CONTENT WARNING
Explicit Sexual Content | Smut | They communicate a lot | a little bit of angst and a lot of feelings | Bottom Barcode
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It doesn't take long for Barcode to realize that the cause of the silence between him and Jeff is not the tiredness of the night shootings that extended into early morning. When they get to the room on the third and final day of this phase, Jeff says he can go take a shower first and Barcode even tries to wait for him when it's Jeff's turn, but ends up falling asleep before he even hears the shower. It is no longer a surprise to wake up in a dark room and see that Jeff has opted for the other bed once again. An odd feeling fills Barcode's chest as he watches Jeff sleep until he falls back asleep himself.
The following day they wake up not so much later than usual, but still not in time to get breakfast from the hotel. They decide to order something in, although Jeff says again that he intends to go around town on his day off. The realization that any kind of contact would not come from him brings an uneasiness to Barcode's chest once again.
And he leaves, shortly after breakfast. Barcode spends the rest of the day alone in the room, where he also orders his lunch after checking his phone a few times in hopes of an invitation to a nice place.
The hours pass so slowly that it gets to a point when he can no longer find anything to distract himself. The silence outside gives way to the voice of insecurity inside. Barcode has a pout on his lips and an anguish in the chest that only grows. The frustration of not even knowing what's going on soon gives way to irritation, and that's when the bedroom door opens.
Jeff comes in slowly, holding a couple of bags. He glances up at Barcode quickly before looking away again. He leaves his sneakers by the door and approaches the other bed.
"Hey." His voice is so low Barcode is sure Jeff knows he's upset. "Did you go out to do something?"
The question irritates Barcode even more, but he controls himself by just shaking his head and looking away. He no longer follows Jeff around the room. He hears the rummaging of the bags that Jeff left on the other bed and only turns his attention to him when he feels Jeff coming closer.
"I bought it for you." Jeff holds out a bag towards him. Barcode looks from it to Jeff a few times and settles better on the bed to get it. "I went inside the store because I saw it in the window and thought it was so you."
The comment softens Barcode instantly.
When he finishes unwrapping it, he comes across a pair of dark jeans that, when stretched out closer in front of his eyes, he realizes are stamped with small stars and saturns.
A faint laugh comes from his lips.
"So me?" The question is rhetorical and Jeff shrugs. Barcode looks back at his pants again, tracing the small yellow planets with his fingertips. "Thanks, Phi, I love it."
When he looks back at him, Jeff is smiling, but it doesn't quite reach the eyes like the ones Barcode is used to seeing on him. A heavy sigh escapes Barcode's lips as he drops his hands onto his lap.
"What's going on Phi?"
The question comes out low, but without him thinking too much or Barcode would lose his courage. Jeff clearly wasn't expecting it, because he raises his eyebrows a little in surprise.
"What—What do you mean?"
The answer comes stuttered and Barcode ends up laughing weakly when he looks away. For a moment he considers letting it go, but the frustration comes back as fuel.
"I was hoping that when Phi got tired of—" He doesn't know what to name what they have, and at the moment everything that comes to mind isn't exactly pleasant, so he just shrugs. "That Phi would tell me."
Jeff opens and closes his mouth a few times when he looks at Barcode, but he still doesn't say anything. Another weak laugh and Barcode's nose is soon itching in that predictable way. He pushes the duvet off his legs, tossing aside the gift he's just been given.
"Code." Jeff calls out once, but the younger man busies himself with swinging his feet off the bed and getting up. "Code, wait."
When he gets up, Jeff steps in front of him.
"Let me through." He demands, not looking at Jeff.
"No, you're going to cry and—"
"So what?" Barcode snarls, pressing his lips together when his voice breaks. "I don't know what I did wrong, but Phi has been ignoring me for days and you could just tell me what happened!"
When he spews the words out, a few tears escape.
He is frustrated. Angry. Hurt.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Code!" Jeff's eyes widen slightly.
"Of course I did! What reason would there be?" Barcode asks as he dries the tears streaming down his face and bumps into Jeff's body as he tries to walks past to go to the bathroom.
But Barcode isn't even halfway there when Jeff grabs him by the wrist and turns him around. Barcode's immediate reaction is to pull his arm back and cross them in front of his chest as if to protect himself.
"It's nothing like that, Code, please..."
Jeff starts, but Barcode shakes his head several times.
"I know that I don't know much... That I don't know anything." Once again he rubs his face hard to dry the tears, "but Phi could tell me that he doesn't want it anymore, that he's tired, that he's lost interest, whatever! Just don't ignore me."
"I was afraid!" Jeff says louder and suddenly attracts Barcode's attention again. "A few days ago you talked in your sleep Code, and kept repeating that you didn't want to". He frowns as he gestures. "I was afraid I had forced something or had enticed you..."
Barcode starts laughing.
Laughing and crying at the same time.
Barcode is so deeply hurt and now also offended. That's the worst excuse he could hear, so much so that it didn't even cross his mind among so many bad scenarios he managed to create while he was alone in that room.
"Phi, I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous." This time Barcode doesn't mind his face getting wet. "Even if I had said anything, but using that as an excuse to... You could just tell me you didn't want it anymore!" Without controlling himself, Barcode ends up stamping his foot in frustration and closes his eyes quickly when he realizes what he just did. "I know I'm not the most mature, but I already told you that I'm not in lo—"
Barcode is interrupted when Jeff steps forward and takes his face in his hands, firm, forcing Barcode to look at him.
"I didn't say any of that because it's not true!" Jeff shakes his face slightly and looks him straight in the eyes. "That's not true, Code." He repeats, lower this time and leans his forehead on Barcode's.
The expression on Jeff's face is confused.
"P'Jeff can tell me the truth." Barcode lets out a hurt cry.
"I'm crazy for you." Jeff brings his lips closer to Barcode's, his hands roaming over his face. "Crazy." Jeff's breath hits his face and affects his whole body in a second. "For you and for what we are. I wouldn't lie about it. Please believe me, I was just scared."
As soon as Jeff finishes speaking, Barcode connects their lips together. At first just like that, forcefully, as if he wanted to punish him somehow. Then it turns into the best kiss they've ever had.
Jeff holds Barcode almost as if he were going to disappear at any moment. The hands on his face go down to uncross his arms and he wraps him in a tight hug, bringing their bodies tightly together. Soon Barcode has Jeff's hair between his fingers and the familiar sounds he lets out is music to his ears.
Kissing Jeff this time is almost suffocating, although Barcode doesn't feel the need to stop to breathe. Tears still flow and make the kiss taste salty. The tightness in the chest makes Barcode breathe harder and kiss Jeff more and more, to the point that having him completely attached to his body is not enough.
Barcode's hands then go down to unbutton Jeff's shirt, one by one, unhurriedly now. The kisses become slow, lazy like the ones he likes so much, which doesn't make it any less hot. When he's finished with the buttons, Jeff's shirt soon hits the floor and it's Barcode's turn to raise his arms and keep his lips away for a few seconds until Jeff gets rid of his sweatshirt.
As they walk back to bed, they busy themselves with finishing undressing each other. Lying down seems difficult when they don't want to part their lips, but Barcode crawls onto the pillows and brings Jeff's body on top of his.
Their legs intertwine when they kiss again. The loving touch that Barcode receives on his neck while having his mouth explored feels so good and sends small electrical waves through the rest of his body. When Jeff pulls away so they can get some air, Barcode opens his eyes.
For the first time Barcode lets himself really look at Jeff. Jeff's breathing synchronized with his own making his chest rise and fall. Barcode lifts a hand and tucks his hair behind his ear as it falls into Jeff's face, then holds him and strokes the curve of his cheekbones with his thumb. Jeff leaves a kiss right in the palm of his hand that Barcode feels like a sting right in the middle of his chest.
Barcode has never wanted him so much.
He pulls Jeff back in for another kiss, moving his body to have him between his legs. A very low moan escapes his lips as their hips meet and he can feel Jeff is as hard as he is. The subtle rubbing movements drive Jeff into an almost desperate state. It gets harder and harder to keep kissing.
Absolutely no words are needed when Barcode nods when Jeff looks at him closely. Jeff doesn't stray too far to get what they need. Barcode follows each movement with a watchful eye, but grabs Jeff's wrist when he sees him start to use lube on his own fingers. With Jeff on his knees between his legs, the younger one sits on the bed, takes the condom from him and slips it on Jeff himself. Only then does he use the lube around him and he can feel Jeff's cock throb under the touch.
When Barcode lies back down and their eyes meet, he notices the hesitation on Jeff's face. Then he takes him by the face once more and pulls him into a deep, slow kiss as he nods once, deliberately, and spreads his legs farther away, fully aware of what he is silently asking for.
Barcode just needs Jeff to be inside him, to make that hollow feeling of the older man not wanting him anymore to go away. He needs to feel they are so close together, so connected and lost in each other to the point of undoing the tight knot in his chest and throat.
The pain of Jeff just barely filling him in without any preparation is excruciating. Barcode can't help the little moans he lets out, nor can he keep his eyes open. And he doesn't need to look at the other to know that Jeff is watching him so closely and so intently that it makes Barcode just nod again and again after a few moments when he feels ready for more.
Barcode feels Jeff's hand stroke his face, almost trembling, as if he wanted to keep him grounded and distract him at the same time, as he outlines his features with his fingertips. Jeff pushes his hair back from his forehead, all in an attempt to make him relax and his gestures make Barcode open his eyes to find a look he's never seen on Jeff. He finally starts to move inside him.
With his head thrown back against the pillow and his body twisted between pleasure and pain, Barcode feels a single tear run down his right eye. It is quickly captured by a soft kiss.
"I'm gonna stop." Jeff says so low and urgent that Barcode's only reaction is to hold his hip in place.
"No, please no." Barcode opens his eyes again, taking a moment to focus on Jeff's face. With one hand, Barcode pulls him into a soft kiss and lets out another low cry. "I need—I need you, Phi."
The choking sound that escapes Jeff's lips gets right to Barcode's guts. They kiss again with an urgency that only increases and Barcode is so lost in the moment that the pain becomes a thrilling addition to all the overwhelming feelings within him.
Jeff's thrusts this time are slow and steady. None of them seem to be in a hurry or want it to be over soon. It's like they have all the time in the world to enjoy every inch of each other, every look, touch, sound, every drop of sweat coming out from both their bodies.
And they make it last as long as they can. Barcode doesn't even need to touch himself to reach his climax in an orgasm that feels like an out-of-body experience, even more so when lulled by the desperate noises coming from Jeff as he comes almost at the same time.
Jeff leaves his body as soon as possible and hastily gets rid of the condom, just so he can return as quickly to clean Barcode up to finally hold him in his arms. Barcode doesn't know how long they stay there, legs tangled, hugging each other in complete silence. Their hands never let go of each other, just like their lips and eyes. Being so close, so intimate still doesn't seem like good enough.
From the knot that remains in his gut, Barcode knows almost nothing, but he knows that what they just did was not sex.