Ok, so I hope you're all enjoying this book so far. This chapter is just abit of a filler before I do a 2 week time skip in the next chapter (which is where things get interesting)
As always parts in italics are in flashbacks.
9th December 2018
"Di"
That sent shivers down her spine.
His arm dropped over her middle, and he pulled her closer before his lips softly pressed againts her bare shoulder, kissing it lightly. She fell into his hold, snuggling down into the firm grip that she felt so safe in.
She was in love. And it was there in that moment that she realised.
They had only been officially together a few weeks, although innocent flirting had gone on for much longer. It was all a secret though, a secret they struggled to keep as more and more rumours flooded in each day. Paparazzi pictures coming in each day of her leaving his apartment block were now a regular occurrence, but she couldn't keep away from him. He was perfect. Every part of him.
He looked after her. For someone who had never had a girlfriend before, he knew how to treat a woman. He respected her and kept to her boundaries making her feel comfortable. It was hard to believe he hadn't been with anyone before because he was just perfect. He was the kindest man she had ever met. He put everyone else before him, especially her. He cared for her more than he cared for anyone else. He always wanted to know how she was, rather than bothering about how he was himself. He was everything she wanted.
"Are you awake joey? Or just talking in your sleep?"
She giggled innocently. It made his heart flutter. He loved her too.
"No, I'm awake"
He whispered. She rolled over to face him, their lips becoming close. He leaned in to kiss her. That did things. It made her feel things that she had never felt before.
"Good morning"
She smiled resting her head under his chin.
"Morning...."
"Your so beautiful, early in the morning...with no makeup on, and your hair all messy"
He smiled. She had never felt so comfortable with a man ever before. As his fingers came to run through her hair, and dance along her scalp, her stomach fluttered.
"Mhm, stop"
Her voice muffled againts his chest that she rested on.
"No...you're so stunning. I actually cant get over it"
She looked up to him, her eyes looking lovingly into his. She was obsessed with him. Of course she had been in relationships before, good ones too, long term but nobody compared to him. She believed he was meant for her, and she was meant for him. They had only been together a few weeks but as her mother always used to tell her 'when you know, you know'. She got that butterfly feeling when she was with him and the fact it had only been a few weeks didn't matter.
"And you're so talented. I can't believe you managed to get us all the way to the final"
Only the night before it was the semi final of strictly. Two very different dances in one week had completely thrown joe and they hadn't got the best scores. However they had got through, and it felt so special. It was only made better by them falling asleep in eachothers arms, just like they did every night. This time it felt different though as they had finally made it through to the final. They didn't care whether they won or not though, because they had found eachother and that's all that mattered.
"No Joseph, it was all your hard work. I'm so proud of you"
She pressed her lips againts his cheek, trailing kisses down his jawline and eventually on his neck. He brought his hand down, his index finger lifting up her chin.
"Hey, what's gotten into you this early in the morning?"
He smiled softly looking down at her.
"Nothing, you've just captivated me"
She made him smile. He then reciprocated her affection, kissing her lips passionately, hands roaming all the way down the side or her body, finding their place on her waist and pulling her in closer.
Joe had always longed to love someone like this. Experience all those cute couple things. Cuddling up in bed in the morning, waking up together and just being by eachothers sides. This was it. This was what he had always hoped for. Someone to love, and he was for sure going to show dianne that.
His kisses deepened quickly, becoming more and more passionate as she leaned into them even more. His hand then slipped to her shoulder- he fiddled with the strap of her pyjama top, bringing it down her shoulder. He could feel her smile in between each kiss. This was it. This was their time, to show eachother just how much they were in love.
"Can I show you how much I love you?"
Joe broke away slowly, whispering quietly into her ear. Dianne paused, almost taken back. She knew he loved her, because she loved him, but those words hadn't escaped either of their mouths yet. It took her by surprise.
He loved her.
That was a feeling like no other. She felt special. Thats how he made her feel. Like she was the only girl in the world. Like it was just them as they slowly began to make a world for themselves, where they could love only eachother and it be just them wrapped up in eachothers presence, with no distractions. It was perfect.
This was their world.
Their time to make memories.
Make that all important step.
"You love me?"
She smiled.
"Mhm"
He nodded.
"I love you so much"
He whispred making her shiver. She had never felt like this before. Not even with long term boyfriends she had previously been with.
"That's cute"
She said before she let it fall peacefully silent between them for a few moments.
"I...love you too"
She stuttered not quite believing that this was her life now. She was loved by the person she loved. It was reciprocated, and that was something she hadn't always gotten.
"So, can I show you? Show you how in love with you i really am?"
He asked, his hand coming to rest on her thigh, tracing shapes along her exposed skin.
"Yeah....let's do it"
She nodded before smashing his lips back onto his, which gave him the approval to run his hand along that pyjama top strap again, this time pulling it completely down her arm and eventually off, before his kisses travelled down her body....
///////
Dianne awoke breathing quite heavily, all those early memories flooding back. It had been something she had experienced every time she slept since he left, and she had slept alot. It was so she didn't have to live through the pain she was feeling, but it didn't really work. Every time she saw joe in her dreams, having constant flashbacks to when things were happy between them. These were vivid memories and she was reliving them when she didn't want to. It was breaking her being reminded of all those good times. When they used to be happy.
Times she wished she could have back, but it hurt. She was sad, and couldnt stop that feeling.
She had been awoken by that loud ringing sound. Tossing and turning she reached for her phone, but just as she grabbed it, that annoying vibrating stopped. It was then she looked at her phone seeing the words
'10 missed calls from zoe' displayed across the screen.
What could she want?
It sent her into a different kind of panic.
Zoe was either angry at dianne, or something was wrong with joe and if there was, she would forgive herself as she knew it would be all her fault.
She always felt guilty when something went wrong between them. It didn't happen often but those rare arguments, especially in the early days worried her. She thought she would ruin everything, and now she had 5 years down the line, she couldnt stop thinking about everything she had done wrong up until that point....
//////
"Cant you just come back, even for like just a day? I miss you so much"
Joe sat lonely in the bed which had felt cold for quite a while now. With dianne off on tour with amy and chloe, he had almost gotten used to the feeling of sleeping on his own again. He missed her. And alot too. They hadn't seen eachother in almost three weeks.
"I miss you too Joseph, but we both know I cant. Another 6 days and I'll be back in your arms"
She sat back in her lonely bed too, the one in the hotel. It didn't feel like home. Nowhere did. She was so mixed up moving from place to place and she longed to be back with him, but this was her job. This was what she depended on to live and what she had been committed to since she left home at 18.
"That's so long"
Joe said sadly. He understood this was her job but missed her incredibly, to the point where he felt almost disconnected from her. He still loved her of course but hardcore tour dianne wasn't the girl he met back just 6 months ago. He wasn't used to it. He fell for the girl who constantly made him laugh in the training room, came to stay at his apartment only to fall asleep in arms every night, the girl who shared her first love of dance with him. Tour Dianne was a different person almost. She was distant, busy and very to herself. They were no longer attached at the hip, and as that was what they were like their whole relationship up to this point, joe felt lonely.
"It will fly by, I promise. I know it feels like ages but I know by now, doing this for most my life that this is only temporary. We'll see eachother soon"
The two of them went quit for a few moments, and usually that was peaceful but this time it wasn't. Almost like one of them had something to say that the other wouldnt like. But this was something they were both so lucky to have; eachother, the relationship between them, their love and so they had to be honest. It was after a while joe nervously spoke again.
"Di, i miss you"
"Mhm, your cute. I miss you too"
"No dianne...I MISS you. Really really bad"
He tried to emphasize, but she remained silent after that comment, noticing the change of tone in his voice and not knowing what that meant. She was suddenly nervous.
"What do you mean Joseph?"
She questioned.
"I want this to work dianne and it's just...."
A wave of panic then flowed through her.
"Joe, are you breaking up with me?"
Her voice shook nervously. She felt like that was what was coming. He missed her too much, couldn't handle it and would just prefer to be without her.
"No silly, of course I'm not. I just feel that were...slightly distanced that's all, and I don't want it to affect what we've got because it's perfect"
Dianne understood his worry. She had felt like this before. When she first left bunbury at 18, she thought her family wouldn't love her like they always had done because she was no longer there, she had left them.
"Joe...you're not going to lose me"
She tried to reassure him, but his anxiety got ahead of him. He had never loved anyone like he had loved her before. Even though it was just a few short months into their relationship, he was head over heels, certain that she was the one. He didn't want them to grow apart because of their separate commitments. He wanted to be with her because he loved her. Everything up to this point had been perfect. Nothing but a dream as they hit all those cute little relationship milestones, all when it felt right for them. The innocent flirting in the training room, the hanging out backstage at elstree when they definitely didn't have to, their first kiss, the first time dianne stayed at his, the I love yous, their first time, late night facetime calls when she was in Australia, the strictly tour. Their relationship meant everything to both of them and it was clear to see in every part of them. From the looks they gave eachother to how they spoke about one another to their families, this was something that was too good to let go ever.
Maybe it was just the fact joe had never had a girlfriend before dianne, or maybe he just didn't know what love really felt like, but he was almost certain that this woman would be by his side for a very long time, if not forever. He thought she was his soulmate.
"I will lose you if were constantly apart"
"This is my job joe, and there are going to be periods of time where we'll be apart, it doesn't make us love eachother any less"
She tried to explain, but joe was still worried.
"But di, I'm so sick and tired of not having you around and...."
And with that comment, their first ever argument was about to commence, and over the phone too, a good few hundred of miles apart.
It wound up dianne more than it probably should of, but she couldnt keep that anger inside of her.
"You're sick and tired? How do you think I feel joe? All I've done the past month is travell up and down the country, dancing day in day out, sometimes doing 2 shows a day, jumping between hotels each night with an aching body to deal with. I have no time to do anything, but work. You know most days, I prioritise speaking to you over my own family and that hurts Joe. I miss them to bits, but I put you first. You know why? Because I love you and I dont want us to become distant. I know If I ignore them for a few days because I'm busy they wont hate me because they understand that this is my job but if I go a day without speaking to you, you're like 'oh my god, why are you not focusing on our relationship?' So forgive me for making the conscious effort to spend the time talking to you that I do, because I know if I dont even spend the half an hour on the phone I do with you each day, I'll lose you. So I'm really trying joe, I'm trying really bloody hard to contuine what we have, but you obviously dont think it's enough"
She ranted, hoping it would help him understand. He sort of didn't know how to respond-With anger or understanding, because he felt both.
"I know it's your job dianne but this is tough and I dont like it"
"Well learn to deal with it because I'm not stopping until when...well 'if' we have kids, which wont be any time soon if you continue being this inconsiderate of my job"
She told him.
"I am considerate of your job, I just feel like we should spend more time together. I dont want the time were not together to drag us apart"
"And it wont, if you trust me, which you should if you love me. You do love me, dont you?
She asked him. He didn't even have to stop and think.
"Of course I do. I love you very much"
"Well I dont feel it with the way your only caring about yourself right now"
"Di...dont say that. You know I love you"
Joe tried to make her see that. Every thing he had ever done for her was out of love. He had never intentionally tried to hurt her or upset her, even though now it seemed he had, this wasn't on purpose.
"Mhm? Really?"
She shrugged.
"Yes. Di....dianne buswell. You are the only woman I've ever loved and the only one I WANT to love. And the reason I'm so worried is because I care so much. I care about you. And I care about us, what we have because I'm so head over heels for you. You are literally my soulmate and I dont want to lose everything I've been looking for my whole life and have been so incredibly lucky to find in you"
He told her.
Again it went quiet again. He could only hear her heavy breathing on the other end of the line. He couldnt tell if she was crying, it seemed to be that she was.
"I'll speak to you tomorrow ok....I love you"
She definitely was. The way her voice shook and she spoke sadly was enough to confirm the tears joe couldn't see.
She seemed so sad that she hung up not even wanting to hear joe say those three little words back.
He knew he had upset her, but all she felt was guilt.
Even though stopping her tour wasn't something she could do to go and see him...
This was all her fault.
/////
She felt very guilty.
Everything little thing she had said wrongly or done to upset him or annoy him over the course of five years, had lead up to now; a point where they were no longer together because of a stupid arguement over the stupidest thing. Something so stupid that it had gone stupidly too far, to the point where she deemed it unfixable.
She had lost hope.
In everything.
In him.
In herself.
In everything they once had.
he reached for her phone, another 2 missed calls from zoe which she didn't hear because of how deep in thought she was. She opened her contact, nervously typing, with no feeling but guilt in her heart.
I dont want to speak to you zoe. Or anyone. Unless joe has done something bad or is about to, I dont want to know about it. I dont care anymore..
Well this was only meant to be a short filler but turned out to be over 3000 words long as I got really into writing the argument bit. I wanted to do something different and do a little bit of a flashback. If I didn't make it clear enough which I dont think I did in the second part, dianne was falling in and out of sleep and dreaming about things that had happened between her and joe which only made her feel even worse. The next few chapters are big, abit of joe and dianne in the same chapter...together, so stay around for that.