River
"No." I say in a low and even tone.
I cannot fucking argue about this. Not now, not at this stage in the game. We attack in a little over 24 hours from now...There is no way she can be asking me to make this kind of decision right now. To be asking me this at all is nearly unthinkable.
"River!" she protests, pulling away from me, a flash of anger and hurt in her gaze. "I am not asking! We're equals, you and me!" she gestures to us both animatedly. "I am Luna and you are Alpha and we are both entitled to make our choices as we see fit."
I take a step toward her, my voice still low as I speak.
"We are not having this conversation right now, Holly. Not with you like this." I say, shaking my head before I turn to hang up my jacket.
"Why not?" Holly asks, advancing toward me. "Because it isn't convenient timing for you, Alpha?" she enunciates the last word with that defiant tone of challenge, the one that causes my wolf to stir, driven by the need to assert himself, to remind her that I'm in control.
I round on Holly, but she doesn't even blink, and I'm surprised at how much more sober she seems to have gotten. Perhaps her anger has woken her up from her drunken haze.
"Actually, yes. It isn't convenient timing." I say, still keeping my voice from rising, clenching my jaw. "We are in no position to change all of this up at the last second!" I brush past her and into the kitchen, looking to pour myself a stiff drink.
Hell, if she's going to have this argument buzzed, I might as well be too. Level the playing field, or some shit. I don't care.
Holly follows in after me, as I expected, her eyes blazing with that stubborn, incredibly sexy, anger.
Fuck, why is it that her being angry at me is probably the single-most attractive thing she can do? Why does her challenging me as her mate, her Alpha, act as the most intense drug for me?
"That is absolute bullshit, River, and you know it." Her voice reaches me, flat and yet sharp enough to pierce your skin.
I pour my scotch and then down the whole thing in one gulp, turning to face her as I pour another. She stands before me with her arms crossed, her eyes narrowed, and lips pursed.
Fuck.
I love when's she's angry at me. It's so sexy how confident and fearless she is, how she doesn't give a damn about me and my title because she knows her word is worth something anyway. She's going to make sure she's heard, and she's going to fight.
But God damn it, not about this—why about this? I thought this was settled, decided, over...And now she wants to re-open it all?
One of the few things keeping me sane over these last few weeks of planning has been the knowledge and peace in knowing that Holly would be well out of the way, with little to no threat to her personal safety.
Group C hardly sees up-close action, they almost always just end up acting as perimeter guards for any stragglers who escape the initial waves of attack. And once seeing how outnumbered they are, the escapees surrender without challenge pretty well every time. No harm, no fuss, no danger.
She would be out of the way; she would be safe.
I look back to the woman before me—her eyes still fiery with determination, her stance planted and powerful, arms still crossed. She's not giving this one up easily, that's clear.
"It's not bullshit, Holls—" I try to start but she cuts me off.
"Yes, it is!" she cuts me off, tone full of exasperation. "What will moving me—one person—do to the entire greater formation? Do you not think I could hold my own? Not be able to keep up with the others? After facing off against Kyra? You don't think I've proven what I can do already?" she asks me, her eyes wide and tone incredulous.
I shake my head, feeling my anger and frustration trying to come to a greater boil. She is seriously trying to push me on this...And I'm feeling my rope growing shorter and shorter, about to run out.
I swig another mouthful of scotch down, and the soothing burn tingles in my throat as I stride closer to her. If she wants an argument out of me, that's what she'll get.
"What happened with Kyra was a near death experience, Holly!" I can't keep my voice from rising now, recalling the memory, my vision pulsing with scarlet as I watched Kyra tear into her—I was near shifting the whole time, so close to running into the ring and killing Kyra myself.
"And I lived, didn't I!?" she exclaims, throwing her hands up as she too yells back at me in complete frustration.
"This time!" I correct her, raising my pointer finger while stepping closer. I lock my gaze on hers. "This time you did, Holly! And let's not forget, this isn't even the first time I've had to see you nearly on death's door!" I laugh bitterly. "When we met, you were bleeding out, when you got shot, you almost died in my arms, and then the challenge with Kyra, in which you were almost killed, again...!" I close in on her, and she takes a few steps backward, bumping into the arm of the sofa behind her. I don't let up; I just keep on going. "And now, now you are asking me to risk that happening for a fourth time? How much of this do you think I can take, Holly!?"
We're both silent for a few moments, Holly's eyes staring straight into mine, still unrelenting, still determined.
I frown, realizing that she has no intention of giving this up. This is it for her. We've reached a stalemate.
Is this really how this is going to be? We're just going to stay here, locked in this unwinnable situation?
No, I can't let that happen...I don't have time for us to be doing this, literally. We have an invisible timer counting down on us right now, this very second, and we're wasting it.
I need to make her see. I need to change my approach.
Taking a deep breath, I let the tension sag from my shoulders, dropping my aggressive posture. I bring both my hands up to Holly's face, cupping it gently.
She doesn't expect this, I know, because her breath hitches and her heart does a funny little uptick in its rhythm when I do.
"How do I get you to understand?" I whisper against her lips, tilting my head down toward her. "You are the single-most important thing to me...Why won't you let me keep you safe?" I emphasize as I ghost my lips over hers, and despite how present her anger still is, Holly can't help herself from leaning in, reaching for me, for more.
"You do keep me safe." She murmurs back, her eyes heavy-lidded as they bore into mine. They reflect equal parts want and frustration. "I want to keep our pack safe, now, too. Why won't you let me?" she fires back a question of her own before she tries to close the space between us.
I pull away just enough to keep her hanging, and I dip my head down into her neck instead, leaving a path of slow and precisely placed kisses. With each one, I can feel her melt a little more, her resolve slipping away just a bit.
"Because it's more important that this Striker Alpha not even know you exist, Holly." I hum against her throat. "If he has half a brain, he will use you to get to me. He will know you're my biggest weakness, the only thing that he can use against me." I move back up her throat to her jaw, then her cheek, then her lips.
Finally rewarded with what she's wanted this whole time, Holly pulls me against her, moaning into my mouth. The hunger and longing overtake us both but then collides with our anger and annoyance with each other in equal measure. The emotions play off one another, amplifying their effects.
"I can't spend my existence as Luna hiding, River." Holly quips back as I hastily pull at the hem of her shirt, sneaking my hands underneath to begin roaming the smooth plains of her stomach and waist.
"And you won't, not forever, at least." I sweep my fingers across the sensitive skin of her sides, and she squirms delicately. "Just for now, while we're still so clueless about who they really are; what their endgame is." I try to negotiate, but I know she's wanting to fight me on this.
I straighten up, our eyes meeting as I try searching her expression for answers.
"If you wanted some Luna that would happily sit on the sidelines while her entire pack is threatened, then take it up with whatever force decided we'd be good together! But I will not apologize for wanting otherwise!" her blue eyes project a startling amount of hot anger, and I feel my cock harden at the sight of how riled up she's getting.
The scotch is definitely not keeping me from imagining all the various things I want to do to her right now, either.
"What's it going to take, Holls?" I ask, feeling the sense of powerlessness that's been looming in the background of my mind now pressing forward. "I'm not saying we keep you on the back-burner of every fight going forward, but this one..." I shake my head, my grip on her tightening. "Please, please do not ask me to make this decision—because it's going to be no, Holly. It's always going to be no, if it means putting you in harms way with the Strikers."
My words seem to penetrate more deeply than any others I've spoken tonight. Her eyes soften just a little around the edges, her lips parting, relaxing out of their pursed position. Her shoulders finally sink down as well, the aggression in her whole body, dissipating.
"But River—" she starts again, and I step away from her when she does, which is enough to cut her off.
"No, Holly!" I say again, my tone sharp. "What is it going to take for you to give this up? To let me do the right thing—the logical thing—and keep you as far from the centre of the action as I can?" My voice takes on a certain tone of desperation, feeling my control over the situation slipping little by little.
Holly dares to step closer to me, and I can feel the emotion rolling off of her: white hot rage. Not at me, no. But toward the Strikers.
"They took everything from me, River." She whispers, her massive blue eyes welling with tears. I feel my chest tighten at the sight of it. She steps closer still. "I need to have the closure of seeing them lose, to seeing them scramble when we ambush them just like they did to our pack and Lucas, and to me at Half-Moon."
Her hands are suddenly snaking their way up my chest and around my neck, her touch warm and inviting. I'm already leaning into her before my brain has remembered that I'm supposed to be arguing with her right now.
"I can do it, River." Her mouth is at my ear, her hot breath causing the skin there to prickle wonderfully. "You know that I can; I went up against you and won, didn't I?" she purrs, and I can hear the teasing smile in her voice.
"Holly..." I try to say no, to tell her it's still too risky and she can find her closure elsehow, but the words are lost on me as her breath fans over my lips, her mouth hovering over mine.
"Please, River." She begs me, leaning her forehead to mine. She blinks, sending massive teardrops cascading down her cheeks, but she holds her gazes with mine, unwavering. "Please?" she sucks in a breath, keeping a sob from shaking through her, causing my chest to squeeze harder.
But my wolf, he sees her: his Luna.
She's been hurting for so long, and the entire time, keeping the true extent of her pain hidden. Holly's done nothing but prioritize the needs of myself and the pack since she arrived, she's done all she can to fit in and find her place among us to be the best leader she can.
She hasn't asked anything of him, truly, until now.
Fuck, he wishes so much that she'd just let him do what he needs to, do what he wants, to keep her safe. Doesn't she know how long he's waited for her? How precious she is to him, after all that's happened?
But it doesn't matter; he doesn't love her because she listens to him. He loves her for the exact opposite reason: she defies him, challenges him, spites him, and is perhaps the most frustrating individual he's ever crossed in his entire life. And right now, she's asking for his support, asking for him to sacrifice his devotion for a chance to grant herself some peace.
Holly leans up toward me, her neck reaching elegantly for my mouth, her movements careful but unhurried. I can feel my heart begin to pound harder in my chest, feeling so fucking torn in every sense of the word in the decision I'm about to make.
My head feels like a top spinning on a counter, the colours of the pinwheel swirling at lightening speed, seemingly at no end.
I can't lose her, I can't lose her, I can't lose her....
You could very well lose her by denying her this.
He says without missing a beat, interrupting the previous mantra going through my head.
Fuck...I know he's right.
Holly's still inching closer to me, her mouth tantalizingly close, her scent invading my every pore. I get so lost in her so easily, it's comical.
I gather every ounce of selflessness and love I have for her, clinging to it with the reminder that this is what it means to be true mates, and quietly murmur my response against her lips.
"Okay."
It's one word, but it's also so much more. It's a promise.
A promise to Holly that I love her enough to know that I have to let her go to allow her to do what she needs. Even if my selfish heart hates it, I know I'll lose her in a whole other way if I keep her from making her own decisions such as this. She could come to resent me, slowly, over time. And perhaps one day that might be enough for our bond to weaken so much so that she leaves me.
Bond breaking is a process and event known to happen among werewolves, but not often. Especially in regard to Alpha/Luna pairings—we experience the strongest and most intense bonds possible being the leaders of our packs. The magic in our blood is just that much more potent.
As soon as I utter my word of agreement, my singular promise, Holly pulls herself to me with renewed urgency, her mouth claiming mine. Her tongue dances along my lower lip as my hands cradle her face, and I feel the wet remnant of her tears on her cheeks.
My hands travel down to her thighs, and Holly already understands my intent as she hops up, circling her legs around my waist as I carry her toward the bedroom.
*
Holly
River and I lay tangled up in each other, however many hours after coming to our 'agreement'.
What a mutual agreement it was.... My wolf smirks proudly.
"River?" I sit up off his chest where I was laying. I feel my head throb badly when I do. Fuck, this hangover is already setting in.
"Hm?" he answers me sleepily, his fingers continuing their slow rhythm of brushing back and forth across my shoulder.
"This means a lot to me, you know. That we're going to be going into this thing together." I say sincerely.
River's eyes don't open but I do see his jaw flex for just a fraction of a second; I know he isn't truly happy about this. He's doing it for me. Because I asked him to.
"There's only so much I can do, Holls. That's what I'm starting to realize—hell, you're the one teaching me that." He chuckles, his eyes slipping closed again, and I'm caught off guard by how well he's taking this right now. "And I know I'd forever lose your respect and your trust if I stood in the way of you getting the ending you deserve...That's not something I could live with."
River's words settle on me, and I feel both surprised and impressed at how level-headed he's being.
I only began to contemplate asking him to change my position when I won against Kyra. That was proof to me that I could actually handle myself if I was alongside River, heading into the fray against the Strikers. I wasn't even sure when or how I would ask him; it just sort of slipped out tonight...All thanks to good ole liquid courage.
"I'm going to be fine; you'll see." I can't help but say to him, leaning over to brush my nose against his affectionately.
River shakes his head as one of his hands comes up to hold my jaw in place, his lips pressing a sweet but possessive kiss to my own.
"You're going to be the death of me. Have I ever told you that before?" he asks me, a boyish grin tugging at his mouth.
I give a little shrug, feigning cluelessness.
"Hm, a time or two, maybe? I couldn't say." I reply, and in the next second River has me pinned underneath him, his mouth on mine, hungry and unrelenting.
We can't keep ourselves from each other, knowing our time now is so precious. So, we don't.
We allow seconds to bleed into minutes bleed into hours, our sole intent being to memorize and soak in each moment we have together.
What a thing it is to love, and be loved, when you know the time you have left to do so is ticking down. Once you get past the anxiety over your lack of control and how badly you wish you could change it, you start to see the beauty in the suffering, the wonder in the heartbreak.
To know this type of pain and hurt is to know this type of all-encompassing love. To know this type of fierce loyalty and protection for my pack and loved ones is to know how quickly they can all be ripped away. There's no way in which you can have one without the other.
Just the same in nature, there exists a type of unwavering balance in human emotion. We're never just one end of the spectrum, one side of the board, one part of the map. We are blessed and cursed to experienced it all, with or without our consent. We don't get to choose what we feel, only what we wish to do about it and with it.
These are the last thoughts I have as I lay wrapped in River's arms, hoping that more than anything that we can make it out of this.
For the sake of our pack, for the sake of other unsuspecting packs elsewhere, and for the sake of ourselves...All of us who want and deserve the chance to decide for ourselves how to live, without threat from a tyrant Alpha.
None of us can afford to lose.
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A/N: My loves! Hello! I hope you're all well and I apologize that this chapter couldn't have been longer! I just so desperately wanted to get something posted, so I hope you still enjoyed it!
We are getting ready for the massive showdown between the Shadows and our old friends, the Strikers...!! I have BIG things planned for the coming installments, so please stay tuned! Thank you as always for being the wonderful readers you are, I can't wait to see you next time!
Xoxo, Undaunted