⚠️ Lots of talk about sex/orgasm/sexual fantasies. Not intended for younger audiences. If that's not your thing, please skip ahead to the three little dots for the next part of this chapter.
Touch Me (Remix) - Victoria Monét feat. Kehlani
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(Rosé's POV)
I've never faked an orgasm before in my life. And yet, here I am, staring at the ceiling, unsatisfied and sexually frustrated while my boyfriend lies peacefully by my side fast asleep. It's not Ken's fault though. He knows what I like and that's kept me satisfied for months. Moreover, I usually make it clear when I haven't reached my climax yet and there are ways we (or most of the time — I) work to get around that.
Not this time. After all the frustration I've suffered as of late, I don't think there is any way to get around this other than to go through it. The problem is, I don't know what it is exactly that I have to get through to overcome this little dilemma of mine. Having sex tonight was supposed to relieve my stress, take my mind off of everything, and calm me down. But all it really did was annoy me even more and now I can't stop overthinking.
I take another glance at Ken sleeping on his stomach. Our shared blanket covers his naked lower half. When I look at his face, I see a bit of drool running from his open mouth onto the pillow. It's this one little detail that compels me to turn and get out of bed.
No matter where I go in Ken's spacious, luxurious, apartment — it feels so stuffy. A headache will start to form soon if I stay here any longer. I would go for the veranda to be outside no matter how chilly it is, but there isn't one here. In the end, I find myself in the guest room with a small window perched open for some fresh air. I sigh deeply and close my eyes. After a minute, I let myself inch down and sit on the dusty floor with my back against the wall.
Certain things come to mind as I stare absentmindedly in the dark: Y/N laying flat on her back in exhaustion after Felicia announced my victory today. The dirty look Y/N gave me before she walked out of the gym. Y/N's soft pretty eyes when she smiled at me and by contrast — the threatening rage in them when she became angry. Y/N taking off her shirt in the locker room where I witnessed a couple of tattoos on her muscular body that I'd never seen before, particularly one on the back of her lower neck of a butterfly's wings. She didn't even think twice about stripping in front of me. I remember the early days of our relationship when she used to be so shy about that.
I don't know where my thoughts began, but I realize when they start to make sense. This is when I think about the events that took place earlier today, one after the other. It's all because of Y/N.
I see her now, standing close to me in the locker room. There's a frown crossing her mouth. She's angry with me again, but something's holding her back from telling me why. Conflicting emotions rise on her face. I hate seeing that. Whatever it is, I want to draw it out, but my words alone won't help.
My frustration is building like a dam about to burst with gushing water. "Just tell me what it is! TELL ME!" I shout. Y/N doesn't answer. She shakes her head and covers her face with her hands. I call her name again, even gripping her shoulders and shaking them, but still no response. Then I shove her.
Y/N drops her hands as she stumbles backward, her eyes widening at me. I move forward and push her again — then again. I push again and again until her back is slammed against the wall of lockers behind and, standing between my held arms, she's helplessly trapped as I drive my knee to the heat between her legs. I'm kissing all over her mouth as my hands travel to caress her soft breasts, and then my lips find the weak spot on her neck below her ear that drives her wild. Desperate for the friction, she grinds on my bare thigh while she reaches inside my shorts to pleasure me too. I hear her hot moans in my ear turning into little mewls.
"Rosie." She whispers.
"Yes, my love?" I reply breathlessly. Tears spark in her eyes at this.
"Please..."
Woah. My eyes shoot open and glance around in a panic. I realize how heavily I'm breathing, my chest rises and falls with a fast heartbeat. Somewhere in the unmeasurable time I spent sitting here, I began to daydream and that led to something else. I can't believe myself. I refuse to believe who and what I just fantasized about!
I rise from my position on the floor. How the hell was I not sore from sitting for that long? In a hurry, I hastily wrap my robe again and step outside of the guest room.
A cold shower will have to do. Blushing furiously, I pass Ken's open bedroom door in the hallway and head for the bathroom. I step inside and turn on the water, attempting not to think about how I'm already wet between my legs.
Tonight was a night full of firsts for me.
•••
(Y/N's POV)
You surprise yourself when you decide to attend the second class this week. The previous one left a bad taste in your mouth, resulting in a sour mood for the rest of the night and you telling Jennie that this was not going to work. She said to just think it over. It's not like you had much of a choice there. No matter how frustrated and annoyed you felt though, you could not stop replaying in your mind the episode you and Rosie shared in the locker room.
Late in bed that night, you thought about what you said to each other. You were honest about your feelings and upfront about your thoughts with her so you don't have any regrets, but you couldn't help thinking about the things left unsaid. Specifically, the things you wanted to do but held yourself back on. When you think about it now, you know that you were right to respect the boundary and not cross that line. Still... left by yourself with those thoughts in the dark, you wondered what would have happened if you and Rosie were left alone in that locker room for a few minutes longer.
For today's class, Felicia has everyone running through a few punching bag drills. Only four boxing bags are available for use, so four women will use them at a time while the other four take a one-minute rest and spends another minute doing a selected exercise, then they rotate. You end up sharing a bag with Yunjin.
"I can start first on the bag if you'd like," you offer as she fixes her high ponytail. She smiles and shakes her head.
"No way am I letting you get the bag first. How about a game of rock, paper, scissors?" She asks.
"Sure. You ready?"
"Ready."
"Rock.. paper.. scissors!"
You throw out a fist to make a rock. It just so happens that Yunjin does the same. Together you laugh and try again, but this next time is still a tie. After one more try, she beats you with scissors while your attempt is paper. Yunjin gives a cheer. She claps her hands and hops on her feet. You cross your arms, making yourself look very annoyed as you walk away but only for a moment before you smile. Yunjin giggles and waves a little.
As your gaze shifts though, you come into accidental eye contact with the girl next bag over. Rosie sees you looking at her and then averts her eyes low as if caught in the act. You frown at how odd she is being, but then Felicia's whistle blows and everyone begins.
Forty-five minutes is set to go by of constant work and a little bit of play. In the meantime you hear raunchy hip-hop/pop music in the background, athletic shoes squeaking on the floor, and punching bags getting beaten — Felicia walks by and inspects each woman. With her hands held behind her back, she saunters by while you're performing kettle-bell squats and calls out the benefits of punching bag drills. She reminds you somewhat of a sergeant from a military boot camp.
At least twice, however, Felicia lectures Rosie because of her lack of energy.
"Sorry,' you hear her say. 'I've just been feeling more fatigue these days."
"Stressed?" Felicia asks.
"Yeah."
This makes you pause. When Rosie notices your gaze lingering on her out of curiosity, she avoids it again and subtly bites her lower lip. It almost seems like she's embarrassed?
Now you're confused. It's very uncharacteristic of her to act so indifferently, even in difficult situations like this. You're not even sure why you care. She's the one who made things difficult last class and upset you, yet she's trying to act like the better woman here. As if you're someone to her not even worth looking at. You face the boxing bag again and punch like you've got some unfinished beef with it. The sound of the rattling chain and mean blows against the bag turns a few heads.
Hmph, we'll see about that.
Of course, you can't ignore the little rational thought in the back of your mind reasoning that there might be some other unknown factor here too.
"Punch it out 'zen! Focus so you can put your mind at peace. If I see 'zis again, you'll get ten points taken off your mark today." Felicia warns Rosie. She walks away, and pretty soon you hear the bag moving again. It's difficult to listen to the pathetic sounds it makes though. Just as you finish up the final minute of your drill and stand breathing heavily with your hands on your head, you see Felicia coming back around. Rosie doesn't look so good. She's panting with sweat rolling down her neck and her technique is sloppy.
Seeing her struggle like this — annoys you, but not for the reason most people would think. She can do better than this. You just need to see her doing well.
You walk towards Rosie and put your hand on her bag to still the movement. She straightens up like a reflex and raises her eyebrows.
"What are you—" she begins.
"Punch the bag." You interrupt. Rosie doesn't move, only her gaze shifts hesitantly between you and the bag. You sigh, deciding to look where Felicia is. "If you don't want Felicia taking down your grade and embarrassing you in front of the class again, then I suggest you punch this bag right now Rosie."
"I was already doing that." She mutters, but positions herself regardless and punches the bag again.
"Higher. Bring it up to eye-level and put more power."
"I'm tired. I'm not sure where I'm supposed—"
She tenses up because you come from behind and place your hand on her abdomen. "Right here. That's where it should come from. Imagine the power building from your core, rising in your chest and rushing through your arms, then it shoots out with your fists."
To ease her, you pull your hand away and step back to your original position.
"Now... you are a singer, right?" You ask. The comment is meant to be a bit snarky but to your surprise, Rosie laughs lightheartedly and nods her head.
"Yes — yes I do believe I am." She replies, amused.
"Good,' you nod a few times. 'You understand then where you have to draw breath from if you want stable power in your voice. It's the same sort of concept here. Have a go at it."
Felicia comes back on another one of her rounds and watches Rosie. She appears exhausted, but you can see that determination in her eyes. The perseverance you so admire. Finally, with a nod of approval, Felicia moves on.
While catching her breath, Rosie meets your gaze and gives a triumphant smile. She weakly raises an arm to fist-bump the air. You chuckle and step closer to give her a high-five. "Nice job."
Rosie notices your hand. You can tell she's debating her next move. To your surprise again, she grins and returns your high-five. Right afterwards though, her body slightly veers off. She brings a hand to the side of her head and closes her eyes.
"Woah—' your arms instinctively raise and then catch her by the shoulders. 'Hey, you okay?"
Rosie stills herself for a moment, then she opens her eyes. "I... wow,' she chuckles. 'That was unexpected."
"What was that?"
"Oh, nothing much. Just feeling a bit lightheaded."
"You should sit." You say, letting go of her shoulders and slowly walking her to the nearest bench by the gym wall. After she settles, you jog to grab her water bottle and towel which she gratefully takes.
"Thank you," Rosie exclaims. She dabs at her forehead and rubs her sweaty neck with the towel, then leans her head back to drink. You notice a few drops of water dripping from Rosie's chin that she rubs hastily with her arm. With a subtle gulp, you attempt to focus elsewhere across the gym.
"You should take better care of your body. If it's feeling lightheaded, maybe you aren't eating or sleeping enough."
Rosie sighs. "You're right about that, but I'm on my usual idol-life diet so this is normal. What's really getting to me is the added stress I have lately."
You face her with crossed arms. "Feeling lightheaded sometimes is normal to you?"
"Well no, but it's happened more times in the past than I'd like to admit. Especially in the time before a comeback or during touring."
"You never mentioned feeling weak or lightheaded back on our tour."
"That's because I rarely was. You always made sure I was eating — sleeping right. You took care of me."
Your cheeks turn warm as you follow her gaze. As far as you can recall, what she said was true.
"Right...' you continue. 'The added stress lately, is that also my doing?"
Rosie looks down. "Not all of it... but most of it, yes."
"I see. You should know that I'm... I do feel bad... with everything lately."
"I know, Y/N. I am too... and the way I behaved last class was unacceptable. It wasn't fair. Though, you should know that this class and this sport is a hobby I use to release stress and stay active. I honestly enjoy it. And really, after my final concert and travel I needed some downtime to process my thoughts and feelings. I was really looking forward to this class. But then I saw you, and suddenly all I became reminded of was my frustration."
A pang of guilt hits you. "I didn't know that, I guess I treated our situation too lightly. I'm sorry for pushing you further. That was childish and inconsiderate."
Rosie's tone becomes softer. "I was the one treating our situation much harsher than it should be. Do you think we could just move on, you know? Forget that the last class ever happened and start over again?"
You meet her eyes.
Forget the last class ever happened?
That means what happened in the locker room too. But isn't that a given? How much more messy and complicated could things have gotten if the two of you decided to take that extra step? What both of you need is simplicity. You need talks like this on a friendly basis, and maybe somewhere in the future things can become comfortable like they used to again.
Despite knowing all of this, there's still a tiny disappointment in your heart when you smile and agree.