"I don't like her," Asria outright said, her arms crossed squarely over her chest the instant the door to the parlor closed behind the three of us.
"I wish I could disagree," I muttered gently, hating to say anything bad about anyone. But the Hyprettes had left a gross feeling crawling across my skin, like I needed to change clothes after being around them.
"And her Mother was absolutely awful. Ugh, I think she was trying to pierce straight through my eyeballs with her nasty gaze," Asria grumbled.
I couldn't help but laugh under my breath.
"Julietta wasn't all bad. You must see that," Braz interjected before Asria could say something else. "I think she made a good first impression, at least on Mother, Father, and Kartren. You have to admit she's quite intelligent and is very sociable."
I knew he wasn't meaning to point out any of my flaws, but it still felt like a slap in the face when he contributed sociability as one of her virtues.
"She just..." I sighed, tapping my fingers. "There was something so very... off about her. I'm not quite sure, but it was almost like she was hiding something." I wasn't quite sure if that made sense, but I couldn't express the shifts in her gaze or the off-putting air about her.
"You're too nice," Asria stated bluntly. "I hate her."
Braz shot a deathly glare at her. "We don't hate people, As."
She stood up taller. "Maybe you don't, but you can't speak for me. I have every right to feel how I feel."
Braz sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. His worst enemy was an argument so he let that line of conversation dissolve. "All I'm saying is that maybe we shouldn't be so quick to judge her. It was only one meeting and perhaps she was nervous. Perhaps that's why she acted strange in moments. I can't blame her. Not everyone is comfortable around royalty, even other gentry members."
He had a point there. But I still couldn't shake the feeling in my gut, telling me there was something different about Julietta, something that I couldn't put my finger on.
"Besides, are we going to dash Father, Mother, and Kartren's hopes so fast? Mother was absolutely taken with her and I don't think I've seen Kartren smile that much in years. This can only be a good thing."
"Unless they are deceived," I mumbled under my breath.
Either neither of them heard me or they didn't care to answer. "Well, I'm not going to the tea no matter what anyone says. I'm not going to sit around trying to act like I like people I most certainly don't."
"Asria, you can't have that attitude about this stuff," Braz answered in exasperation. "You're a princess. You have to do things you don't like because the royal family must be the best we can. We must work to be better."
Her eyes lingered on him and I realized his words were eerily similar to ones she'd been using recently. I'm trying to be better. Now that I thought about it, it did sound like a thing Braz might say. I wondered what conversations had been happening between them recently, ones I wasn't aware of.
But I put all of this aside when I remembered another important thing we needed to talk about. I took Asria's hands and led her to the settee so we could sit. "Never mind the Hyprettes for now. I must know; are you alright?"
Asria sighed, rolling her eyes and extracting her hands from my grip. "I told you not to bother me about it, Saidy." But her words lacked any force behind them and she refused to meet my gaze.
"Wait, is there something wrong?" Braz interjected, all frustration from their disagreements moments ago forgotten as he sat in the chair next to Asria.
"I'm fine. I..." Her eyes found her hands in her lap, where she was picking at a nail. I was glad Mother wasn't here to stop it. Eventually, she finished that sentence, her voice so low and melancholy, I knew something was desperately wrong. "I'm not allowed to talk about it."
"Asria..." I rested my hand on her shoulder, making her look up at me through her thick lashes. "Whatever it is, we promise we won't tell. You know you can trust us. The three of us? We're all we have."
"We want to make sure you're okay and we can't do that if you don't tell us what's going on," Braz added, and I nodded in agreement, glad he'd thought of that.
Asria looked back down, her shoulders so drooped and disappointed, I could feel the turmoil in her heart in my own. Suddenly, a tear dropped from her cheek and she didn't rush to wipe it away. "You must promise not to say a word to Mother or Father or it will be the end of me. They said I couldn't tell a soul until they did."
"Our lips are sealed," Braz reassured. I just silently waited, hating seeing my little sister cry.
"They..." She swallowed, reaching up and drying her face. With a shaky breath, she met my eyes and then Braz's, then turned mine again. "They're planning on meeting with Queen Mirellia next week."
I furrowed my brow. "The Queen of Ethira? For what purpose?"
Her chin quivered. "Nothing is set in stone yet but... they plan that in four years on New Year's Day, I am to marry Prince Varien."
It took far too long for her words to make sense in my mind. Braz processed faster and quickly stood. "You're not serious."
She nodded, unable to keep the rest of her tears at bay. She had to take a moment before she clarified, "I should have seen it coming. It's not uncommon for younger royal children who don't have much purpose in the family to marry off to other kingdoms for economic and political advantage. But... I have no choice. I'll legally be signed away and have to leave Austora and become a queen-" Her words dissolved into a sob.
I finally snapped myself out of shock and pulled Asria into my arms. She wasn't generally a touchy person, but she let me hold her as her shoulders trembled with tears. "Oh, As. I'm so sorry. I can't believe..." I wasn't able to finish that sentence.
Braz frustratedly ran a hand through his hair. "How can they do this? I know that they've been pushing us to find matches, but this? This is nearly too far."
Asria pulled away, running a finger across her nose and sniffling. "Apparently the royal family has started to be challenged in Ethira. Because Queen Mirellia wasn't born royalty, King Kos died a few years ago, and Varien is the only option for heir, they are afraid that if Queen Mirellia dies before Varien marries and can take the throne properly, the people will believe his inheritance is insufficient. There have been rumors of this already. Queen Mirellia is getting antsy and wishing she'd had Varien just a few years earlier so that he could marry now..."
She shook her head. "That's why she's doing this. She's trying to show the people that Ethira's future is set in Varien's line. With an arrangement like this, it would be harder for the people to claim he wasn't worthy and overthrow him. He'd be betrothed to a princess from a very powerful country who will only strengthen the royal bloodline."
This all made sense from Ethira's point of view, but what didn't make sense was... "Why would Mother and Father do this?"
"Exactly," Braz exclaimed. "They've never spoken of an arranged marriage before. And while we're neighboring countries with Ethira and have been in good relations with them for many years, they've never thought to give them so much aid in political matters such as this. Especially giving their own child."
Asria rolled her eyes, her gaze catching on fire in anger. "Why do you think? I'm the problem child. Why not sell me away?"
"Asria..." I said gently. "You know that's not how they feel. They love us, all of us, including you."
She deflated, her rage fizzling. "I know. I shouldn't... I'm just struggling to understand."
"Me too," Braz growled.
I sighed, rubbing Asria's shoulder. "This isn't fair. But at least you have a few years. You have time to get used to this and figure things out. Plus, we're always here to help you."
"Yeah, I know..." She looked as if she wanted to say something else but didn't.
"And," I added, making her look at me, "you might find that you like Prince Varien or Ethira or even being a queen more than you expected. You never know what might happen."
She just shrugged. I wished I could find a way to cheer her up more but it was the best I could do. If I was in her situation, I'd probably be unable to feel encouraged either.
"I wish I could confront Mother and Father about this," Braz muttered, his eyebrows furrowed. I'd rarely ever seen him this mad about something our parents did, as he knew that they generally did what was best for our family and our country. But despite how much he and Asria fought, he loved her more than anyone else in the world. Well, perhaps As and I were tied.
"Please don't, Braz," Asria pleaded. "You promised."
"I know, I know. I won't. I just wish I could..." He huffed, coming back over to sit next to her. He took her hand, his expression turning from anger to resignation. "I'd never break a promise to you, kid."
She cracked a weak smile at that.
We stayed in the parlor for a little while longer, but soon, Asria's tutor found us and said she needed to get back on top of her lessons as she'd skipped several in the past few days. She left disheartenedly, her normal stubborn sass completely drained as she left the room.
It was quiet for a moment until Braz laid back in the chair and let out an impressive sigh. "What are we going to do, Saidy?"
I shook my head slightly. "I don't know. I hate this."
"Me too... I just keep thinking about how I would be handling this if it were me. She's one of the most resilient people I've met."
I nodded, the conversation falling silent for a moment as my mind worked. Sighing, I said, "I suppose it's not all so bad, right? At least she won't be too far away as we share a border with Ethira. And from what I've seen of Prince Varien, he seems like a respectable boy. Like I told Asria, perhaps there is a chance of love for her."
"But if she doesn't love him, she's trapped."
"But aren't we all?"
"Not in the same way."
He was right. While Mother and Father wanted us all to be with who they approved of, we would never be in the same position as Asria. She had one try, one chance to hope things turned out right. But us? At least we had our choice of a few Lord's and Lady's sons and daughters.
I felt pressure behind my eyes, like I might cry, so I stood up. "I think I need to go to the Greene."
"Go ahead. I have something I need to do," Braz replied, standing as well.
I gave him a warning look. "No talking about it, remember?"
"I know. I'm not. This is something else."
Because I trusted him, I knew he wasn't lying. But there was definitely something defiant behind his eyes that left a twinge in my stomach. "Just, whatever it is, be careful."
He shot me a smile. "I'm always careful."
I laughed as he slipped out the door.
Despite knowing there were probably more productive things to be doing with my time, I still exited the castle and made my way to the Greene. I would always choose the Greene over other more productive things. Because it was the one place I felt completely safe, completely free.
I slipped into the building, the scent instantly assaulting me and forcing a smile to my face. The afternoon sun slipped in through the glass ceiling and left the place glowing. Birds chirped from directly outside the walls and tufts of pollen caught in the beams of light, filling the space with natural pieces of confetti.
Yes, the Greene felt like home.
I wandered about the building, inspecting all the beautiful greenery and blooming flowers. But, as always, my steps led me to the daladias. As I took in their bright smell, I wondered when they had become my favorite. I didn't remember a time when I hadn't loved them. But I did very vaguely remember a day when I was very little, before Asria was born, that my Father had tucked one in both of my two braids and then picked me up, twirling me in the air, telling me that I would always be his princess. The memory was followed by another, one of Braz chasing me around the courtyard. I'd hidden from him behind a daladia bush and when he'd found me, he'd thrown petals in my face and my hair. I'd smelled like them for days afterward despite how many baths I took. There was even a memory of Kartren helping me cut some and bring them to Mother right after Asria was born.
That was why I loved these flowers so much. Not just because they were beautiful or because they smelled so sweet and rich. But because they represented family. They represented the people who cared about me and shaped me into who I was today. They represented the most important thing in my life.
If only things didn't feel so tumultuous right now with them. I wished things didn't have to change. But everything was; Katren was looking for a wife so that, soon, he could become regent, Mother was hoping I'd soon accept a proposal from Ibrin, Asria was about to be forced into the biggest contract between Austora and Ethira in decades. It felt like this moment, this time in my life, was the mark to something so completely, strikingly different.
I had no idea if I was ready for it. But it was coming nonetheless. I'd have to face it no matter what so I'd face it with as much grace and kindness I could muster.
I startled from my thoughts when the door to the Greene pushed open. I peeked around a few plants to see a maid walking in with a basket on her arm and cutters in her hand. I couldn't get a glimpse of her face as she moved around to the other side of the room, but when I slowly tiptoed around and found her at a willowbud bush, I could finally tell who she was. It was Gentry.
I stood behind some leaves, debating my options. I could do what I've always done and walk out without her ever realizing I was there. Or, I could be better and try to talk to her. The latter option made my heart pound nervously, but it only made me realize that maybe that meant I was supposed to choose that option.
So with a deep breath, I walked down the aisle. "Good afternoon, Gentry," I squeaked.
She jumped so high and her eyes were so wide with surprise, I was scared she was about to throw her cutters at me in self defense. But then she recognized me and her shoulders deflated. She cleared her throat and then dipped into a curtsy. "Good afternoon, your Highness. I apologize for my reaction. I didn't realize anyone else was in here."
"No apologies needed," I reassured. Taking a step forward, I swallowed, trying to conjure up something to say. As she went back to cutting flowers and an awkward silence settled in the room, I debated on if I should ask what she was doing in here. Why she was cutting flowers. I decided to just go for it, trying not to think about it too much. "What are these flowers for?"
She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and snipped at a stem. "Their for the parlors and the royal rooms..."
When she hesitated, I nodded, prompting her to continue.
She didn't look at me but continued. "My father is one of the gardeners here. He generally will deliver the flowers to the palace for me to place in the rooms, but... um, he's been a little under the weather recently so I've been doing it for him."
"Oh..." I worked for words. "Well, that's very sweet of you."
She shrugged, slipping flowers into her basket. "It's not so much out of generosity but obligation." She froze, looking as if she may have said too much.
But she left me curious. So I forced myself to ask, "What do you mean?"
She shook her head. "It's nothing to worry about, your Highness. Excuse my uncontrolled tongue."
I wanted so badly to understand what she meant, but the way she bowed her head and took a couple miniscule steps away from me made my mind blunder and drown. I wanted to know, but suddenly, I couldn't breathe in fear that I'd asked something wrong, made her uncomfortable. I hated making people uncomfortable. I didn't want to be that type of person. A princess wasn't supposed to be that type of person. I was supposed to be graceful and make people feel seen. But I'd accidentally backed both her and myself into a corner. I'd messed this conversation up quite badly.
Swallowing and tapping my thumb to my forefinger rapidly, I curtsied. "Please excuse me." I rushed from the Greene.
I held my stomach, trying to control my shallow, erratic breaths. I hated this feeling, like I was surrounded by air but not able to breathe it. My eyes started to become blurry as involuntary tears rimmed my eyes. I couldn't stop them and I felt my knees start to shake.
The wall of an outbuilding came into view and I blindly reached out with my hand. It landed and I tried to use the wall to support myself but I had to bend over as I struggled to breathe, only making my knees shake more.
I hated this. Even though the conversation had been barely anything, I couldn't stop it.
This had happened before when I tried to push myself to be more social. Normally, Braz was there to save me and I vaguely remembered him saying something about it being called social anxiety induced panic attacks. Nothing really stopped them once they started. I just had to wait them out. He was usually here to wait them out with me, though.
I let myself slip down to the grass, most likely getting my light pink dress stained with dirt, but I didn't care. I just needed to sit before I passed out.
"Your Highness?" a voice said from around me somewhere. I couldn't tell where since I'd long since squeezed my eyes shut to try and block out the world. But it didn't matter where it came from. I didn't want anyone to be near unless it was Braz, and I definitely knew it wasn't him because he never called me Highness. This was so embarrassing and I wanted to be left alone.
But then the voice came closer. "Your Highness, take deep breaths." A calloused yet gentle hand took mine and despite just moments ago wishing the person would go away, I held onto it like a lifeline, the small touch grounding me. I held on as tight as I could as I tried to count in between each breath.
"Think of something calming. What is your favorite thing?"
Daladias. I could think of daladias and my family and how Braz was almost always there for me and how Asria always told me the absolute truth when I needed it most and how Kartren, despite his stubbornness, was always thinking of what was best for me and how Mother and Father showed both soft and tough love when and where I needed it. They were my favorite thing.
"Good. Everything is going to be okay."
He was right. Everything would be fine in a moment. I would be fine.
Finally, I peeled my eyes open and reached up with trembling fingers to swipe away the tears on my cheeks. Then I met a pair of golden brown eyes.
"Larklind," I breathed. I couldn't tell if I was more relieved or mortified that it was him who found me.
He smiled softly, though it was suppressed slightly by a deep concern in his gaze. "Yes, it's me. Are you alright?"
I swallowed, forcing myself to nod.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes... I'm sorry... to disturb you." I sat up straighter and let go of his hand even though I desperately wished to keep it in mine. I'd never felt so comfortable holding someone's hand like that.
Slowly, he settled from his crouched position to sit next to me with his back against the out building wall, just as I was sitting. His eyes never left my face, though. But I couldn't bring myself to meet them again.
"It was no disturbance," he replied after a moment. "I just hope you're okay." He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me.
I took it gratefully. "I promise I am now... Thank you."
He nodded and turned to look at the lawn around us, most likely letting me have a moment to wipe away the remaining tears and finish catching my breath. I was thankful that he didn't push me to speak right away as I was afraid I'd be a blubbering incomprehensible mess if I tried to say anything more than a short sentence.
After a few minutes, his eyes meandered their way back over to me. He didn't say anything for a second as I folded up his cloth and rested it in my lap. On its own accord, my hand fell down to the grass and I ran my fingertips through the soft blades, the simple feel of nature helping with the remaining tightness in my chest.
Eventually, he spoke again in his now familiar almost-whisper of a voice. "I don't mean to intrude on your privacy but... what happened? Has someone hurt you?"
I sniffled, shaking my head. "Only myself, it seems..."
"Ah," he replied, like he completely understood what I meant by that. "Sometimes our biggest enemy is our own mind."
I flicked my gaze over to see a soft grin across his face. "Yeah."
He bowed his head as his smile widened, and I realized I'd seen him do this both times we talked. I wondered if it was a habit or a defense mechanism. "Well, if you ever need someone to talk to that won't judge, I'm always here. My father always says that an open ear cures a broken heart."
A very hesitant smile bloomed on my lips. "I like that."
"Me too. He's a very wise man."
"As it seems." I paused for a moment before deciding that it wouldn't hurt to get some things off my chest. "I'm discovering I'm actually quite horrible at being a princess."
He chuckled lightly. "I think you might be a tad bit hard on yourself."
"No, I don't think I am... I'm being honest with myself."
His smile faded and his head turned slightly as he looked at me. "Honest or critical? Because from what I see, you're perfect." A second after he said it, he let out a nervous chuckle, his cheeks reddening. "I mean, perfect at your position."
"Thank you," I said around a slow grin. "But not everyone sees the inside of a princess's life. I mean, understandably so."
"I suppose you're right. But that doesn't mean I can't see the outside. And the outside shows a kind-hearted, empathetic, humble young lady that'd I happily serve if she were to ever become queen."
"God forbid I ever become queen," I exhaled exasperatedly.
Laughing, he rested his forearms on his propped up knees. "I don't wish that upon you. Just saying that the populace, including myself, adore you." His cheeks turned another shade darker and I felt mine match.
"I do believe you're far too kind to me, Larklind."
"You saying that shows that I'm not."
"But you are."
"I am not. You deserve it."
I let out a breath of a laugh. "Stop it."
He chuckled, tugging at his shirt sleeve. He twiddled with the tie on the hem as something fluttered through his mind. "I think sometimes it's easier to see the flaws in ourselves than the virtues. Easier to see the one mistake than the ninety-nine successes."
"I suppose it is. But that's what everyone else generally sees, isn't it?"
He shook his head nearly imperceptibly. "You'd be surprised at how many people don't even notice the things we consider as flaws in ourselves. I bet you can think of thirty things you dislike about yourself whereas I? I can't think of a single thing wrong with you."
"Now you're just mocking me," I muttered with a playful glare.
"I'm not!" he promised around a laugh. "Try me. Tell me something you dislike about yourself and I will prove to you that it is not a flaw."
I let out a withered sigh, though there was a smile playing on my lips. "Alright. I'll start with an obvious one: I'm too quiet."
He furrowed his eyebrows in bewilderment. "No such thing!"
"Larklind-"
"No, I'm serious. I believe there is no such thing as being too quiet," he insisted, settling down a bit and resting his head against the wall behind him. "I actually see it as a virtue. Quietness shows maturity, the ability to be alone with one's thoughts. Not many people can do that when their mind is so..." His voice dissipated, dying before finishing his point.
I waited, seeing if he'd say anything more, but it seemed thoughts had wandered slightly. With a silent breath, I looked down at the grass sprouting in between my fingers. "Well, even if it's a virtue, as you say, it doesn't exactly benefit in the way of friends..." Just thinking of how I'd struggled to even acquaint myself with Gentry, let alone try to become her friend, left a miserable hopelessness in my chest. I loved Braz and Asria, but one of these days they'd leave, I'd leave, and I'd have to figure something else out. Loneliness was terrifying.
"No, I suppose sometimes it can be a hindrance," Larklind whispered in agreement. But then he met my eyes, his gaze sparkling. "But just because it makes it harder doesn't mean it makes it impossible. Just look at you and me right now. I do believe I'd call us friends. Don't you think?"
My chest warmed as my heart fluttered with a pair of new-found wings. "Do you really mean it?"
"Of course I mean it. I don't just dance with random princesses off the street, you know. I have a little more dignity than that."
I had to giggle at this. "So friends we are, then."
His grin was beautifully wide and I was so honored to have been a part in making him smile. I liked when he smiled. "Perfect."
For no apparent reason except his friendly attention and reassurance, I blushed. Turning away to hide it, my eyes found their way toward the castle gate which sat stoically in the distance. Beyond that was the city, the church steeple just barely peeking over the top of the wall around the castle grounds. As if my gaze caused a great disturbance, the bells of the church chimed rhythmically, accompanying the birds with background instruments to their voices. It was so beautiful, I barely caught that the bells were signaling the time of three o'clock.
"Oh dear, I've completely lost track of time," I said frantically, jumping to my feet.
Larklind followed suit, brushing his hands on his trousers. "My deepest apologies, your Highness. I didn't mean to keep you."
"No, please, it's alright. I just had plans with my brother so..." I swallowed, realizing there was really no need to explain.
But he still smiled, like he was excited for the rest of my day despite not knowing what it was. "I would hate to keep you from Prince Brazantine. You seem quite close."
Somehow he just knew I was talking of Braz instead of Kartren and that made me smile. "Yes, we are. We're a close-nit family."
"The perfect family."
I laughed. "Not quite but thank you anyway."
Chuckling, he bowed his head. "You're welcome."
At that moment, I realized I was still holding his handkerchief. "Oh, would you like this back?"
"No, it's fine." He nodded. "Consider it a gift, from one friend to another."
"Thank you. I'll treasure it."
With a smile, he gave a deep bow, his fist to his chest. "A pleasure as always, your Highness."
"Please," I told him. "If we're going to be friends..." I swallowed and shrugged. "Call me Saidy."
His eyes widened in joyous surprise. "I won't be sent to the dungeon for that?"
Giggling, I started to slowly meander toward the castle. "Not on my watch."
"Well, then. A pleasure, Saidy."
"And the same for me, Larklind." I sent him one final smile before I turned on my heel and bolted toward the castle, forcing myself not to look over my shoulder for a final glimpse of him.
A/N So... we now know what's going on with Asria :( Did anyone suspect or predict this?? Is anyone else as mad as Braz is (I know I am)? ... But maybe Saidy is right; maybe it will all work out... *sigh* who knows.... Anyway, WHAT ABOUT THIS NEW CUTE DEVELOPMENT?! Saidy and Larklind are friendsssss YAY XD They're so sweet together and I love how comfortable Saidy is with him <3 Your thoughts on either of these new matters?!?! I would love to hear themmm ----->