"So why'd you move here?" Mia and Drew were seated on his back patio watching the sunset. They had spent her first day in town doing a tour of the neighborhood. She'd been introduced to countless neighbors and friends, all of whom seemed to love Drew. She was having a hard time reconciling the Drew she had known the last few years with the beloved Drew of this town.
"I got tired of the city. Plus my mom grew up around here." Mia vaguely recalled that his mom had passed away when he was in his teens.
"Do you still have family nearby?" She sipped her wine. He had put out a spread of fresh cheeses and local bread. She was in heaven.
"Ahuh, some aunts live a few towns over. My grandma's house is actually right across town. But outside of that it's pretty much just me. Which I don't mind honestly. It's a nice change of pace from the city." He leaned back in his chair and took a sip of wine. Something about him seemed different down here. Almost like he was relaxed.
"That's nice. It's a great town." She took a sip of her own wine.
"You think so? Still want to move here after your grand tour?" He was teasing her but she was oddly enjoying it.
"Oh yea, the duck pond really sold it for me." He laughed off her sarcasm with ease. He was always able to do that; soften her hard edges with minimal effort.
"It's a great place to live. Maybe later in the week we can go look at some places for you if you're still up for it." Mia hadn't told him about her dreams. She never brought up the fact that she already knew where she was supposed to live because he was living there.
"Um, yea that would be great. But don't you have work or something?" She couldn't quite recall what he did these days. Last she checked, he was a consultant which was just a fancy way of saying he was someone who made a ton of money and worked the bare minimum amount of hours.
"Yea, just a few meetings though. I changed roles at my company so I travel a lot more but when I'm not traveling I've got a fairly quiet schedule. It's nice. Kind of like two weeks on, two weeks off." Mia nodded along. She imagined it must be nice to have that kind of lifestyle. She had never gotten into a rhythm with work where she felt like she had ownership of her role or her skills. She envied him for being so blasé about something so critical to his livelihood.
Drew turned his full attention onto her.
"What about you? How'd you end up circling back to writing?" He asked it politely and she knew he was trying to be nice. Drew had always been curious about her life in a way that felt like he cared. It wasn't the passive question she often got from extended acquaintances. They didn't really seem to care what her answer was, it was just polite conversation.
She took a deep breath. She didn't really know but she'd do her best to explain it. It was more for her sake than his.
"Erm, I guess I just got fed up with not liking who I was or what I was doing." She paused waiting for him to jump in but his silence prompted her on.
"I mean, I never really knew what I wanted. Like I knew I wanted to write when we were in college but then life kind of got away from me. And it sucked. Especially those years in the city when I was working the front desk. It was like people just looked right through me. I hated that. I was good at the job too but no one seemed to value or care about me and that sucked.
After a while I just stopped trying to put effort in and everything kind of snowballed. Until one day I found myself walking up 5th to my office and I stopped in front of the Bryant Park Library. All I thought was, fuck this. If all those people can write a book, I can write a news article. So I started freelancing on the side. It's been slow but I've got a good portfolio now. At least I think it's good. It's enough to get me through the door for an interview at a paper. So that's where I'm at." She swirled the remaining wine at the bottom of her glass before drinking it in one gulp. That was the most honest she had been with herself or anyone else in a long time.
Drew looked at her from across the table, illuminated by the setting sun.
"That's really great Mia. I know you were always trying hard to find a creative outlet so I'm glad you've been able to create a life for yourself with it. It takes a lot of courage."
Mia was ready to be defensive but something about the way he spoke to her, with mutual respect, made her soften. She was so tired of being defensive and thinking the worst of him. His existence in her life didn't make or break or future. She owed it to herself to let him go.
"Thanks. I mean you've done the same. Seems like you've got a pretty great life here. I'm sure Casey loves it." At the mention of her name, Drew bristled.
"Ha, yea. She's not super thrilled about this place. City girl and all."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a sore topic." Drew leaned forward, rolling his shoulders back exuding fake confidence.
"You're not. It's not a sore topic. She and I just don't see eye to eye on where life should be. She wants to stay up north. I guess she thought this house was a fun whoopsie daisy.
Mia couldn't help but interrupt. "I'm sorry. A what?"
Drew cracked a smile. "A whoopie daisy. A mess up, an impulse."
"Oh I know what a whoopsie daisy is. I've just never heard a grown men use it in a sentence when talking about buying a house."
"You gotta catch up Em, all the cool guys are saying it these days." He smiled wide at her and she smiled ruefully in return. She had forgotten how easy it was to talk to him when they weren't being defensive with one another.
"Right right, anyway you were saying." She prompted him on with a wave of her hand.
"Right, so I guess Casey that this was an impulse buy but it really wasn't. I had come down here to see my aunts and then when I went to visit my mom's grave I drove by a for sale sign. The realtor was literally putting it out as I drove past. When I came inside, I knew this was it. I don't want to be too emotional but I could literally see myself sitting on the steps waiting for my kids to come home from school."
Mia's skin prickled with goosebumps. She tried to play it off. "Oh yea? Which steps?" Though she already knew the answer.
"Not the porch ones. But when we go back inside I'll show you. The staircase in the front hall has these big wide bottom three steps. I just kind of saw myself leaning against the banister on one of them, hanging out waiting for my kids to get off the bus. Them being all excited to run through the door and see that dad was home." He looked at her, she could tell he wanted her to buy into the dream. Little did he know they shared the same one.
"It probably sounds super dorky." Mia rushed in to reassure him.
"Absolutely not. It doesn't sound dorky at all. I think it's great. Your kids are going to be super lucky to have a dad like you." Drew held her gaze for a moment longer.
"You mean that?" She took a beat to consider it.
"Yep I really do. I think you're going to make a great dad."
"Thanks Em,. Now if only you could convince Casey of that and we'd be fine." Mia didn't quite know how she had landed in this particular minefield but it was too difficult to get out.
"She doesn't want kids?" Drew shifted in his seat. He realized he had exposed too much of his relationship but it was too late to go back in the box.
"She does and we've talked about it. But she always seems to want something else first. The car, the job, the next apartment, the trip to Cabo. You know I brought up the other day how I'm ready to get married. Which doesn't seem like that big of a deal considering we've been together for almost four years now."
Mia ignored her stomach turning at the thought of Drew marrying Casey.
"And she said, now wasn't a great time. So I said, when will it be? And she told me she wasn't sure she every wanted to get married or have kids for that matter. Can you believe that?" Mia noticed that Drew was talking more to himself than to her.
"I don't even know if I want to marry here if I'm being honest. But four years together. People start asking questions and at a certain point you just kind of think, hell, might as well.
Mia guffawed out loud. She couldn't help herself.
"Drew, that's like the worst reason to get married. Like oh, hey honey just because we've been in this for so long we're due for a lifetime commitment? I don't think so." She looked at Drew squarely. This was a topic she wouldn't budge on.
"Okay, you seem pretty sure of yourself. What's a better reason to get married?"
"Oh I don't know. Maybe because you love her and you can't picture your life without her?" Drew seemed to consider it but Mia could tell it was falling on deaf ears.
"When I get married, I wouldn't want my husband to think we needed to do it just because that's where we were timing wise. I would want him to want to marry me because he couldn't wait another minute to make forever right now." She said wistfully.
"God Mia you're such a romantic." Drew rolled his eyes.
"I'm serious! I would love to marry someone who knew they wanted to marry me because the thought of life without me was unfathomable. And I would only say yes to someone who I felt the same way about."
"You want to have the hots for your husband?"
"I mean yes. But I want more than that. Don't downplay this by the way. I know what you're doing." Drew had the wherewithal to look bashful.
Mia forged on. "I want to love him, yes. But more than that I want to respect him. I want to care about his opinion and his mindset for our life together. Because that's what it is. We're choosing to build a life together. And you can't do that if you're selfish."
"Casey's not selfish Mia." Drew said it in such a way that Mia knew she had inadvertently crossed a line.
"I'm sorry. I know I didn't mean it like that. I don't think she's selfish."
"But you think I am?" His words hung in the air.
"No I don't think that either. I guess what I'm saying is, it's okay to want different things in life. And it's okay to choose a path outside of one you share with you partner. But it's selfish to expect your partner to yield to what you want or vice versa then be upset when they don't want to."
"I don't want her to yield." Mia was ready to jump in to defend herself some more when he continued.
"But she wants me to. I offered to split our time. But she hates the flight. I offered to take more jobs up by her but she said it wasn't enough. She told me she didn't want to live out of a suitcase. But I can't sell this house. I don't know why. But something in me just refuses to allow me to sell it. It is so dumb because obviously I could sell it and go be up by her but it just wouldn't feel right. And I don't want Casey to think that I'm trapping her down here because honestly when she's here it's a whole different vibe. I love her, I really do. But I miss the tranquility when she's not around."
Mia didn't have the heart to explain to Drew that if he was happier without his partner than with her, chances are she wasn't the right partner. But she wouldn't cross that line again. She had learned time and again that she wasn't meant to have an opinion on others choices and she couldn't jeopardize her position as a guest in this house because Drew was in a dicey relationship space.