Chapter 26
Thursday September 8th
Lennons POV
"Do you understand how pathetic you are?!"
"Oh my god"
"I mean, seriously?!? How could you?"
I looked up once again at the TV program I had playing in the background as I cleaned up around the house. I don't even know what show it is, it was just some random reality TV that I put on for the noise. I paused from washing the dishes to witness the girl yell at the guy in front of her, who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else than there according to the look on his face. It reminded me of Harry and I last week.
Speaking of Harry, he was coming over again this afternoon to continue our long dreaded conversation. It's like one part of me doesn't want it, but the other part of me keeps reaching for the phone and inviting him over before I could stop myself. I truly wasn't expecting myself to call him so soon after last Friday, but in a moment's time my fingers were dialing his number and I was asking him if he was free on Thursday.
I've had just under a week now to process everything from last week.
I was still deeply hurt by the revelation that he's been in California, but I'm trying to take it with a grain of salt and move past it. I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter where he was hiding out, because at the end of the day he still wasn't around. Whether it was Hollywood or Bishopsgate, he still was gone.
It's obvious to me that Harry truly does regret leaving. I can tell by the look on his face when he's apologizing, and the way his body is always so tense when he's over here. He's nervous as hell, I know he is. He talks faster when he's nervous. The fact that I'm easily able to look at him and know that he's regretful helps his case.
And although he's known for basically playing a part, I know that he's being genuine when he's over here.
I haven't found it in me yet to read his letters. The unknown of what is written on those 7 pieces of papers scares me if I'm being honest. It could either make me feel extremely bad, or extremely angry at him, and I feel like I need to wait. I want to talk to Harry trying to be as unbiased as I can, and if his letters are going to pull at my heartstrings, I don't want to know.
I currently had them in my nightstand drawer.
Reaching into the sink to grab another dish, only to be met with an empty sink, I dried my hands off and looked at the rest of the to do list that I had sitting on the counter next to me. I desperately needed to go grocery shopping, and I figured I have enough time before Harry will be coming over to go and come back.
I quickly swapped from sweatpants to leggings before I left the house and drove to the grocery store. I did a circle around the store grabbing everything that I needed. Heading down one of the aisles my phone had beeped so I pulled it out to look at what it was.
Of course it was a text from Harry, asking what food he should bring over this time. I rolled my eyes and began typing a message back to him when I fully bumped my cart right into another human.
My face flushed, very embarrassed at my lack of knowing where I was going and began apologizing like crazy.
"Hey, Lennon, it's okay" The man's voice said and I finally looked up to face the stranger who knew my name.
"Adam! Hey. Sorry" I apologized again.
"It's fine" He assured and looked at me. I was pretty sure he could see how run down I looked but was trying to play it off like he didn't. "How uh, how are you doing?"
"I'm fine" I lied. "What about you?"
"Doing alright. What about the kids? Twins are 3 months old now?"
"Seven" I corrected. "They're good. At school"
"Time flies" Adam sighed. "I'm sorry that we haven't been around"
I shrugged my shoulders. It's not like I needed them. I'm doing it all on my own. I don't need their sympathy help. Theo, the twins, and I are managing it all on our own.
I think the last time that I saw any of Hudson's friends was a few weeks after the funeral. Some of them have texted every once in a while, but it wasn't often. It's not like I cared that much, or at least I told myself I didn't.
"It's a little early, but the guys and I had a plan to do something. We were going to go down to pay Hudson a little visit and all. You're welcome to join. We were thinking about doing it on Halloween cause you know H-"
"Halloween's his favorite holiday" I finished his sentence.
"Yeah" Adam sighed, and I watched his eyes trail down to the engagement ring on my finger.
"I'll probably pass" I turned it down. "I have the kids. They haven't been there yet. Don't really want to"
He nodded, understanding. "Makes sense, I just wanted to offer it"
"Thanks..." I trailed off. "Well it was good seeing you"
"Yeah, you too. We'll reach out more"
I just agreed with him and said a final goodbye, and then went on my way down the rest of the pasta aisle. It was nice of him to offer joining in on their little get together, but I honestly wasn't interested. The kids are always a good excuse for me to use when I don't want to do something, because honestly I'm not ready to visit his grave and especially not when I'm surrounded by all of his friends.
I looked at the time, seeing that I need to leave right now since I managed to cut into the time I had allotted for my grocery trip. Unfortunately, the lines were sort of long for a Thursday afternoon which only dug into my time even more.
By the time I made it back to my house, Harry's car was already parked in my driveway and he was there leaning against the back of it with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Sorry" I apologized, getting out and opening the trunk to get the groceries. "I ran into someone I knew and the lines were long"
"You're fine" Harry said, and then reached over and grabbed multiple bags from the trunk.
"You don't have to" I told him.
"Don't be silly, it's bags" He closed the trunk and followed me inside.
"Thanks" I walked inside and we set the bags on the counter. "Let me just put the cold stuff away real fast"
There wasn't a lot of cold items, so I quickly put those away.
"You never answered my message, so I brought salads cause I ran out of time" Harry spoke.
"Sorry" I apologized. "Salads are great. We can eat on the couch" I shrugged.
Harry followed me into the living room and I heard him quietly suck in a breath as he uncovered a whole new section of the house, including all the pictures. His eyes met the canvas of Theo, Hudson, and pregnant me by the fireplace, and I even watched nervously as he took in the photo for the first time.
Harry is obviously aware that I found somebody else after he left, but until now he hadn't seen a photo of Hudson. He only saw the babies, so I'm sure that coming "face to face" with my new partner would do something to him.
He slowly sat down on the couch, darting his eyes around the room as he looked at all of the different photos that I had displayed. There's a few of Hudson and I, and then lots of Theo at different points in his life. Taking my own look at the photos it reminded me of how much I need to get on the ball of getting photos displayed of the twin's.
"Was that his second birthday?" Harry asked, pointing at a smaller framed photo on the wall. It was Theo sat in front of a cake attempting to blow out the candles. Hudson and I were stood aside him with big smiles on our faces.
"Yeah. I took him to the zoo that day because he loved elephants that year. So his cake was also an elephant" I explained to him.
"That's awesome"
"It was fun"
"Theo loves him, yeah?"
I bit my lip and nodded. "He does. But let's not talk about that"
"Sorry"
I changed the subject. "How has the media not know where you've been for years? We barely used to get a minute to breathe, and then all of a sudden there was nothing?"
"I just never left the house, and I deleted all of my social medias, not that I was on there much anyways. But I just didn't leave, didn't engage with literally anyone besides my mom and Jeff. Eventually they tired off when they accepted I wasn't there I guess" Harry explained with a shrug.
"They kept trying to talk to me after you left. Every time I got asked a question about you, it reset the progress I had made from trying to move on. It was frustrating" I complained.
"Oh. I'm sorry"
"Everything felt a thousand times harder after you left. I didn't know how I was expected to make it on my own if you couldn't handle it as a team"
He stayed silent, letting me continue to speak.
"I had to pick up all of the pieces of the mess you made, and it was so difficult"
Harry looked around the house. "It seems like you did a pretty good job and made a good life for you guys"
"Yeah, if only you knew how my life was going right now" I scoffed, and rolled my eyes. He has no idea. Sure, I did pick up the pieces from Harry's departure and I fell in love again. The pictures do tell some sort of fairytale.
But he has no clue what we're currently going through. He's completely unaware of how broken my life is right now. And it all stems back to Harry.
Harry's face turned into concern. "Why? What's wrong? Does he not treat you right?"
"Don't come in here and accuse him of something like that" I snapped before I could stop myself.
"I-I'm sorry" Harry stuttered. "What did you mean then?... Why did you sound so mad right then?"
I groaned loudly. "You want to know why I'm mad Harry?"
"Of course"
"Because all you had to do was stay!" I raised my voice.
I looked at him, and he was twirling his thumbs in his lap.
"And because I moved on harry! I got myself back together from the pain of losing you, and I made a life for myself! With someone else! And then for the second time it was ripped away from me in a matter of minutes!" I raised my voice.
Harry now looked more confused than ever, staring at me and seeing if I was going to continue or not.
"I gave birth to twins and when I came home for the first time my house was completely empty because Theo wasn't home, my babies were in the Nicu, and my fiancé was dead! You don't know how it feels to come home and be completely alone because people kept leaving!" I shouted, letting the part about Hudson slip past my lips before I could stop it. I didn't exactly want Harry to know about that just yet, but my lack of self control let it be known to him.
Harry's face dropped.
"Lennon" He breathed out.
"Fuck!" I threw my head back, mostly frustrated with myself for accidentally telling him that.
"I-" Harry sat there in shock, not knowing how to respond to the truth bomb that I dropped on him.
I leaned my elbows on my legs and rested my head in the palm of my hands, taking deep breaths to keep myself from crying. The last thing I needed to do was cry in front of him.
"Can I give you a hug?" Harry's voice said, barely above a whisper like he was too scared to ask the question. He scooted himself closer to me, and I tensed up.
"I think it's best if you come back tomorrow" I said, not looking up from my hands.
I heard him sigh sadly and remain still, probably debating if he was going to get up or not, before he did and began to gather his things.
"Are you going to be okay? Alone?" Harry asked, his voice now a bit further away.
"Now you're worried about leaving me alone?" I looked up at him this time, and watched his shoulders drop once I asked my question.
"I was trying to help" Harry defended, yet his tone was laced with defeat.
"I don't need your help. I'm fine"
"Are you?"
Ahhhh they should get together already
xoxo