21. That awkward moment when the weirdest person in your school gets a girlfriend/boyfriend, and you’re still forever alone.
22. Don’t talk to me about bravery until you’re watching a horror film, alone in bed, with one leg out of the covers.
23. I have Attention Deficit Disorder. I get distracted easily because my head… SHOULDERS, KNEES, AND TOES! KNEES AND TOES!
24. FACT: Mimes always scream when you kick them in the balls.
25. Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
26. Sometimes you have to forgive and forget. Forgive them for hurting you and forget that they exist. Move on!
27. It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
28. The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during sex.
29. Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
30. I hate when people say, ” I gotta get my body right for the summer”..like, wtf are going to do about your face??
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