My draw to Colby is strangely out of control today. I'm not sure if the other vampires or my coven can sense it, but I know for a fact they've seen me constantly looking at him, getting distracted from my spars from as little as his voice in the distance.
It's strange to me to be so taken when so far I've felt only regular attraction to him. It's like everything has increased ten fold and it's so confusing, but I like it. My best guess would be spending the night together, however innocently, has reminded our bond of the relationship we had before. At the end of the day, my body still knows what his touch feels like, even if my brain doesn't.
I try to keep myself under control until training ends and we all end up in the living room together. I sit between Colby and Lilly, my feet tucked under my butt so I'm leaning toward my soulmate. I subtly rest my head on his shoulder as I occasionally join in on the conversation around me. But my mind is occupied.
Aaron says something in passing about Georgia, the vampire who has been travelling around LA causing trouble since we parted. It was only yesterday but with everything going on, it feels like ages ago.
I laugh when he compares her to a troublesome celebrity, my eyes closing for barely a moment with the action. But they snap open again when I feel something land on my thigh and look down at Colby's ring-clad hand. He's looking away trying to make it casual, and a light pink shade coats my cheeks. I look down at the hand, warmth wrapping around my heart to tug at it.
When I blink, however, I'm met with a flash unlike every other I have experienced so far. A very, very vivid image of myself and Colby in a rather compromising position floods my head. I can't help the sudden yelp that escapes, halting every other conversation in the room.
My hands cover my face as I try to rid the image from my mind but it isn't going anywhere, and now my cheeks are on fire.
"Lydia?" Eliza asks from across the room; I don't leave my hidden state.
"What happened?" Jake asks, mild amusement in his tone.
"Nope, nothing," I reply quickly.
He snorts. "Clearly something happened. I can smell your blood from here. Why are you blushing?"
"Nothing," I insist, forcing my own hands from my face. But I catch sight of Colby watching me curiously—a little worried—and I just start blushing even harder. I'm not sure how that's possible.
"Come on, Lydia, you can't react like that to something and not tell us what's going on," Lilly pushes from beside me. She leans closer, though all the vampires hear when she says, "You don't blush over just anything."
"It's nothing," I repeat once more, shaking my head vigorously. "Just continue your conversations. I'm not here."
Oh how I wish I had their speed; that I could just disappear in a blur from this room. As I expect, none of them are satisfied with my diversion. They want to know what has flustered me so badly and they're not gonna stop until they do. But I can't possibly tell them that I saw Colby and I...
"Lydiaaaaaaa," Corey whines impatiently.
"Alright," I snap without continuing.
He glares at me and I look down to my lap, happening to catch sight of that hand still there. He hasn't moved it despite all of the eyes in the room on me. I wonder why they don't think that is what has flustered me, or perhaps they haven't seen it yet.
"I... I got a sort of flash... but it wasn't a normal flash..."
"What do you mean?" Eliza asks worriedly. I feel her concerns from where I sit. I can't stop fidgeting.
"Um, it was..." I shake my head. "No, can't do it. You're just gonna have to sit in suspense." I get up from the couch and begin to circle it, but both Katrina and Cassie appear in front of me, blocking my path. "Why?" I complain. "Can't I keep some things to myself?"
Katrina laughs. "Nope. Lilly's right. You don't react like that for just anything. What did you see?"
"Shouldn't we know if you're getting your memories back?" Eliza continues.
I wrap my arms around my stomach. "It's one memory, just like those random phrases. This doesn't mean anything."
"But what was it?" Tara pushes from the couch.
My eyes betray me. I want to punch myself in the face when I glance at Colby still watching me silently, and it clicks for everyone else exactly what I saw; why I've reacted so suddenly; why I'm blushing so much.
Corey, Jake, Kevin and Elton all burst into sudden, humiliating laughter as I cover my face again, groaning to myself. I'm certain now that I can't go any more red. Amid all the amusement in the room, I quickly flee from prying eyes, this time Katrina and Cassie not getting in my way. I dart outside for some fresh air hoping it will cool me down a little, and sit on a sunbed. My heart is pounding in my chest without me realising.
Thinking about that one little memory again, which no doubt was caused by my body's recognition to Colby's touch, I figure pretty quickly that the reason I got so flustered is because I liked what I saw. With all my urges being suppressed, my need for him is only growing to the point my body has forced this image on me to make me see what I'm missing.
Just as I expect, Colby appears at the back door before long. He's slightly hesitant as he walks over to take a seat beside me, looking up at the sky. No pressure. He's just here if I need him.
"I'd quite like to drown myself in that pool."
His eyes swiftly find mine, a mixture of amusement and genuine concern in them. I give him a half-smile, wrapping my arms around my legs to hug them to my chest.
"I'd prefer if you didn't," he admits gently, returning my expression.
I sigh. "Yeah... but that was kind of mortifying."
His sweet smile twists into more of a smirk, as he tilts his head to the side. "The memory or the others knowing about it?"
I don't know how to answer that. I don't want to tell him I liked what I saw, that if something like that were to happen right now, I'd be perfectly happy with it. But at the same time, I can't lie to him.
"The others," I say, hugging myself tighter. Something occurs to me. "You remember everything like that, too. Don't you ever... think about it?"
"Obviously." I startle, and he leans toward me. "You're even hotter now than you used to be. I see the difference. Before you weren't really happy, even with me."
"I'm sure I was," I murmur.
He shakes his head. "No. I think a part of you knew it wasn't the real you." His eyes drift down from mine, examining me. "Some things remain the same, though."
"Don't you think I've blushed enough for one day?" I snap, dropping my feet to the ground. I glare at him but he only smiles back.
"No, not even close."
I sigh. "You're being mean to me."
He just shrugs in response, holding our eye contact. That blasted memory flashes once more in my head, like it's teasing me. Or, most likely, pushing me to get over it and take the next step with Colby. We haven't kissed yet, considering it's been barely any time since I found out about this whole thing, but I have had a particular fascination with his lips today...
As if he can read my mind, he shifts closer on the sun bed, resting his hand between us so he can lean toward me. I stare into his eyes questioning all of my life decisions, including those while I was in a dagger-induced coma.
Everything inside of me is screaming to close this small gap between us. Everything. I want to, badly, and I know he'd never reject me. He's been waiting for a year since I woke up to get me back, though he never had that exact intention.
Guilt and need rise up in me simultaneously. I reach out to place my hand on the side of Colby's face, my thumb brushing across his cheek. His eyes soften and he leans into the little touch, not realising that I'm leaning closer.
I barely pull him toward me and he frowns before following the movement. I decide to grab the other side of his face and press our lips together. A quick, sudden action he won't be able to comprehend properly until it's happening. Yet somehow, he sinks immediately.
His lips move with mine and one hand grasps my side, scrunching up my shirt. All of his own need seeps into me, covering me with heat and desire. I didn't realise he was holding all of this back, that he was being so careful around me. I suppose I understand it now: I'm his soulmate, a soulmate who he's already had these experiences with but now can't touch.
It's time to change that little detail.
I raise up on my knees on the sunbed, letting my hands slide around into his hair and clutch the soft strands. He takes a hold of my hips to lift me up and place me effortlessly on his lap. My body doesn't seem to react to it, though I strangely feel the need to gently rock my hips into him. So I do.
My instincts need to guide me as my memories can't.
Colby grunts in response, his fingers pressing into me so tightly I'm sure there's going to be a bruise. But I don't really care about that, certainly not right now.
He grips my thighs and lifts himself from the sunbed, only to twist round and lay me down beneath him. With one leg between mine, he pulls my thigh so he can slot perfectly against me, holding under my knee. I let my hands rest on his chest at his collarbones, drifting up toward his neck.
I'm so mad he didn't come get me a year ago. He could have had me... had all of this... and so could I. If only I never made that request before I died.
Colby's hand slowly slides down my thigh and a dozen different wants are ignited within me. I try to ignore them but I can't, I pull him closer to me and pry open his mouth against mine. He doesn't let our tongues meet for long, though, as he begins peppering kisses down my neck. They're gentle, wet kisses that drive me mad in an instant.
I grab underneath his jaw to pull him back up to my face, but I catch sight of his vampiric eyes and startle. He quickly closes his lids. He isn't breathing. I'm not sure when the last time he breathed was since we started this.
Colby being a vampire slipped my mind. It's an insignificant detail in the long run as we know not all vampires are leeches, but I forget the danger he's bound to pose to me.
"Sorry," he whispers. I swipe my thumb across his jaw and he looks down at me, his eyes back to their beautiful blue. "It's been a while, my control isn't..."
"It's okay," I murmur with a smile to comfort him. I pull our foreheads together and wrap my arms loosely around his neck. "We have time to get you used to this again."
He exhales sharply, shaking his head. "I don't know, you seemed pretty eager just now. You sure you can wait?"
"Hey!"
His gorgeous laugh fills the silence of the backyard, and I sigh in content at the sound. Watching him so happy, it makes me feel right. Like this is exactly where I'm supposed to be, and it probably is.
Even if it isn't, I'm not going anywhere.