By the time Sirius Black and Dorcas Meadows passed through the doorway into the Prewett twins' office, Sirius was completely calm. Dorcas looked at him warily as she thanked Gideon and Fabian and they stepped out. She locked the door behind them and sat behind Gideon's desk, looking at Sirius, who sat opposite her.
The desk was covered with paperwork waiting to be done and filed, teetering in stacks. She spotted a framed photo of herself and Dorcas groaned and put it face-down to the table, then leaned forward and looked at Sirius carefully. "Sirius," she said, "Are you alright? Please talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling."
Sirius was kind of half grinning at this point, staring off into distance with a vacant look of deep thought.
"Sirius?" Dorcas asked. He was making her so nervous, being so quiet and suddenly calm, especially compared to how he'd been downstairs just moments before. His mood was like a swinging pendulum, she thought, unstable and unpredictable. And of course it should be right about then, what with everything going on, but that certainly didn't make Sirius's flights of rage any less intense.
He suddenly blinked his eyes and turned his head as though only just realizing she was there. "Dorcas, darling, I must ask you a question."
"What's that, Sirius?"
"It's about your tattoos."
"Sirius," Dorcas sighed, "I don't know if this is the time to be talking about this. I don't want you to repress the things you feel, sweetheart. I know it hurts, but you can't just make it go away..."
"Funny you should say it like that," Sirius said, and he chuckled, shaking his head. Then, "Can you make magical tattoos vanish, Dorcas, dear?"
Dorcas's eyebrows knit together. "Sirius, --"
"Can you?"
"Yes," she murmured. "But it's a very painful process, depending how deep it is..."
"Yeah, yeah, ink... epidermal layer and all that shite... but it would leave a scar, yeah?"
"A terrible one."
"Not something that would just... vanish... in, say, a couple of hours?"
Dorcas gave him a look.
Sirius raised his eyebrows back at her, imploring her.
"No, not something that would just vanish in a couple hours. It's an extremely painful process."
Sirius nodded, though he'd stopped listening after the first part of the sentence.
"I know you've been through so much, Sirius, and I'm so sorry for everything that you've had to endure. I really want to help you process this properly, so that everything we've worked so hard to achieve over the past few years isn't undone... You've grown a lot since we first met, don't you think so? I'm very proud of you... and I just don't want you to go repressing the things you're feeling right now. I'm here for you, and it's safe here to talk about how you're feeling about your brother's death."
Sirius looked at Dorcas, having just tuned back in, though she'd been talking for several long minutes. "I'm not feeling anything about my brother's death. My brother isn't dead."
Dorcas frowned, her eyes sad, "Sirius, honey, he is dead. The body --"
"Isn't Regulus," Sirius said firmly.
"Sirius..."
Sirius shook his head, then he paused, realizing he was in the Ministry for Magic, realizing he was in the Auror offices, realizing that perhaps this was not the place to be talking openly about things - just in case, for one never knew whether the walls had ears or not. He looked at Dorcas squarely. "Can't I just go home? I want my Moony."
"This is very important, Sirius..." Dorcas said, and real concern was on her face, which Sirius appreciated, but still... if there was one thing that James's experience and departure in the training program at the Ministry had taught them all it was that the Ministry for Magic was not entirely trustworthy itself. Just because he knew he could trust Dorcas and the Prewett twins, did not mean that he could trust this office or anything else Ministry related.
"I want to go home," he pleaded. "We can talk another time, can't we?"
She sighed, but she nodded, frustrated and worried, and she got up, "Alright. Let's make an appointment right now, alright?"
"Yeah, sure."
He gave Dorcas Meadows that much, though he rather thought he probably wouldn't have done if it was anyone else and honestly he probably wouldn't keep the appointment. The walk out from the Prewetts' office to the atrium and back to the hall of floos felt forever and Sirius had to practically wrench Dorcas off himself. "I'm alright, I can floo home myself," he said when she offered to take him back to the flat in East London.
He tumbled through the fireplace and into the living room of the flat. Remus and Peter were there alone, as Marlene had gone home, and Remus had enlisted Peter in helping him look through books - the stack beside the couch had grown, nearly every book he owned on defensive magic was stacked up and being combed through, searching for more information on the magic that would explain how the Dark Mark worked. They both looked up when Sirius appeared.
Peter jumped up from the couch, knocking over the smaller stack of books he was working his way through, and ran over to Sirius, wrapping his arms around him. "Sirius I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Peter," Sirius said resolutely, "It isn't him."
"What?" Remus put aside the book he was looking at.
"The body they have there, it isn't Regulus."
"It's not? Who is it then?"
"Dunno. Somebody that looks like Regulus, but it isn't my brother."
Remus's eyes went from hopeful to worried. "Sirius..."
"No listen, he didn't have on his pendant or his watch," Sirius started.
"Well those things are taken off at a morgue aren't they?" Remus said gently. "That's why I have my mother and father's rings..."
"Alright, perhaps, but the mortician says he didn't have those things on him when they found him at the Ministry."
"Maybe Regulus took them off himself for some reason."
"He would never take off that pendant - he hasn't taken it off in years - and the watch... You saw him this morning, Moony - he wasn't about to take that off, either."
Peter shook his head, "He wasn't. You're right."
"Peter, don't encourage him in this --" Remus said, sighing. He looked at Sirius, "Honey, it's just jewelry, it comes off. Perhaps one of the Death Eaters --"
"No, Remus, that's not my only evidence anyway," Sirius interrupted him, "It's also that when I checked for his watch, I realized that his arms were bare. No Dark Mark."
Silence hung among them. Remus's eyes narrowed as he thought about this.
"Skin as smooth as anything," Sirius added, "So I asked Dorcas Meadows if magical tattoos can be removed and she said that they can, sure, but it isn't something that would vanish in a couple hours. He had the Mark this morning, Remus, that's what transported him when I stupidly went and said the name. But that body at the Ministry? Nothing there. Not even a scar."
Peter looked from Remus to Sirius, eyes wide, then at Sirius, "So Regulus is alive after all?"
"For now at least. I dunno why they would go to all the trouble of having a fake body and dropping it off at the Ministry... Which is another thing. Since when do the Death Eaters drop off their kill at the Ministry? Doesn't Greyback usually --"
Remus held up his hands to stop Sirius from finishing the sentence, and he shook his head, "Well there are plenty of reasons to present a body like that. Perhaps they're sending a message of some sort about double-crossing him or trying to draw your Mother out of hiding. After all, we don't know if she defected back or not, only that the Safe House wasn't where Regulus thought it would be when he went back. But if she isn't back with You Know Who then he's going to want to draw her out of hiding... presenting Regulus's body at the Ministry is sure to cause a stir once it hits newspapers and that might draw her out of hiding or set her seeking him out to exact revenge or whatever... He could even be trying to draw us out."
Sirius said, "And it may work but not for revenge but because if that body is fake, then the real Regulus is out there somewhere, and --"
"Sirius."
"Remus, he didn't have the bleedin' Dark Mark, what more evidence do you need?"
"Perhaps that's part of the properties of the Mark, perhaps it disappears when a Death Eater dies."
"No - we've seen plenty of dead Death Eaters and they've always kept their Marks when they die. It's not like it just fades off or something," Sirius argued. "Dorcas said they don't just vanish anyway."
"But the Mark isn't exactly a tattoo, really, it's -- different."
"It can't be that different."
"It can, rather. I mean, regular tattoos don't just yank you away somewhere else when you touch them the way the Mark does, do they?" Remus argued.
"That body was not my brother, Remus."
"I know you don't want it to be him, Sirius, but --"
"No! Will you listen to me?" Sirius snapped, angry, "Why aren't you listening to me? That body at the Ministry that I went and saw just now? NOT. MY. BROTHER."
Remus shook his head, "Bloody hell, I should've gone with you. I knew I should've gone with you."
"Remus, I'm not an idiot, alright? I know what I saw and what I didn't see."
"Sirius you're in denial."
"I'm not in denial! My brother isn't fucking dead!" Sirius turned, pushed 'round Peter, and stormed down the hallway. The door to the bedroom slammed shut and there was a pause, before the sound of his record player blaring came.
Remus sighed and ran his hands over his face. He threw himself backward into the cushions in frustration, his palms splayed to cover his cheeks and eyes. "Shite."
"Yeah," Peter agreed. He wandered back to the couch and sat down besides Remus, staring sadly at the stack of books he'd been working on. He looked over at Remus. "You really think he's just in denial?" he asked. "You don't think it might be true?"
"Peter, of course he's just in denial."
"He seemed awfully convinced."
"He's Sirius, of course he seemed convinced, because when he believes something he believes it with a passion - with all of his heart."
"Yeah," Peter agreed. "But it is odd that he didn't have the pendant or the watch or the Mark."
" All easily explained off, isn't it?" Remus said, shaking his head.
Peter stayed staring at the books. "I wish James was here. James would know what to say to him for sure."
"I'm his husband, I know what to say to him," Remus said, looking over at Peter with a spark of jealousy in his voice. "We don't need James to know what to say to Sirius."
Peter flushed, "Then why aren't you in there and saying it then?"
Remus stared at Peter, then, "Because he clearly isn't ready to hear what needs to be said."
"Then it isn't what needs saying right now, is it?" Peter argued.
Remus grit his teeth. "I'm his husband, not James."
"I know, but James would know what to say to Sirius right now. Not when he's ready to hear whatever you've got to say." Peter shrugged and got up.
"Where are you going?" Remus asked.
Peter answered, "To the kitchen. I'm going to get him some chocolate. That dementor in his chest is probably messing with his mind and he probably needs some chocolate." He scurried away before Remus could say anything else.
Remus glared at the book on the arm of the couch where he'd left it, his mouth twisted in a frustrated frown.
Peter came back from the kitchen and Remus heard him walk 'round back of the couch and start down the hallway.
"Wait, Peter..." Remus sighed, standing up and following him. "Here. Let me take it to him. You're right, he probably does need to have some chocolate and - well, I hate to say it, but he probably does need James, too." Remus rubbed his forehead. "I really hate to do this to them, but -- could you go and get James and Lily? They aren't leaving for the honeymoon until tomorrow and - well, it's likely that Lily has some idea something is up anyway. She felt when Regulus was in trouble before... I imagine she probably felt something right when they -- when they killed him."
It suddenly occurred to Remus, too, that Lily may be a help in proving to Sirius that his brother was gone. She would be able to feel it, likely.
Peter nodded. "Alright."
"Besides all that, they have a right to know about Regulus, they were growing rather close to him, too."
Peter nodded and he handed Remus the chocolate, then added, "Be gentle to him right now, alright?"
"Of course I will be, Peter," Remus said.
"You weren't out in the living room before, that's all."
Remus grit his teeth again, "I will be."
"Okay." Peter turned and hurried off down the hall back to the living room.
Remus shook his head and turned to the bedroom door, pushing it open, and stepping inside.
Sirius was at Remus's desk, a roll of parchment stretched out on the surface, a quill in his hand. He was writing something down, and the record player was blasting The Clash.
"Hate and war the only thing we get today, hate and war, the only thing... I have no will to survive, I cheat if I can't win... If someone locks me out, I kick my way back in... and if I get aggression, I give it two times back... Everyday it's just the same with hate an' war on my back..."
Remus sighed and went over and turned the record player down.
Sirius looked up. "Don't turn that down, I'm listening to that."
"I know. I want to talk to you, though."
Sirius let out a snort of breath and turned back to his parchment, angry. "What do you want?"
"I'm sorry about before," Remus answered.
Sirius didn't answer, his quill scratched across the parchment.
"Sirius, I love you..."
"I love you too but I don't like you right now."
Remus walked over and put his hand on Sirius's arm, stilling the scratching of the quill. He held out the chocolate. "Here. Eat this, it'll help."
Sirius stared at the chocolate, and his eyes flickered up to Remus. "No thank you."
"Isn't Achyls acting up?"
"No. She's not."
"It just seems like the sort of thing that might... bring her about," Remus murmured, and he put the chocolate down on the desk.
"Not anymore than usual," Sirius answered. "But she - like you - can fuck off because I'm not sad."
"It's alright if you are --"
"Are you on her side or mine?" Sirius asked. Then, "I have no reason to be sad. My brother is not dead."
Remus bit his lip, keeping back the rebuttal that had first come to his mouth to speak, but remembering Peter's words, he kept it in. "What're you writing?" he asked.
"A list."
"A list?"
"Of places to look for Regulus."
Remus bit his lip again.
There was a very long pause as Sirius waited for Remus to make an argument and Remus tried at holding back from making it. Finally, Sirius said, "Turn my record back up, will you?"
Remus walked over and turned it up.
"What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not who I want to be. I tried spot cream and I tried it all, crawlin' up the wall. What's my naaaaaaaaame? Naaaaaaaame, naaaaaaame. I tried to join a ping-pong club. Sign on the door said 'all full up'. I got nicked, fightin' in the road. The Judge didn't even know. What's my naaaaaaame? Naaaaaame, naaaaaaame..."
Remus groaned and went back out to the living room and sat back down on the couch, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes as the music filled the flat.
Suddenly the floo lit up and James came through. "Where is he?"
"Bedroom," Remus answered.
Without any hesitation or further discussion on it, James ran down the hall.
Remus closed his eyes. Guilt welled up in him, and something else - something that bubbled just under the thickness of the frustration. Plus there was maybe more of that jealousy thrown in, too.
He heard Lily and Peter arrive, and felt Lily's arms close around his shoulders.
"I'm sorry," he said, turning to her. "I didn't know what else to do - I didn't want to interrupt you and James so soon, but --"
"We wouldn't be anywhere else at a time like this!" Lily replied.