Can you please show some compassion for yourself?!
". . . . . ."
Axiu hesitated, his eyelashes trembling, seeming reluctant to answer. But I wouldn't let him evade, so I pinched his earlobe and said, "You promised to be honest. Who wanted to kidnap Bu Huaiyuan? Who wanted to lock him up?"
". . . . . . Prime Minister," he croaked, "Gao Qingping."
I paused.
I knew that the person who could imprison Bu Huaiyuan without a sound and without any flaws, and had the ability to declare his death to the world, was definitely not an unknown person. I was mentally prepared, and even hearing the name Mu Haichao didn't cause much of a stir.
But Gao Qingping. . .
Although I had no interest in him and never actively sought information about him, no one who frequented the Star Network could be unfamiliar with his name.
After entering the interstellar era, everyone's lifespan had been extended by at least two hundred years, with an average lifespan of two hundred and seventy-five years. But Gao Qingping had been in the position of Prime Minister for one hundred and forty-seven years, firmly controlling the cabinet even before the current king inherited the throne.
Now, at almost 283 years old, he still had abundant energy to fight against various forces, to maintain his control over the cabinet and his influence over the entire capital star. Whenever news or information related to Gao Qingping is released, there will always be speculation on when he will step down and when he will pass away on the Star Network. There are even betting markets in the black market based on this, and it is said that the accumulated funds in the market are close to one billion star coins.
However, Gao Qingping does not seem like someone who wants to give up power. In recent years, his way of doing things has become more and more authoritarian, almost turning the entire cabinet into his own voice, which has caused dissatisfaction among many people. In addition, under pressure from the royal family and opposition from the military, many of the policies that Gao Qingping tried to implement could not be passed, and his support and control among the people are declining year by year.
Many people are guessing who his successor will be. After all, with Gao Qingping's personality, he definitely would not be willing to hand over the position of prime minister to someone else. The biggest possibility is to find ways to cultivate his legendary son.
There are also many speculations on the Star Network about his son. Gao Qingping had a political marriage with his wife Lin Sien, and it seems that they have no feelings for each other. After the decline of the Lin family, he never mentioned this weak omega son in public. It is rumored that the couple had a son, but his gender and appearance are unknown, and Gao Qingping rarely mentions this son in public.
In any case, although Gao Qingping's power is not as strong as before, he has been entrenched in the empire for so many years and has a deep-rooted foundation that is difficult to shake.
It is not surprising that he is the one who wants to deal with Bu Huaiyuan. Based on my occasional hearsay over the years, Gao Qingping is a thorough personal interest first and foremost, and he can do whatever it takes to achieve his goals, regardless of the cost.
Even if it means sacrificing a marshal who is almost a purple star for the empire, he will not hesitate.
I circled Gao Qingping's name in red characters on my light brain.
At this point, I finally sorted out everything that Bu Huaiyuan had experienced back then. Even with just a few words from Axiuna, I felt an uncontrollable anger, pain, and despair. I don't know how the person who experienced it could survive the long darkness.
After I said this name, Axiu seemed even more nervous. He clenched his fingers, like a prisoner walking to the gallows, stiffly waiting for my next question. I patted his head and then touched the back of his neck. He moved uncomfortably and I held him down. I stared at Axiu in the mirror, hesitating about the question that was about to come out.
I wanted him to voluntarily confess his identity.
But I knew very well that Axiu had been resisting this matter. He wouldn't want to answer this question. If I asked him directly, would it seem too cruel and heartless?
Realizing what kind of thought I had, I was a little stunned.
. . . I never thought that one day I would be afraid and hesitant because of these two adjectives.
"What's wrong?" Axiu suddenly opened his eyes and met my conflicted gaze in the mirror.
I licked my dry lips, hesitated for a moment, and finally asked, "Do you know. . . where Bu Huaiyuan went after he escaped?"
As expected, his pupils shrank and he quickly looked away from my gaze. His face turned pale.
"You promised to be honest," I tried to ignore the slight reluctance in my heart and reminded Axiu of his words.
". . ."
Axiu's eyebrows were tightly furrowed, and his eyes revealed a hint of pain and confusion. He found it difficult to answer the question, and I knew it, but I had to ask.
We had been so honest with each other that I had to make him realize who he was. He had to face his past and couldn't hide behind the shell of "Axiu" forever.
"Can you tell me where Bu Huaiyuan went?"
The bathroom fell into a long, dead silence once again.
While waiting, I felt anxious and restless, like I was being roasted over a fire. I waited for Axiu to come back to life before I could finally calm down a bit.
He pitifully shook his head and grabbed my clothes, pleading with me through the mirror, "Can we change the subject, please?"
"Can we talk about something else. . . anything else but this?"
Axiu's voice trembled, and his fingers clenched tighter and tighter. He almost begged me in a low, breathy voice.
"Yu Bie." He whispered my name, then called out again, "Yu Bie. . ."
He called my name twice, but I didn't say anything. He didn't want to speak, which I had anticipated long ago.
But I felt inexplicably angry, and within that anger, there was a hint of sadness.
This anger was not as fierce as any previous ones, but it was more like a tiny flame emerging from the tip of a damp matchstick. Although it was only a small flicker, it burned hot.
The endless silence between Axiu and me seemed to be the best fuel and desiccant, forcing the matchstick to burn brighter and brighter. Suddenly, I couldn't bear it anymore and became restless.
I grabbed Axiu's neck and made him look up, unable to avoid staring at myself in the mirror and at us being so close.
"Fine, if you don't want to speak, then don't. But you must answer my next question."
Upon hearing this, Axiu's tense body instantly relaxed, and his face showed a bit of relief, almost nodding without hesitation.
So I smiled and asked him, "You wanted to leave, wanted to commit suicide, but I saved you. So, what do you plan to do next?"
"I want to-" He listened to my question with full attention, and the answer almost slipped out, but he hurriedly stopped himself at the last moment.
His lips slightly parted, his face stiff, and his Adam's apple rolled up and down tensely. It's obvious that there's something you're trying to hide from me!
I started to get angry and unconsciously used a bit of force. A small patch of red appeared on Axiu's neck. I persisted, "What do you want to do?"
He avoided eye contact, trying not to look at me.
But there was only so much space to avoid, and everything was reflected in the mirror. He had nowhere to hide, and his wandering gaze was eventually caught by me.
Perhaps realizing he couldn't escape, Axiu stuttered, "I, I didn't. . ."
"Be honest," I emphasized. He looked like he was about to lie, but who could he fool besides himself?
Axiu closed his mouth and hung his head in embarrassment, as if he didn't intend to answer.
He was indeed honest and would tell the truth about questions he could answer. But what about the ones he couldn't answer? What about the ones he tried to evade?
Because he couldn't lie, he chose to respond with silence, right?
"Why aren't you saying anything?"As I blow-dried his hair, a strange intuition crept up my spine like a long-legged insect. I blurted out all the suspicions that had been weighing on my heart, my tone almost aggressive: "Did you secretly make a decision? Are you planning to leave?!"
"Is that so?" I held Axiu's head and turned his face towards me, staring into his brown eyes, where I saw two tiny, restless versions of myself.
"Don't lie, don't stay silent," I warned him in a hushed voice, questioning him, "Is that so?"
Axiu closed his eyes, and the two versions of myself in his pupils disappeared instantly.
He nodded reluctantly, "Yes."
. . . Is he really going to leave?
The unthinkable speculation became a reality, and my head buzzed with shock. I let go of his head, which was resting on my lap, and just as my wrist was about to drop, Axiu grabbed it. I grabbed his small arm back with all my strength, my nails almost digging into his flesh.
I gritted my teeth, "Why? Where will you go after you leave? Don't tell me you're planning to kill yourself?"
I felt like this was too absurd.
But Axiu didn't say anything - he remained silent. What does it mean? Does he really think that way?
Is he really planning to leave alone again and repeat the process of suicide in an unnoticed corner?
"What do you want to do?"
"I'm sorry," he seemed much calmer than me, pursed his lips, and the first thing he said was an apology, "I'm too. . . I'm too dangerous. Being around you will bring you a lot of trouble. . . even put your life in danger."
"I don't want to be like this, I don't want to hurt you. . . I'm sorry."
"Stop talking nonsense!" I was annoyed and just wanted Axiu to shut up. His "I'm sorry" was ringing in my ears." Is it because of the news about the criminal being executed?"
Axiu stared at me in horror, "How did you. . . ?"
"Do you want to know how I know?" I was almost laughing with anger, "Not only do I know that, I also know what you're thinking now! You think if they didn't come, they wouldn't have died, right? You think you didn't protect them well, right? You think it's all because they wanted to save you that they got into trouble, right?"
I stared at his eyes firmly, "Let me guess why you think like this again. . ."
"Because you feel like you don't deserve to be saved, right?"
"Bu, Huai, Yuan?"
Axiu's face instantly turned gray and defeated. He clearly didn't expect me to be so direct and blunt about laying out everything, all the things he didn't want to face, in front of him.
Originally, this wasn't my plan. I intended to coax him gently, step by step, because I always feel that haste makes waste.
But the prerequisite for all of this is that Axiu must stay by my side. Only then can I have the opportunity to help him.
But now - he actually wants to leave and commit suicide!
I don't understand why Axiu would make such a decision.
I believe I have given him everything I can give. I have never minded any of his past experiences, nor am I afraid of what might happen if he were caught.
If I were really worried about those things, I would have kicked him out on the night I saw Lin Qingshu's true face.
Why can't he trust me even a little bit?
Is his silence an insult to himself or to me?What I can't understand even more is why he habitually takes all the faults and mistakes upon himself? Does he really think he's a savior just because he has been to the battlefield and won some wars?
The more I think about it, the more I find it hard to comprehend. I feel both angry and heartbroken about his inexplicable sense of responsibility and guilt, and I keep taking deep breaths to calm myself down. . . but it's useless!
Axiu sits quietly, with his eyes like a still pool of water, looking at me calmly. If he didn't breathe, blink, or have a heartbeat, I would have thought he was a corpse. The more he shows this indifferent attitude, the angrier I become, pacing back and forth in the bathroom like a headless fly, pulling my hair and stomping my feet heavily.
"Why are you so angry?" Axiu suddenly speaks up.
. . . ?
This sudden sentence nails me to the spot, making me almost unable to move. His genuine confusion and questioning are like the last straw that breaks the camel's back, igniting all my emotions in an instant.
I lose my mind completely, gritting my teeth with hatred: "Why am I so angry? Why don't you ask yourself why you make me angry?!"
"Do you think I don't know you're Bu Huaiyuan? What gives you the right to take all the blame?"
"Fine, you're afraid of causing trouble for others, right?" I sneer, "Not only do I know your true identity, I've even seen the photo of you being hung up in the prisoner of war camp! If you don't want to harm others or involve them, am I not someone else? Why did I receive your chain, why did I see your photo? Do you need to think about it?"
"I've been involved since the moment I picked you up and brought you home. Do you want to feel sorry for me now? Is it all your fault that I made the decision myself and chose not to tell you?"
"Can't you be more sober, Bu Huaiyuan!"
"They saved you willingly, out of their own volition! You feel sorry for them and think you owe them, but what about yourself--"
I took a deep breath and realized I was trembling. I felt my eyes turning red, with a dry and burning sensation around them.
I was about to choke up.
"Can't you--"
"Can't you feel sorry for yourself?!"
Author's note:
Finally finished it, sobbing
Thanks to the little angels who voted for me or gave me nutrient solution between 2022-03-08 23:59:13~2022-03-10 03:40:41~
Thanks to the little angels who gave me landmines: Shanju, 45666286, Jiangmu (3 people)
Thank you to the little angels who provided me with nutrient solution: 300 Fu with 10 bottles; Kuro with 9 bottles; Please don't force it, he with 7 bottles; Mei with 5 bottles; Xing Jiu with 3 bottles.
Thank you very much for everyone's support, I will continue to work hard!
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【Wuwuwu, we fixed the hook, wuwuwu】
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【Patting the little dog's head】
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【Tearful breakdown】
【Silly little dog doesn't know how to take care of itself, needs Xiao Xu to teach】
Note: The text includes some emoticons and internet slang that may not have direct translations. Ah
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Wow, I can't take it anymore, it's really delicious! (sound of panting)
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(sound of crying)
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