January 19th, 2013
When I found her, she was battling the cold underneath a woolen blanket, shivering, tucked away way up high in her tree house.
Once I’d climbed up the seemingly never-ending ladder that shot upwards into the sky, I grew more and more tired, but never any less determined to keep moving forwards.
I reached the top after a while, and when I did, I could finally see her; pushed away in a corner underneath the blanket, curled up, her eyes closed and her hair tussled, like a halo around her head. Her eyes were closed, and black eye makeup was smudged across her cheeks, her lips stained red from her lipstick.
Quietly, faint melody played in the background, and I was confused; that is, until I saw the headphones snaking up to her ears, an old iPod resting beside her.
I wondered for a long time if she was asleep, and if she was, if I should wake her. I climbed inside, getting cold just from looking at her. I wondered if she’d been up here all week like this, with just that flimsy blanket to keep her warm. Nevertheless, I approached her, reaching out to brush her skin with my fingertips—she felt frozen, like an icicle. Faltering backwards, staring at her with mixed shock and fright, I was startled and unsure how to react. Did I wake her up? What if she was mad at me, for some reason?
What if she really didn’t want to be found?
Apprehensive about all the thousands of scenarios that were bound to haunt me for the rest of the day, I tried to take a deep breath, not wanting to concern myself even more with all the trivial bits of the bigger picture.
Studying her again, I frowned, feeling the cold against my skin simply from looking at her. I wondered how long she’d been bearing the cold all on her own. Feeling like it was an obligation, I quickly slipped off my own coat, hanging it over her, hopeful that it might stop her from shivering.
As I tucked the last piece of the coat between the wall of the tree house and her back so that it would not fall as she leaned against it, a quick snippet of the melody that played on her iPod caught my ear. I listened quietly for a second, before I tentatively took one of the ear buds, holding it closer. I then picked up the device, checking on the screen what song it was as each note played in the background of my mind, like the threads of nostalgia weaving their way back into me.
There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told “seek and ye shall find”
So I’m going to sing a certain line I’ve had in mind
My mouth fell slightly ajar as the remembrance of that night flooded into me again, like a dam that’d just been broken. I slowly set the iPod down, adjusting the ear bud so that it stayed put in my ear and tried to get comfortable. Leaning up against the wooden walls of the rickety old tree house, I was pretty sure that it was just about as worn out as the both of us.
I listened to Winter’s soft breathing against the wind, serving as the harmony for the music that made me want to sway back and forth in the foreground. I looked at her then, wondering how someone so special could think that they were so insignificant.
Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet
He’s the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret
I’d like to add his initials to my monogram
Tell me where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?
I licked my now chapped lips, wondering how long it might take Winter to wake up, though not quite caring. It was most important to me that she was found, and that she’d stay that way.
I’m a little lamb lost in the wood
Oh, I know I could always be good
To one who’ll watch over me
And then I shut my eyes closed, feeling myself drift back to sleep beside Winter, our heartbeats slowing down to match one rhythm as if that is how things should’ve been all along.
❄
January 20th, 2013
I woke up to the sound of sirens blaring in the distance. And when I opened my eyes, Winter was no longer beside me.
I felt my heart sink to my stomach, my throat closing in on itself, my head spinning; where could she have gone, I thought? I had her, and then I lost her so easily.
But where could she have gone?
Feeling dizzier by the moment, I held my head in my hand, trying to raise myself up so that I could think properly. I heard the blaring of sirens off in the distance, and I wondered what was happening so that it had to so rudely awaken me when the sun had barely even yet to touch the horizon.
I scrambled up to my feet, my head nearly hitting the low ceiling as I tried my best to coordinate myself. If I’d been anyone else, I would’ve kicked myself the moment I regained balance. I was so stupid to just let her slip from my fingers. She obviously didn’t want to be found, and I just let her get away.
Feeling the cold wrap itself around me like a blanket, I shivered. It seemed as though Winter had absconded with my jacket, which made me feel somehow sad. I didn’t know why I’d expected anything less, though. Her main objective was to run away. My feelings weren’t exactly any sort of variable in that equation.
I inched towards the ladder, wondering if I might still be able to catch her when the sirens yet again pierced my ears. I cursed underneath its howl, adjusting my glasses to see better what the whole fuss was about. But the moment I peered out of the tree house, I could see on the ground exactly what was wrong.
Both of my parents, accompanied by Hattie, and a million other police officers and a few paramedics scattered around the scene. I gazed down from the immeasurable height, only to have my mother peer up at me, her eyes brighten. She pointed up at me, “He’s awake!” She exclaimed, grabbing my father by his sleeve, shaking it restlessly, “Seth, Henry’s awake!”
My father looked up at me, a sigh of relief escaping his lips as he began to smile. Hattie looked up, holding a hand to her chest, as if to stop it from bursting out of her skin.
My mother tugged on the sleeve of a police officer, gesturing to me, saying something I didn’t quite catch. But before I knew it or could process what was going on, two police officers had helped me down the ladder, as if I was a small boy who couldn’t protect himself from a ladder.
Once I got to the ground, it all seemed to be quite blurred, as it all happened so quickly. My mom rushed to hug me; my father tussled my hair; Hattie gave me a quick squeeze, a sort of sisterly-brotherly bond expressed less in words and more in smiles that creased her face when she saw me dispatched from the policemen’s grip.
And in the haze of the moment, I thought, in the distance that I could see a familiar face with a flash of orange hair. I squinted my eyes, peering over my mother’s shoulder, only to see Bronwyn; she was accompanied by a strict looking man, probably in his 50s, and a tired woman, who looked as if she’d once been beautiful, before time ravaged her features. They looked over to me, and I tried to make out their faces more, but could only see Bronwyn flash me a rather sad smile before my mother ripped me away from their line of sight.
“Henry, thank God you’re okay,” she said with a sigh, her voice shaking with fright.
I didn’t understand what was happening. I wanted to know where she was. I needed to find her. I had to find her for Bronwyn, and for myself.
“Did you guys see Winter?” I asked, my voice cracking; frantic. “She ran away before I could go and get her—”
“—Henry, we should go home. This isn’t the place—”
“—Why are there so many people here? Did they file a missing report, or something? I can help them. I can show them the clue she left for me—”
“—Henry, please, stop,” my father said softly, grabbing ahold of my shoulder tightly. He looked at me, his eyes hard and stolid, and I wondered what he was thinking about and if I really wanted to know. My mother drew in a shaky breath.
“Honey, they found Winter,” she said, her eyes sad and droopy, looking like a little girl.
I felt my chest tighten and my heart rate increase tenfold. I grabbed her by the arm, “T-They did? Where is she, I have to talk to her—”
“—Henry,” my father said again, his voice a bit louder and a bit stricter this time, as if there was something hidden behind his tough façade that he was trying his best to get out. His eyes were sad and tired behind his battered old frames, and he went to hug me, something he hadn’t done in ages. I felt fear seize me, and tears choked me as I squeaked for conformation, my brain having frozen in the cold weather.
“D-Dad? What’s going on?” I asked, my voice cracking, like it had when I was a child, just before a wave of tears were bound to follow.
He looked at me, dead on, cutting quickly to the chase like he might with a business associate. He cleared his throat, glancing back to my mother before he turned to me.
“She’s being taken to the hospital right now, Henry.”
I felt my knees buckle, and I could’ve fallen, right then and there. My father held me up as I scratched at him, trying to grab his coat as leverage so I wouldn’t collapse entirely, “W-What? Why?”
He pursed his lips, his breath visible against the crisp morning air, “The police said she was trying to leave this morning. There must’ve been some ice on the ladder, and she fell.”
“N-No,” I breathed, feeling as though the wind had just been knocked out of me. They had to have been joking. There was no way Winter could have fallen; she knew that place like the back of her hand. And yet, here were the ambulances, and the policemen, and my family, gathered around me as if I was somehow the victim in this situation.
I looked back, over my mother’s shoulder to see Bronwyn, arguing with a policeman, the man and woman beside her standing quiet, solid like statues. It was then when it hit me; the woman’s white blonde hair, and the man’s ice blue eyes…they were Winter’s parents.
And somehow, they weren’t breaking down like I was.
“We’ll take you to visit her as soon as the ambulances leave, okay, honey?” My mother said tentatively, holding my face in her hands, talking slowly and surely. But it didn’t reassure me anymore. “She’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”
But I didn’t care if I was okay. I just wanted to look at Winter open her eyes again. I just wanted to retrace my steps in time and have woken her up the night before, and told her not to leave. I wanted to go back and tell her she didn’t need to feel so frightened; so useless, like she didn’t matter. Like there was no point.
Moments passed, and sirens blared, and eventually my mother and father had gone off to speak to a policeman concerning Winter’s wellbeing. After a few tantrums where I’d yelled at an EMT, telling him to let me see her, he’d shooed me away, like a child.
“She’ll be alright, Henry,” Hattie told me, after the last EMT had pushed me away, and I’d wound up just as empty handed as ever before.
“Thanks for your medical opinion, Hattie, but you’re not exactly qualified,” I huffed angrily, crossing my arms.
Hattie grimaced at me, indignant. “I’m just trying to help, you know,” she retorted bitterly, “you don’t have to snap at me.”
“Look, I’m sorry,” I deadpanned, unenthused. “I’m just a tad bit overwhelmed right now.”
Hattie nodded, unfazed, as she turned to me, a small smirk creasing her lips. She nodded at me, “Nice cheek, by the way.”
I raised an eyebrow, hesitating unsurely. When she noticed my confusion, she reached into the purse at her side that she’d gotten at Christmas, pulling out a tiny compact and flipping it open for me. I saw my reflection in it; tired, weary, and looking nearly dead. The only color on my pale face was a red splotch on my cheek, which had faded considerably over time. I felt my mouth fall open, as I studied the shape of the mark.
“Looks likes she didn’t leave you with nothing after all,” Hattie said smugly, throwing the compact back into her purse with a grin, walking off to find my parents.
Standing behind her, still taken aback, I felt my fingers reach for my cheeks, nearly haven frozen in the winter cold, looking back at them to see the very color that she’d worn the night before.
I stood like that for a long time before my parents came to drive me to the hospital.
❄
I’d probably worn footprints into the ground considering how many times I’d paced back and forth on the hospital’s linoleum floor.
By the time I’d been waiting for over twenty minutes, I saw Bronwyn and the two adults rush into the waiting room. The adults headed to the desk, just before Bronwyn saw me, ushering them over to me. She gestured to me with her hand, smiling, and looking quite worn out.
“Mom, dad, this is Henry, Winter’s best friend,” she said.
I didn’t quite know what I’d expected Winter’s parents to look like. I think I imagined something rather spectacular; like, her mother appearing like some 40’s housewife, with movie starlet like curls and the youthful glow of a woman who’d retained her beauty even in her late years of motherhood. As for her father, I could picture a strong and quiet business type man; one who always wore his suit, and who never took the day off, except for occasions like birthdays, so he could be with his daughters.
I didn’t know why I’d built these massive and grand expectations in my head; because, looking at them, they were just…people. They were normal, run of the mill people. I could look at them on the street and not look twice.
Her mother had tones of beauty, hidden under her tired, puffy eyes, that had seemed to have been effaced long ago by age, commitment, or both. And her father looked quite normal, with thinning grayish hair, icy blue eyes, and a bit of a drinker’s gut. They both looked at me with tired, uninterested eyes.
“It’s nice to meet you, Henry,” her mother said in a quiet voice that lacked both the spirit and vigor that I knew Winter to possess.
“Have they told you anything about her?” Mr. McLane inquired quickly, in a gruff voice.
I shook my head, faltering as I searched pointlessly for an answer that was already there, “Uh, no, not yet,” I replied. “They haven’t come out yet.”
Her dad grimaced, obviously annoyed, “Well, this is just ridiculous—”
“Calm down, dad, it’ll be alright,” Bronwyn said with a sigh. “She’s been through worse.”
Her mother held a hand to her mouth, looking on the verge of tears. She leaned against her husband for support, “I thought she was better. I thought she’d stopped running away after she stopped seeing that awful Hunter boy. I thought she was better, I thought she was happy…”
“She was happy. I don’t know what went wrong,” he muttered to himself, rubbing his wife’s back reassuringly, to stop her tears from overflowing.
Bronwyn, frowning, looked at her parents, then back at me. Resting a hand on her mother’s shoulder, she whispered, “I’ll be right back. I’m going to talk to Henry for a second,” she explained.
She nodded, dismissing us, just before Bronwyn grabbed my sleeve, pulling me away from sight, into the farthest and emptiest corridor she could find. Once we were alone, she confronted me, her eyes ablaze with concern.
“What happened, Henry?” She asked finally, her eyes drenched with sadness.
Feeling weak; hopeless, I could only respond quietly, my voice cracking, “I…I don’t know,” I breathed, looking at my twiddling thumbs. “…I found her, and I fell asleep beside her. When I woke up in the morning, all this happened, and I have no other knowledge. I don’t know where she’s been, why she left…”
“…I guess we’ll just have to wait until she wakes up, then,” Bronwyn deducted ultimately with a sigh, crossing her arms against her chest. She brushed a strand of hair from her face, sighing, “Thank you, Henry. For finding her.”
I rolled my eyes, “I obviously wasn’t much help.”
She cracked a grin, chuckling, “Well, you’ve still been much more helpful than most,” she replied with a sigh, turning immediately on her heel, heading back in the opposite direction towards her parents, leaving me in her wake.
I watched her leave, and fell silent, listening to the ambient and almost eerie noises of the hospital around me. After a while, I walked back to the waiting room, where I hoped for Winter’s awakening.
---
a/n: sorry not sorry for leaving you on another cliffhanger
dedicated to lemon_ because of her lovely messages <3