Scarlet Heart
Author: _Nenny_
Reviewer: -sylver
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SYNOPSIS
When Dola Everhart reaches a dead-end, she must marry a vicious mafia boss while surrounded by the city's most powerful and sinister figures to save her daughter's life. But can she adapt to the extremities of always living on the edge? Because, in a world where loyalty to a crown matters most, an unexpected alliance puts Dola at the mercy of a forbidden passion.
She's the only reason Ace Warnecki is violating rule number two of the Irish Mafia's code of conduct.
'Never look at the wives of friends.'
This time, it's the boss' woman.
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TITLE
Review: Honestly for me the title has nothing to do with the story from the chapter's I've read. I get that Ace and Dola have a small flame for one another that might grow into a whole bonfire, but your plot goes beyond the romance aspect. At least I don't think the plot revolves around romance unless you were to correctly emphasize that everything Dola is doing is for her daughter, and falling for Ace is just a plus. To me Emma, the daughter, just seems to be a throwaway character or an excuse for certain plot points to continue and I'll explain further why in the other sections of this review why I feel that way. Overall I think a better title could be thought up, or you could symbolize the words "Scarlet Heart" in your story in a better way to when readers read the story and then look at the title they're like "oh that makes sense, that's so accurate to these characters." Right now it's not super accurate, but it's getting there.
COVER
Review: I have mixed feelings about the cover. The cover is indeed very beautiful. It has the standard dark romance look to it, and I'd definitely pick it up to read the summary if I had come across it in the bookstore. The only thing I'm wondering is if Dola should be blonde or brunette on the cover since she's pretending to be Natasha. I'm very specific when it comes to covers accurately depicting a character and a certain scene. Pretend your book was a movie. During the wedding scene, Dola would be blonde so it'd make sense for her to be blonde on the cover. But overall a very pretty cover.
SUMMARY
Review: Reading the summary I did instantly fall in love with your story. I'm a sucker for dark-themed stories, and I love all types of mafia stories. I don't have any issues with the summary other than the word count. Maybe try to make it slightly longer, 100-200 words. I'm more concerned about the accuracy. Your summary is great and promises a lot involving mafia politics but it doesn't deliver it in the story. For me, the hierarchy and roles aren't really depicted.
PLOT
Review: Generally I enjoyed the plot and liked the concept of everything. What I disliked was that the realism seemed to be lacking.
In Chapter One it's when Ace has Natasha captured and he's waiting to bring her into Cian Kavanagh. What I didn't like about the scene was the fact that he had a sniper on him and he didn't get shot. It makes no sense for the Italian Mafia to keep him alive honestly. They would've gotten to Natasha easily by eliminating him before he realized the red dot was on him. Also, Ace apparently choked her out but she was still conscious because she " doesn't break easily?" Not realistic. In addition, Ace had her in the motel for over an hour and apparently took out anyone who could've gotten between him and Natasha before then. What was he waiting for? Why didn't he get in and get out? I'm not a huge fan of how Natasha died, but dying from blunt-force trauma makes sense. Even though Erica has a realistic reaction I still don't like her. She felt indecisive because I'd have honestly ratted Ace out if I was in their line of work, especially because it didn't seem like they were close. None of that seems worth the drama.
Chapter Two had me questioning what's wrong with some parents. To be real even though Dola sounds like a better person than some of the characters she doesn't seem mother material, and Sebastian is one of the worst fathers you could possibly have. I understand she has to work to make ends meet but why's she leaving her daughter at home alone? Dola sounds like she'd be the type to hire a babysitter. Back to Sebastian, it's weird she hadn't realized he was secretly visiting her daughter till it was convenient for him the day he was going to ask her for money. The last thing I questioned in this chapter was why did she run away and leave her daughter alone with Sebastian even after he threatened their daughter's life. I understand Sebastian's probably a scary dude but if she loves her daughter as much as she says she wouldn't have left like that.
I'm usually not one to be like "this is unnecessary" but the rape plotline in Chapter Four seemed totally avoidable. I understand some bosses are a little pervy but I'm sure Dola has come to her boss for paychecks before so why'd he demand for sex this one specific time? If the plot was for her to drug her boss and then steal the money from the vault as done later on in the chapter, it wasn't explained very detailed enough beforehand that it was her intention. All while I was reading the chapter I kept thinking she put herself into an avoidable scenario, especially since she seems to indoctrinate the "stripper but heart of gold" trope.
After rereading a few times I finally pieced together how Ace and Dola crossed paths. It was confusing at first but I think I figured it out. There are two options. She somehow got her daughter and while she was in the parking lot of Club-Sixty-Nine hid in someone's car randomly and then Ace stole the car. Or she lives in the same motel that Natasha was killed at and collected her daughter and hid in a car resulting in Ace stealing it.
I understand Ace's mom probably knows about his job and what he does but I don't get what's the point of him going to her home for "help" when we never see him ask for it other than to watch Dola's kid eventually. Felt redundant.
I loved the "Warnecki men protect the innocent and not the other way around." I hope that's elaborated on in the future. It gives Roland from The Dark Tower.
I'm going to be for real. I don't see why Dola offered up herself to pretend to be Natasha. It didn't add up for me. I think maybe if Ace used her and threatened to kill her daughter in the meantime it would make sense, but other than that I think realistically she would try to lay low unless she's just money hungry so that's why she wanted to do it.
In chapter six it says Dola is wearing a blonde wig to pretend to be Natasha. You can absolutely pull a wig off so I think that Dola should've dyed her hair to be safe.
Also, I'm not upset about Cian trying to marry "Natasha" a few hours after they've met but the wedding shootout was a little weird. Because if the Italian Mafia can track her down so easily why can't her dad who's literally a Bratva leader? I also don't understand how Sebastian found Dola either after the wedding shootout.
The introduction of Ace's brother Aries is so abrupt I honestly didn't digest the concept of him til I reread it. I like the idea of rival brothers on different sides of the law. Sounds like it'll be interesting. My last thought about the plot is why did Cian want to get married to Natasha so bad but not keep her by his side and is letting Ace multitask. He's keeping Dola and keeping the feds off Cian's tail. Cian's asking for a lot from one person, but he's a mafia boss with a lot of men working for him.
CHARACTERS
Review: Cian Kavanagh is an interesting man. He pulls off the role of "arrogant boss who gets people to do the dirty work for him and claims all the credit" very well. I don't understand why he wanted to marry Natasha Volkov so badly because I'm sure a forceful marriage wouldn't save him from the Bratva if Natasha's dad is really passionate for her. Next, Ace is Cian's most trusted man apparently but he'll kill him over Natasha dying in a way he had no control over?
Natasha Volkov was a fierce woman before she died. I had no issues with her character. Seems like she'd be arrogant the way Ace described her later on in the story. Sucks she died the way she did.
I wished we got to see more of Erica and Ace working together to establish her character more, but I guess she had other things to do throughout the story.
Ace Warnecki is a complex man. You write him nicely. He's a man with a dark heart of a killer. Very ruthless it seems. The only part where he seems inconsistent is where he won't cross a line. He says he won't kill children but he points a gun at Dola's daughter's head when they first meet. Other than that he's a beautiful walking red flag that I'm rooting for to win. I think he's my favorite character honestly, after Coco.
I like Coco's character. She's a situational person and had very interesting reactions to everything. I appreciated her addition. I hope there's more of her in future chapters.
Dola Everhart right now is giving "character who keeps making mistakes." Her situation with Sebastian is understandable because he's an abusive manipulative husband but you'd think if she was separated from him for months she wouldn't be too keen on trying to talk to him later on in the story after killing her boss. As I said before I still don't see why she voluntarily wanted to impersonate Natasha Volkov. Lastly, emphasize more that she's a mother figure. Make her stand up to her husband for her daughter since she's doing everything else like becoming Natasha Volkov for her daughter. Make her a slight bit more responsible like leaving her daughter with a babysitter because I think she'd do that.
I hate Sebastian the most out of all the characters. You set him up very well. I hope he gets bad karma. That's all I have to say about him lol.
Emma seems to be the blame character for me and only brought up for the sake of the main character's motivation. I say this because when times got tough for Dola between her and her husband she ran, leaving her daughter with her husband. I think if you're going to write Dola being a victim of domestic abuse, write it more understandably. Right now it just seems like she's choosing to do things for Sebastian over her daughter when she has all the rights to say no he's not her problem especially since they hadn't seen each other in months. Write about Sebastian threatening to take their child away from her forever, or hurting her more because the choking scene was kind of brief and brushed off. I didn't really take it seriously. Also, it wasn't explained very well what Dola's intentions were to become Natasha Volkov other than "for my daughter" so that's why I think Emma's a "let's use this character as a beacon for why I'm doing this instead of making different decisions."
Unless Vince and Big Daddy were super close I don't see why he'd want to avenge his former boss. You should establish the relationship between those two characters more because some people don't like their bosses at all.
Kenna Warnecki is another throwaway character. She was brought up because Ace needed her help but we never got to see Kenna help him. She was only used so Emma would have someone to stay with conveniently while Dola is pretending to be Natasha. I don't mind that fact but I'm just sad we didn't get to really see how badass Kenna is because the Warnecki family sounds like they're all about that life.
I'm not really sure about Ronan's character, but I want to see more of him.
Hope we find out what happened to John Denaro and learn more about Tony Denaro and for the characters to speak to him in the future.
I'm excited to learn more about Ares Warnecki. I feel like I would like him more than Ace. Can't wait to see why they're on different sides of the law and what's the deal between the two brothers.
ORGANIZATION/STRUCTURE
Review: Your transitions do need to be worked on. The way you transition between events so quickly makes me think that's why your plot seems very unrealistic and that you want to rush things to get to the juicy stuff. People need to reboot after intense situations. I know Ace is a trained killer, but he's still a human and needs to heal and catch his breath. I'm not a huge fan of the flashback in chapter four. I think you should have just written it out without having it a flashback. Would've been more suspenseful and tense reading about how Dola and Emma were feeling while Ace was driving with them in the trunk.
GRAMMAR/DESCRIPTION
Review: There are some necessary details that are lacking in the story like emotions. Everything feels more telling instead of showing. I want to feel Dola's emotions more. I want to know how scared she is of some of the men in this story and how she's trying to keep it all together. She's battling an addiction but it doesn't feel like it completely because you don't add the details consistently that depict her as an addict. These details are very important for establishing character. Also, I think the story needs more descriptions involving scenes and locations.
WRITING STYLE/FLOW
Review: You have a consistent writing style that's definitely catered toward the young adult genre. I think you write the mafia genre very well. You establish Ace's character nicely. Just make sure you add other necessary descriptions that I've pointed out. The flow of your writing could be worked on. The flow goes along with your organization/structure of how you articulate your story. Don't try to breeze through the less exciting topics of your story and write it out detailedly as they're just as important.
CREATIVITY/ORIGINALITY
Review: I haven't read a mafia story with this plot before so I think it's very original. Try being more detailed about the mafia hierarchy as I can't tell if Ace is an underboss or just a popular soldier that Cian likes to have around. Also, is Ace Irish or? Because usually, mafias accept people into their group who have the ethnic background they represent. Cosa Nostra being Italians, the Bratva: Russians, and the Irish Mafia for people who are Irish. Other than that, very solid themes.
PERSONAL ENJOYMENT
Review: I love mafia stories so I enjoyed Scarlet Heart a lot. I was eating up every plot detail and all of the characters' actions. Just work on the things I pointed out because you have a great story idea. The drama is delicious and you have a very juicy story without a doubt.