I've been tryin to make you love me
But everything I try just takes you further from me
៚ • eight
៚ • bronx, ny
៚ • 7:35am
៚ • bryson jr. walker
"Bryson, I don't know what we're doing," Samaria breathed out as I wrapped my arm tightly around her waist.
"I don't know either."
"Should we stop?" She asked, but her movements contradicted her actions as her arms went around my neck.
"I don't want to." I said and she paused.
"Me neither," she smiled, parting her lips and I closed the space between us, pressing my lips to hers.
Whatever rushed through me in that moment, I didn't want to lose the feeling and she didn't either. Her hands held me closer, pulling me to her.
"Hmmm," she moaned out and I fell into her more, slipping my tongue into her mouth as she did the same.
"BRYSON I SAID WAKE UPPPPPPP!!!" I heard and jumped up from my sleep seeing Bria.
"What the fuck is this for?"
"Sir you've overslept an hours worth of alarms and not even my voice could wake you up... well until now. Anyways you have like 25 minutes to get ready."
"Bro how did I manage to do that?"
"You asking me like I know," she shrugged and walked out of my room.
"Damn I gotta get re-" then I remembered what was going through my head just before I was abruptly woken up.
Dreaming about kissing my best friend was not on the agenda.
Dreaming about kissing Samaria was not on the agenda.
Dreaming about kissing Samaria and for some strange reason enjoying the dream was DEFINITELY not on my agenda.
Man I just need some breakfast that's why I'm feeling this way right now.
I'm fine.
I'm cool.
Everyone has dreams like that, this isn't that serious. Shit happens in dreams. Dreams aren't a reflection of my mind. So yeah, I'm fine.
My brain is just compensating for the fact that I don't have anyone to do that with right now...
Exactly, That's exactly why. Woo I almost got scared for a second there.
I stood up and made my bed, If I keep being normal then I'll be fine.
I listened to Givēon's take time album to get me through the morning. I went about my regular routine, showering, getting dressed, and making my breakfast.
I forced myself to forget about it.
samaria💟: im basically ready early for the first timeee, good morning🩵
Oh fuck
And while I focused on not focusing on the dream. I forgot that eventually I would have to see her in person. And drive her to school. Just us, in the car.
And it was too late to ask someone to ride with us.
me: im proud of you, good morning
Suddenly I wasn't so hungry for the half of the waffle left on my plate.
I think what's bothering me the most is that the dream isn't making me as uncomfortable, I'm not that weirded out, and it's fucking with me.
I never really saw her in that light, at least I think. Well I only saw her in that light for some time way earlier in our friendship.
But it was never that serious because
a. She's too scared to even get close to someone like that
b. She would never see me like that
c. I'd rather not risk our friendship
But I'm determined to just chill and not think too hard.
Faster than I wanted, it was close to 8am and I was standing outside my car watching Samaria walk down the sidewalk.
"Hi Bryson," she smiled as she came in front of me.
"Hi Samaria," I leaned down to give her a slight hug.
"Bryson since when do you give half-ass hugs?"
"I'm sorry, I've been a little off this morning." I apologized and she tilted her head at me before nodding. I opened the door for her before getting into the drivers seat and starting on to school.
"What happened this morning that has you like this?"
"Nothing serious, I just dreamed about us making out." I thought to myself.
"I don't wanna talk about it," I said clearing my throat.
"Hmmm you sure?" She asked and I nodded.
"Hmmmkayyy. Boutta put on some H.E.R."
Is that your new thing? That your new thing?
Tell mе are you into new things, into new things?
Baby, it's a fеw things, it's a few things, let me tell you
You still (You still), you still (You still)
I glanced over at her singing and my brain disconnected from the music and focused on her lips.
"Me neither," she smiled, parting her lips and I closed the space between us pressing my lips to hers.
Fuck, fuck, fuck
When we reached a stoplight I took the chance to adjust how I was sitting. Nothing was comfortable all of a sudden. No position did me justice.
"Bryson why can't you sit still?" Samaria asked worried.
"Nothing, I'm good."
"Did I do something? Am I doing something?"
"No, no, of course not." I assured her tightening my grip on the wheel. "I'm fine Samaria."
And for the rest of the ride I kept my expression straight to the road.
"Bryson."
"Yes Samaria."
"I do not appreciate what you're doing right now."
"Look, I just had a weird morning, it's nothing that you're doing I promise." I replied looking over to her. I gave her a smile and her expression got brighter.
"Ok good." She replied, putting her hand to my locs.
"Should we stop?" She asked, but her movements contradicted her actions as she her arms went around my neck.
I tried to ignore the sensation from her hand on my skin. I haven't felt like this before and I know this dream is gonna fuck up the flow for a while.
★・・・・・・★
12pm
"Damn what happened somebody die?" Jalani asked me as we stood in the hall.
Lunchtime had just begun and I successfully got through this first half of the school day.
Mainly because I didn't see Samaria that much. And when I did, I smiled and continued past. It was unlike me, but I didn't have much of a choice.
In the car ride my mind kept fucking with me, and if that was the case for today I really didn't wanna be around her for an extended period of time.
Maybe this is some big joke life is playing on me right now.
"What I tell you, you cannot ever tell Jaliya and you most DEFINITELY can't tell Samaria or I will kill you Jalani okay?"
"Bro what is it?" He asked looking worried.
"I had a dream."
"Ok...what happened in the dream?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. I leaned on the wall and took a deep breath.
"I had a dream this morning with Samaria, and we kissed. But not just like a quick kiss. Like hands on each other, moaning, making out type shit. And I had to pick her up this morning for school obviously and I couldn't sit still because I kept thinking back on the dream. And it's fucking with my head because we're just friends. And you know, maybe before I considered something deeper but of course it can't be like that because we just aren't like that. But now it's been messing up the flow of my whole day because I'm not supposed to be thinking of her like that. And I'm mad at myself that I liked the dream so I can't tell her about it. If I didn't like the dream I could've told her and we could've laughed it off or some shit and-
"Bryson." Jalani said making me stop rambling.
"What?"
"You always liked Samaria."
"Well yeah she's my friend."
"No. I mean you always liked Samaria in a romantic way. Always."
"Huh."
"That's why you liked the dream. And you shouldn't be mad at yourself for feeling the way you feel."
"No Jalani you have to lie to me because we can't be more than friends. And it's not right for me to think this way because it risks our friendship."
"Bryson I'm not gonna lie to you."
"But you have to or it ruins everything."
"Why is it gonna ruin everything? You're always talking about being open and honest."
"Do you know the same Samaria that I know?" I replied and he paused to think.
"Ok well yes I can see why you'd think it will ruin everything. Look, I'll keep Samaria away from you for the rest of lunch and you- you just take it easy man." He said and I nodded, relieved that he would help me.
He went into the lunchroom and I left the building to clear my head.
I decided on chipotle, so I picked it up and sat in my car to eat it and watch the boondocks.
It was nice to be by myself, but I wanted to be with my friends and I couldn't. I couldn't because of a dream and the way it made me feel.
【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】
school 12pm
samaria's world
"Yooo," Jalani said as he sat down next to me.
"You want tell me why I'm being avoided?" I asked instantly.
"What happened to hi, hello, how are you?" He asked making up his face.
"Hi Jalani, why am I being ignored."
"Hold on what I missed?" Jaliya asked looking at me.
"His best friend has been acting weird towards me since morning. And whenever I saw him in the halls he tried to move right past me and not talk."
"And you didn't do anything?"
"Nothing!"
"Look Samaria relax. Breathe in and breathe out."
"You're telling a girl who is constantly ignored in her house to not freak out when her friend starts ignoring her out of nowhere." Jaliya said to Jalani.
"Okay, okay it's not thatttt deep," I added and they both gave me a look. "Okay nevermind."
"Look Samaria you're not doing anything wrong. It's a personal conflict that he's struggling with."
"Oh so you know why?" I asked and he froze.
"Yes but don't get worked up aii?" He replied and although hesitant I nodded.
He's told Jalani before me. I can't fucking believe this.
I should kill him.
I was zoned out for the rest of lunch thinking about what I could have done to end up in this situation.
What did I do to make the nigga that mad?
Well luckily I could figure that out next class, because we had it together.
I sat in my usual spot in the class and got a weird feeling when he didn't come in on time.
But I brushed it off and in time he came into class.
"Hi." He said before sitting down next to me.
"Hi, you're late."
"I lost track of time eating lunch in my car."
"Hmmmm." I nodded before looking back at the teacher.
"I'm sorry for ignoring you bunny it's-it's nothing personal."
"Hmmmm."
"I don't want you to be mad at me about it. If I could tell you I would but it's personal."
"I'm not mad at you Bryson. I'm just sad that you're treating me differently and I don't know why but I wanna know why, but you won't tell me."
"Bryson, Samaria stop the side conversation please." Our teacher said and we nodded.
Once the teacher finished her long-winded useless talk we went on to independent work.
"Realistically are we gonna do this work right now?" He asked.
"Absolutely not."
"Hmmmm, what should we do to pass the time?"
"I really don't know." He replied leaning back in his seat.
"So are you done ignoring me?"
"It was never meant to hurt you Samaria, stuff just happened."
"I know, and that's okay. I'm just happy you're not ignoring me anymore." I smiled and he did too.
"I'm boutta take a nap, wake me up when class is over captain."
"Forsure captain."
━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━
you've made it to the end of the eighth chapter!
a lil drama fi da gyaldem
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