Well, that is not where I saw myself this morning. At school. In front of the man who dared to ruin my love life a few months ago.
"What do you want, Yugata?"
I was coming in the school like I was doing everyday and I had a smile on my face just a few seconds ago, thinking this day could be as awesome as the day before, but let me tell you, Yugata Zino is the last person I wanted to see today, or every other day. For real, if I had enough strength to kick him in the butt so he could fly oversees to somewhere else, I would have done it right away.
"Hi, Y/n." He greeted me, with a nervous smile.
"Don't call me that."
"Oh, come on..."
"No. What do you want?"
"I wanted to talk to you"
"Then, talk"
"Could we go where there's less people?" he asked me, hesitating.
"No. I'm not as dumb as I was that night, Yugata. I'm not planning on getting alone with you like it happened that night. Who knows what a pervert like you would try. So talk, here and there"
"I'm sorry... about what happened that night..."
"You're not forgiven."
"What?" he seemed surprised.
"You heard me perfectly. I do not forgive you. What did you think, too? That I would say : "Oh, yes, Yugata, let's become friends again, like we did before you ruined my life." If you really wanted to be forgiven, you wouldn't have done that"
"Give me a second chance... please?"
"Why are you still begging?"
"I already told you..."
"Not me. And you know it. I thought that we were friends. That act of betrayal is not forgivable. Leave me alone."
I walked away without him stopping me. But I'm not going far, because the shouting of my name makes me stop. It's the people from the music club...
"Y/n! Wait!"
I turned around to see everyone running toward me.
"We didn't mean to eavesdrop, but we couldn't help ourselves. We heard what happened"
"What do you really know?"
"That it was an accident. That you both were drunk and it happened like that..."
I couldn't look them straight in the eyes. I couldn't tell them that it wasn't the real story.
"Your friend is not the one you think he is. He manipulated and lied to Tooru. He kissed me without my consent. You're wasting your time if you even have hope that I'll forgive him for what he did."
"He told us he did it for love"
I didn't know who was talking anymore. They all felt like strangers.
"He did it because he couldn't bare to see me with someone else. He was jealous and wanted to ruin that relationship. Don't believe I'll spend lunch time or whatever other time with you anymore. Believe who you want, but Tooru and I hold the real story to that night, not a manipulative bitch."
"Y/n"
I heard a voice behind me and then felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Forget them, let's go."
It was Tooru's voice. I turned toward him and ignored the others. He knew I would be exploding soon and he didn't want me to cause a scene. We walked away, ignoring them.
"What happened?" he asked me gently.
"Yugata tried to apologize."
He didn't say anything else. He probably knew this story wasn't my favorite to tell, neither was it my favorite to hear. I had plenty others that was bad, but this one... I just couldn't bare this one.
*-*--*-*
I guess it was too demanding. To hope that my days would become better... I guess I forgot I still had both Hanami and Yugata. Those two would fit each other so well. It's as if my parents sent me the worst people ever just so I could go through horrible pain. Just kidding. It's not the worst pain I had to endure, but still, love pain isn't the one I was hoping for, and all that because of a certain Hanami Linao and a Yugata Zino.
I was almost always pinching a random part of my body, just to assure myself I wasn't either dreaming or having a nightmare. But slowly realizing and making sure it was all true wasn't helping my situation. It felt like I was diving again in the sea of depression I so hated when I actually had a reason to dive in it. But right now, it just feels like I have no reason to, like it's just to get attention. I started off good, but if it all comes rushing again... the pain, the sadness, the darkness of that part of my life. I guess I will not have another choice but to shut my emotions like I once did when I began my second year of high school. Yeah, it's as easy as that. Shutting my emotions just because I'm weak. Shutting my emotions for being dumb. What am I even doing? To think that just one bad thing would regress me to the state of depression and hopelessness. What is my problem?
I guess I thought, and too much, in the power of hope. When you keep thinking you'll do it, but the other just comes crushing your hope. It happened too much to me. Because I always thought that everything could go my way, but it never did, so the hope I was feeling slowly faded away and I just realize now that my hope drowned in nothingness, in pure air, like my hope meant nothing. I would accept the blame my past puts on me, but I would never put the blame on my past for what have happened to me.
"Are you okay, Irihata-san?"
By the time I came back to reality, it was lunch time and I was lost in my thoughts, standing in front of my opened locker, not knowing what to do. And when I turned my head toward the person who was talking to me, our eyes met. It was Kori Yuuri, Sao's girlfriend.
"Yuuri-san! Sorry, um, yes, I'm good."
Yuuri was the only girl I wasn't able to call by her first name. I don't know why but it felt like she would kill me if I called her Kori and she seemed like the person to accept to be called by her first name only by her boyfriend, so I didn't take risks. Also, I didn't tell her to call me Y/n, since she seemed like she would prefer to call me by my last name.
"I'm glad to hear that" her voice made me think too much about Hanami and I couldn't hold my question.
"Yuuri-san, are you friends with Hanami? I mean, have you known her for long?"
"Yes, Hanami and I are childhood friends."
No wonder they look alike in their moves and their way of talking.
"Oh"
"Why did you ask?"
"By pure curiosity. You two seem to be close."
"Yeah, we are. Anyway, see you later. Sao's waiting for me."
From my perspective, it looks like one didn't succeed in her plan and the other, half succeeded in her plan. But I don't know why the "didn't succeed in her plan" person seemed to be helping the "half succeeded in her plan" person. I could almost see her hiding in the shadows, controlling little threads connected to her friend. It felt like Sao's girlfriend was being controlled and manipulated. They could have been best friends since childhood, but it's obvious one of the two is still friend with the other just to have what she wants. I should make her meet Yugata.
Anyway, I do not plan on telling Sao. I don't want to ruin a relationship that he treasures. I don't want to ruin our friendship just because of other girls.
"Y/n-chan!" I heard Tooru's voice.
I turned toward him and gave him a smile.
"You coming or what?" he asked.
"Yeah, let me just close my locker."
*-*--*-*
(A/N) : I'm glad to realize myself that I will be able to write a chapter every day of this Christmas break, but it will be difficult since I have a party on the 31st that finishes at like 3-4am on the 1st but I promise I will write one on one of these days. But anyway, a lot is coming, be ready. Y/n struggles to see the real purpose of life. If it's giving her a good year or a bad year. Will she let herself fall into that sea of depression? We need to understand here that Y/n is still fragile from her last year and that she might break apart again after realizing what she went through. I ain't done with angst, but she will still have a year that she will describe as happy. I hope you liked this chapter and see you soon :)