Harry Styles
May 9, 2023
Oregon. My second favorite place in the world. It's so quiet and peaceful here. Drowns out the noise.
I built a house here several years ago when I finally got fed up with California. I've been staying here on and off since then. It's a good escape to clear my head and remember who I am when no one else seems to give a fuck.
I rest my elbows on the metal railing of my back porch and look out to the restless water ahead of me while sipping my black coffee. My house is set on a cliff, but I still have a decent sized yard and pool.
Honestly, it's way too much space for me, but sometimes my mates come to stay for a bit when they think I've had too much time alone. My family stays here too if they come to the states, also probably worried about me.
I get so tired of everyone worrying about me or constantly checking up on me. I'm a grown man. I don't need any help. It's not like anyone would know what my life is really like anyways.
I love my job. I love making music, touring, and seeing my fans in real life, but sometimes I just can't take the weight of it all. The constant flashing cameras that follow my every move, and the endless media rumors about me make me question if I'm even real sometimes. It makes me question if any of this is fucking worth it.
I almost feel as if I'm a puppet on a string being controlled by everyone around me, leaving me with nothing.
I shove the decrepit thoughts back into my mind when I hear my phone ringing inside. I walk back through the French doors and into my kitchen, picking up my phone that reads 'Niall Horan.' I accept the call.
"Yes, Niall?" I say harshly, annoyed that he's bothering me before noon on a Tuesday.
Niall's my guitarist, and while I love the Irish bastard, he's a bit- hm, how do I put it? Annoying.
"Harold! Top of the mornin to ya, mate! How are ya?" I can practically hear the bloody grin he's bound to have on his face.
"I'm fine. What do you want?"
"No need for the tude Mr. Sourpuss. Just wanted to see if you were thinking about coming home soon? We miss you in the studio man, and I know you know how important this next album is goi-"
"Niall. Stop. I told you all before I left that I didn't know when I'd be back, and I still don't know now. I'll be sure you're the first to know once I figure it out Mr. Sunshine and Rainbows."
"O-okay then. Sorry to bother, mate. Have a good day. Call if you nee-"
I hang up the phone.
God this is all so exhausting. Why can't anyone just get the fucking hint that I want to be left alone?
I don't want to make new music right now. I want to fucking rot in this house in Oregon alone. I have enough money for half the damn world to live off of, so it's not like I need to go make more anytime soon.
I spend the next few hours watching some shitty reality show while figuring out what the hell I'm going to do for dinner tonight. I ate some leftover pasta around noon and have been lounging around, the same thing I do every day when I'm here.
I toss my dishes into the sink and head for the stairs, trudging to my bedroom. I walk into my bathroom and slip off my briefs, turning the shower on to rid myself of the wretched phone call with Niall and all else that's plaguing my mind.
I step underneath the heated stream and wash it all away. Once I finish, I pump myself to sheer euphoria for some mental peace, then turn off the water and step out onto the marble flooring. I wrap a towel around my waist and head to get dressed.
I go with a pair of black skinny jeans and a black button down, leaving all but three buttons undone. I style my hair in the same messy way I always do and slide on my Chelsea boots, heading back downstairs to grab my keys and head into the garage.
Sliding into my Audi R8, I pull out of the drive and head to the city. While I enjoy spending the majority of my time in my home while I'm here, I don't mind going out from time to time.
I drive for about an hour to the quaint little diner I love. Partially for the food, but mainly for the sweet owner. Though I would never admit that to anyone.
It's nice when someone doesn't know who you are. When someone sees you for who they know you to be, rather than what everyone says about you. It's a freeing feeling.
Pulling my car to a stop in the back of the parking lot, I reach behind me to grab my baseball cap to hopefully shield my identity. I check my phone while walking, keeping my head down of course, reading that it's nearing seven o'clock. To my surprise, I have no calls or texts from management.
Peace.
I swing open the door to 'Jane's Diner,' hearing the familiar bell ding above me. It's quite small, and it's never really busy which is what mainly drew me to it in the first place.
I see Jane behind the counter hurriedly making sandwiches for the only two customers present as I step up to order. I clear my throat, causing her gray, curly head of hair to whip around to meet my gaze.
"Oh, my Harry! How are you today, darling?" She says quietly with the sweetest smile.
"I'm doing just fine, Jane. How are you?" I place my hands behind my back and give the kind lady a nod.
"Much better now! You know I just love seeing your adorable face! Though I wish I'd see it more often..." She responds while pushing her glasses a bit further up her nose and raising an eyebrow towards me.
"I know, I know," I tell her. "Just can't be in the city too much." I keep my voice low.
"Well I'll take what I can get, darling. The usual?" She asks.
"Yes, please." I flash her a grin that I can't hold back when she's as kind as she is to me.
"Coming right up!" She turns around, beginning to quickly make my sandwich.
I head over to my usual corner booth and wait for her to call my name. I mindlessly scroll through pointless social media apps while continuing to keep my head down and away from prying eyes. I hear the bell ding as a new customer enters.
"N-no you're not liste-"
I tilt my head up enough to get a look at who just walked in. She seems to be in the middle of a pressing phone call, as she stays leaning against the wall by the door, leaving her back to me.
From what I can see and hear, she's young, with long brunette hair and is wearing a humongous gray jumper with tight black leggings.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I know. I'll do better." I see her small body immediately sink with her words and after a quick 'bye,' she tucks her phone into her purse and turns to rest her back against the wall.
I now notice that she has bangs as she pushes the palms of her hands to her eyes, sighing loudly. I'm not going to lie, she's pretty, almost too pretty which causes me to look away.
"John," Jane calls out my fake name from behind the counter, keeping my real name protected as I've explained to her is necessary when I come see her.
I stand up and walk towards the counter, once again, keeping my head down when suddenly, a small body collides with my left side. I look up, and see the mystery girl about to fall over but I reach out and catch her forearms just in time.
"Shit- I'm so sorry I wasn't paying attention... Got too carried away looking at the menu." She laughs softly and looks into my eyes with a guilty expression as I let go of her once she gets steady.
Blue. Her eyes are blue.
As I'm staring at her, I realize I just blew my fucking cover and now I'm going to be swarmed with paps and fans. The weird thing is, she's not acting like every other fan I've met.
"Oh It-It's fine." I look back to my feet shyly wondering where the fuck my brain has gone.
Get it together, H.
"I really am sorry. I'm such a klutz," the mystery girl speaks again, causing me to look back into her deep blue eyes. She's certainly shy, fidgeting with her fingers, making me feel a little less embarrassed of my own expressions.
"No worries at all. I'm Harry." Facepalm. I feel my cheeks heat immediately causing me to rub the back of my neck awkwardly. Why did you just introduce yourself to her as if she doesn't already fucking know you bloody moron?!
"Wait, did she not just call you John?" She asks, pointing to Jane while flashing the most encapsulating smile.
Now I really need to go play in traffic.
"Um, yeah... That's weird, I know. But my real name is Harry, I promise," I respond without really responding at all.
"Well Harry, I'm Apricity. It's nice to meet you." She reaches out her hand for me to shake which I grasp very gently.
Apricity... Pretty name for a pretty girl. I can feel my own grin displaying on my cheeks as I hold onto her small, shaky hand.
"Are you from here?" She asks.
I hope my inner thoughts don't display on my face because I am stunned. This girl really doesn't know who I am, does she?
"N-no, I'm just visiting for a bit."
"Me too."
"John?" My attention is then turned to Jane, who's wearing quite a grin of her own while holding out my wrapped-up sandwich.
I feel something squeeze my hand, and I turn back to Apricity realizing I never let go of hers. I awkwardly give her hand back to her and grab my food, giving Jane the same one hundred dollars I always do, which results in a debate on her end but I never let up until she gives in.
"You have a good day, darling. I hope to see you again soon!" Jane smiles at me.
"You as well, love," I respond while beginning to back away from the counter.
I turn to the mystery girl once more. "It was nice meeting you, Apricity. I hope you enjoy your time here." She gives me a nod and smiles again, causing my stomach to feel weird like I'm going to be sick.
-
Laying on my sectional with a book in my hands, I find it difficult to focus on the words in front of me. It's nearly dark outside now, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about the mystery girl from Jane's.
I've never met a woman her age before that didn't know who I am. I don't want to sound cocky, but literally every fucking woman in her twenties knows of me, at least from what I can tell when my crowds on tour are mostly young women.
Everything about her just shocked me. She didn't have an ounce of makeup on her face, her natural beauty radiating from every pore. She was shy and timid when speaking with me, maybe even anxious. And on top of that, she seemed to have no clue who I was, which just makes her all the more mysterious to me.
My love life has always been a shit show. I don't commit to anyone. It's not my thing. I've had 'relationships' for PR, but I've never been in a real one. I guess I've just never been interested enough in a human to involve commitment.
The idea of it scares the fuck out of me. Plus, it's not easy trusting people when you are who I am. They're usually after fame, money, or exposure. So, I choose to have a mindless fuck every once in a while and keep to myself. When no one's close to me, I can't get hurt.
I left the diner immediately after saying my goodbyes to Jane and the pretty girl, and have been fucking off at home ever since. Not succeeding much at keeping busy, but I'm trying.
I will never see that girl again, so why is my mind spinning out of control over her?
My attention is faltered when I hear some sort of slamming noise coming from outside. I trudge over to the set of floor to ceiling windows next to my front door, pulling the curtains back to see where the noise came from.
Why the fuck is there a U-Haul parked on my street?
I knew there was a small home on this road when I built this house years ago, but I was assured that it would remain vacant as it's too run down to sell.
I can see the front door to the small home wide open, but I don't see anyone around. I'm so pissed off that I'm pretty sure steam is coming from my ears. I don't want neighbors, and I sure as hell don't need my own sense of privacy invaded by the media.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I see a woman emerge from the home, walking towards the back of the U-Haul.
"No fucking way."
While I can't see her face yet, I see the same slim figure clothed in gray and black. She emerges again, this time with a box in her arms.
Just when I think she's headed for the front door, she stops in her tracks and looks in my direction.
It's her.
And I look like a fucking creep. My mind is screaming at me to do something other than stare at her like this is some episode of Criminal Minds, but I physically can't move. Just as I'm about to kick start my own two feet again, she waves.
And I need to call my realtor.
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And so it begins <3 Let me know your thoughts in the comments! Be kind to all (: - S 🫶🏻