𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 11: Thanks 4 Nothing
Please don't think I'm heartless
I'd rather think with my brain
Omniscient
Los Angeles, 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐚
June 21st, 1:23 pm
❣︎
"So Mr. Acius, you had a mental breakdown it's been reported. Can you tell me a little about what sparked that?" The room held nothing but 2 bodies, seated directly across from one another with the only barrier being the circular coffee table between them.
The younger woman, closer to his age, sat with her legs crossed over one another. Her skirt hiked up ever so slightly, a little above mid thigh. But her energy read she wasn't there for anything aside from what she was assigned, as the rest of her formal attire kept all other parts of her body hidden away and only leaving nothing more than imagination.
She watched the man who sat in front of her run his tongue over his lips slowly, his lowered gray eyes locking in on her own that sat behind her thick frames. He hadn't let up on the state once in the 2 hours they'd been sitting there, 2 hours of no progress between the two. Half of which came from his attempts at successful seduction to refrain from having to do what he was forced into.
"What happened?" He finally spoke after her repeated question. His stare didn't intimidate her, it only made her want to challenge it greater as her body straightened up in the seat.
"Please, this doesn't have to be anything difficult. You had a mental break down, and you were found in your cell passed out with a broken hand. What happened to garner such a reaction, because it was heard and watched over once the security tapes were rolled." The woman, Serena, persisted.
"I started thinking bout my baby momma, it ain't nun new." He shrugged nonchalantly, examining the cast around his hand. "We do this shit every couple months and it's the same thing every time, ain't that hard to leave me the fuck alone."
"You would be left alone if it didn't result in damaging yourself. I'm trying to help you because they're already talking and suggesting sending you to a psychiatric hospital. Either that, or a maximum security prison as you're not only a danger to others, but also yourself." Her words brought his dark, lifeless eyes up towards her face where her glasses hung low.
The mention of a psychiatric hospital made his eyes flutter shut in attempts to calm his breathing. He was irritated, and the longer he was forced to sit across from Serena, the more he had an urge to take that anger out on her. But not in ways that'd benefit either of them.
"Y'all send me to a psychiatric hospital, I'll personally show y'all how crazy a nigga can get. Stop fucking playing with me." He spoke calmly, no emotion in his tone, or expression on his face, for Serena to read.
He could see the effects he had on her mind and body, watching her muscles tense up as she adjusted her glasses along her nose. "Okay, well back to the mother of your child. Last time you told me you don't love her anymore. So how did a reaction like this come about?"
"Hate her one day, love her the next, ion know. I get upset when other people speak on her, cause why the fuck you speaking on my baby momma?" His eyebrows knitted together, just the mere thought of what his mother could have said to her bringing a certain heat through his body.
He didn't put anyone above his mother, but he also had too strong of feelings towards Amerie to allow that sentiment to change anything. He still loved his mom with all his heart, but there were certain boundaries that just needed to be set. And he set those.
"Seems very unhealthy Mr. Acius." Serena raised an eyebrow, prompting a lazy shrug out of Syre whose fingertips tapped along his thigh.
"I ain't ask you, it ain't that hard for niggas to watch they fucking mouth. Ion care what we got going on, that's me and her." He gestured to himself, "But that ain't no invitation for other people to have no opinion on her. What we got going on ain't nobody business but ours, and it damn sholl ain't yours either." He nodded his head towards the woman who pushed out a heavy breath.
"Last time we talked you told me you hate her and you can't ever forget the way she lied to you and shot you." She continued on, ignoring his words completely. "And I'm noticing there's a heavy difference between when you're sober and when you're intoxicated. Your sober mind is the affectionate one who still loves and cares about her, while your intoxicated one has these feelings towards her that are nasty and hateful. Is that correct?" She blinked up towards him.
But he didn't say anything, his silence remained as his mind just zoned out. He had a tendency to do such whenever he was forced into these sessions, zoning out completely until he was somehow seated back in his cell alone.
His eyes darted to the 4 white walls surrounding him, until the sound of his cell door opening caught his attention. He watched the darkskin officer, which whom he'd grown to know very well, enter into his cell.
"You cannot keep doing that to the therapist, she genuinely wants to help you King-."
"I need the phone." He cut her off with his hand extended, not trying to hear whatever it was she needed to say to him.
He watched her sigh out a breath, before reaching in her pocket to pull out the phone he'd been using. Jaileen, his favorite officer there that he messed with. She was the one he had that pregnancy scare with, and only because her period came a little late despite him never sleeping with her raw.
He used her, and she fell for it because she foolishly became infatuated with him. She snuck him whatever he needed, whether that be a phone or drugs to get himself through the day. She was also the main one who satisfied his sexual needs in any ways he asked for it.
"You know, you're getting kind of reckless with these phone calls. You can't get me caught baby." The officer sighed as she handed him the phone once making sure she was clear. "And it's annoying listening to you speak to women every time."
His eyebrows knitted together in both annoyance and confusion, as he went straight to the recent call log. "9 times outta ten, I'm talking to my kids." He muttered, pressing on the most recent number he called for the FaceTime to ring out.
"Yeah but-."
"Leave, I gotta talk to my baby momma." He shooed her away, the glare in his eyes making her shut up before she could even open her mouth to say anything more.
She didn't try to hide her disdain, or the frustration that came with never having him all to herself. She knew she couldn't be too upset considering she wasn't supposed to have any relations with him to begin with, but it was difficult. As it was for most of the female officers who worked the unit, unbeknownst to them, he only used them for his own benefit. Both his sexual needs and getting things he wanted.
His eyes focused in on his reflection through the ringing screen, until his face became replaced with the one he was anticipating. Her face on a sober mind made his breath hitch for a second, until slowly releasing the air from his throat.
"I'm trying to put Lani down, please don't speak." She spoke softly as she propped the phone up against the dresser in Malani's room, holding the little girl in her arms cradled.
Syre only nodded, obliging with her request while his eyes never left the screen. He watched Amerie sit with their daughter on the rocking chair right across from where the phone sat, her eyes glued down to Malani who she rocked gently in the chair. She whispered out soothing words, mixing in small gentle kisses along the face of their daughter who tried her hardest to fight her sleep.
His emotions in that moment were ones he had to swallow down, he craved a pill or some sort of intoxication to bring his mind elsewhere. It was the only time he wasn't forced to have those thoughts about 'what if' or 'what could've been' between them had things just been different. It made him look at the woman he stared at in ways he hated nowadays, ways he wanted to leave in the past because he didn't want to feel those things. Didn't want to feel anything for her but the hatred and disgust he felt when his mind wasn't right.
"The prettiest girl on the planet." She whispered out, the pads of her fingertips gently running over the baby's eyelids. She watched as she gradually fell deeper into her sleep, until her parted lips and heavier breathing consumed her.
Releasing a small breath, Amerie gently picked her up to lay her straight into her crib. She stood on her tippy toes to lean over the railing, pressing a gentle kiss along Malani's temple before grabbing the phone back and creeping out the room quietly. Making sure to shut on the nightlight and crack the door ever so slightly.
She raised the phone back to her face, nearly jumping seeing how intently Syre stared into the camera. He looked to be in thought, rather than seeing her.
"Syre!" She called out once far enough from Malani's room, making his eyes quickly blink back into focus. "Lani's sleeping, so you can't talk to her-."
"That's cool, I needed to talk to you." His words made her pause just as she entered her room, her squinted eyes lowering to stare into the phone oddly.
She didn't know what he could have possibly had to say to her, considering conversations between them were rare. If they weren't arguing, they didn't say more than a sentence or two to one another.
"Okay..." He could hear the questionable tone she used as she plopped down on her bed. Clearing his throat, Syre leant his body back to rest against the cement wall that connected the cot he sat on in his lonesome.
It was the only reason why he enjoyed solitary confinement to an extent, he requested it. It gave him the ability to be in his lonesome to think, plot, and be away from everyone else. Allowed him to do all that he needed to do and have his own bit of secluded freedom.
"Ion want my momma around Malani right now. Not until I get home and can figure shit out, I already talked to my pops bout it too." The serious nature in his tone caught her off guard, making her eyes shoot down from the tv to stare back into the phone.
"Why, what happened?" Amerie spoke concerned, her mind immediately running to the worst.
"The shit she pulled with you the other day, ion fuck with that." Syre paused, "I love her with all my heart, but Ian doing that childish ass shit. Too grown for all that." He shook his head, but Amerie only frowned at his words.
"Syre it's not that serious-."
"I said ion want her around my daughter till I can come home and figure shit out. You too good of a mother for me to walk round here letting niggas disrespect you to that extent, ion care who it is." She heard his words, but barely listened to them, because they didn't mean anything.
For her, he couldn't just pick and choose when and when not to allow disrespect. He couldn't choose who and who couldn't disrespect her when disrespect was the same in any form. And it was hypocritical for him to preach about anyone else doing it, when he went out of his way daily to toy with her emotions knowingly.
"...This is coming from the main person in my life who disrespects me, but okay." She muttered, her eyes staring down to pick at her nails.
"I ever said you wasn't a good mother?" Syre raised an eyebrow, making her push a breath through her lips. Knowing where this conversation was going.
"Sweetheart, if I kept people away from Malani for disrespecting me, she wouldn't be seeing your entire family or friends." Amerie glanced up to watch his face turn up in confusion.
"What you talking bout?"
"Everyone out here treats me the same way except your dad and Isabelle...and Remi and Ki, but that's only because Ki's my friend before yours, and Remi's her boyfriend." She explained, "And again, you care about people disrespecting me? Big shocker from you, no?"
Syre's dull eyes stared into the phone blankly, no emotion read on his face. "Are you home sexually frustrated and waiting on me? Cause I promise I'm out this motherfucka soon and ion got no problem taking some time on you, straighten up that attitude a lil." He spoke in all seriousness, which only heightened Amerie's frustration.
It felt like any time she expressed anything to him in the slightest bit, his solution was sex. And reminding her in some way, shape, or form how he'd always have some sort of dominance over her. No matter what way he chose to remind her of it, he never failed to do so.
"Stop allowing that thought to even enter your mind, it's not happening. Ever." She shook her head with her body leant up against her bed frame, her eyes went back down to her nails just to focus on anything but him.
"Oh yeah?" Syre chuckled, but he clearly wasn't amused. "Keep that up when I come home-."
"When do you come out, can I at least get a heads up or something? Just so I know and can prepare."
"Prepare what?" He mumbled, his eyes dancing around her face that still refused to focus up on him.
"Prepare myself mentally."
"You'll see when I'm out, Ian giving you no warning. Ain't no fun in that." He snickered, watching her face scrunch up.
"You annoy me a lot." She blinked her eyes up to stare into the screen. "Like a lot."
Waving her off, Syre fixed himself again to sit up completely. "Ask yourself, genuinely, how many fucks do you think I give?"
Amerie's eyes rolled hard, annoyed and over the conversation. She reached out to grab the phone from the pillow she had it propped up on, bringing it closer to her bare face.
"I don't even know why I'm still speaking to you-."
"Wait!" He called out, once realizing she was about to hang up on him. "What you thinking for Malani birthday?" He continued on, making her eyes roll again.
"I thought I told you a party...I can't believe my little baby girl is turning 2, I'm gonna cry so bad that day." She sighed, having to blink heavily before her emotions started early. The mere thought that she had a child still shocked her every single time the little girl called her 'mama.'
On top of that, the fact that there was also a man who would be in her life until the end of time because they share that child blew her mind. And the fact that the man was her ex, on top of everything, messed with her head terribly. Especially when she was high.
"You finalized the plans and shit yet?" He spoke while leaning over to grab the blunt he was rolling before answering the phone. Amerie's eyebrows furrowed seeing it, but she didn't question it.
"Yes, she's been obsessing over like carnivals and circuses and shit, so that's going to be the theme. I have to hire decorators and planners and all that, figure out cake details but...so far I have the general. I want the party to be really big and extravagant, but private with loads and loads of security and shit. Invite only, and no plus 1, plus 2 bullshit either. I want someone at the door checking off names-."
"Yo ass want a bouncer for a 2 year old party." He chuckled, bringing the paper to his lips to swipe his tongue along.
"And absolutely do." She nodded, placing her face a little more into the camera. "I'm not having bullshit and chaos at my baby's birthday party. Hell no." She shook her head, and he only nodded.
He understood though, his lifestyle was too unpredictable for that. Him being in jail only made the targets on his family greater, and they were living in a time where kids and baby mommas were the farthest from off limits. And that was something he understood, which was why he took the measures he did to make sure they were good before anyone else. No matter what terms he was on with either of them.
"Let me know, imma cover everything for her."
"I can-."
"I said lemme know, I want to pay for my baby party." He glanced into the screen, just to give her that telling look, before focusing back on what he was doing.
"Okay Syre." She muttered. "Well imma go-."
"Call me later so I can talk to Lani, or I'll call you or sum." He mumbled, placing the blunt between his lips while tapping around the cot for his lighter.
"I have plans later, so no." Amerie shook her head, watching his mouth shut for a minute. He kept on looking for his lighter, until turning back towards her with a certain look lining his evidently bothered features.
She could only take a deep breath, bracing herself for the turn she knew the conversation was about to take. It was almost impossible for them to go one conversation completely cordial, and she knew she shouldn't had even opened her mouth and said anything.
"...What type of plans?" He spoke slowly, placing the blunt back between his lips to flick the lighter along twice.
"A date-."
"Who the fuck you going on a date with?" The aggressive nature in his voice made her heart drop to her ass. The way he looked at her increased her nerves also, so dark and soulless.
"What's it matter to you?"
"My daughter there, the fuck you mean what's it matter to me? You ain't having no random ass niggas round my kid, dead that shit before the thought can even fully enter yo mind." He spoke through the smoke that released through his mouth.
His clenched jaw and slightly flared nostrils gave way to the anger that began to consume him. He didn't know what he was mad at, because it wasn't like she hadn't been with other men in the 2 years they'd been broken up. But something about a date just felt weird, it didn't sit right with him.
"They're not coming to the house, I'm meeting them so stop it. Malani will be with my parents, and nobody's meeting her either. I'm single, been. I would hope you didn't forget just cause I was fucking you, it was just sex. Your words." She pointed through the dimming lights in the room that occurred every time it hit 6 pm.
Chuckling, Syre only shook his head while inhaling from the blunt again. "You do you bruh, it don't even matter." He stared up, watching the cloud of smoke float up towards the ceiling until it broke off.
"Aw, are you upset?" Amerie sarcastically pouted, his emotions doing nothing for her.
"Bout a bitch who cry bout me everyday?" Syre raised an eyebrow as he took a slow pull from the blunt, his eyes never coming off of hers through the screen. "Nah, not really." He chuckled.
"To think I was in love with you, of all people, at a point in time is ridiculous."
"Same here mama-."
"I was in love, you were a lying ass nigga. And no, I don't give a fuck about how many times you have my name tatted, and my name being on your face. That doesn't mean shit." She spat.
It seemed they got to this point every single time, her usually being the one to get upset first. Because soon after came Syre's words that just provoked her, but unlike her, his calm nature never let up. His face never changed, his demeanor never changed.
"You really just dumb as hell, like it actually don't make no sense why you act the way you do. And that's the shit that piss me off with you, cause at some point you got to use ya fucking head G, 2 things can be true at once and what about that youn understand? Yes I lied, yes I still loved you. I gave you a child, I still take care of you and my daughter, even while locked up. You a actions mean more than words person, and my actions never ever told you nothing but I love you. Ever up until we got locked up, so Ian tryna hear that shit bro." He sucked his teeth, hoping she didn't blow his high so early.
"My actions haven't either."
"I never said you ain't love me, I know you did. I know you do- man look, Ian having this conversation with you right now. That shit can wait till I get out this motherfucka." He waved off, placing the blunt back between his lips while grabbing the phone to bring closer.
"What more is there to say, it's the same shit constantly with you. Just over and over, leave me the fuck alone and I promise I'll do the same for you. I don't want shit to do with you Syre, at all. Fuck the reminiscing and all that other shit, there's no point in it. We're done, and blame nobody but your fucking self for it."
"Amerie at some point, you got to listen to listen and stop listening to respond, you too fucking grown for that. You keep spitting pointless ass shit at me for what? How many times yo ass gon tell me the relationship done and over with, and how many times you gon come running back cause you confused and don't understand ya feelings? Get the fuck out my face with that shit, you come running back to me. Everything you just said, switch that and understand it for yourself cause it ain't doing me nun." He chuckled, ignoring the expression on her face.
It was like once they broke up, all of their weaknesses came through full force. Neither of them knew if it just wasn't obvious in the relationship, or if they were able to use each other to forget about their underlying issues. But it was like they really just couldn't tolerate one another at all.
"I'm not gonna keep listening to you throw shit in my face as if I contributed to this-."
"Ian ever met nobody who lack accountability the way you do."
"Yes I lack accountability because there's nothing to be accountable for! You're saying I don't listen, but you're ignoring the fact everything I did to you was off of drugs. I don't care how much you don't believe me, I know what happened that night." She pointed to herself, and she could tell he had something smart to say, but decided against it.
"Okay past that, after the fact you started fucking with a nigga who been working day in and day out to put me up. That's probably who you going on a date with tonight, right or wrong?" He stared dead at his baby mother, removing the blunt from his mouth. "Right or wrong Amerie?"
The way he looked at her only made her uncomfortable, made her heart speed up in her chest. "Look, I'm not about to do this-."
"Right. That's all I needed to know, I'm cool off you though. Have fun getting yo heartbroken again tryna play house with a nigga who only fucking with you to get back at me. You too lonely and desperate to even think about that shit. But when you depressed and crying again, since that's all yo life seem to consist of, don't expect nun from me." Was the last thing he said before his face replaced with the picture of her cheesing daughter.
She didn't care to hear what else he had to say because it would be the same outcome it always was. They'd argue, and it'd just end with her tears and his heightened ego. But she also didn't expect for him to just hang up in her face as if her words didn't matter.
She stared at her reflection through the now blank screen for another minute, before simply setting the phone down and shifting her body under her comforter. With the longer she sat, the longer she'd just dwell and she much rathered not.
He was on her mind heavily, just as she was now on his. He tried to focus in on his blunt, trying to get high as fast as he possibly could as he reached over to grab the little baggie that rested under his pillow. He grabbed three of the colorful pills to pop in his mouth, allowing them to dissolve on his tongue as he went to his messages.
Text to (831) 678-9800:
Speed up everything having to
do with me coming home, hitlist
getting longer😂.
Text from (831) 678-9800:
Say less.
﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌
"I only agreed to this shit so he'd leave me the hell alone, I don't want to go out with this man." Amerie sighed in frustration, focusing heavily on her mirror to apply her lashes.
"I think it'd be good for you, take your mind off your baby daddy for a lil bit even if it's just one night. And who knows where this could go?" Kimora smiled from behind, her body rested on the foot of Amerie's bed lazily.
Scoffing, Amerie looked to her best friend through the mirror, before grabbing her other lash with the tweezers. "Nobody can get my mind off of that man, like I don't understand. I remind myself every single day he had an affair with my mother to try and get disgusted enough to where I just hate him, and it doesn't work." She shook her head.
"I don't have many other distractions. Malani keeps my mind off of it, but you're literally my only friend. And I guess Remi tolerates me, but I lost everyone else I had." She spoke dull. Didn't sound sad, didn't sound happy, because there was no point in letting it all consume her to that point.
She couldn't say she didn't expect this, because it was the obvious outcome once they split. The people she knew were his people before everything else, she met them, not the other way around. And maybe it was her fault that the only people in her life all came from her boyfriend, but that was simply because they took her under their wing so quick. To where she just felt like they were genuine.
"Alright well we don't got to get into no sad shit, have you fucked this dude? The one taking you out?" Kimora crossed her legs over one another, making Amerie laugh to herself just as Malani came running into her room.
"Yeah, he's really good." She shrugged, keeping her eyes on her daughter who busied herself in her own thing.
"Your best?" Kimora raised an eyebrow, making Amerie immediately shake her head while adjusting her lash until it sat to perfection. "Oop, guess not."
"I have physical proof of my best, please." She gestured towards a clueless Malani. "Syre knows my body. He knows what I like, he knows how to turn me on, he knows my limits, he knows the exact way I want it depending on my mood. That's what separates him so dramatically." She explained, digging her hand through her makeup bag to grab her dark red Maybelline lipstick.
"You was limping and shit after the first fuck, should've known you was in deep after that boo." Kimora smirked, laying her body back against the comfortable bed to watch her best friend get herself together.
She made it her duty to try and go see Amerie everyday, or almost everyday, just so her friend wasn't lonely. That, and to catch up on all the missed time that separated the two of them. Yeah, they both had their child and were grown, but regardless they tried to make time for one another.
"Cause he fucks me so good, it's so hard to just deny him Ki. And like I said, he knows how to get me to that point. That's why we never let go of that sexual relationship." Amerie finally turned around once setting her face to perfection, just as Kaylen ran past her to go with his cousin.
"These children- but y'all both have bad relationships to sex and have an extremely strong sexual relationship. Like very very strong."
"I know that, and it's fucked up that that's the only time we can get along for a second. He's confused with his feelings, but I know deep down there's hatred there and he wants nothing to do with me. That's why he doesn't stay sober most of the time, because it allows him to act on that shit. But-."
"Ki! Dada he- dada tell me he miss mama." Malani quickly popped her head up out of nowhere, taking both the attention of her mother and her aunt.
Rolling her eyes, Amerie watched her daughter walk up towards them with her fists pressed into her hips. "She been running around saying this since she seen him on Father's Day, like she literally won't stop."
"He tell me!" Malani yelled her defense up at her mother who stared down at her in amusement.
"Lower that lil voice and tone, thank you." She pointed, reaching over her daughter to grab her dress.
It was a black long sleeved, skin tight dress that trailed all down her legs, stopping just at her ankles. The ripples in the dress allowed her some breathing room, despite the fact she was already skinny due to how much weight she'd lost in jail.
"He really said that? Or she lying-."
"I not lie! Dada tell me, he say he miss mama. I askeded him." Malani continued on, but Amerie didn't care to listen to a word she was saying.
Whether it be true or not, that was Father's Day, and she just had a conversation with him earlier that day. So regardless of anything, what transpired then, and those words that were spoken, still stood.
"Okay baby, thank you for sharing. Go back and play with Kaylen." She gently pushed her daughters back towards the corner of the room where Kaylen sat. She could hear Kimora laughing, bringing a small frown to her lips as she slid the dress over her body.
"Child is a handful, but I wouldn't expect a child from you and him to act any different. The way she act just make sense, ion know." Kimora spoke through a yawn, her eyes on her niece and son, until turning back towards Amerie.
"I'm nervous for when she starts school, I'm gonna have to send her to daycare soon if I do get a job. Which I doubt because who the hell is hiring a felon to be a therapist, that's what I have my degree in but..." She shook her head, not even ready to approach that bridge when it came.
She was so happy to be free and finally have life again on the outside world, yet her life was so restricted and limited. She didn't think about how different things would be.
She didn't think about the stares and glares she'd get out in public from her face being plastered on the news, she didn't think about how many people hated her out of the respect they had for her baby father, she didn't think about how hard it'd be to come back home and pursue her career still. Everything was different now, and she knew she hadn't even scratched the surface of it all because of how closed off she'd been since coming home.
"Listen mama, I know you like your independence and all that, but you don't even need to focus on all that right now." Kimora sat up while Amerie fixed the tight dress along her body. "Focus on getting yourself together and being there for your baby, everything else can wait."
"Life doesn't just stop cause I'm going through shit Kimora-."
"And I understand that, but you're set. You have millions, you don't have to work another day in your life bitch please." She shook her head while standing up to fix the back of Amerie's hair.
"Not my millions." She muttered, staring at her reflection through the mirror.
"They yours if they in your account. If he ain't take that shit already, he's never taking it...so spend it. You got that biggest bag by just being pretty and a good girlfriend, if you don't just take some time to rest for at least a couple months." Kimora stepped to the side so Amerie could turn and face her.
She was finally ready, and honestly getting ready to just cancel the date and stay in. She didn't want to go on any date, and only agreed to get him away from her. She could have bailed, but doing that scared her because men were so crazy and traumatizing to her. Had she just not shown up, there was just no telling the extents he'd go because of it.
Sighing, she rested on the edge of her bed to slide on her shoes and grab her phone and purse. Kimora's words rang through her head, but her own thoughts rang a little louder. At the end of the day, she knew eventually everything would fall into place. But it was just the question of when that she struggled with.
-
Noe Restaurant & Bar
Los Angeles, California
"Please, allow me to help you Ms. Idylla." Her eyes trailed up from the brown hand extended out to her, all the way until reaching the face of the formally clad man in front of her. She eyed the tattoos that peaked out from the neck of his suit, those dark brown eyes slowly moving up until staring into his face.
He was a beautiful man, his locs hanging down in his face, covering the tat on the side of his face ever so slightly. Her tongue unconsciously swiped along the red lipstick she wore, not used to seeing men she was heavily attracted to since being locked up. There were of course a few guards here and there, Semaj included, but it was limited.
"Are you valet, or my security?" She raised an eyebrow once taking his hand, taking note of the dark SUV's that enclosed her car from the front and back. She allowed him to gently assist her body out of the low car, the car blending her black dress in with it.
"Security love." He spoke with a small smile, Amerie finally hearing the French twang in his voice.
Nodding slowly, she glanced back to watch him close her door back, their hands never disconnecting. She could feel his eyes roaming her body, trailing from her exposed toes, back up to her face fixated on his.
"Do you know my baby father personally?" She questioned as he began to lead her towards the entryway of the upscale restaurant.
She could tell it was both busy, and reserved for those with money from the many cars she seen on the outside. Only foreigns filled the exterior, and heavy security lined the entryway of the restaurant. She didn't know how much officers made, but she didn't expect his salary would have been enough for him to take her somewhere like this. But she had no intention on asking questions, as long as everything was set in place.
"I've met him once, but I don't necessarily know him like that. I just work for him." The man smiled small, one that Amerie mirrored.
"Well," She started, stepping up the two steps towards the doorway without his assistance, "I'll keep that in mind, thank you." She gave him a small wave before making her way into the restaurant.
She tried to hold her head high, but couldn't. She didn't even have it in her to fake confidence that just wasn't there. She didn't feel pretty, nor did she feel comfortable having so many eyes on her as she walked through the crowded restaurant. She followed Semaj's instructions on where he was seated, which was outside along the terrace in the back.
Her eyes focused in on where he sat, his appearance pleasing to the eye. He cleaned up nicely, sitting in all black, with a black button down shirt allowing for his neck tattoos to be on full display. His gold chains along his dark skin only heightened his appearance, which was one thing Amerie could never deny.
Her heels clacked along the cement, bringing attention to herself, but she paid attention to none of them except who she was there to meet. The second his eyes landed on her, she seen the brightness that washed over them briefly as he raised his body to stand. He instinctively walked around to her side of the table, just as she approached.
"You look beautiful." He complimented, Intaking the way the light shone along her skin.
Smiling small out of politeness, Amerie fixed herself down into her seat with her eyes watching him go around to sit in his. "Thank you, you look nice yourself." She complimented back.
No matter how much she didn't want to be there, she also didn't want to go with a funky attitude because there was no need for all that. At the end of the day, she still agreed to be there.
"Preciate that, can't be looking crazy sitting across from someone like you." Amerie's eyebrow raised at his words, he was smooth and sweet. It was what got her involved with him to begin with.
"You have a way with your words, I'll give you that." She smiled, using her straw to swirl around the ice cubes in the glass of water in front of her. She placed her focus down on the menu, still feeling his eyes on her. "Oh and by the way, in about 30 minutes I'm going to have to step away to call my daughter and tell her goodnight." She glanced up to Semaj who nodded in understanding.
"That's cool, the baby come first always."
She only nodded at his words as her eyes scanned along the menu. She could barely pronounce half of the things on there, so she settled for a simple chicken Alfredo and red wine, because spending any longer on the menu would have given her a headache.
The second her eyes blinked back up to Semaj, her heart skipped for a second from how intent his gaze was. He looked at her like he was trying to see inside of her, trying to get in touch with what he couldn't see on the outside.
"I wanted to do this to try and get to know you better and shit. We don't even got to be on no crazy formal stuff, I'm just tryna chill. I would have thought of something other than dinner, but I know you got your little one during the day and I ain't want to take too much of your time away from her." He explained to Amerie who couldn't stop the small warmth that filled her chest.
She wasn't thinking of any type of relationship or anything anytime soon, but the biggest thing a person would have to understand to even qualify would be how much her daughter comes first. And it was nice hearing the fact he was considerate. Especially being the first man she did anything more than sex with, outside of her baby father, since having her baby.
"Thank you, but I don't know what all you want to know about me. It's nothing but trauma and I'm not dumping that on you, nor do I feel comfortable right now." She laughed, but he could almost hear the hurt behind it.
Running his tongue over his lips slowly, Semaj grabbed his glass of water to take a slow sip from. "When's the last time you been on a real date?" He questioned randomly.
She sat up, ready to answer until she raked her mind to realize she just hadn't been on one. Ever.
Her first relationship obviously consisted of none, her flings never took her out, and Syre honestly never took her on a date either. Something she was only now realizing.
"It's been a while honestly, I'm not too sure." She cleared her throat as her eyes wandered around the beautiful restaurant.
She finally intook her surroundings fully, everyone seeming to be having a formal evening themselves. The women she seen were all dressed in beautiful dresses and gowns for the restaurant.
"Youn got to lie to me ma, but I won't press it." He chuckled, just as the waitress approached the table.
She introduced herself and took both of their orders, before taking the menus and leaving them back to one another's company. With the longer they sat talking, Amerie could feel her nerves and tenseness washing away as if they weren't there to begin with.
"Ian ever wanted to be no officer forreal, but it is what it is. This shit keep you on your toes though, it's a lil hard cause I'm from Compton and all the niggas I was raised around ended up in the streets-."
"Like my daughter's father?" Amerie tilted her head slightly, the connection slowly starting to make sense to her.
"Yeah, and most of them niggas turned to the streets but my people wasn't having that. But ion use my authority to try and target them niggas, only reason your baby father don't fuck with me is cause Ian join him. We was at it for some years, and eventually some niggas from his crew jumped me and it been up since. He ain't do it, but he probably knew." Semaj shrugged, making Amerie's eyebrows knit together.
"I'm so sorry that happened, I didn't know any of that. Didn't understand the connection between the two of you, I just knew there was tension but...that wasn't stopping me." She shook her head, watching the corners of Semaj's lips turn up in a small smile.
Amerie didn't care about Syre's beefs and whatever issues he had. She obviously wouldn't mess with anyone he heavily declared as an opp, and she would never mess with anyone just to spite him. But someone like Semaj, she brushed it off easily.
"Youn gotta apologize mama, you wasn't there." He laughed, taking another drink of his water. "But what's up with you, give me a lil run down or sum." He smiled, showing off his perfectly straight white teeth that Amerie fell for every time.
"Well, I had a rough upbringing and been through a lot, but I've had high moments. I went to school and got a degree in psychology, so before all of this I was a therapist. I was only doing that for about a year because I got pregnant as soon as my baby father got out of jail that time before this one. Then about a month after I had her is when all that shit happened." She cleared her throat, giving him the most brief summary she could muster up.
She didn't feel comfortable telling other people about her past, she just couldn't do it. The only person who knew a good amount was Syre, and even he didn't have her entire life story with every single detail. But he was the only person who made her feel comfortable enough to spill it all out.
"You know, how focused you was on yo daughter is what drew me to you to begin with. I remember we met when you was still pregnant, but you really an amazing mother from the shit I seen. Forreal." His words brought a smile to Amerie's face, because if she accomplished nothing else, she needed to accomplish that.
She could fail at everything else, but she just wanted to be a good mother. In the year away, she just felt like she'd failed her daughter so much by not being there despite it being out of her control.
"That means a lot Semaj, thank you." She nodded, moving a piece of her hair out of her face to blink her eyes up into his.
She locked in on his eyes, feeling like she was in a trance just from staring at him. There was so much emotion in his eyes that she never paid attention to, not until now.
"I also wanted to do this just to clear everything up with us honestly, and express how sorry I am for everything. From the neglect when you were locked up, to just not giving you the shit I was promising. I was saying one thing and my actions wasn't adding up, despite all that you were going through and I really do sincerely apologize Amerie. I genuinely do like you, and want to get to know you more now that we can." He reached over to grab her hand that rested along the top of the table.
As much as she wanted to, she didn't pull away. She couldn't remember the last time she even had her hand held by a man like this, something so small.
"Look, Semaj, I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't want one-."
"And we don't got to jump in one, I said getting to know you. You so closed off and shit but I know there's more to you than what you let off, cause on them real intoxicated days you showed me different. You had so much more life to you, ion know."
"Well the only thing that gives me life these days is my daughter, so I'm not too sure about that." Amerie chuckled bitterly, her eyes focused down on their hands.
"I want to give you some life too, you deserve it. And I know you ain't looking for nun, but just lemme be there for you." Taking a deep breath, Amerie hesitantly nodded her head.
She wished things could just be that easy, and she'd accept it in the moment, but she knew it wouldn't be. Not when everyday that passed was only a day closer to when Syre would be getting out, and there was nothing she could do about that.
❣︎