greeted by my interviewer, Jude. He was really nice. He had purple hair, similar to mine, and gages. He looked cool. He was fangirling hard core over me though. "Oh gosh! y/n l/n in the flesh! I can't believe I'm actually meeting you!" I just awkwardly laughed. "Yeah... nice to met you?" He gave me a hug and handed me a cold sparkling water. I hope it's crisp. He led me to a soft, orange loveseat. Across from the loveseat was his chair. I sat down and tried to get comfortable, but it hit me why Gerard was so nervous about me getting interviewed.
I wasn't ready for this.
I sighed to myself. I gotta do this. I agreed to, and my fans would love to hear me talking about, well, anything new. I was asked if I was ready by one of the camera guys and I have a thumbs up. Ill be okay. I opened the bottle and took a quick gulp.
The interview started.
"Welcome everyone! We have a very important guest today! Im so excited guys, you have no idea! You may have heard about her "comeback" from last night's show! She needs no introduction, y/n l/n of my chemical romance!"
My mouth went dry. I smiled and waved at the camera and then at Jude.
"Hi?"
"So, y/n... how's it feel to be back? I mean, the last we heard of you, was over 10 years ago!"
"Oh um, well, it was more like a few months from my last show to last night for me! So, not too scary?" I laughed softly.
"Right, well, I gotta say on behalf of all of us, we missed you dearly! Same with Mikey!"
I smiled again, "Thanks, it's a nice feeling."
Geez, Im bad at this.
"Speaking of Mikey, you two have always been close right?"
"Oh, yeah! Ever since we met, we kinda new we'd be in the long haul with each other! He's great really, I couldn't ask for a better best friend."
"And he's the person who got you in mcr, right? It never was really confirmed or denied."
"Um, kinda? Well, Gerard asked Mikey to be the bass player, and he agreed. But he told me he was just bored at practices, and tried to convince me to join. I played the guitar at the time too, but they already had ray. Frank would come in later too. I wasn't really thinking about it too much until Gerard and Mikey stopped by my house one time. I think they were dropping off some project for school that Mikey needed help with. Something like that. Well anyway, I didn't know they were coming over, so I was just practicing my piano. Then when Gerard heard me, he asked me to join his band. He said he liked how I played. So, I joined the band. Though sometimes I think I was only added for Mikey's entertainment, but who knows?" I slightly laughed.
"Sorry, I kinda got ahead of myself..."
Jude just looked at me, and smiled.
"No, no, you're good! Im just surprised to hear you talk more than a few sentences! In the past, you've only ever done interviews with the entire band or just one other person. Never alone. So, why was that?"
Damn.
"Um, well... I guess I just wasn't as interesting as uh Frank or Gerard, ya know?"
His face was puzzled, and I grew nervous. Did I say the wrong thing?
"Do you think you weren't as liked as they were? Their fanbases were huge, I mean, they still are, but yours grew over time, right?"
"Yeah... I'd say that was true. I mean, compared to them, Im nothing special. So, it's not like Im mad about it. And, I had my fans, there were small in numbers, but they still cheered for me."
He laughed.
"Well, after yesterday, I think it's clear to say you've become a fan favorite! So, back to Mikey, you two were always really close, but the both of you have stated in the past, that you two were the only ones who had each others back during tours. Especially the shows you did with the black parade. Could you give us some context?"
I could literally feel my face pale.
"Hm... uh. Well, people were out doing their own things ya know? We all hung out, but some would go off and party, while others would get extra sleep, or go talk to other bands on the road with us. Mikes and I just always stuck around each other. We were kind of each others saviors, in a way. Id lose my mind without him during those tours and he would have quit without me. As for the black parade... that was a mess!" I tired laughing it off, hoping, praying he'd be satisfied.
"A mess? What makes you say that?"
Damn, I can't win, huh?
"Well, ya know..." WHY DO I KEEP SAYING THAT?? "There was a lot of... tension, in the band. People weren't getting along as great as before. My relationship with one of the members actually came to an all time low. Uh, it was stressful too. All things considered, I wasn't having the best time, and I'd say that was the case for a few of the members as well."
There was also Gerard's "relationship" with lynz. Along with me wanting to leave the band after the last show of the tour. But it's not like I can just say that.
"Oh, I didn't realize that. It makes sense though. Sorry you went through that. So, who was the member you didn't get along with? Was it Gerard? There's so many videos of them just yelling at you on stage, or shoving you."
What da fuck?
"Oh, that's, uh, not important. I think it was just the nerves on stage. Uh, all is good now, we don't have to rehash."
"Oh, right... Well, I saw clips of you two being all buddy buddy from last night! I bet it made Mikey jealous?"
"Jealous...?"
"Something like that, right? I mean, you've got to know, the whole fandom ships you two together! I mean, what a perfect couple you and him would make, right?"
My gut dropped.
"No, we're just friends."
"Have you always been friends? Is there something more? You can't lie, I've seen the way you two look at each other! Especially him, he just seems so happy around you!"
"Thats because we're friends. That's all, trust me."
The interview ended not too long after that. It was honestly not the worst interview I've ever done, but definitely my most uncomfortable experience. What was with all the Mikey questions?? Gosh, Gerard's gonna be so pissed, for good reason too. I just wanna go to the hotel room, and relax all night with him. I said my goodbyes to everyone in the studio, texted Nicholas and Mikey for the heads up about the questions I was asked about. I'll tell Gerard in person, hopefully it'll help him. Im worried he'll become insecure, or jealous, or whatever.
On my way back to the hotel, I decided to get dinner for Gerard and I. I just got a two plates of take out at a Japanese restaurant. I got us a gallon cranberry juice too. I thought, "well we need dessert?" so I got a us a pack of fancy cookies. I also decided to get him some flowers, to make him feel good and loved. I was trying to go all out for him. As I walked through the hotel, I felt like I was being watched. I couldn't shake the feeling until I physically entered my room.
Gerard had their pajamas still on from this morning. He raised up slightly from the bed when I walked in. He was just watching some cooking show on the tv. He smiled when I sat all the food down. "Oh, here these flowers are for you!" I handed him a bouquet of red roses with a mix of different smaller flowers. He blushed at the gesture. "Aww, I love you honey. You didn't have to do all this!" I smiled, "I wanted to." He nodded and smiled, then asked, "So, How was the interview?" They looked up at me sweetly.
God, Im in love.
I sighed, "Well, it was mixed. He asked me some good questions, but then it got weird. Like, he was saying Mikey and I should date because he and apparently everyone else thinks we're in love." I looked down, I didn't want to see Gerard's face fall. The second I looked at him though, he had tears falling down his face. I immediately held him and said, "No, baby! I shot it all down. I promise!" They just nodded against me, finally letting it all out and sobbed onto my shirt.
Throughout him crying, he said, "I believe you! It's just- everyone thinks you're better off with Mikey!" He kept sobbing. I sighed again, "Sweetie, they only think that because we were always together in the past. I promise once we do more shows, and you and are interact more, people will like the idea of us being together. Right now, they don't have a lot of reasons to ship us together." They just kept sobbing, "No! They'll think Im too old for you! They won't even think we should be together! Mikey's closer in age to you than I am, why should I even be shocked!"
It took me 30 minutes to calm them down.By that time, the food either became soggy, cold, and or stale. Gerard just laid in the bed, blankets over him. He was sitting up, but resting his on the the headboard. He just watched as I tried to reheat everything in the microwave. A soft, "'m sorry..." came from them. I sighed, "It's okay Gee, it's not a problem. We can still eat in peace, and enjoy each others company!" He just sighed and nodded. After the food was reheated, I poured us some juice and sat down next to him, food on my lap, resting.
I was quite hungry so I dove in, but Gerard really didn't seem interested in eating. "Aren't you hungry?" He looked down, "I need to lose weight." I was confused? "Baby, what are you talking about? You're perfect?" "No, y/n, I gotta get better looking for everyone, especially you..." "Gerard, I love the way you look. Maybe you don't, and if that's the case, then I'll support you healthily losing weight to make you feel better about yourself. But don't change for others and especially me!" They were silent for a few moments and then asked, "You really like the way I look?" I nodded, "Of course I do! I mean, you've always been cute and hot, but something about how you look now, damn baby girl-" He laughed, and that made me laugh. "Thanks... you're pretty hot too." I giggled, "I know."
We ate dinner, and I took a shower later in the night. We got ready for bed, but my head started pounding. I tried keeping it to myself, I didn't want to worry Gerard more than I have already today. They held me as they slowly fell asleep. Around that time, my stomach was hurting so much too. I couldn't help it, I had to vomit. But why? Im not too nervous? Maybe it's the nerves of the post concert high? The interview? Gerard's insecurities?
I bolted out of the bed, as gently as I could that is, and ran to the bathroom. The second I got the toilet lid open, I threw up hardcore. I can't remember the last time it was that violent. I didn't even have to turn on the light, so I was in total darkness, with the only light peaking through the bathroom was from the window covered up with a curtain. I stopped after several long minutes of throwing up, and turned on the lights.
My guy dropped further than it did moments ago.
When I looked down at my hands, one of my tattoos were gone. I got a question mark tattooed on me not too long after three cheers came out, that was when I was 23. I started shaking. I turned around to see myself in the mirror. Holy shit! I gasped so loud, I was terrified of Gerard waking up to see me like this. I looked exactly how I did when I was 20! In 2004! I had shorter red hair, and I still had my eyebrow piercing in! I couldn't help but scream. I didn't even mean to! I was just so freaked out!
Gerard came crashing to the bathroom and immediately checked on me, asked me what was wrong, if I was okay, just like last time I worried him about my well being. "Gerard dont I look weird?!" He looked at me funny, "No? Honey, I know you felt sick earlier, I could see it on your face, but you're starting to worry me..." "No, Gerard! Look-" I turned again to see my reflection. I was back to being me. Purple and blue, longer hair, I had a scar from where my eyebrow piercing healed, and my hand still had the question mark. "What the hell....?"
"Sweetie, are you okay?" I nodded slightly.
"I think I need sleep."