Love hurts so bad, so bad, yeah. But I can't say goodbye, it hurts me even more. How can I go on if you're not here with me? Don't you need me? Don't you love me? Won't you ever come back to me?
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Grace's pov
We were all standing at a large base with the guys, who were about to be taken to their base for boot camp. We were all crying, mostly the girls were, the guys were trying to be strong but even they had watery eyes. Jimin engulfed me in a tight hug when he saw me burst into tears, "Don't cry, jamae. It'll make me cry too." he wiped the tears away tenderly and I smiled bleakly for him, causing him to smile and squint his eyes adorably. I saw Jin and Minji standing together, whispering; Jin stroking her head gently as Minji sniffled and shook from her tears before Jin enveloped her in a tight hug. There might be something between those two, I thought before turning to Taehyung and Faith, who were also very close together. Poor Faith, I know she doesn't have the courage to tell Taehyung before he leaves.
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Faith's pov
Oh, Taehyung, if only you knew how I felt about you! If only you knew how I lie awake at night dreaming about what we could be. What we could have. A house, a ring, kids. But I don't have the courage to tell you and I'm afraid it's too late now. I thought as I stared into Taehyung's beautiful eyes with my own watery ones; he held my hands as he talked softly to me, trying to make me feel better.
But I could only stare at him and marvel at his beauty. Yes, he is beautiful, at least to me he is. His nose, perfect lips that form an even more perfect boxy smile, his almond shaped eyes that reveal so much, his brown hair that frames his face perfectly, his sharp jawline, the way he carries himself, everything about him is perfection. Sometimes, I wish he could just figure out how I feel for him; how much I love him.
Whenever he catches me staring at him, does he sense something under the surface? Does he see what's in my eyes? Does he see how in love I am with him? Probably not and it's too late now. He'll never be able to truly know how I feel.
When Taehyung releases me from our embrace, he looks into my eyes, lingering for a moment before walking away. Please don't fall in love with someone else.
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Grace's pov
Jungkook walked up to me now, hands in his pockets, trying to be tough but his eyes say something else. "Grace, I'm going to miss you so much. What will I do without your hugs or smiles?!" he engulfed me in a big hug as he says this, revealing another part to him I didn't know.
"I don't know what I'll do without you either." I buried my tear filled eyes into his chest, inhaling his scent for the last time. I felt safe in his arms, I felt loved even if it wasn't the kind of love I hope for. Jungkook pulled back some and tipped my chin; he smiled sadly and wiped away my tears just as Jimin had, but he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead, sending heat waves through my body. Does he know the effect he has on me? I tried not to let it show how much his kiss effected me.
"I love you." my heart soared only to plummet at his next words. "Jamae." heart shattering, I knew in that moment that he would never feel the way I feel towards him. Tears started streaming down my cheeks, and Jungkook reached out to wipe them away, though he didn't know the reason behind my tears, "I will miss you too, Grace." he hugged me before joining the rest of the members. "Write to me, jamae." I nodded and Jungkook ran back up to me and engulfed me in one last hug.
He hugged me as though he would never see me again. Releasing me, he held my arms, searching my eyes. Placing a hand on his cheek, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek, stepping back with a sad smile, "Good bye, oppa." he walked back sadly and I waved with a brave smile on my face. When he and the members got on the bus, Jungkook sat at the window seat and waved; waving back, I watched as the bus drove away and out of sight. It was a very solemn moment for us as we stood there in silence.
My heart still hurt from Jungkook's tender words, 'I love you, jamae.' echoed in my mind, replaying over and over again. I must try and forget him. Forget these feelings. These vain imaginations of what never will be. The lyrics to Let Go came to mind, hearing Jungkook's angelic voice singing, I gotta let you know. That I need to let you go. Hard to say goodbye, demo nigenai. I'm ready to let go. They played over and over again. I'm ready to let go, I took a deep breath as I walked with the girls back to our cars. As I slid into the backseat of Jisoo's car and she pulled away, I stared out the window, feeling as though I can finally move on. But one thing remained in my head, no matter how hard I tried to erase it: Please don't fall in love with someone else.
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Time skip three weeks later
"And a 5 6 7 8!" our dance instructor clapped, and we dragged our sweaty bodies to our first position. We were extremely out of breath because we were preparing for a cover of Blackpink's DDU-DU DDU-DU. We all had our special parts: Dari was doing Jennie's first part, Abby was doing Lisa's first part, then Yunji was doing Rose's first part, Minji was doing Jisoo's first part, then Jisoo (our member) would join in with Minji on Jisoo's part before we all joined in the chorus. I had Jennie's next rapping part, but I couldn't help but feel insecure after seeing all of the hate comments saying what a horrible rapper I was.
Am I? A horrible rapper? Is it true? I warred within myself as we went over the choreography again. I'm not the type to usually let hate and discouraging things bother me, but ever since the guys left, I've been depressed. I've been depressed before, after my experience with Edward, but never like this. I can't tell the girls because I don't want them to worry; we already have so much on our plates that I don't want to be a burden.
"Okay! Let's take a quick water break before we do this again." our instructor told us and we all walked sluggishly to the bench, sitting down heavily. I drank deeply, as did the rest of the girls. We all were dripping sweat, it was not a pretty sight; hair was sticking to our foreheads, and we had a million flyaways. Yunji's ponytail was falling out, Dari's braids had hairs sticking out of it. Abby's hair in her ponytail was sticking up some. My messy bun had gotten even messier. Our faces looked red like a lobster, Man if Armys could see us now.
Once we finished drinking, we all walked back to the middle of the floor to our spots. Our instructor started the music and as we danced, when it was our part we would mouth the words. When it came to my part, I became self-conscious and didn't do my best when I rapped. Our instructor seemed a little irritated, but she didn't say anything. "That's enough for today." she had her arms crossed and I couldn't help but hang my head because I knew her irritation was directed at me.
Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I looked up at Minji, "Are you okay?" the practice room door shutting loudly caught my attention for a moment before I looked back at her. Nodding with a feigned smile, "Yes, of course. Just tired."
She looked me in the eyes, "Grace, I've known you long enough to know when something's off. Tell me." she placed her hand on my shoulders and gave them a light squeeze.
Looking towards the other girls who were talking, I mumbled, "I don't really want to talk about it." she released my shoulders and looked at me, "Okay, but if you ever need anything, anything at all, you can always talk to me." she smiled and I nodded, and she walked away. Watching her walk away, my attention was changed when I heard a knock on the door and Yeonjun peek through with a cute smile on his face. "We know you've been working hard on this cover, so we brought you some take out.
We all squealed and I clapped my hands as the rest of the members of TXT walked in carrying a bunch of bags holding food. "Woo hoo! TXT-oppas to the rescue!" I cheered as I ran over to help them. The delicious smell wafted into my nose and filled the room as they set the food down in the middle of the floor. "We got a bunch of stuff, so you should have leftovers." Kai informed us with a smile, setting the food down before walking over to me and draping an arm over my shoulder.
"I don't think there'll be any leftovers because some of us haven't even eaten breakfast." Minji chuckled.
Dari raised her hand eagerly, "I haven't eaten breakfast either!"
"That's your fault." I mumbled as I pulled out some chopsticks and dug into a container of ramen.
Dari sent me a glare, causing Taehyun to laugh. "How are you all doing without the guys?" Beomgyu asked, receiving a harsh elbow in the side from Soobin, who was glaring. "Aish, I was just checking on them." Beomgyu defended. "And? It's still rude." he whispered back.
"You're fine, Gyu. We're managing. It's most definitely quiet in the mornings now since their gone." Jisoo pulled out a couple cartons and opened them up, revealing tteokbokki, kimchi, bibimap, rice and some lettuce, along with some sauces.
"Thanks." Beomgyu smiled, seemingly relieved, sticking his hands in his pockets.
Yeonjun stood up, brushing his hands on his ripped jeans, "Well, we'll leave y'all to eat. See you soon!" they all walked out, but Yeonjun stopped in the doorway, "Grace, don't forget we're meeting for coffee tomorrow!"
The door shut and all of the girls stopped eating, staring at me; a couple of chopsticks with food hung in mid air. "Grace is going to coffee with Yeonjun!" Yunji exclaimed, shocked.
"The heck, Grace? I thought you were in love with Jungkook; now you're going on dates with Yeonjun?!" Abby cried.
"How can you move on so quickly?!" Faith added.
"Seriously, Grace!" Minji jumped in.
"Guys! For Christ's sake! He's several years older than me! It's just coffee between friends. And I'm trying to get over Jungkook." I mumbled on that last part.
Quiet filled the room again, "Grace, you know you can never get over Jungkook." Jisoo took my hand gently.
"Yes, I can. And I will. I won't keep on getting my heart broken." I held my watery eyes up in defiance.
Abby leaned forward with a sympathetic look on her face, "Grace, I've known you long enough to know that you can't get over him."
"Jungkook won't break your heart, honey." Minji said in a motherly tone. She really has been there for us, especially when we need a mother figure in our lives, since most of our moms are halfway across the world. She has held us when we needed it most; encouraging us and giving wise advice in difficult situations. She truly is a God-send for me and for all of us; I don't know what we would do without her.
"Give him time. He will see what he's missing is right in front of him." Faith had an encouraging smile on her face.
Looking at all of them, "Guys, before we watched them leave, Jungkook hugged me tightly. Then he kissed my forehead." they all gasped and smiled. "Do you know what this means, Grace!? He must have feelings for you!" Yunji clapped her hands.
Ignoring her, "He then said, 'I love you, jamae." they all gasped again, but with sadness in their eyes.
"Oh, Grace. Now I know what you mean by having your heart broken again." Dari said with sympathy in her eyes.
"That's why I have to let him go. He will never love me in the way that I want him too. He sees me as the sister he never had, someone to protect." I looked down at my hands, not letting them see the hot tears gathering in my eyes. Gulping as a lump formed in my throat, I felt arms wrap around me and for a moment, all of the pain was erased, overcome by the love I felt in the embrace. Sighing, I sent a silent prayer of thanks for these six amazing people in my life who truly cared.
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Day of performance
Stepping out of our black limousine, I walked with determination, making sure there was a slight sway of my hips, just as our instructor had said. Make the guys wild. Her words rang in my head as I looked at the camera, catlike attitude in the way I stood. We all gathered in front of a white board that had the words KBS Song Festival all over it. Posing together with our seductive yet innocent looks on our faces, the cameraman took several shoots, seemingly shocked at BTS' newest concept. Virginal fear and steamy heat.
We walked away, purposely making eye contact with people, and I could feel their eyes following us. My eyes scanned the room as we entered backstage and they landed on Enhypen, "Hey, boys." I said flirtatiously, wiggling my fingers at them. Their eyes met mine and they looked at all of us in shock. Reveling in the power I felt at their reaction to us, I walked over, purposely looking Niki in the eyes as I walked, swaying my hips slightly. Placing my hands on their table, leaning over slightly, I smirked, "What's up, boys? Long time no see."
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Niki's pov
"Hey, boys." I heard a girl catcall and I looked up to see who it was. My mouth went dry and my eyes widened in shock to see Grace with a smirk on her face, wearing an outfit I would've never thought I'd see her wear. I knew they were preparing a special performance for the KBS Song Festival, but I never expected her and the other girls to be wearing what they were wearing.
But Grace's outfit sent heat waves through my body. Her shorts revealed her long shapely legs, still toned from years of gymnastics. Her black top revealed way too much, leaving little for imagination. I can just see all the guys watching her online and who are here today and their reactions. Will they feel the same way I'm feeling now? Like their heart's about to pump out their chest?
She walked over, and my eyes went to her hips. There was a seductive smile on her face as she walked over with intention. She made eye contact with me and my eyes went to her hips. Forcing myself to look upwards, I watched as Grace placed her hands on our table, leaning over some and my eyes went downward. Looking her up and down, I bit my lip. She must've noticed because she smirked and placed a delicate hand on my shoulder, making heat spread and centralize, "You're looking handsome, Niki. You're going to make the girls swoon tonight." she giggled and looked back at the girls who were standing behind her.
"I most definitely agree." Faith winked at Heesung, making him blush slightly.
"Well, boys. I hate to say it, but we must be heading to our station to finish getting ready." Grace straightened. You need to get ready even more? I thought she looked just fine the way she was, I was afraid I'd start drooling if she did anything else. They walked away and I couldn't help but stare. Their station was across from ours and Grace turned and looked at me with a wink before sitting down on a chair. A stylist noona started working on her makeup and hair.
Feeling a nudge, I looked over to see Jay sitting there with a smirk on his face, "Seems like our boy has a crush on Miss Grace over there."
"Oh, yeah. Did you see the way he looked her up and down." Sunghoon teased, elbowing me slightly.
Face heating up, I snapped back, "Hey! I didn't do that. And no, I do not have a crush on Grace." crossing my arms and looking down, not wanting the guys to see my red face. "Oh, little Niki's blushing! It's true!" Sunoo snickered.
"Yah! Hajima, hyung!" I whisper-yelled. Turning my attention back to Grace, I almost sighed in contentment as she chattered gaily with her stylist. She said something to make the girl laugh and her stylist said something in return to make Grace giggle. Shaking my head, I watched other people come and go from the backstage area to distract myself from Grace.
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Grace's pov
Taking a deep breath and releasing it, I shook my hands out and jumped up and down a little, trying to get rid of my nervousness. This was our first performance without the guys being here and I miss Jungkook's pep talks backstage before we went on. I miss the way he would hug me tightly, speaking comforting words that would soothe my turbulent mind.
"Are you okay?" Jisoo leaned over and whispered.
Nodding my head, "Just nervous, that's all." the truth is, I was scared to death about what people would think whenever they heard me rap. I was afraid I would stutter or mess up.
"Don't let the hate comments get to you. You're an amazing rapper and you're gonna do great." Jisoo searched my eyes.
I was shocked to know she knew about the comments, so I could only nod and smile. The stage dimmed and the music started, causing the crowd to go wild. Dari walked out, followed by Abby and Yunji. Minji and Jisoo would walk out a little later and then Faith and I would come out for the first chorus. Dari started her part, doing the choreography and perfect facial expressions. Abby and Yunji completed their parts perfectly as well; Minji and Jisoo then did theirs and when it came to the chorus, I went all out.
All of my fears and nervousness left me. I'll show those haters what's up. Walking to the front, I started my rap with all of the attitude and swag I had. Smirking as I did the choreo, I felt empowered as I captivated the audience with my rap and moves. Everyone was in shock at the new BTS'; they never expected this. When we started doing the body roll after the second chorus, the audience roared. Looking at the audience with a smirk, I could tell by their reactions we pulled off the exact look we wanted. And the new BTS showed up and everyone was shocked, and I couldn't have been happier.
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Time skip a couple of hours
Walking into my room, I threw my purse onto my dresser along with my apartment keys. Tossing my phone on the bed, I fell onto the bed with a sigh, sprawled out like a starfish, staring up at the ceiling. Turning my head to the side, I saw the stack of papers, envelopes, and stamps I had bought the other day so I could write to Jungkook. Sitting up, I grabbed a pen and made sure it was not dry before picking up a sheet of paper and started writing.
Dear Jungkook,
I know it's not even been a month since you left, but I already miss you terribly. It's not the same without you guys here; we performed a cover for Blackpink's DDU-DU DDU-DU. I'm rapping Jennie's second part, and I was extremely nervous. But I went through the exercises you taught me and it truly helped. Nevermind about me, how is it in bootcamp? Have you had to have your room messed up because one of your roommates didn't have everything just right? My dad said they did that when he was in Marine boot camp. He said that if even a corner of your bed sheet wasn't tucked in right, everything would be ripped off, your stuff thrown out of dressers and shelves. I don't know if it's the same there though.
Is it hot there? I hope not, I wouldn't want you or any of the members to get some kind of heat injury. Is the conditioning hard? Are there ANY girls there? Sorry about so many questions, but I want to know from someone who is inside and experiencing this stuff. Please go to bed at a decent time and don't stay up. You must stay healthy; I can imagine you saying I sound like your mom lol. I'll be your mom if you don't listen; don't think I won't figure out some way to break in and smack you silly. Are the obstacle courses fun? I wish I was there with you. Maybe I could pack myself in a box and mail myself to you, then I could be with you. That will never happen, sadly.
Our performance went very well and was super exciting. Whenever you come back, you'll have a lot of performances and award shows to catch up on lol. You'll be very entertained for a while. We have a Run BTS episode coming up and school starts soon. Ugh, I hope Yeri isn't in my class. She is such a bully. Sorry for that, I needed to vent for a moment. Please let me know when you start training for shooting. I really want to know what kinds of guns you're using. Make sure you blow up some stuff; my dad said he had an automatic grenade gun and he was only supposed to shoot one at a time at an old World War II Russian tank, but instead when his drill sergeant wasn't looking, my dad held the trigger down and it went, boom boom boom! Then in the distance the tank exploded in a big ball of flames and smoke. It sounded pretty epic. Let me know how well your target practice is ;).
I miss you guys so much! It's so quiet in the mornings now that y'all are gone. I don't know how I'll survive two years; I can barely survive three weeks! I'm sending you a bunch of stamps in this envelope so you can write back. Just let me know when you're about to run out so I can send you some more. I love and miss you all so much! Stay safe and we'll talk to you soon!
Love,
Grace
Folding up the piece of paper neatly, I slid it into the envelope with some stamps. Writing down my address and the base's address, I then put a stamp on the right corner before licking the edges of the envelope and closed it securely. Setting it on my nightstand, I got ready for bed, showering first before throwing on some PJs and crawling under the covers. Putting in my earbuds and playing some music, I made a mental note to take the letter to the post office before work. Closing my eyes, I fell asleep thinking about Jungkook standing in a crisp blue uniform, looking handsome and proud.
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Tysm for reading! Sarangminda! Remember to vote, comment, and give this book a shout out!