"Why weren't you answering my texts over the weekend?" Chaeryeong wakes me up from my deep slumber in the classroom.
"I was busy" I keep my head on the table.
"Doing what?" She questions.
"Just busy with Beomgyu" I partially tell her the truth.
"I'm starting to think you attend those crazy parties that our classmates throw. Every time there's a big party, you become busy" my mouth becomes dry but luckily she can't see my face right now.
"Ryeong, do you miss me that much?" I playfully say to distract her. I sit properly now so she can see my face.
"No. I just want to make sure that you behave yourself. I don't think you use your head well when I'm not around."
"Excuse you? I use my head extremely well in all circumstances" I roll my eyes.
"Why are you in school early if you're just gonna sleep anyways?" She settles into her seat.
Fortunately, Chaeryeong and I all have the same classes this year. It's literally the only way I would accept my senior year.
"Because I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep so I thought why not become like you and go to school early" I tease her.
"You know you could have been number one in our class if you tried hard enough. I mean you're smart enough but you're lazy" her mom mode is on.
"It's okay. I'm happy you're the top of our class. I know how hard you work for it" I smile at her.
"You didn't slack off because of me, right? I will slap you if that's you did" She's using her scary voice now.
"No! You've earned it fair and square" I say right away.
"Hey, Ryujin" my friend Haechan joins us now.
"What's up hedgehog?" I playfully say.
"I wish you'd give me a cuter nickname" he pouts.
"Hedgehogs are cute" I inform him.
"So you think I'm cute?" He's all smiley now.
"I said hedgehogs, not you. Just because I call you hedgehog, it doesn't mean that you're cute like them."
"You're always so mean to me" he sits down on his seat which is in front of me.
Haechan is a year older than us so he should have graduated already but he's too dumb so he got held back so we're in the same graduating class now.
"Why don't you two just date?" Chaeryeong shakes her head.
"Eww" I pretend to puke.
"I'd like for that to happen but as you can see Ryujin is being stubborn" Haechan states.
"I'm not being stubborn. I'm not interested."
My friends don't know that I actually prefer women. No one knows this information because if my stepmom finds out then she's gonna go ballistic. She will lose that perfect image she has of a daughter if I tell her that I'm attracted to other women.
Chaeryeong doesn't even know because I'm afraid she's gonna stop being friends with me. Whenever the topic of same sex relationships comes up, she always looks uncomfortable. If people sometimes mistake us for a couple, she freaks out and tells them 'no' numerous times like being with me is the worst thing in the world.
"Did you guys hear that Somi and Lia are dating? I guess people saw them making out at Mark's party over the weekend. Did you see it?" Haechan looks at me and I panic. I'm probably extremely pale right now. I'm afraid to look to my side to see if Chaeryeong is glaring at me or not.
"Why would Ryujin see that? She was busy with Beomgyu over the weekend? And isn't Mark in college? Why would he invite high schoolers?" I can tell by my best friend's voice that she's not happy.
"Yea, they were both at the party. At least that's what Beomgyu said. She was the designated driver" I wish to all mighty that Haechan would stop talking.
I'm feeling so many things right now. Fear, disappointment, heartbroken? I don't know. Fearful because of Chaeryeong but disappointed because of the news about Lia.
Lia graduated last year so she's in college now but I've had the biggest crush on her ever since I started high school. That's how I figured out that I liked women.
I remember having the same math class as her. I would even have to teach myself everything we learned in the class because all I could do was admire her from afar and wish she was my girlfriend.
"Party, huh?" I hear Chaeryeong's shrilling voice.
"I'm gonna go use the restroom" I stand up quickly and practically run out of the room.
I'm gonna have to kill Haechan later. Now Chaeryeong knows that I've been attending parties with Beomgyu. I guess it's for the best since I did decide that I won't be doing that anymore but I'm also not ready to be scolded.
On my way to the restroom, someone grabs my arm. I get ready to punch them but it's just Beomgyu.
"What do you think you're doing grabbing me like that?" I take his hand off me.
"I've been freaking out. Why aren't you answering your phone!? I went to your room this morning and you were already gone!"
I look at the time and there are only five minutes left before class starts.
"Can't this wait? I'm supposed to be going to the restroom and I need to be back before the bell rings" I say.
"Ryujin, this is serious. It involves you too" he genuinely looks worried so I take him seriously now.
"What happened?"
"Mom and dad found out about the party so they'll be waiting for us at home after school."
I push him against the lockers, "How did they find out? This day just keeps getting worse."
"I don't know but we're gonna be grounded until we graduate college at this point" he messes with his hair.
"You need to pay me more now. I'm only in trouble because of you" I show him my annoyance.
"No. We agreed on that amount and you got that amount. You knew this was a possibility before accepting my money" he pushes me away from him.
The bell rings and we both run to our first class of the day. Thankfully, I'm late so Chaeryeong has to wait to talk to me about the party situation.
After class, I leave without waiting for Chaeryeong. I go to my locker to grab my book for the next class and I go there right away.
I wish that we didn't have the same classes right now because I can't run away from her. I set my stuff down on the table and I get ready to leave again. I don't care if I have to be late for every class just to avoid Chaeryeong.
I go to the restroom to hide.
"Are you gonna keep running from me?" The hair on my arms stands up.
I turn around and Chaeryeong is there. I don't know why I didn't think about how she can just easily follow me.
"Why would I run from you? I had to go to the restroom?" I go into a stall.
I wait to see if she leaves but she doesn't so I might as well just make myself pee. I do my business then I go out to wash my hands.
"When were you gonna tell me that you've been attending parties?" Her serious tone is so scary.
"I thought you would be mad" I put my hands together in front of me while I look down. I want to look as pathetic as possible then maybe she will go easy on me.
"Of course, I'd be mad!" She hits my arm and I must not look pathetic enough.
"Ryujin, what if the cops showed up? You're all underage. Do you not think about your future? Do you want to have a record? What is wrong with you?"
"I wasn't drinking. I was just taking Beomgyu there and he pays me" I try to defend myself but I don't think it's working.
"Do you not have money? Is the allowance your dad gives you not enough?" She takes out her wallet and pulls out cash, "Here, I'll pay to stop doing stupid things."
"Ryeong, it's not a big deal" I try to sweet talk her now.
"I get that you're trying to break out from whatever image your parents have of you but don't burn bridges in the process. If you don't want to be a doctor then fine but don't do anything that can mess with your future. Rebel with care" she shows her frustration.
I hug her, "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
"A lot of things could go wrong in a party full of drunk people, Ryujin. Something could have happened to you" She hugs me back.
I do appreciate how much she cares about me.
The bell rings and I drag Chaeryeong out of the bathroom so we can run to class. The teacher for our second class is usually always late so hopefully, we'll beat her since Chaeryeong has never been late to class before. I want to keep it that way.
We make it before the teacher does but both of us are out of breath. I lean back on the back of my chair while I see stars. I think I'm way too out of shape.
---
"You go in first" I push my brother towards our front door.
"No, you go" he steps back and pushes me forward.
"It was your idea to go to the party" I argue.
"You drove me" he counters.
"Because you paid me!" I open the door and push him in.
"I was wondering how long it was gonna take for you two to finally come in" Our mom was waiting for us on the other side.
"Hey, mom" Beomgyu says in the lamest way possible.
"We were just taking in the fresh air. You always complained before about how we don't go out enough" I smile at her but she doesn't look amused.
"Living room, now" she coldly orders us.
We push each other around on the way there. We're ready to throw each other under the bus, it doesn't matter if we have to lie.
We sit on the same spot on the couch where we usually sit when we get scolded. We call it our scolding spot.
We have our hands on our knees while looking down. It's our routine. We have to look like we're sorry for what we did.
Our mom stands in front of us but we don't look up. We stare at her feet instead.
"I don't even know where to start" she breathes out.
"How can you two be so reckless?" Our dad walks in.
"Exactly! Attending a college party? What if the cops were called and you two got arrested? My friends will find out and they're gonna think I can't raise my kids properly!" Our mom fails to see the real issue.
I know what we did was wrong. I'm not dumb but I also didn't know that was a college party. I thought it was thrown by one of Beomgyu's friends.
"Not only that, you brought Yuna with you. What if something happened to her?" My dad at least has somewhat of a common sense.
"You two are about to graduate high school. Don't you think it's time to grow up? Aren't you tired of this? Because I am. I'm tired of yelling at you two. When are you gonna make me proud?"
"Honey, you don't have to go that far" our dad changes his tone.
"Don't stop me from speaking right now. While other kids are preparing for their future, these two are stalling" she exclaims.
"There are also other kids doing drugs and killing other people. Why don't you ever compare us to them?" I talk back.
"Ryujin" my dad warns me and I stay quiet.
"You're too young to understand right now but when you grow up, you'll see how important your image is. How you present yourself matters, Ryujin. It matters in dating, in school, or at work. No one is gonna take you seriously if you keep acting like a child."
"So, please. Don't do anything that can ruin our family's reputation. That's all I ask of you."
Along with controlling our future, I mumble to myself.
"We're sorry for what we did. I won't do it again. I can't say the same for Beomgyu but I won't be joining him anymore" I apologize in hopes to end this so I can go to my room.
"You may go, Ryujin. I accept your apology" she says and I leave the room right away.
"Ryujin" my dad says my name as I walk past him.
My dad tries to talk to me but I'm not in the mood. He's just gonna do whatever his wife says so there's no point in talking to him about how I feel with all of this family shit.