If I Stay✔️

97| January 25th.

A/N: I know I've been so MIA it's unbelievable, six weeks without an update? I'm soooo sorry. I'm hoping the next 17,000+ words can make up for the time it took.

p.s: I have left some little clues here and there for future books so look out for those.

trigger warning; whilst this chapter is happy overall, there are a few dark moments. mentions of suicide, self harm, m*rco, drugs, very mild nature content, dark humour, violence & forbidden romance.

Leo's healing journey is anything but linear. It's lengthy process and he's going to hit some bumps along the road.

S I X M O N T H S L A T E R

L E O

My eyes lock on the gravel beneath my feet.

This was usually the moment where I would take some time to rest my brain and focus solely on the beauty of the world around me; capturing every star, tree, leaf or creature my eyes may find, in the hopes I could express them from memory to paint to paper one day, but, to my hearts horror, my blurry eyes couldn't make out one single stone.

My mind was lost; reeling with the scars of my past, so much so, that everything surrounding me became unrecognisable as terror crept into my veins, tainting my blood and sight as bitter, dreaded memories took the reign over my current reality.

It wasn't surprising for me; the panic, the fear, the rapid rise and fall of my chest, or the way my breath left me in heaved, ragged gasps.

I'd expected it, I'd even go as far as to say I'd prepared for it. A foolish mistake on my behalf—to think I could ever prepare for something so mentally draining. It was naive, but warranted, after all, the things I'd already gone through were a testament to that.

The most terrifying part? In seven minutes I would turn the big one six.

Never in a million years did I expect to make it this far.

It was strange; the way the date crept up on me slowly. So slowly that I failed to realise just how close it actually was. The whole month of January had almost past without me noticing what month it was, as well as the significance one particular day of this month held.

No one knew it, but for years, I despised the month of January.

I still do.

It was the one month that played as a constant reminder of everyone and everything I've lost, everything that has been taken from me despite my will to keep it. It's the month that's broke me entirely from the savage whiplash of being propelled back into the darkest moments of my past.

Even before the hurt of him, January bled it's pain into my heart. And deep down, beneath the shattering surface of the defence walls I'd built, I couldn't help but wonder if, every year, on this very day, I would always feel like the same lonely kid they'd forgotten, or worse, the naive twelve year old boy he ruined.

Sixteen terrified me... just like I feared January always would.

It wasn't fair. I had been doing good lately.

So good.

I was happy and it wasn't the pretend kind of happiness I'd grown accustomed to faking. My happiness was felt and it was real.

My smiles were real.

And why wouldn't they be?

I had the most supportive friend group a kid could ask for, and a best friend turned boyfriend that loved me despite my flaws. Loved me as much as I'd learned and grown to love myself. My siblings understood me better now, not fully but they were trying.

For me— they were trying for me.

That alone felt like a dream.

School had gotten easier, there was still the odd whisper from my classmates but less staring overall. I could concentrate and focus more and gradually, my grades have gotten back to A's and B's rather than big, red, soul-crushing F's.

But none of that seemed to matter now. In seven bittersweet minutes, all of that happiness and self love and fucking progress...

It was going to be destroyed.

—

I swung my legs back and forth, feeling the heels of my converse laced shoes scuff against the outside bricks, as the nicotine ridden smoke from the cigarette I was holding between my lips invaded my lungs in swarms.

This had always been my comfort, my safe spot within the sanctuary of my own bedroom.

Not today, not tonight.

Tonight it was the opposite.

Tonight, I felt anything but safe.

Tonight, I couldn't breathe.

I was gasping. My chest heaved in uneven motions, inner muscles constricting in a painfully familiar way. My lungs burned, my pathetic breaths coming out in short, panic-ridden wheezes and grunts.

The winter air around me rose in temperature and in the blink of an eye, it was thicker, hotter; like I'd been trapped in the dessert for weeks on end, positioned directly beneath the ever so scorching sun and left to burn alive; perishing into nothing more than dirt and dust.

I swung my legs harder, trying my hardest to ignore the crackling wheeze that echoed from my failing lungs as I inhaled one last drag of the second cigarette I'd lit in the space of twelve short minutes.

I didn't drop the filter when the white vanished from sight. My eyes seemed to follow the flames movements, watching with a hidden plea as it drew closer to my skin. I gripped it tighter, falling into old habits as I waited for the pain I prayed the ignited tip would bring.

The pain I needed it to bring.

I hadn't felt this way for months, this heart wrenching need to feel agony at the expense of my own flesh. It was a step backwards, but I was too far gone in my quest to feel something to think of the consequences this one, stupid decision or mistake— whatever it may be— would bring.

The wind brushed against my cheeks again, but I barely felt it this time. I shook my head rapidly, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip in the hopes I could keep the tears at bay.

I couldn't feel the wind, or the pressure of my teeth digging into my skin. I needed to feel it. I needed to feel something — anything — that ensured I was alive and living, or a confirmation that I was as dead on the inside as January had made me feel.

The scent of slight burning flesh invaded my senses as my finger tips grew hotter. A searing pain erupted as my body recoiled with a jolting wince. I stared at my fingers in awe. My pain tolerance had been high for years, I hadn't expected my body to react so quick.

Before I could stop them, tears welled in my eyes, trailing down my flushed cheeks in perfect sync. The sad part? I couldn't tell if they were tears of relief or tears of disappointment.

I inhaled a trembling, desperate breath and threw the burnt out cigarette butt to the gravel beneath my feet, watching through a blurred haze as it made its short descent to the ground before the build up of saltwater stole my sight entirely.

He's not here, he can't ruin it.

He wasn't and he couldn't.

But I could.

They could.

I closed my eyes and clutched a hand to my chest, feeling my heart hammer against my palm. I hated this. Hated how months and months of therapy and honesty and progress began to crumble in a matter of seconds at the prospect of what seven short minutes could bring.

Was my life just some sick joke?

It had to be, it was the only explanation.

The world tricked me into becoming a pawn in its cruel game. For months, life deceived me, allowing me to feel happy and free; alive like I belonged. Just so that it could pull the rug from under my feet and leave me lying bare on the cold concrete, with bleeding wounds that failed to clot.

Why?

The shrill of my message alert beeping snapped me back to reality with an unappreciative, anxious jolt. My heart twisted in fear as my fucked up mind proceeded to run haywire with an endless stream of impossible possibilities.

It's not him. He's not here.

My breath was caught in the past and I couldn't shake off the terror that threatened to suffocate me whole. I clenched my eyes shut and dug my fingers into the wooden window ledge, repeating those words to myself like a mantra; hoping they could somehow snap me out of the Marco coated haze this looming date had dragged me into.

It's not him. It's not him. It's not him.

It wasn't and deep down I knew that. I knew he was dead, I knew he couldn't hurt me - not physically at least. But the nightmares of him could. The nightmares of him do.

"Snap out of it." I whispered to myself, feebly, cringing at the crack in my voice even though I was the only person close enough to hear it. I wrapped my arms around my chest in a make shift hug and dug my fingertips into my sides, needing to feel something close to comfort. "I'm okay. Everything's going to be okay."

The shrill erupts again with the same message alert, echoing in the heaviness of the air around me. A hollowness took over my body, and I felt something close to empty as I unwrapped one trembling hand from my side and reached into my sweater pocket for my cellphone.

It's just a message, Leo. One single message.

Despite how emptiness, I couldn't open my eyes. I had this voice in my head, one that seemed to block out any and all of my logical thoughts, replacing them with darkness; as if a devil had been placed at the forefront of my mind, seeping it's callous evilness into my thoughts.

A worthless feeling of weakness took over me as I slid the phone back into my pocket without opening my eyes or checking the message. I couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough to look. With those thoughts in mind, I hung my head and cried.

I cried for past me, future me, present me.

I cried for all the memories the three version of who I was—who I am— had suffered and would have to relive each year. I cried for everything good in my life that he'd tainted. I cried until my tears mirrored his motives and failed to stop. Until my eyes felt like fire, until my lungs screamed for air, until my heart begged for comfort.

I cried till I was rendered to nothing more than liquid.

"Leo?" A soft voice echoed past the ringing in my ears. I couldn't tell who it was, not at first, but I knew they weren't a threat. My body didn't tense, even when my mind was too far gone to be on alert for danger, my gut instincts reassured me on its behalf.

"Is it okay if I hug you?" There was an impatient pause and then a determined tsk. "I'm going to hug you. I know... I know you don't like touch and I-I... I'm sorry, okay? I really am, but I feel like you need a hug. You look like you need a hug."

Please.

I wanted to scream it. I would plead and beg if my voice would allow it. I hated touch, that much was true, but right now I craved it more than I feared it. I just needed someone other than my own subconscious to tell me everything was going to be okay.

As if they could hear my inner monologue, arms wrapped around my torso as messy curls tickled my jaw. I couldn't explain it. Couldn't explain how much one small, gentle hug meant. I deflated like a punctured balloon; my body moulding with theirs as I sunk into the soft embrace that, from the daintiness of their frame and tenderness of their touch, I realised was my sister.

"Let it out," she cooed, running her hand through my hair. I twisted in her hold, my body curling in on itself as I buried my face in the crook of her neck. If the wetness of my tears trialing down her skin bothered her, she didn't voice it. Instead, she comforted me in the ways my heart was yearning for. "I've got you. You're okay, everything's going to be okay."

Everything's going to be okay.

I hugged her tighter, praying she was right.

—

"Thank you." I murmured softly, voice hoarse. We were in my en-suite, Lily was leaning against the door frame as I rinsed away the saltwater for my cheeks, eyes roaming my figure with worry. I met her gaze in the mirror ahead of me, sending her the most appreciative smile I could muster. "Really, Lil. Thank you."

"You never need to thank me." She shook her head and waved me off, sending me a silly half smile. "You're my brother and I love you. I'll always be here to catch you whenever you slip, Leo. It's what twins do."

I nodded, humming in agreement, drying my hands and face with a towel. She was right, she's had my back more than anyone in these last six months.

Ever since the accident, our bond has grown and flourished into something beautiful. Something I wished we'd had from the beginning.

We understood each other better now. And whilst feelings of resentment still lingered in the back of my mind during my weakest and most vulnerable moments, those feelings weren't as reoccurring or prominent as they used to be. Lily was someone I couldn't be more thankful for and, whilst it took me a while to realise it, I was lucky to have a sister like her in my corner.

"Now," Lily clapped her hands together, drawing my eyes back to hers. It was then that I noticed her attire. She was dressed in a blue wooly jumper and acid washed jeans, rather than the Disney pyjamas I'd have expected for the late hour. "Change into something warmer."

"Why?" My eyebrows furrowed as my gaze drifted to my black, silk pyjama pants and baggy grey sweater I'd stolen from one of my brothers.

"It's cold outside."

"Okay..." I trailed off. "And that matters... why?"

Growing impatient with my questions, Lily rolled her eyes. "Just get changed and meet me out front in five minutes."

"Lil, it's past midnight." I pointed out. "Dad won't let us out this late."

"Yeah, you're right." She smiled mischievously and began walking backwards into my bedroom. "Who said anything about asking him?"

—

"Where are we going?" I whisper yelled as I followed my sister out of the front gates, glancing over my shoulder every three seconds in fear one of our brothers was watching.

Lily looked up from her phone and grinned at me, big and wide, excitement rolling from her expression in waves. She didn't seem nervous about the fact we were breaking curfew.

"I'm taking you out. We're long overdue for a twin bonding day haven't and what better day to have one than our date of existence."

She must've seen the apprehension on my face because before I could voice my concerns, she continued, slipping her phone into her pocket with a heavy sigh.

"Look," she took a deep breath, licking her lips almost nervously. "I've never gotten to spend our birthday with just you. We've never gotten to do that. Tomorrow—or today— whatever. In the morning, we're gonna be smothered by our brothers and before that happens I want to do something fun. Something that's just for us. Just you and me." She paused, cautious blue eyes staring at me intently. "Is that okay?"

I went to speak, to reassure her that us spending time together wasn't why I was being hesitant. That I wanted that to. But Lily being Lily, she let her insecurities get the best of her prematurely.

"If it's not—that's okay. I should've asked first. I shouldn't have assumed. I'm sorry I—"

"Lily, calm down." I cut her off, taking her flailing hands in mine. "Of course I want to spend time with you. You're right, we've never spent our birthday together just the two of us. That's not the issue whatsoever."

"It's not?" She asked, sheepishly. Sad expression shifting to something close to relief.

"Not at all." I reassured, giving her a half smile. "The only issue I have is... it's, like, what, twelve thirty? What can we do at twelve thirty that resembles anything close to fun?"

Lily smiled big and wide. "I'm glad you asked, twinny." She looped her arm through mine, guiding us down the side walk. "Sadly, you'll just have to wait and see. Our ride's here."

She dragged me towards approaching headlights, the sight of which blinding me to the point I couldn't make out who was driving. At least, not until Lily opened the back passenger door and a familiar, friendly voice filled my ears.

"Happy birthday to my second favourite twins!"

Lily huffed, glaring at him playfully as she slumped against the leather. "You're not here, remember? Seen and not heard, that was the deal."

"This is why you're my second favourite twins. If there was two of Leo you'd one hundred percent be my first."

Lily huffed again whilst I drowned in confusion.

"Ryan?" I questioned, staring at the pair with furrowed brows. "Ryan, as in Dad's best friend Ryan? Ryan who may as well be our brother Ryan?" I focused my stare on my sister. "We're sneaking out and you asked Ryan to give us a ride... really?"

"Ryan, as in Ryan who's right here." He pointed to himself as if I didn't know which Ryan he meant. "Is feeling unwanted and maybe a little offended right now."

We ignored him.

"Think of him as our insurance." Lily shrugged off my concerns as Ryan let out a long exhale and began driving us to who knows where.

"Insurance?" I queried.

Ryan's soft brown eyes met mine in the rear view mirror. "She means baby sitter."

"We're not babies." Lily objected, clearly offended.

"Teen sitter then?"

"No, Ryan, I mean insurance." Lily rolled her eyes before turning to me. "Think about it. Zac would flip if he found out we snuck out alone at this time. This way, if we get caught—"

"—when." Ryan coughed.

She ignored him. "If we get caught, Ryan gets in trouble rather than us." Ryan didn't look amused about this. "And technically Zac can't be mad since Ryan is a responsible adult and, as you said, he's like another brother so I'm not breaking any rules with him here."

"I should've never agreed to this." Ryan murmured, rubbing his free hand over his stubble coated jaw as he dropped his head back against the headrest. "Zac might kill me."

"Probably." We agreed in sync.

Whilst Ryan continued to huff about all the explicitly detailed ways in which Dad would murder him, I focused my attention on Lily, overly eager to know her plans.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere you once told me was one of your most favourite places to be."

—

The overhead lights flickered from neon red to vibrant gold, reflecting in my head like a kaleidoscope against the subtle tears in my eyes. The sounds of rides and machinery and upbeat, fun, jazz music with its thumping bass lines echoed in my ears, as the smell of fast food invaded the air around us.

She remembered.

My heart felt warmer than ever.

Earlier, when I was so sure that nothing about today could feel normal. Nothing about today could make me smile.

I was wrong. I was smiling and I was wrong.

"You brought me to the fun fair." I whispered in complete and utter awe, voice rough, choked with every inch of the emotion my heart felt. "W-what, how... how is it even open so late?"

"Let's just say it's a good thing Zac gives us such a hefty allowance." She brushed it off, as if she hadn't went out of her way to do something that meant the absolute world to me.

"You bribed them?" Ryan wheezed, head snapping in Lily's direction with so much force that I was sure he must've pulled something. "Jesus, Lily. You can't just—"

"—seen and not heard." I reminded him, ignoring the look of disbelief he was throwing me as I turned back to my sister and pulled her into my arms. "Thank you so much." I croaked, burying my face in her untamed curls. "You have no idea how much I need this right now."

Maybe she did know. Maybe that was her reason for this all along. I wasn't sure but I wasn't about to ask either. I couldn't handle anymore thoughtfulness, not when I was on the brink of being reduced to a puddle of happy tears.

Lily didn't say anything, she didn't need to. She squeezed back just as tight, her dainty arms clutching the back of my shirt with purpose as her temple rested against my collarbone.

"C'mon," she pulled away, blowing out a broken breath as her lips lifted into a watery, teasing smile. She nudged her head in the direction of the almost deserted rides. "Maybe this time you'll beat me to the rollercoaster."

I raised my eyebrows, matching her grin. "Is that a challenge, Lil?"

"Duh." She pulled the hair tie from her wrist and tamed her curls into a messy bun at the top of her head. Oh, she means business. "Twenty bucks says I'll win."

"Okay, okay." Ryan stepped between us, hands raised in a way that made him look like his mother whenever I'd witnessed her scold him in the past.

"Before you two start racing around, I have some ground rules." We groaned in unison. "Quit whining. Now, back to the rules. Keep your phones on at all times. Do not leave this area. And call me to check in every twenty minutes. Okay? That sound doable?"

"Oh come on," Lily dropped her head back and groaned. I didn't blame her, Ryan was on some kind of dad-laced power trip and taking up our valuable ride time. "Every twenty minutes? Seriously, Ry?"

"Oh sorry," he feigned sympathy, nodding his head as he twisted his lips into an almost smile. "Does every ten minutes sound better for you?"

Lily narrowed her eyes.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Ryan grinned, clapping his hands together thrice. "It's my ass on the line if something happens to either of you. So, with that being said, every twenty minutes and not a minute later or we're leaving. Capito?"

Lily grumbled incoherent words under her breath before begrudgingly nodding her head, sending Ryan a forced smile laced with a little too much sweetness.

"Yes, Dad. We understand."

"Great." Ryan rolled his eyes and returned her smile with just as much falseness. He began walking away, twisting his neck to call over his shoulder. "You kids have fun."

I watched Ryan walk away with his eyes glued to his phone. I knew for a fact the person he was messaging was my Dad. The tense yet amused smile on his lips gave that fact away instantly. I didn't share any of my assumptions with Lily, but it was clear that Ryan had told Dad about her plans before ever agreeing to bring us into the city. He was too loyal not to have done.

I didn't blame him for snitching, rather I appreciated it. The last thing I wanted was for Dad to check our rooms and have a heart attack upon seeing our empty beds.

"Earth to Leo." Lily sang and clicked her fingers in-front of my eyes.

"Huh?" I blinked, focusing my attention on her rather than my thoughts.

She smiled at me mischievously, breaking into a sprint before I could even blink. Her shouts echoed in the short distance she'd made. "Last one to the rollercoaster is a loser!"

She threw her head back and laughed at my confused and slightly betrayed expression, flipping me the bird as her legs moved faster, curls slipping from the hair tie as the wind fanned them over her flushed face.

A sense of nostalgia crept up on me and more tears plagued my sight, but I didn't mind so much.

They were happy tears.

Whenever the resentment I felt towards my sister began to flare, I always thought back to the first real memory I'd made with Lily.

I'd made. Not a memory I'd been retold.

This was it. The funfair. Our first twin day where we got the chance to just simply be us, without the interference of those around us.

I didn't think our sixteenth birthday could ever be anything that resembled perfect, but this was close enough.

"Hurry up, loser!" Her voice was coated in laughter, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Cheater!" I yelled, laughing as I sprinted after her.

I lost the race, yet the smile on my face and excitement in my bones screamed winner.

—

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I let her question linger in the air around us as I focused my eyes to the lights below. This night, these hours of alone time she'd planned for us... they'd been some of the most freeing few hours of my life.

We raced to every single ride until our lungs and feet ached, rode rollercoasters till our guts couldn't handle one more twist or turn, got our faces painted like the five year old versions of us would've (should've), ate our weight in veggie, chilli cheese dogs, to the point that we felt nauseous and drank enough blue slushies to freeze our brains for an eternity.

We done everything that little kids should do. Everything we'd never gotten to do.
At least, not together, not as five year olds.

And, God, it was incredible.

We ended the night accordingly, leaving the Ferris wheel till now. We were stuck at the top, sat directly beneath the moons glow with no distractions or escapes from her questions or my answers.

"Talk about what?" I played dumb, the sad smile on my lips telling her just that.

Lily raised an eyebrow, gazing at me softly before tilting her head to the stars. "We don't have to talk about it. The openings there if you want to, though."

I sighed and dropped back against the plastic. Did I want to? I wasn't sure. I'd gotten better at communicating now, especially with Lily and our brothers, but I didn't want to bring up the past and paint these last vibrant few hours in a darkness I wanted to be rid of.

I was at a crossroads. On one hand, I wanted to play pretend and allow this happiness to blossom for a little while longer. On the other, I knew I needed to vent, to let go of all my sadness and allow myself to be comforted and reassured.

"I burned myself." I told her, voice weak. "Earlier, when you hugged me, I was crying because I burned myself." It wasn't the whole truth, but it was a start.

Lily didn't say anything in response, but she did squeeze my hand and that was more than enough. Her silence alone told me that she understood. I knew she would, after all, she had her own battle with demons close to mine. She knew just how hard it was to fight against temptation, especially when your own body was playing for the other side.

"It wasn't a full on burn," I said, as if that fact made it any better. Maybe it did. Maybe the fact I'd stopped before it had gotten too far was something. I looked down at my shoes, unable to meet her eyes for the fear they'd hold some kind of disappointment. Deep down I knew they wouldn't. I knew it, yet I couldn't bring myself to search for that truth. "I just needed to feel it."

"Do you want to tell me what made you want to feel it?" She whispered, voice coated in comfort as her hand weighted heavily in mine.

"It's... today. Today is just... hard." I shrugged, glancing at her briefly.

"Because of what today is?"

"Yeah." I choked, clutching her hand tighter. "This helps. Being here—with you... it helps."

She smiled at me. There was no disappointment, no judgement or blame. All I seen was understanding and love.

All I needed was understanding and love.

"It'll get better you know." She gently reassured. "Maybe not in a year or even two. But soon. Someday, years from now, our birthday will come around and you won't think of him. Or maybe you will, but he'll only be a fleeting thought and he wont hold as much weight as he used to. Hold onto that, Le. Hold on to knowing that there's so much more to come. So much more than him."

I pulled her against me, sagging in the warmth her hug provided. "So much more of us?" I whispered, not a question but a promise.

"More than you could ever imagine."

After leaving the fun fair, which Ryan more or less forced us to do, and heading back home, I decided it would be best to sleep in Lily's room for the night rather than be alone with my thoughts.

It was then, in the comfort of my sisters bedroom with her sleeping presence by my side, only then that I feel brave enough to check my messages.

I closed my eyes, breathing somewhat uneven, almost panicked as I tried to mentally prepare myself to read whatever showed up on the screen. Taking a deep breath, I tapped my finger against the screen. As the brightness hit my eyelids, I opened my eyes without giving my thoughts anymore time to fester.

It was now or never.

And, fuck, I was so glad to have chosen now.

Emmy: Happy sweet sixteen, amore mio. Did I ever tell you that today's my most favourite day every single year? I'm sure you can work out why. Ti Amo, prezioso x

I reread the message over and over, heart racing for an entirely different reason than I'd expected.

With shaky hands, I done my best to quickly text back my response, feeling somewhat enraged by the fact I'd left my Emmy—my boyfriend hanging for hours.

Leo: Huh, you know, I just can't seem to work it out... please, feel free to enlighten me?
Ti Amo, atleta x

I hit send and hugged the phone tight to my chest, falling into my own little dreamland of all things Emilio and me with the warmest smile on my face.

Lily was right, there's so much more to come.

—

I woke up to the sound of voices.

Actual voices, not the ones in my head.

"It's too early for this." Lily whined, pulling my attention to her. She buried her face in the pink covered pillows and pulled the fleece lined blanket over her ears with the hopes of blocking out the sounds of our siblings.

I mirrored her actions, agreeing with her statement one thousand percent. We hadn't gotten home until the beginning of sunrise, which, judging by the mild light pouring through the drapes, wasn't too long ago.

"ZAC! OH MY GOD! ZAAAAC!" Kaden's voice was frantic, piercing and most definitely annoying. "HE'S GONE. LEO'S GONE!"

"You've got to be kidding me," I groaned. This couldn't be happening again. It unearthed me how they automatically assumed I was missing before checking any other bedroom, going on to scream the house down and disrupt my once peaceful sleep.

Lily let out a huff of air and smacked my shoulder, face still buried in the mountain she'd built of comfortable pillows. "Go tell them you're here and let me sleep."

"No," I smacked her arm in retaliation. "You wanted me to sleep in here so you go tell them and let me sleep."

"Ugh, fine." Lily buffed and pushed herself onto her knees, throwing the blanket to the floor before tripping over the fabric as she made her way to the door. Her hair stuck up at all ends; as if she'd stuck her finger in an electrical socket, eyes narrowed into raging slits as she gripped the silver handle and pulled the door open with so much force, I was sure the hinges had snapped.

"HE'S IN HERE! SHUT UP AND LET US SLEEP!" She screamed hoarsely and slammed the door shut, the vibrations of the wood making contact echoing in my ears. She rubbed her temples and shut her eyes, dropping back onto the bed beside me and burying her face in the pillows once more.

I looked at her, blinking in shock. "Well," I cleared my throat, amusement seeping into my tone. "That's one way to tell them."

Lily raised her head, giving me that same horrifying look she'd given the doorframe just moments ago. As she opened her mouth to no doubt kill me with words, a stampede of elephants, better known as our brothers, sounded from the hallway.

The door slammed open with as much force as she'd shut it, Carter's beaming face coming into view. "Happy birthday baby sibbys!" He sang and dived onto the bed, cosying himself in the centre between us before pulling our bodies to his chest and hugging us tight.

"Can't breathe." Lily wheezed, smacking her hand against his, unfortunately, bare skin.

Another body joined the pileup, arms wrapping around my neck with so much strength that Lily's statement of can't breathe echoed a truth in my ears.

"Leo, my favourite baby brother—"

"— I'm you're only baby brother." I grunted, cutting Kade off whilst trying and failing to pull his arms away.

He ignored me, grip tightening. "I'm so glad you're okay."

I rolled my eyes. I wouldn't be okay for very much longer. I was pretty sure my birthday gift from Kade this year was about to be asphyxiation.

"Get off him you tubby little fucker." Ace, my, dare I say it, saviour, thankfully pulled our brothers body from mine, effectively taking the weight from my throat which allowed me to breathe again.

"Ace, don't call your brother names." Dad scolded, face shifting from stern to soft as his eyes met mine. He moved forward, pulling Lily and I from Carter's grasp as he wrapped us in the warmest of hugs. "Happy birthday, bambini." He whispered, kissing the side of her head and mine.

"Can we save the pleasantries for the dinning room, please." Jack said in a mock English accent, entering Lily's room. "Grey is loosing his shit because the food's getting cold and if I need to hear him complain one more time, I might kill myse—" he paused, sheepish eyes meeting mine as he cleared his throat. "Him."

"Smooth." Ace leaned against the door way and snorted, blue eyes rolling. "You just can't help it can you?"

Dad and I groaned simultaneously, knowing exactly where this conversation was heading whilst Kaden, Lily and Carter's eyes seemed to light up, clearly excited for the pending fist fight.

"Help what?" Jack mused.

"Attention seeking." Ace responded, lips curving into an amused smirk. "You need to make every single conversation dark. It's quite pathetic."

"Says you?" Jack laughed, not offended in the slightest. It worried me; the lengths he and Ace would go to, all to get a rise out of each other. "Please, you're like the poster child for daddy and mommy issues, princess."

"Ah," Carter sighed a delighted sigh, folding his arms behind his head as he lay back on the bed and observed the two. "I just love a little violence in the morning. Really perks me up for the rest of the day." He nudged his knee against Lily's shin. "Don't ya think, Lil?"

Lily shook her head, giggling lightly whilst Dad sent Carter an indignant look. "Not helping."

"I'm the poster child for daddy issues? Coming from the kid who's da—"

"Enough!" Dad cut in before Ace could take things too far. He stood and walked towards them, gripping each of their sleeves. "If I hear another insult out of either of your mouths today, you'll both be grounded for a month."

"I'm eighteen." Ace scoffed, trying and failing to pull away from Dad's hold. "You can't ground me."

"What he said." Jack agreed, nodding his head in Ace's direction. "We're legal adults."

That sentence physically and emotionally terrified me. Ace a legal adult? Ace?

"Oh, is that right? Start acting like adults and maybe I'll start believing it." Dad mused, gripping both their sleeves tighter. He pulled them closer, with much more force than the situation needed, to speak directly in their ears. "I don't care if you're in your twenties. My house, my rules. Anymore back chat and I'll make it two months. Capito?"

"If you ask me—"

"— I didn't." Dad cut him off, only to be ignored.

"I think you're being a little unreasonable." Jack finished, voice light and teasing.

"A lotta unreasonable." Ace joined in.

It amused me; the way the two of them could be at each others throats, throwing every possible insult they could think of at one another and then, in mere seconds, act like nothing had happened and be the best of friends.

Dad's grip left their sleeves. He brought his hands up to his temples, face a picture of disbelief. "I seriously can't with you two." He grumbled, shaking his head as he made a b-line for the door.

Killian barrelled into him as he tried to make a swift exit. The youngest of my older brothers stared up at him with a confused expression before it shifted to one of almost panic.

"Are you coming down for breakfast or not? Grey is—"

"Losing his shit." Carter cut Killian off. "We know. Tell him to stop being a little bitch. We'll be down when we're good and ready." He waved him off, snuggling back into the pillow he'd been hogging.

Killian looked mortified, eyes widening in horror. "M-me?" He stammered, cheeks flushing a dark shade of pink. He licked his lips nervously, eyes glued to his feet. "You know... I... I'm not really one for conflict." He tried to reason.

"He's joking, Kill." Dad reassured with a soft smile. The smile quickly vanished as he turned to us, or more so, my brothers. "C'mon, breakfast time."

"But I'm so tired." Lily cried, pulling the blanket up-to her chin.

Having none of it, Dad marched towards the bed and ripped the blankets away, earning a series of groans from the four of us, mostly Carter, in the process.

"Should've thought of that before you snuck out last night, shouldn't you, Lil?" He challenged, raising an eyebrow towards my sister before his eyes swiftly met mine, confirming what I'd assumed a few hours before.

"You did what?" Carter hopped into his position of 'overprotective older brother' as his head snapped in her direction, all evidence of tiredness evaporating in seconds.

Jack spoke up next, looking nowhere near as bothered as Carter. "I second that."

"Yeah! I second that, too."

"You mean you third it." Killian corrected his twin. "You cannot second something when it's already been seconded."

Kade scrunched his nose, eyes squinting in a thought-filled way that looked painful. He stared at Killian as if our brother was a different species.

"Are you honestly trying to correct me right now when you say shit like 'cannot' and 'seconded'? Like, seriously, dude, is 'seconded' even a word?"

"It's called grammar, Kade." Killian looked heartbroken, which was nothing knew. He tended to look that way whenever Kaden or Carter opened their mouth. "And yes, seconded is a word. Look it up. I mean for goodness gracious, did you ever take a second to actually read the dictionary I gifted to you?"

"For goodness gracious," Kade threw his head back and mocked. "Do you hear yourself, Kilimanjaro? Who even speaks like that?"

"Ryan's such a snitch." Lily ignored all four of them as the twins continued to bicker between themselves and sighed loudly, before rolling off of the bed and hitting the carpet with an overdramatic thump and a soft collection of ouch's.

"Ouch indeed, tubby." Ace kicked her shin and began tapping his foot against the floor around her, wincing as he did."Someone might want to check and make sure the carpets okay. I think it might be dented."

"Ace!"

—

T H I R D P E R S O N

As both Killian and Jack had predicted, Grey was not happy.

It was evidently clear to Leo from the second they'd entered the kitchen that his older brother was pissed. The clenched jaw and bulging veins on his crossed, tattooed arms being a major giveaway. As well as a complete contrast to the hot pink, cupcake apron he was sporting.

On the plus side, Dakota was there and Leo knew if anyone could cheer grumpy Greyson up, she was the perfect lady for the job.

"Happy birthday guys!" Dakota beamed at the twins.

Leo smiled at her and nodded in thanks, internally praying she hadn't cooked any of the food he'd be consuming. As amazing as Dakota was, her culinary skills matched those of Carter's, which were well below first grade level. And even then, that would be an insult to first graders.

"Thanks, Kota!" Lily skipped forward, wrapping her arms around the blonde. "What's for breakfast?" She turned to Grey, hoping to wash away his frown with an ever so innocent smile.

When the frown failed to dim and Lily looked all out of ideas, Leo jumped in as the designated back up.

"Yeah, what's for breakfast? I'm starving." He, like his sister, offered the same sweet smile.

It was a powerful tactic they'd come up with on their way downstairs. Being pre-warned that Grey was pissed by their lack of punctuality, Lily would try to sweeten him up first, having an insane talent for puppy dog eyes. And if that failed, which it rarely did, Leo would step in because, as cruel as it may sound, the two of them knew if Leo showed any interest in food, no matter how mild it was, Grey would cave in an instant.

"Don't even say it." Ace warned a mischievous looking Jack.

The blonde feigned a face of offence and raised his hands in mock surrender. "I have no idea what you're talking about, princess," he drawled out, voice a little too sweet. "I wasn't gonna say a thing."

"Sure you weren't." Ace grumbled.

"I made a variety." Grey finally caved, pissed expression slowly evaporating as he shoved past Ace and Jack and lead the two sixteen year olds through the kitchen towards the dinning room, excitement rolling from him in waves.

"There's fresh fruit, and yoghurt, and smoothies, and pastries, and pancakes and french toast." He rambled like an over enthused toddler. "I would've made bacon too, you know, because you've always loved bacon with french toast but the... I don't know the right name, fake bacon? Veggie bacon? Whatever. Looked disgusting."

Leo smiled as Grey continued trying to find the correct wording, blue eyes lighting up in awe. It seemed as though all of his siblings, or at least the ones that could be present, had gone all out for their sweet sixteenth.

He tried his hardest to ignore the twinge in his chest when he thought of the missing two, focusing his attention to his surroundings rather than his heartache.

Soft yellow and gunmetal grey balloons littered the ceiling above him. The curly, silver strings hung just below the arrogant chandelier and danced from left to right as the chilly January breeze blew in from the open windows.

The once off white walls were now a picture of colour, more or less wallpapered in baby photos of the two of them. A few recent ones had been added in, including the smiling selfie they'd took from the top of the Ferris wheel more than three years ago.

Leo had never admitted it, but it was and always would be his favourite picture of them. It was the first picture he'd shared with Lily that he could remember being taken. The first memory they'd been able to 'capture' together.

A banner hung over the patio doors, surrounded by even more yellow and grey as shiny streamers ran down each side, highlighting the bold, silver text reading; happy sweet sixteen.

Leo's lip trembled, throat seizing up with a ball of backlogged tears. He looked to the floor in fears that the tears would spill, fingernails curling into his palms as he tried to hide how overwhelmed he so suddenly felt. It was useless; hiding. It turns out, he wasn't quite as invisible as he once used to be.

For years, he wanted to be noticed and now it was much more than that. Now they not only noticed, but seen. They seen his emotions clearly, maybe even clearer than he could; as if his feelings were an art gallery displayed for them to examine and indulge.

Soft lips pressed to his forehead. "We love you so much, bambino." Zac whispered in his ear, wrapping his arms around him tightly. The room was silent, too silent, to the point Leo could hear the blood rush to his ears.

"I know," he choked out in a meek whisper and pressed his face against Zac's chest. "I'm sorry. I just... this is... I don't know."

"You don't need to be sorry. It's okay, Le." Zac reassured, the smile on his face adding more truth to his words. "I get it."

Of course he would be overwhelmed, Zac had been expecting as much. They all had. They, especially Zac, had observed Leo so much over the past year that reading him had become almost textbook. He had an understanding of how overwhelming today must be for Leo, and had been keeping an eye on him, watching and waiting for any sign of distress so that he could be ready to jump in if needed.

The doorbell rang echoed off the walls before Leo got a chance to respond, Zac's arms tightening around him in a way that screamed anxious.

"We invited everyone for breakfast to celebrate. I wanted it to be a surprise but if you're not up for having them all here, I can send them away? It can just be us." Zac offered, no annoyance found in his voice. He was putting the ball in Leo's court, allowing him to decide what happened next.

"No." Leo murmured, rubbing his eyes against his Dad's sweater to rid of the tears before looking up meeting those identical blue eyes with a small, sincere smile. "Let them in."

"Sir, yes, sir." Zac beamed at him.

—

Chaos was the only word Leo could think of when his and Lily's, and their brothers friends came barrelling through the dinning room doors.

Atlas was first to attack him with a bone crushing hug, much to Emilio's displeasure. "Happy birthday bestie!" He screamed, jumping into Leo's arms with his legs wrapping around his waist. He unsteadied Leo who fell back against Zac. Atlas didn't seem to mind, proceeding to place a long, wet kiss on his cheek.

"Off." Ace demanded, fist curling around the neckline of his boyfriends sweater. He pulled Atlas away with enough brute force that both Leo and Zac almost lost their footing.

Emilio took this as his opportunity to step in. "Come to daddy." He made grabby hands to Leo, ignoring the look of utter mortification Zac was sending his way.

Of course, Leo didn't need to be told twice.

"I'm so sexy beautiful, everybody wants a taste that's why... Ace still gets jealous." Atlas sang, sinking into Ace's arms. "Could you let go? I still need to give Lil some loving."

"Lil has plenty of loving right here." Beck puffed his chest, arms tightening around his girlfriend.

"Don't even speak to me." Atlas pulled away and narrowed his eyes, holding a hand up to silence his boyfriends best friend. "You made out with my boyfriend. We're enemies now, Becket."

"He's got a point." Lily agreed, stepping out of Beck's hold into Atlas' awaiting arms.

"He wasn't your boyfriend at the time!" Beck tried to reason.

"He what?" Grey wheezed. His head snapped in Ace's direction, as did Zac, Carter, Elliot and Kaden's. Each of them looking as confused as ever. "You made out with your sisters boyfriend, Ace? Seriously?"

"The fuck are you all staring at?" Ace snapped. "He kissed me, not the other way around."

"You kissed him back." Jack pointed out, smug grin etched to his lips.

"I don't think you're helping." Jack's uncle, Harrison, cut in, sending the blonde a playfully stern stare.

"And the plot thickens." Luke mused, sharing an amused look with Oliver who observed the scene with wide, gleeful eyes.

Enzo turned to Beck with a look of confusion. "You're gay?"

"No! It was a misunderstanding!" Beck cried, looking to his brother and sister in the hopes one of them would step in and save him from any back lash. They didn't, of course. As Aaron once told him: you made your bed, now you need to lay in it. Right there and then, Beck wondered why he couldn't be Goldilocks because three beds to choose from seemed like a dream. "I was trying to help him find some clarity!"

"Ace. Clarity." Ryan snorted, falling into his designated seat with an entertained grin. "I just love family gatherings."

"You kissed him back." Ace mocked, ignoring his best friends excuses in the background as he focussed his eyes on his younger brother. "You fucked your brother. Sorry, you continuously fuck your brother. You have no right to judge anyone."

"Damn," Sebastian whispered in amazement. This was much more entertaining than any of the breakfasts he'd had to suffer through at his fathers house. "Straight for the throat."

Enzo smacked the back of his head, tsking softly in a disappointed tone; like a mother scolding her young child.

Jack flushed as Carter and Grey's faces twisted, and Zac looked a little pale. It was safe to say his siblings hadn't quite come round to the idea of the two of them just yet. Especially not when Ace opened his mouth and said shit that made everything between them even more awkward.

"Yeah, dude." Elliot sent him a sympathetic smile. "He's got you there."

"I'm guessing I've came at the wrong time?" Alex asked, leaning against the dinning room doorframe as he observed the scene with a blank expression. He looked between Jack and Ace, unsurprised by their bickering before his gaze drifted to his not-so-amused older siblings. "Or maybe the right time?" He mused, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't know you were coming home." Zac frowned as Grey hummed in agreement.

"Is that so?" Alex hummed with a shrug, unashamed as he met both of his elder brothers eyes. "Maybe I would've told you if you'd bothered to call."

Zac's lips thinned at the coldness in his younger brothers voice. Maybe he deserved that. Maybe he didn't. He didn't know. This whole Jack and Alex situation was too weird and too fresh in his mind for him to think anymore on the topic.

"Alex?" Leo gaped at him, bewildered. "But how? What are you doing here?"

Alex wasn't supposed to be home, Zac and Grey had said he couldn't make it. Harvard was a very accommodating school, but it was also very competitive. With it being merely weeks since the winter break, Alex had too much to catch up on and couldn't afford to miss any school days.

So they'd said.

"Alex!" Lily's lips broke out in a grin as she attempted to pull away from Atlas' grip. "You told us you couldn't come!"

"Yeah, I know what I said." Alex nodded, answering neither of their questions. "Which is making it very disheartening that neither of you have hugged me yet."

The twins wasted no time in crashing into him, followed by Ace and Jack who both knew of the surprise but couldn't stop themselves from getting caught in the moment.

"Alex, hands off my brother." Kaden joked, posture still a little tense as he wrapped his fingers around Jack's bicep and pulled the blonde away.

Alex deadpanned but couldn't stop the feeling of relief that washed over him. It was progress nonetheless, more progress than any of them had shown in months. Killian and the youngest twins had laughed, which added to the relief, but his three older brothers remained straight faced as did a few of their friends.

It bothered Alex more than he let on, his brothers judgement more so than that of their friends. But Alex being Alex, he was a master in hiding emotions. There was a fine line between love and hate, and Alex struggled to dissect which side his oldest brothers leant towards.

In the end, it didn't matter all that much. Jack was worth any amount of coldness and animosity he had to face.

"I'm glad you're home." Leo whispered, drawing Alex's eyes to his.

The way he said it made Alex believe that Leo could see through his walls and knew exactly how dejected he felt in that moment. His youngest brother smiled up at him, and that one genuine smile was enough to relax the unease that had slowly began to fuse so dangerously close to Alex's heart.

Alex didn't respond to that, instead hugged him closer and placed a light kiss to his temple. "Happy birthday."

—

It was after breakfast when his siblings and friends began sharing their favourite stories of him and his twin, that Leo allowed his eyes to linger on the empty seat between Carter and Sofia.

"I swear he first said it when he was like three or four." Carter was saying, voice animated as he dived into the memory Leo couldn't place. "Me and Cal were attempting an all-nighter..." his voice cracked then. Leo looked to him, watching as Carter's eyes fogged over with tears before he shook off the emotion and carried on.

"Yeah, so... ugh..." he cleared his throat, a still silence invading the room as his eyes shifted to the empty space beside him. "We were attempting an all-nighter—"

"— you never made it past two am." Ace cut in, trying to lighten the mood. "Pair of pussies."

"Language."

"We were, like, nine. Fucking sue me for needing sleep." Carter reasoned, flipping him off. "Anyway. We heard Leo cry and I mean he was sobbing—"

"— I thought we were mean to tell happy stories." Alex pulled off his glasses and began cleaning them with a napkin, unfazed by Carter's glare. "This doesn't sound happy."

"Maybe if you let me fucking finish then it would be a happy ending."

"That's what she said." Atlas chimed in.

"No she has ever said anything like that to you." Elliot scoffed. "You're a she virgin, dipshit."

"Virgin? Me?" Atlas sounded offended. He turned to his boyfriend who looked at Elliot with a blank expression, one that screamed: you really had to go there. "Ace, could you please share at least ten instances that prove to Ellie I'm anything but vanilla."

"Jesus Christ." Zac muttered, shaking his head as he raised his eyes to the ceiling, praying that he could teleport himself out of this conversation.

"Yeah, Ace," Emilio cut in, biting his lip, earning an eye roll from Leo. "Please do tell."

"Could you please not." Aaron grimaced. "As your teacher, this isn't a conversation I want to hear."

Kaden snorted, muttering inaudible words under his breath.

"As on officer of the law, in which the law states one of you are under age, I very much second that." Ryan looked Ace with narrowed eyes.

"What were you saying, Car?" Killian, like the peacemaker he was, steered the conversation back on the right track.

"Thank you, Killy." Carter smiled at him from across the table. "Yeah, so, he was sobbing and we got to him first since everyone else was asleep. We tried to hug him but he wouldn't let us, just cried harder and kept saying he wanted 'Dad.' And we were confused since he never called Papa Dad. It wasn't until Zac came in a few seconds later that Leo calmed down and accepted his hug. That was when we realised he never meant Papa at all."

Sofia's eyes watered as she looked down, eyes shifting to the left, lingering on that haunting chair. "That's so sweet." She whispered.

"I didn't know that." Zac met Leo's eyes from across the table, smiling softly.

"That makes two of us." Leo returned his smile.

—

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWINS!" Charlie and Tyler screeched as they barged into the dinning room. "Sorry we're late. Ty's still learning how to read a clock." The oldest of the two quickly added.

"Let me rephrase that for him," Tyler cleared his throat and held up a very large briefcase. "I was late because I had to steal your gift, Leo." He pulled grabbed the pink gift bag from Charlie's hand. "As well as steal something extra for you, Lily."

"Would you care to rephrase that for yourself?" Ryan questioned lazily, leaning back with a drink in hand as he carelessly waved his gold detective badge in the air.

"Uh... oh shit." Tyler's eyes comically widened, mouth opening and closing three times as his words failed to come at a time where he needed them most. After seven seconds of painful, anxiety ridden silence, he squinted his eyes at the badge in the older man's hand, just to make sure it was what he thought. "I object!"

"As a lawyer, I advice you say nothing more." Zac added to Ryan's theatrics, sculpted face straighter than Carter's sexuality which only made Tyler more nervous.

"Both of you leave him alone." Leo rolled his eyes, turning away from the pair to address his friend. "Whatcha steal for me this time, Ty?" He asked, voice brimming with excitement.

"This time?" Ryan tsked. Tyler's face paled. "Oh, how the plot thickens."

"I... I..." Tyler stammered, pausing for a few moments to gather himself. "I found this very expensive art set for you." He smiled in relief at how believable his lie sounded, shooting Ryan a smug look as he handed the briefcase to the birthday boy.

Ryan remained blank faced, amusement swirling in his eyes as Tyler's nervousness reigned over the false look of pride.

"Ignore him, Ty." Charlie reassured, patting his younger brothers shoulder. "He's just fucking with you, he won't actually arrest you."

"Won't he?" Ryan hummed and raised an eyebrow, slowly bringing his empty coffee mug to his lips to add some depth to his act.

"Ryan, leave the kid alone." Zac laughed as he took in Tyler's expression. "You're freaking him out."

"Uh..." Tyler gulped, quickly removing his eyes from Ryan as he handed Lily's gift to her. "Leo said you like the stars so I painted this for you."

"I'm watching you." Beck commented in a voice Leo could only compare to that of Gollum's, making a peace sign with his fingers Beck raised them to his eyes, pointing at the two green circles before shifting his almost triangle shaped fingers in Tyler's direction.

"Stop trying to look threatening, idiot." Ace snorted. "You look ridiculous."

"No, you look ridiculous."

"You both look ridiculous." Emilio decided.

"Say it again. I dare you." Ace threatened, much to Emilio's pleasure.

"Why? You gonna spank me if I do, Acey?" Emilio raised his eyebrows suggestively, loving the way Ace's face grew redder in temper. It was both hot and amusing to see him so aggressively flustered.

"I hate him." Ace turned to Leo who merely shrugged, smiling softly in his thirsty boyfriends direction. He was used to Emmy being more flirtatious than James Charles when it came to his brothers, would even go as far as to say that he accepted it.

Leo turned his attention away from his brooding brother to his sister, keen to see Tyler's work up close. "Let me see." he jutted his chin towards the frame she'd been admiring with an awe struck expression.

She twisted the frame for them all to see. "This is incredible," she beamed at Tyler, blue eyes glittered with gratitude. "Thank you so much!"

Tyler raised and dropped his shoulders, acting like he hadn't just given her the stars— literally.

"It's based off of the Leo consultation." The eighteen year old aspiring artist clarified, feeling a little bashful as he scratched his nape. "I know that defeats the purpose since you're an Aquarius, but I seen Leo's blanket once and it had Leo the Lion embroidered into it, which is the name of the constellation, and... I don't know. I just thought it would be nice to paint something for you to remind you of your twin." He rambled.

"I love it even more now." Lily whispered, eyes meeting those of her twins as they shared a soft smile.

"That's really thoughtful, Ty." Leo murmured, still staring at the painting in awe. It looked real, almost 3D with the way the constellation seemed to pop off the darkened page.

"I'm going to go hang this in my room." Lily announced, hugging the back of the frame to her chest. "Rafe, come help me please!"

"But I haven't given you my gift yet." Beck grumbled in annoyance. He playfully narrowed his eyes in Tyler's direction before begrudgingly following after his girlfriend like a lovesick puppy, which he undeniably was.

"Keep the door open!" Zac called to the pair.

"Way to shit on our gifts, Tyler." Carter huffed, glaring at the table before aggressively stuffing a full cupcake into his mouth to avoid cursing the blonde further. No one ever reacted to one of his gifts with so much excitement, it was unnerving and a massive kick to the ego, to put it lightly.

"Your gifts consist of pictures or memorabilia of yourself." Alex pointed out, referencing the two Carter lockets on the table. "Anyone could shit on that."

"He's got a point." Grey hummed, briefly meeting Alex's eyes for the first time in weeks.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing. It's... what's the word I'm looking for... personal? Thoughtful? Original? All of the above? Don't be jealous of my creativity, Alexander."

"Huh. Creative Carter." Jack drawled out, ever so sarcastic as he shot Carter a playful grin. "Who would've known."

"I feel like you're mocking me right now." Carter pursed his lips, turning his eyes to Killian, who sat directly across the table squished between Elliot and Aaron's muscular frames. "Killy, is he mocking me?"

"Sorry?" Killian blinked, blocking out the overly loud and animated conversation Elliot and Sebastian were currently having with his twin as he focused his eyes on his brother.

Carter huffed as Jack's grin grew smug. "Jack. He called me 'Creative Carter', is he mocking me?

"I'm not sure?" Killian responded, cheeks flushing as half the table turned their attention to him. "I didn't hear any of your conversation, therefore I have zero context to know." Carter didn't look pleased and Killian couldn't not say more. "That being said, I've always thought of you as being more innovative than most."

"Innovative? Nice." Carter smiled, almost beaming with pride as he puffed his chest and nodded. The nodding slowed after a second, eyes mist with confusion. "What's that mean?"

"Dude, this is what I mean." Kaden groaned rather loudly, shooting his twin a look of annoyance. "Stop saying weird ass shit that none of us understand."

"Key example of someone who is anything but innovative." Aaron remarked, feeling slightly disheartened that he was this idiots english teacher. "You say the same thing every time he speaks."

Kaden didn't get it, which surprised no one. "And that makes me un-innovative because?"

"That's not a word." Leo pointed out. "The opposite you're looking for is unimaginative." He corrected, clarifying because he knew Kaden would still fail to grasp. "Aaron's basically saying that you lack originality because you criticise Killian for speaking the correct way constantly."

"Correct way? Half the time, no one knows what he's talking even about." Kaden argued as Killian flushed a darker shade of pink.

"Correction; you and Carter have no idea what he's saying." Alex joined in, voice clipped. Annoyance bubbling in his gut at Kaden's lack of sensitivity. "The rest of us..." his eyes drifted, lingering on Atlas and Elliot. "Most of us do."

"I've always appreciated your literate tongue." Enzo said to Killian in the hopes of cheering him up, only to make the teen flush a deeper shade of red than anyone knew to be possible.

Killian knew, without a doubt, everyone would take those meant-to-be uplifting words out of context entirely. And when silence engulfed the room at Enzo's statement, all he could do was watch as the car crash scene unfolded.

"What in the actual fuck, Enzo? " Ace snapped. He dry heaved a gag, lip curling in disgust as his flaming eyes narrowed in Enzo's direction. "Your literate tongue. Seriously? You couldn't have worded that any better?"

"I never thought I'd say this," Aaron blinked his gaze between a very bashful Killian and a very unamused Enzo before he cleared his throat, looking like his next words physically pained him. Which they did. "I agree with Ace. You could've said anything other than that."

"I have no idea why I'm friends with any of you." Enzo grumbled, pissed at their blatant lack of maturity. "You all know that's not what I was insinuating."

"Do we really know that, though?" Kade teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Killian's a greedy little shit, you know? He plays for both teams, Enz, so you might get to feel—"

"Kade—" Zac began, knowing that whatever Kaden was about to suggest was nothing any of them would like to hear, but to his and everyone else's surprise, Killian's sharp voice bet him to it.

"Kaden." Killian snapped. He looked to his left, nervous blue eyes cautiously shifting to a rather angry looking older boy, one who did, indeed, know what his tongue felt like. "Shut the fuck up."

"Language." Grey drawled out in a lazy sing-song tone, done with every single one of them. He winced as Dakota smacked his arm, beryl eyes glaring daggers into his blue. "What?" He whisper hissed in confusion.

Dakota stared at him blankly, shaking her head as she exhaled a disappointed sigh. "You're an idiot."

"Shit." Atlas scrunched his eyes shut and banged his head against the table, reciting a prayer as he crossed his legs, cursing himself for being so imaginative. "Now I'm totally picturing it."

Ace smacked the back of his head. "Stop fucking picturing it!"

"Why are you picturing it!?" Killian cried. He turned to his friend— his brothers boyfriend, eyes wide with horror.

"Yeah," Aaron agreed, looking somewhat worried for his teenage student. "Why?"

"Wait." Elliot blinked, twice, thrice. "What are we picturing?"

"You don't want to know." Jack murmured with a grimace, at the same time as Alex mumbled. "Nothing."

"Killian's magic tongue." Emilio answered as Leo rolled his eyes. The sixteen year old grinned as seductively as he could in the red faced teens direction. "Apparently."

"I find this entire conversation highly disturbing." Luke murmured, sharing his horrified expression with Oliver, who looked rather amused by the whole thing.

"I can't help it! Blame Enzo for being so explicit." Atlas groaned, sending Killian, who looked momentarily surprised by the correct use of the word explicit, an apologetic look before facing the green eyed monster beside him. "Stop looking at me like that!"

"Stop picturing what you're picturing and maybe I will." Ace snapped, that same murderous look on his face.

"Why don't we all just calm—"

"Don't start with your meditator bullshit, Charlie."

"Jesus Christ, Kade! It's mediator."

—

L E O

Watching my siblings and friends bicker and laugh and joke, created this strange pressure in my chest. It wasn't a feeling I'd been used to, it was so new in fact, that I couldn't find any words to articulate it.

For the first time in a long time, I was living in a moment where everything and everyone was real. In the past, on occasions such as this, I had relied heavily on drugs to push down everything I felt. Everything I didn't want to feel.

It didn't matter if it was a good day, it didn't matter if there was a spark of something light there or if I felt happier than I had in years. All that matter to me, in that moment, was being numb to the point that I couldn't even recognise my own name.

I had to be immune to it all, especially back then. Back when my feelings were fire and the voices in my head acted like gasoline over that dimly lit flame, igniting a chaos in my mind that I desperately needed to escape.

"Leo?" A voice whispered, pulling me out of my head. I cleared my throat and looked towards the sound, meeting Sofia's gentle green eyes. "Do you want to sit in the garden with me?"

"Sure." I nodded, keen to have a distraction from my thoughts. Pushing to my feet, Emilio's hand quickly tugged me back to his level. It seemed as though I'd gotten so used to his touch that I'd forgotten our fingers were tangled.

My eyes gravitated to his, a smile finding it's way to my face almost instantly at the fondness that met me. "Yes?" I murmured, keeping my voice low. I didn't want any of my siblings or friends overhearing and then following us to the garden.

He cocked his head to the side, eyes roaming every inch of my features, lips pursing. "Don't I get a kiss goodbye, amore?"

Rolling my eyes, I leaned in and placed my lips to his in a chaste kiss. It was soft, and sweet, and over far too quick. "Is that better?" I murmured with a quirked eyebrow, gaze shifting between his eyes and lips, desperate to kiss him until my lungs ran out of air.

Emilio hummed, pecking my lips one last time. "Better would be if you stuck your tongue down my throat."

"Jesus Christ." Dad groaned, rubbing his hand along his jaw. I was sure Emilio's straightforwardness would give him an aneurism one day. "Emilio, what have I told you about saying shit like that?"

My eyes widened, cheeks uncharacteristically flushing as everyone's attention snapped in our direction. Emilio remained unfazed, which was unsurprising. It was something I envied; his ability to never be embarrassed by the shit that came out of his mouth, no matter how sordid or obscene it may be. He simply didn't give a fuck about what anyone thought of him, of us. If possible, it made me love him even more.

"What can I say," my boyfriend shrugged, leaning forward to grip my hips and pull me onto his lap. "My mother raised me to be honest, BDZ. And honestly, I want his tongue in my mouth. It would disappoint my mother if I didn't voice that, and I can't go disappointing her now, can I?"

"You've been disappointing her for years." Enzo claimed.

"That's rich coming from you."

Lost in listening to my boyfriend and his brother torment one another with an endless stream of lies, I didn't notice one of my brothers moving swiftly in our direction. Not until I was no longer sitting on Emilio's lap but rather in Grey's arms.

"Hey! Give him back." Emilio whined, making grabby hands to me.

"I think Sofia's waiting for you," Grey said softly, patting my back as he eased me towards the patio doors, ignoring my boyfriends pleas in the background. "I apologise now if Em's not here when you come back." He said, gripping the handle and shoving me outside before I could even process his words.

Oh well. Emilio could handle himself when it came to my brothers. He was a master in making them blush to the point they'd forget what they were mad about to begin with.

—

I found Sofia sitting at the bottom of the garden, her back pressed against the flower less blossom tree with Charlie curled up in her lap.

She hadn't noticed me yet, or if she did, it wasn't known to me. She looked lost in her own little world, staring into the distance, having the perfect view of the barley fields our garden over looks.

Anxiety surged through me as I stepped towards her, legs trembling. I wasn't good at this. At comforting other people, at having heart to heart conversation, at reassuring her she'd be okay, that we'd get her through this.

After all... how could I say any of that when I didn't believe it myself? How could we get her through something that I wasn't even sure we'd get through ourselves?

Pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind, I sat on the grass beside her and focused my attention on the view, needing something to distract me from the emotions this pending conversion had stirred.

It was silent for a while. The two of us sitting side by side, so close our arms brushed as the wind created a comfortable barrier of white noise, being the sound our voices should've been but couldn't in that moment.

"I don't think I've had the chance to say it yet... but happy birthday, Le." Sofia whispered, breaking the stillness.

I glanced at her, her green eyes meeting mine with so much fondness that my heart beat rose in my chest. Callan had always said her eyes were what drew him in first. I didn't get it back then, but now... I think I understand what he meant. Despite being sharp in colour, they had a gentleness about them, a sense of comfort that I was sure only a mothers eyes could hold.

"Thank you." I murmured, running my gaze over her face. She looked tired, stressed even. Purple bags littering her under eyes like freckles. "How are you, Sof?"

"Tired, mostly." She smiled, a forced smile, one I was so used to wearing myself. I raised an eyebrow, silently calling bullshit. She glanced away and stroked her hand through Charlie's golden fur, smile brightening a little.

"I'm okay, I promise. I'm just... I'm exhausted. Physically, emotionally, mentally and every other ally there is." She admitted, voice growing softer, sadder. "It's hard to sleep without him next to me."

I didn't know what to say to that. Knowing there was no words that could comfort her, I shuffled closer and draped my arm around her shoulders, gently offering a half hug. Sofia seemed startled at first. It was obvious she hadn't expected my way of comfort towards her to be touch.

That made two of us.

I was about to pull away, half worried and half knowing that my arm wasn't the arm she sought, until she exhaled a long, broken breath and rested her head on my shoulder, gracefully accepting a form of comfort that was normally so hard for me to give.

"I wish he was here." I admitted softly, threading my fingers through her hair.

I still don't know why I did it, maybe it was because I'd seen Callan do it so many times before. And maybe it wasn't my place, but deep down I felt like Callan would've wanted this, wanted Sofia to have someone to lean on, to comfort her in the ways he would.

I wanted Sofia to have little reminders of him whenever she could.

"Me, too." She whispered, voice wobbling as she curled her hands around her stomach. I hugged her tighter and then it grew silent again, on my part. Sofia's stuttering breaths and soft sniffles being the only thing I could hear.

"I have something for you." She cleared her throat, pulling away from me ever so slightly as she reached into the pocket of her sweater. "Before he got sick... or sicker.. Cal wanted to find the perfect gift for you." She outstretched her shaky hand and passed me a folded silver envelope.

I stared down at it, my own hands trembling. I blinked back the tears in my eyes and struggled to swallow past the lump in my throat. Gently, I tore open the seal and, surprisingly, the first thing that left my mouth was a laugh.

"He's such an idiot." I whispered to Sofia, staring down at the card with a nostalgic smile.

Whilst Dad and Grey always picked cards with heartfelt messages, Callan had this thing where he had to pick out the dumbest, most unfunny, dad joke cards of all time. For as long as I could remember, he'd done it every year without a fail. I didn't realise how much I wanted—needed it this year.

"It matches Carter's." I added, still smiling down at the card.

It had a white background with a large, hairy cactus in the centre, exactly like Carter's. Except, whilst Car's read: Happy birthday bro... you've always been my favourite little prick. Callan's was much less crude and read: I wanted to make up a cactus joke for your birthday... but I'm just not that sharp. It was silly and fun and everything Callan.

"Yeah," Sofia laughed. "They picked them out together a few months back." She nodded her head to my hands. "Open it."

As if the card was the most delicate thing on the planet, which to me it was, I cautiously opened it up. A slip of paper fell onto my lap, but I paid no mind to that at first, my attention solely focused on my brothers handwriting. Both pages of the inside were filled with Callan's words, words I was nowhere near ready to read but desperately wanted to know.

"I don't think..." I stammered, teary eyes nervously retreating to Sofia's. "I...I..."

"I know, I know. It's okay." She soothed, slowly extending her hand to mine. I took it without hesitation. "You don't have to read it right now. Those words won't go anywhere, Leo. They're yours forever, you have time. Here," she reached in-front of us, grabbing the paper that had blown out of my lap. "Read this instead."

I took the paper, my eyes widening as I read the contents. "The art exhibit? How did he know? How? I... I... I don't understand." I shook my head, blinking in disbelief. "This has been sold out for months."

"I know. Believe me, we waited in an online queue for hours. He even got some of the doctors and nurses to wait too, just to make sure we got the tickets." Sofia laughed at my dumbfounded expression. "As for how, he said you told him about it last year."

I vaguely remembered it. It felt like a lifetime ago now. It was in the hospital, a few days after the fire. Callan had been volunteering one morning and then spent the rest of his day entertaining Carter and me. He was talking to me about my paintings and somehow I ended up telling him about the art exhibit in the city.

But it was a passing comment, one that I barely remembered bringing up. I didn't think... Callan remembered?

He remembered and that fact alone made my eyes burn.

My lip trembled, tears spilling from my burning eyes as my gaze caught on the number of tickets he'd ordered and the names he'd registered. Two tickets, Callan Lombardi and Leo Lombardi. He wanted to come with me.

Callan liked football and hockey and anything sport related. He liked medicine and paint balling and travelling. Callan didn't like art. He didn't like art and yet he wanted to come to an all day art exhibit with me.

And that wrecked me.

"Sof..." I whimpered, unashamed of the emotions that spiralled out of me. "I really wish he could be here. I wish he could've given this to me himself. I wish I could tell him how much this means to me... how much he means to me."

"Oh, darling." She wrapped her arms around me without hesitation. "He knows, Leo. Believe me, he knows. You mean just as much to him as he does to you, maybe even more. He loves you so much and he would be so proud of the progress you've made these last few months. So very proud, hun."

"You really think so?" I choked out, hope overweighting the hollowness in my chest as I peered up at her through the mist of tears.

Sofia smiled, wiping away the tears from my cheeks with the pads of her thumbs. "I really know so."

Charlie whined softly, pushing himself between us as he swiped his tongue along my cheek. "I'm okay, boy." I whispered, running my hand through his soft fur.

"I'm going to visit him later if you'd like to come?" Sofia asked, no force to her tone, it was my choice and she made that clear. "We can take some fresh flowers and tell him everything that happened today, everything that's still to happen." Everything he's missing.

"He can't respond, but I'm sure he can hear us." She rested her hand against her stomach, exhaling a shaky breath. "I know he can. I can feel it."

"You wouldn't mind if I tagged along?"

"I would love your company." She said it with so much sincerity that, despite the ache in my chest, my lips lifted into a half smile. "Cal would, too."

"I would love that, too."

—

I must've spent at least an hour outside with Sofia and my golden fluff ball, Charlie, before the wind picked up, becoming a little too bitter and forcing us to retreat back to the warmth of the indoors.

I barely managed to step over the threshold when Emilio barrelled into me, hand latching onto mine as he whisked me past my family towards the stairs, giving me no chance to say anything to anyone, specially my dad and Grey, both of whom more or less glaring daggers into Emilio's spine.

"Emmy," I wheezed, regretting the third slice of french toast I'd devoured a few hours ago. My free hand curled against my side, where a stitch clung to my remaining kidney. "Slow down."

"No can do, amore mio." He sang, dragging me upstairs as though I was as light as a feather, as if I hadn't gained twelve pounds in the last three months. "I need to get you away from them. If one more person steals you before I can give you your present, I'm seriously going to lose my shit."

"Plus," he kicked my bedroom door open with his heel, gripping my hips as he pulled me into the room, spinning my body in circles before slamming my back against the door. "I don't think they'd appreciate being witnesses to my bonus gift." he grazed his lips over my ear with each word, body pressing and moulding to mine.

"B-bonus gift?" I stammered, lost in the sensations as I craned my neck, giving him more access. He moved his mouth from my ear to my jaw before dropping lower, slowly skimming his teeth along the soft skin of my throat.

"Mhm," Emmy hummed, sucking and nipping on my skin like I was his favourite kind of candy,  to the point my entire body grew warmer, and I could feel my skin flushing crimson red. "Do you want a hint as to what it could be?"

"Uh huh." The sound was almost desperate and I knew he heard it to, his lips leaving my skin as they lifted into a grin filled with smugness.

His hands squeezed my hips— hard. "Words, amore." He teased.

Here we fucking go. I rolled my eyes and pushed my hands against his chest, feeling his heart hammer beneath my touch as I pulled back, shooting him the blankest look I could muster. "You're so masochistic it's alarming."

"Is that so?" He hummed, grey eyes meeting mine. "Not the words I'm looking for, baby."

"Yes," I pushed through grit teeth, trying and failing to hide how into it I was as the blush on my cheeks ignites with the same heat of fire flowing through my stomach. "I would like to know what your bonus gift is."

"What's the magic word?"

I threw my head back and groaned. "I'm not calling you daddy. I swear to God we've been over this countless—"

"— as much as I'd love that, which trust me, I really fucking would. I meant please." Emilio clarified, pupils dilating as smugness flowed from his grin in crashing waves.

"I really fucking hate you." I lied, fondness dripping from my tongue as it coated each hostile word.

"Yeah..." Emmy nodded, lips hovering over mine. "I really fucking hate me, too." He wrapped his fist in my sweater and tugged my mouth to his, lips sealing over mine in a frantic, frenzied kiss.

It was like no kiss we've shared before, it's all tongue and teeth and lust and fear. Our hot breaths merged to one as we treaded in the same waters we've been cautious of in the past. And surprisingly, it didn't terrify me in the ways I was so sure it would. Instead, it lifts me, he lifts me up. Pulling me into another world, one filled with the possibilities of who I could be— who we could be.

Emmy pulled back, dropping his forehead to mine as his hot, uneven breath fanned against my face. It smelt like peppermint and lemonade, as if he'd come prepared and premeditated for this very moment. Which, being Emilio, wasn't surprising in the slightest.

"Have I convinced you to say please yet?" He asked, voice a hoarse and breathless whisper.

"You're saying that wasn't my bonus gift?" I gulped, heat pooling in... other places.

There was some, not all, intimate moments I wasn't quite ready for, but that didn't stop my body from reacting to his touch or his words. Emilio was compassionate and sweet and never once pushed against my boundaries, the ball was always in my court and he'd made that clear from the beginning. But... for the first time, I found myself wishing it was in his.

I craved for him to touch me in ways I wanted to be touched.

Shaking his head, Emilio pecked my lips and moulded his smile with mine. "Oh baby," his teeth sunk into my bottom lip teasingly. "You have no idea. The things I would do—"

A throat aggressively cleared from behind the door. "If you dare finish that sentence I'll break this door and then your neck." Ace's enraged voice well and truly snapped me out of my lust infused state. My cheeks growing hotter for the opposite reason than I both expected and apparently wanted.

Emilio groaned into my mouth. "Every fucking time."

"Open the door right this fucking second of I swear to God..." Ace snarled, his fist pounding hard against the wood, so hard that the vibrations echoed down my spine. I was sure, positive actually, that his balled fist would puncture the wood easily if we failed to comply with his demand.  

I pushed my hands against Emilio's chest, huffing lowly when he refused to budge. "Emmy, move." I whispered, voice lacking any and all conviction.

He backed up without hesitation, removing his body from mine. "I still have to give you your gift." He murmured with a pout.

"You can give him his gift downstairs." Ace responded before I could, rattling his knuckles against the wood for the third time. "I'm going to count to three and if this door—"

I swung the door open before he could finish.

"Way to be a cockblock, principessa." Emilio licked his lips, shameless grey eyes scanning my brother from head to toe. Here we go again. "If you wanted a piece of me you could've waited your turn."

My eyes flickered between the two of them, lingering on the way my brothers fist clenched to the point of white knuckles. I knew, without a speckle of doubt, Ace was seconds away from breaking my boyfriends nose.

I debated with my thoughts for a good ten seconds, wondering if I should stop the situation from escalating any further or just sit back and allow for the inevitable to happen.

I opted for the latter.

After all, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I stepped in before the consequences of Emilio's mouth caught up with him?

Every day's a school day.

Plus, Ace's punches weren't too bad. According to Jack, at least.

"What did you just call me?" Ace, unsurprisingly, snapped. Veins bulged from his neck as he took, what I assumed to be, a threatening step forward. "Both of you downstairs, before I do something I sure as hell won't regret."

"Of course you won't regret it, you're just desperate to wrap those pretty little hands around my throat. Right?" Emilio mused, digging his grave a little deeper. "No wonder Atlas is so smitten with you, this whole angry vibe you've got going on is very endearing, principessa."

Just as I expected, Ace's fist cracked against Emilio's nose. It was all very anticlimactic and a tad disappointing. I was expecting a better build up, some curse words, maybe even a little blood or tears or something entertaining.

Damn, Jack was right. Ace was all bark and very little bite.

—

"What happened to you?" Jack asked Ace, blue eyes gliding between our brother and my boyfriend as the three of us entered the living room.

Ace huffed and slumped down on the sofa beside him, refusing to answer the question. His cheeks flushed, whether that be out of embarrassment or anger... I couldn't be sure.

Emilio's reaction was quite the opposite as he slumped down on the loveseat between my sister and her boyfriend. He grinned in Jack's direction, chest puffing arrogantly like the egotistical bastard he was.

"Ace missed nap time and got a little handsy." He concluded.

Ace made a noise that sounded freakishly similar to a growl, whilst Jack's eyes sparkled with mischief, quickly simmering to a false look of concern as he turned to our brother and swiftly pressed his index finger to his cheek with much more pressure than needed.

"What the fuck?" Ace snapped, eyes blazing as he slapping his hand away from the purpling skin. "What's wrong with you? Why would you do that?"

"Does it hurt?" Jack muttered in a gleeful tone, much to Ace's dismay as his jaw clenched. "It looks like it hurts. How hard did he hit you? Do you need some ice? Alex, get him some ice."

Alex rolled his eyes, focusing his attention back to the card game he, Killian, Aaron and Enzo were heavily invested in.

"I'll get him some ice." Carter offered, playing into Jack's theatrics.

"I don't need any fucking ice." Ace's eyes drifted to Emilio. "He needs ice, not me. I barely fucking felt his lame ass punch."

Kade mirrored Jack's previous actions and pressed his finger against the bruising spot, to which Ace hissed. "Barely felt it my ass."

"Fuck you."

"Language."

Jack slowly let his eyes shift to Emilio's face. He pretended not to see the redness or dried in blood, which I assumed was for no reason other than to piss Ace off further.

"He looks fine to me." Jack concluded, putting a little distance between the pair of them, as if he knew his next words would rile Ace to breaking point. "It's not that surprising. I've felt worse hits from a middle aged man who was drunk off his ass compared to your sober hits. So if anyone's punch is lame ass, I'd say that award was made for you."

"Jack." Harrison looked horrified. He still couldn't quite grasp my brothers way of deflecting his past trauma.

"You have to bring it up in every conversation, don't you?" Ace kissed his teeth as Jack's smile widened, proud that he'd gotten anger as a response. "If only daddy had hit you a little harder back then, then maybe I wouldn't need to deal with your shit right now."

"Jesus Christ." Harrison whispered and cupped a hand over his mouth, and I had to hold back a laugh. If only he knew this wasn't the worst thing either of them had said to one another.

"Ace." Dad snapped, narrowing his eyes in Jack's direction. "Don't you even dare."

Jack held his hands up in surrender. "I wasn't gonna say a thing."

"Oh, bullshit." Ace rolled his eyes.

"Both of you quit it." Alex warned, not bothering to look up from his game.

"Why don't we move onto the rest of the gifts now?" Charlie suggested, eyes squinting in Jack's direction like they often did whenever him and Ace were at each others throats; as if he wanted to offer up his first available therapy session.

"I like that idea!" Lily, not being a fan of the tension our brothers had caused, beamed.

"Me first!" Beck scrambled off the loveseat and into the hallway. Returning seconds later with a small black box in hand. He dropped to one knee and the air in the room shifted.

"Lily, I—"

"— I think fucking not." Carter jumped to his feet and grasped the back of Beck's sweater, followed by Aaron who looked at his little brother as if he'd grown a second head. "What the hell are you doing?" He hissed, green eyes wide in both shock and disbelief.

"Carter, let him go." Dad instructed, gaze shifting from my brother to the confused teen in his hold. "Rafe," he cleared his throat, speaking softer. "Pardon my French, but... what the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm giving Lily her gift."

"He means why are you on one knee with a ring box, idiot." Ace translated.

Beck looked confused for a good five seconds until a flip switched and realisation set in. "Oh. Oh. It's not what you think." He laughed nervously, pulling out of Carter's faltering grip.

"It's not?" Carter questioned. "So there isn't a ring in that box?"

"Oh, no, there is." Beck smiled, opening the box to show off the dainty piece of jewellery. "It's just not an engagement ring." He clarified. "Can I talk to Lily now or do I need to explain her present to all of you instead of her?"

When my most of my older brothers seemed too confused to speak, Killian's soft voice broke the silence. "Ignore them. Go ahead."

Beck shot him grateful look and turned back to my sister, smiling wide as their eyes met. "I had a whole speech planned for you, but I feel like they might murder me if I don't explain this quickly." He huffed out a nervous breath and extended his hand, placing the box in the palm of her hand.

Lily stared at the ring in awe and I couldn't blame her, nor could I deny that it was one of the most beautiful rings I'd ever seen.

The silver band was thin, two stones I vaguely recognised met in the centre, one a light shade of purple, almost lilac, whilst the other was a deep shade of red, each surrounded by a cluster of small silver stars that shimmered depending on how the light reflected.

"It's a promise ring." Beck murmured shyly, a soft pink glow encasing his cheeks as he skimmed one foot against the carpet, seeming almost jittery. "I designed it for you."

Ace gagged. Beck raised his shaky hand to flip him off, clearing his throat as he turned his attention back to Lily who looked seconds away from bursting into tears. I cupped a hand over my mouth in attempts to hide my smile.

"These little stars remind me of the bridge and these are the birthstones for your star sign, Aquarius, which reminds me of when we'd stargaze and I taught you all the constellations I knew." Ace gagged again and Beck's cheeks grew redder.

"This one here," he done his best to ignore my brother and pointed the red stone. "Garnet. It's the stone of strength. And this," he pointed to the purple. "Amethyst. It's the stone of serenity. One reminds me of everything you've fought against to survive, and the other is everything I want you to feel."

Lily's lip trembled as she allowed him to slip the ring onto her finger. She stared up at him with tears in her eyes, and I could almost feel her love for him in that one look.

"I love it." She murmured hoarsely. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him into her embrace. "I love you."

"This is so cringe." Kaden scrunched his nose, and Killian glared at him. "What? I'm just saying. Like, I'll admit it's cute and all, but damn it's so cringe that it's actually making me itchy." He scraped his nails against his arm, showing Killian the red lines. "See?"

"Stop being so melodramatic." Killian tsked. "It's thoughtful and sweet."

"Our gift is way sweeter." Atlas chimed in. "Right, Oli?" He knocked his shoulder against Oliver's, receiving a blank look in response.

"It's literally the same gift you give him every year." Ace argued.

"And? Your point is?" Atlas didn't miss a beat. "Know what, never mind. Your arguments pointless, it's different this year. It's not just my mixtape. Oliver's featured, too."

"It's never been just your mixtape." Luke reminded him with an eye roll. "It's always been our gift."

"I think my gift wins." Elliot claimed.

My eyebrows furrowed. "You didn't give us anything?"

"Exactly."

"Dude," Kade shook his head. "That makes no sense."

"You make no sense."

"I think we can all agree my gift is king." Carter chimed in. "Who wouldn't want a locket with my face in it?"

Me.

"As enlightening as this conversation is." Emilio cut them off. "Can we get to my gift? I've already given Lily hers, but Ace interrupted me before I could give Leo his."

"You want to give him that gift right here?" Ace raised an eyebrow. "In front of everyone?"

Dad immediately looked alarmed. "What gift?" I flushed, looking anywhere but him when his concerned eyes sought mine. "Leo? What gift?"

"Yeah, Le." Jack teased, sending a smirk my way. "What gift?"

"Of course not." Emilio denied, though his expression was anything but put off. "That was his bonus gift, not his actual gift."

"I think I just threw up in my mouth a little." Enzo muttered, clearly hearing the intentions behind his brothers words. "Seriously, I don't know how I'm going to cope being stuck with the two of you for a whole ass week. The walls better be—"

"Enzo! Shut up."

I frowned. Stuck with us for a week? What?

"What're you talking about?" Grey asked Enzo before his eyes narrowed in Emilio's direction. "What is he talking about?"

"None of your business, Greyson." Emilio groaned and ran a stressed hand down his face. "Are you all immune to the word surprise? Seriously? First you ruin Beck's moment and now you're trying to ruin mine?"

"Yeah, Greyson." Ryan drawled out, sending a lazy smile in my brothers direction. "Stop being such a spoil sport."

"Ryan, you're in no position to be ridiculing anyone." Dad said sternly, though there was a teasing hint lingering in his tone. "Are we just going to forget the fact you snuck, sorry, kidnapped two kids from under my roof at one am and then galavanted around the city with them till God knows what hour?"

"What?" Grey's mouth gaped open.

"Excuse me? He done what?" Carter's head snapped in Ryan's direction. "Where was my invite?" 

"We didn't galavant anywhere. I was baby sitting—" Lily cleared her throat. "Sorry, teen sitting." Ry clarified. "Seen and not heard. Right, Lil?"

"He's right." Lily confirmed. "Ryan had no fun. He was basically our chauffeur."

"Thought I was your insurance?" Ryan joked before turning back to Dad. "And kidnapped? Seriously, Z? I literally told you where we were going the second Lily asked me to be their accomplice. You can't hold that against me."

"He's right again." I concluded, much to Dad's annoyance. It was clear he was only doing this to wind Ryan up, and the fact Lily and were team Ryan clearly didn't sit well with him. "If you think about it. Ryan's family so it can't really be classed as kidnapping."

Ryan sent Dad a smug look, to which Dad flipped him off.

"Hello? Can we get back to my gift now?" Emmy, ever so impatient, whined.

Dad rolled his eyes. "Go ahead, Em. The floor is yours."

Emilio beamed at me. He patted his pockets before his eyes scanned the room, lingering on a long rectangular grey envelope that rested on the coffee table. His feet seemed to bounce with each step that he took as he made a move to grab the envelope, giddy excitement soaring from his smile like live jolts of electricity.

"Here," he said, more or less throwing the paper into my hands. He was jittering in place, impatiently waiting for me to tear the seam.

I did, scanning the boarding pass with wide eyes. "Emmy... what is this?"

Emilio went to speak, only for another to beat him to the punchline.

"He's taking you on a week long trip to Italy so you can visit your grandparents and cousins and go to the art museums and get gelato and do all this romantic shit that I want no part in." Enzo rambled out, all in one breath.

"Welp." Emilio shrugged, not giving Enzo the satisfaction of seeing his annoyance though his disappointment was clear to me. "That saved my breath."

"Oh, thank God." Kaden wiped the non-existent sweat from his hairline, sending Enzo a grateful grin. "If I had to sit through another sappy love declaration, I think I would've killed myself."

"Kaden." Grey scolded in a lazy voice, as though he'd grown sick of saying our brothers name.

"Shit." Kaden turned to me, smiling sheepishly. "No offence, Le."

"None taken." I snorted and shook my head. I liked that Kade didn't premeditate his words, didn't coddle me. It was easier to feel normal when the people around me didn't act like I was made of glass.

I turned back to Emilio, my heart hammering in my chest like booming thunder whilst lightening shot through my veins with enough voltage to turn my insides to much.

Our eyes locked and in an instant, I was smiling at him, stepping forward without a second thought as this unbearable need to touch him came over me. To wrap him in my arms and hug him until my arms could no longer cuddle. I couldn't explain it, I just needed him closer, needed to feel his heart hammer in sync with mine.

"Thank you." I whispered, closing my eyes as I breathed him in. "If we were alone, I'd want my bonus gift right about now."

Emilio chuckled, hugging me tighter. "Soon, amore mio."

"Alright, break it up." Carter pulled us apart with a lot less force than I expected. "Come sit with me," he didn't give me a chance to respond before he was pulling my body towards the couch, plopping me down in the space between him and Lily.

The lights dimmed and my breath caught in my throat as their voices greeted my ears with the soft hum of happy birthday to you. I hadn't heard this song in two years.

My throat bobbed painfully as I tried to keep the tears at bay. It may sound immature or selfish or petty or all of the above, but during our last two birthday celebrations, I refused to celebrate, often hiding away in the shadows of my bedroom, ignoring their pleas for me to join in.

It wasn't fair to Lily, to our brothers, to our friends... to me. I knew that, but, back then, it hurt too much to celebrate a day that reminded me of so much pain. Celebrate the day I was brought into a world I so desperately wished to leave.

I looked down as Lily's hand laced with mine. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath as she interlocked our fingers together without hesitation. Even though she did not speak, I felt like I could hear her words, a soft whisper in the back of my mind that blocked out the past memories, the tears, the singing.

She squeezed my hand and the words got louder, clearer. So much more of us.

When the light of the candles washed over my closed eyelids, I exhaled a steady breath and opened my eyes. I was met with our brothers smiling faces and the sixteen candle lights burning away on our joint birthday cake.

"Happy birthday to you..."

Lily and I locked eyes as we blew out our candles together. So much more of us.

"Hip hip!"

"Hooray!" I shook my head, a watery laugh leaving my lips as they continued to cheer endlessly.

Closing my eyes, the anxious beats of my heart decreased back to their normal rhythm as I got lost in the serenity of the moment and relished in their enthusiastic cheers.

"I did it." I whispered softly under my breath. I got past one more hurdle and I was proud of myself, proud that I'd made it this far. I knew it wasn't that simple, that there would be more hard days to come and more hurdles to jump, but after today, it didn't seem as daunting as it used to.

"Bambino?" Dad's voice filled my ears as his arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into his side.

I opened my eyes and blinked up at him, confused as to where Carter had gone. I didn't dwell on that matter, focusing my attention back to Dad as I pressed myself deeper into his embrace.

"Are you happy, Le?" He whispered, lips pressing against my temple. I could hear his heart stuttering beneath me from where I lay on his chest, as if he was terrified of what my answer might be.

It's okay, Dad, you didn't need to worry, not anymore.

I glanced up at him with a smile on my lips. It was small but it might've been the most sincerest one he's ever witnessed.

"Yeah, I am."

—
THE END

Thoughts?

I honestly can't believe Leo's book is over. Thank you all for reading my stories and loving these characters as much as I do.
Don't worry, there's still plenty of Leo to see in books to come!

I did leave a few hints and clues here and there... anyone think they managed to spot them? (ps: not everything is how it seems)

see you guys in BYLM.
lots of love xxx

18000 words

order of upcoming books:

Jack — Because You Love Me
Ace — Addicted To You
Callan — All The Things I Never Said
Killian — Hopelessly Devoted

I don't have an order or set names (except for the spin offs) for the rest just yet.