I'm sick of the way you treat me... Using me like I'm some kind of servant, and always letting out your anger and grief on me.
I lost her too, but it's ridiculous how you turned yourself into a monster just because you couldn't move on. You say you lost everything when she died, but what about me?! Have I been nothing to you this entire time?!
It's like you jumped into a pool of despair and don't even intend to leave. I tried to pull you out of the water, I tried so hard, but you wouldn't budge. It's pathetic. If you won't even put in the effort to see that, then I don't want to be here anymore.
Unlike you, I'll try to live to the fullest. Whether you like it or not...
I got woken up by the repeated ringing of a bell, the same sound that I hear every morning for the past three months since I started working on this fishing boat I'm currently in. Following the noise is the faint sound of footsteps coming from above and in the room I slumber in. Just like the rest of the crew, I pulled myself out of bed and sat down, noticing the ache on my back, I did a quick stretch. The sleep I had last night is officially one of the worst that I have ever had, the smell of fish and salt water reeks on everything, and the never ending rocking of the boat results to constant headaches, nevertheless, I'm starting to get used to waking up like this.
Besides, I can't give myself the right to complain. I consider myself lucky to even have a place to sleep in at this point, a place that's way better than where I was three months prior. At least here, I have way more freedom, and I can finally work for myself.
I successfully got myself ready and climbed up the stairs that lead up to the deck, where our captain was waiting for us with the same stern and determined look. The look that shows the rest of us that he's in charge.
"Alright crew, today might be the day we get the chance to get a good catch. The season has only begun, so you all know well enough that I don't want to spot anyone slacking off." Captain's voice booms across the deck filled with more than a dozen of people who work for him, his voice, loud enough that I could hear him from where I stood at the back of the crowd
He then goes on to once again remind us of the agenda we follow everyday; survey the waters and observe the weather, monitor the fishing nets and keeping those and every other tools and equipment on the ship in good condition. Just like that, we start our day of catching fish.
A lot of people would think that fishing is just as simple as riding a boat then throwing a net into the water, but in reality, it's no picnic. In order to have a successful and abundant catch, you will have to be attentive and also very patient, as fishing is really time consuming. In addition to that, we will have to make sure that the boat continuously functions properly so we don't sink or get stranded. On top of that, the fish we catch will have to be stored properly so we can sell them in the best quality possible.
I am mostly assigned to setting up the nets and traps into the water and storage, but occasionally, I also get involved in cleaning.
The day went by and I focused on finishing my own errands, I don't exactly socialize with the rest of the crew, mainly because I don't feel the need to do so. It's not like I'm isolated from everyone else though, I'm aware of everyone's names and I cooperate with them whenever we need team effort for certain tasks, which happens quite often. I just don't interact with them that much outside of work.
"Yo, starfish."
Unlike some people...
Once the person approaching me spoke, I immediately recognized who it was. "Did you need anything, Hayato-senpai? I'm a little busy at the moment." I reply without looking away from the nets while crouched down.
"Do I have to need anything to be able to talk to you?"
Nikko Hayato is another crew member of the boat, he's older than me and has worked with the captain longer than I have. He's too peppy and talkative than I would prefer, but I can't deny that he's one of the most hardworking people around here, and he has my respect for that. So if you ask me, I say that he's good on my book, I just wish he isn't so nosy all the time.
I didn't give him a response, instead, I just kept my eye on the net and made sure there isn't any damage before setting it up.
"Put that thing down will ya? It's break time, and you should be resting with us." he says as he walks up to me with cans of soda on each of his hands, he then hovers one of them in front of me. "Here you go, starfish."
I didn't want him to dictate me, but the moment I saw the drinks, I noticed that I was thirsty, so I guess I could use a little break. I place the net on the floor then took the can from his hand, "Thanks, and will you stop calling me that name?" I said before standing up.
"Calling you what? Starfish? I could always go for Mrs. Crabs since you're always so grumpy and snappy" he annoyingly replies then leans on the metal railing.
"Tch, I'm not grumpy." I grumbled after joining him then opened my can of soda and took a swig. The drink was refreshing, accompanied by the cold wind passing by, I felt relaxed. I didn't realize how much I needed the break until now, although the quiet portion of this couldn't be given to me since the loud mouth beside me couldn't stop talking.
"How long do you think we'll stay out this time?" he initialized the small talk. After that, I contemplated on an answer using my prior experiences and the catch that we had so far.
"Hmm, I guess if we manage to catch about 2 times more than we have so far, I think we'll be able to go home midday tomorrow."
"Well look at you, turning into more of a smarty pants everyday." he remarks annoyingly, but he was actually able to release a chuckle out of me.
"Shut up... Well, that's my analysis at least."
"I'll hold you up to that guess, then. If we manage to dock tomorrow before 1:00, dinner will be on me." he negotiates with confidence, although I had to roll my eyes since he could barely save money for himself, yet he always insists on using it on buying things for others.
"You better quit that habit of yours before you officially go broke." I had to protest, I can buy food with my own money after all. "Sometimes I don't know if you're just too nice or too bad with money." I took another sip before continuing "Besides.. don't you have something to save up for? You know, like retirement or an expensive vacation, your own house maybe?"
Hayato chuckled before replying "Retirement? First of all, I'm not that old, and to answer your question, no. I don't have a reason in mind to save at all."
"Surely you're not planning to work here for the rest of your life."
It took a while for Hayato to answer, "Hmm.. I don't know. I guess I got too comfortable with this lifestyle that I just settled, I'm just... content with what I have now. I have comrades, a job, a place to sleep and eat in." then he paused, suddenly he showed a sad expression on his face, I could see in his eyes that a void of unhappiness is still present in him. "Either that, or I just gave up on my dream to become a technician for robotics."
Oh, that's right, Hayato has always been the chief engineer of the ship. In every problem the engines faced, he was always there to fix it, no matter how bad the damage is. I've seen how eager and upbeat he gets every time he gets to work on an engine, despite the challenge, he always faces it with his passion for technology. It's sad that he ended up here rather than fulfilling his dreams.
I'm not the best at comforting people, so it was difficult for me to say something to make him feel better. Usually, it has always been witty banter and jokes around him, but this time, it's like his peppy switch turned off for a moment. So, Hayato spoke again before I could, "What about you? What are you planning to do once you get enough money?"
"Pff, nanya business, sorry..." I reply in a slightly playful manner and I could tell Hayato was disappointed. After that, I quickly finished my drink and walked away. "Welp, time to get back to work."
"Oh come on! I bear my heart to you and this is what I get in return?!" he complains as he followed me, still eager to get an answer.
"I never asked you to do so."
"Did to~"
Another thing I'm not good at is opening up to people, I don't know about you, but I still need to keep parts of myself hidden, so no one ends up using my weaknesses against me. In this harsh world I live in, I learned that there's always someone out there who wants to hurt you, so I shouldn't be blamed for being discrete.
TO BE CONTINUED
-- minor changes have been applied --