"Commander, I'm detecting multiple life signs in here." Geordi said through his EV suit.
Shelby rushed over to him, "I'm detecting them too." She said after looking at her tricorder. "It looks like the air in there is barely breathable, we should keep our EV suits on."
"That's the plasma exhaust crawl space." The Geordie said, "The area is the most heavily shielded part of the ship, but radiation levels are dangerously high inside, as that area is very close to a plasma exhaust vent. Our suits will protect us, but anyone alive in there won't be in good shape. I can't even make out how many live signs through the interference." Geordie said.
"Can we beam them out?" Shelby asked.
"Not from here." He replied. "We should be able to get a transporter lock if we can get transport enhancers in there." Geordie answered.
"Then how do we get in without risking depressurizing the room?" Shelby asked.
"We can have them beam us the equipment to set up a containment field on this side, and pressurize it." Geordie answered.
"Do it." Shelby replied.
Worf headed over to them as Geordie set up the force fields, and had the Enterprise beam air in to pressurize the area.
Once they pressurized the area, they tried to open the door but it was sealed and had no power. They tried the emergency release, and it cracked the door a bit. Worf pulled one side of the door open and Shelby and Geordie pulled the other. When they finally got the door open, they saw two Vulcans in Starfleet uniforms pointing phasers at them, one was a Lt. Commander in blue, pointing a hand phaser at them, and the other was an ensign in a gold uniform, closer to the door, pointing a phaser rifle. Another 40 or 50 people were lying on the floor unconscious or too weak to move, half in Starfleet uniforms, half civilians, and several children.
"We're here to help." Shelby said, "I'm Commander Shelby of the Enterprise, and this is Lt. Laforge, and Lt. Worf."
The Vulcans both put down their phasers, and one went back to bringing an oxygen mask around, giving everyone a few breaths on it.
"Do you have an emergency supply of triox or hydronoline?" The Vulcan in blue asked, "We're out, and these people are dying."
"I can do better." Geordi replied, "Let's beam these people to a functional sickbay."
"That would be preferable." The Vulcan replied. Geordie handed both of the transport enhancers.
Shelby called the Enterprise to warn them to prepare medical to treat mass hypoxia and radiation poisoning. When all 4 transport enhancers were set up she called the Enterprise to energize transport, whether or not sickbay was ready. Getting these people somewhere with a functional life support system would be a huge improvement.
Once they materialized on the sickbay floor, with the only the away team in EV suites and the two Vulcans standing, much of the staff came rushing over to them. "I'm Dr. Sotrel of the Bellerophon." The Vulcan in blue said after metalizing in the Enterprise sickbay. "That's Lt. Commander Yontu, our chief engineer," he said pointing at one of the unconscious people, "and that's Ensign T'Vok."
"Welcome." Selar said. "Do you know the most critical cases among your group?"
"Ensign Volray, Ensign Tyler, Lt. Simons, and the children." He answered, pointing to two human men and a Bajoran woman. "Lt. Simions and Ensign Tyler lost a lot of blood, making them more sensitive to hypxia and radiation poisoning. Volray was exposed to a toxic atmosphere and numerous untreated infections as a child that left pulmonary scarring which made her more susceptible to hypoxia. I started her trioxen earlier and gave her a higher doses before it ran out, and I've been giving them more frequent and longer turns with the oxygen mask. I've been giving Simions and Tyler 2ccs cordrizine every 3 hours. The children's less developed respiratory systems made them more vulnerable as well."
Selar rushed over and scanned Volray, Simions, and Tyler. While most of the people including the children had moved somewhat or opened their eyes once they beamed onboard, they were all completely unconscious. "20ccs trioxen, 5ccs pulmazine, and let's get her to a biobed." Selar said, treating Volray, then she turned to Simions, "18ccs triox, 20ccs hemotronium, and blood plasma infuser, and get him to a biobed too", she checked Tyler and gave the same order.
"Yes Doctor." She heard from one of the nurses.
"Let's start by getting all the adults 18ccs triox, 10 ccs hyronalin, and 400ccs of a hydro-nutrient solution. We'll continue triage as we see how people react to that. Doctor Martian attend to the children, and Templar take triage cases with the adults." She paused, "Computer, increase ambient oxygen saturation in sickbay to 25%."
"Oxygen level increased." The computer answered.
"Riker to sickbay."
"Selar here."
"We have survivors from the Cheko coming in."
"If you can assign twenty people with level three medical training or above to assist, and another eight for support services, it would be appreciated." She replied.
"Done." Riker replied.
"Selar to Crusher."
"Crusher here."
"You're needed in sickbay immediately." She said.
"How serious is the emergency? Can someone else cover for me? I'm with the captain."
"We need everyone."
"I'm on my way." She replied. "Crusher out."
"I can help." Sotrel said.
Selar thought about it for a few seconds, knowing the Vulcans would be minimally harmed by breathing the atmosphere that was deadly to humans. She quickly scanned him then and gave him a hypo for the radiation. "Once you're through decon, drink some water, and eat something, we could use your help. If you can't take food and water orally, you're a patient."
"Understood." He answered.
She turned to the other Vulcan, "10 ccs hyronalin, decon, and you're good to go for now too. I want to see you after I've gotten through the current wave of patients."
She then turned to the away team, "Help them get set up."
"Yes mam." Geordie said.
***
"You're needed in sickbay immediately." Selar's voice said on Crusher's com badge.
"How serious is the emergency? Can someone else cover for me? I'm with the captain."
"We need everyone."
"I'm on my way." She replied. "Crusher out."
"Jean-Luc, are you going to be alright alone for a few minutes?" She asked.
"I'll be fine." He answered, "Go."
A few minutes after she left he left his quarters and walked into the nearest airlock. He didn't hesitate long enough for someone to notice before he pressed the decompress button. He'd ordered the self-destruct on the Enterprise several times, and he'd never hesitated then, nor did he hesitate now. He had long ago come to terms with dying to protect others, and this was no different. Since he heard the voices again, he knew what he had to do. He couldn't let himself be used as a weapon against the ship, or the Federation, and this was the only sure way to prevent that.
Seeing the stars with nothing between him and them was incredible. He was glad that would be the last thing he would see.
"Captain someone just decompressed airlock 25." Data said. "It's Captain Picard, Sir."
"Riker to transporter room one, get a lock on Captain Picard and beam him directly to sickbay, now!"
"Yes Sir." O'Brian replied, shocked to see where the transporter located the captain's com badge. He energized the transport immediately, knowing Picard would only survive a few more seconds in the vacuum.
Troi stood up and looked to Riker for permission to leave the bridge and meet Picard in sickbay. "Go." He said before she even had to ask.
Picard materialized on the sickbay floor blue in the face and gasping for air. Crusher ran over to him with a tricorder. She didn't even have to finish scanning him before she gave him the triox hypospray already in her hand. She was glad she'd already increased the oxygen concentration in sickbay for the survivors of the Bellerophon. She turned to her staff that was already running around like crazy treating the injured. "Another 10ccs triox, 3 ccs anestizine, 5 ccs cordrizine and help me get him to a biobed." She barked.
"Jean-Luc, what did you do?" She whispered to him knowing he couldn't hear her. It was clear these were decompression injuries, and almost certainly self-inflicted.
One of her staff members jumped to give her the hypos she requested and helped her move him to a biobed. "What happened?" He asked.
"I don't know." Crusher answered, as she wasn't 100% sure, and if what she was 99% sure of was correct she still didn't want to share that unnecessarily. She put the bio bed up around him to try to repair the damage to his lungs, shaking her head in shock.
One of the survivors Shelby had just beamed on board walked over to her, "What happened to him?"
"I removed the devices the Borg used to control him, but there were complications. He's still critically injured." She replied diplomatically, telling half the story.
That was when Troi walked in. She couldn't sense Picrard at all, but she could sense Beverly's significant distress and guilt. At first she thought he might be dead, but then she saw him on the biobed, with Crusher fervently working the controls above him. "Is he going to be okay?" Troi asked, hoping they'd beamed him up in time.
"I think so. Physically at least." Crusher replied.
"I can't sense anything from him." Troi replied.
Crusher nodded, not concerned, "He's under strong anesthesia. What happened?" She asked, knowing Troi had likely come from the bridge and may know more than she did. She could confirm what Crusher suspected.
"We beamed him here from a depressurized airlock." Troi replied quietly.
Crusher nodded, "This was a suicide attempt?" She asked, keeping her voice down.
Troi nodded, she could see Beverly trying to blink the beginnings of tears away, knowing she needed to concentrate on her work. "Are you alright?" Troi asked.
"I never should have left him alone. I was called away for an emergency and he said he'd be okay on his own for a bit, but he immediately walked out an airlock." Crusher said, clearly very upset. She noticed she was speaking louder than she should have been and many of the survivors were staring at her, at them. A part of her knew he wouldn't be bothered with them knowing what he did, that in some twisted way he had done it for them.
Troi nodded listening. "This isn't your fault." Troi told her, "You were doing your duty."
"Are you telling me to blame him? For lying that he'd be okay on his own for a few minutes?"
"No. This isn't his fault either. He's just a patient having life threatening complications to a severe injury." Troi replied. "It doesn't matter that the complications are for a psychological injury and not a physical one. It's no different than if he'd had a purely physical complication." Troi replied. "The only ones at fault here are the Borg. Blaming yourself for what the Borg did is irrational and counterproductive."
"Either way I should have recognized how unstable he was and I shouldn't have left him alone." Crusher replied.
"You did what you had to do. He isn't your only patient." Troi replied.
"That doesn't make me feel any better. I hate seeing him in this much pain, especially when there's so little I can do about it. I can't even sedate him and let him sleep, because he'll have horrifying nightmares. Anything I give him strong enough to help with the pain will cause significant cognitive impairment that makes it harder for him to process what happened."
"You can't fix everything." Troi told her. "He needs time."
"If you want to help, can you arrange quarters for the survivors that are well enough?" Crusher asked.
"Of course." She answered.
***
"Captain, there's a Klingon bird of prey decloaking about one AU away from us on the side of the debris field." Worf said.
"Hail them." Riker answered.
"They're hailing us."
"Onscreen."
"I am Captain Vogreth of the battleship Ben'Toth. We picked up a distress call, may we be of assistance?"
"I'm sorry you missed the party." Riker said.
"It was a good day to die." Vogreth replied.
"We've been finding survivors, many wounded. We need doctors and medical supplies."
"We only have one medic onboard and limited medical supplies." Vogreth replied.
"What's your top speed?" Riker asked.
"Warp 9. Why?"
"We have several large shuttles full of medical personnel and supplies enroute. Their top speed is warp 5, so they're several days away. If you could pick them up, and rendezvous with us, that would be most appreciated." Riker said.
The Klingon captain looked unhappy with that request. Worf added, "With how few resources we have left in this sector, they may need tactical support."
"Understood Enterprise, we'll pick up your shuttles."
"Thank you very much for your assistance. We'll tell them to expect you."
***
Crusher gave Picard a hypospray to wake him. He seemed surprised to find himself in sickbay, looking up at her. "Beverly?"
"Jean-Luc." She replied, "How are you feeling?"
"A bit better." He answered honestly.
"Almost all of your neurotransmitters except norepinephrine and epinephrine are severely depleted. They've been low and unstable since you were rescued, but they've been trending down instead of up and that's concerning. I gave you a subneural injection while you were unconscious to bring your levels back to 80% of normal."
"Wouldn't that be typical of PTSD?" Troi asked.
Crusher shook her head, "Not like this. This is significantly lower than what you would see in a pure psychiatric reaction, it's more like severe drug withdrawal or some kind of chemical suppression."
"You said they were directly manipulating your emotions?" Troi asked Picard.
Crusher looked at him concerned, and he nodded in confirmation. "What exactly did they do?" Crusher asked, he visibly cringed, he didn't want to talk about it. "Can you tell me if it was consistent or episodic?"
"Both." He answered.
"From what he described earlier they were using some kind of direct neuro-physiological stimulation." Troi answered.
"And neither of you told me about this because...?" Crusher asked. She then looked at Picard, "You have an excuse, your brain wasn't functioning properly, but you..." she said turning to Troi, "should have known I needed to know something like that. Direct neuro-physiological stimulation causes dangerous neurochemical imbalances that require immediate medical treatment."
"I thought you already knew, and patient confidentiality prevents me from..." Troi answered hesitantly.
"I'm subject to the same confidentially rules you are. You should know the after effects of direct neuro-physiological stimulation need to be treated medically. It looks nearly identical to simple withdrawal with a tricorder, but it's not the same. The synaptic damage those techniques cause gets harder to treat the longer you wait." Crusher said, her tone unusually sharp.
"When was the last time you slept more than six hours uninterrupted?" Troi asked.
"Don't make this about me." Crusher snapped. Troi nodded, knowing Crusher was exhausted and under a lot of stress. She made a mental note to discuss with Crusher later.
Troi turned back to Picard, "Can you tell me what you were thinking?"
"I thought the voices would make me hurt someone. I couldn't allow that." He answered.
"You were hearing voices in your head you thought were telling you to hurt someone?" Troi asked, very concerned, looking at Crusher. "So you tried to take your own life because you were afraid you would listen to them?"
He nodded weakly, "That's an oversimplification. They already made me kill more people than we've been able to count."
"I can give you a neuroleptic that should help prevent any recurrence." Crusher said as she picked up a hypospray.
"I wasn't hallucinating, doctor. I wish I were." He answered. "Why does everyone keep assuming something is wrong with my brain?"
"Because something is very wrong with your brain." Crusher replied. "Do you want to see what I removed from your brain two days ago? I'm just glad none of the physical damage to your brain is permanent. I still have you on high doses of drugs to keep your intracranial pressure stable and prevent bleeding in your brain, and those drugs will usually cause extreme fatigue and impaired cognition. You wouldn't be fit for duty based on the effects of traumatic brain injury alone. That doesn't even account for the severe neurochemical imbalance you're suffering from, or the psychological trauma. You're suffering from a traumatic brain injury and in drug withdrawal at the same time. There is a lot wrong with your brain right now, but it will heal. You need to rest, let yourself recover, and tell me if you're in pain or something is wrong."
"I can't rest. I just keep seeing the destruction I caused, faces of people they killed, dead friends. Thinking about the long term damage to the Federation." He said, tearing up. "Thinking how betrayed you all must have felt."
"We didn't feel betrayed, we knew they were forcing you to do those things. We've only been worried about you." Crusher said, gently running her hand over his head. "I can give you something stronger to make this easier on you."
"You mean something that's going to make it impossible for me to feel anything? No. I've had enough of that. I need to feel it."
"I'll admit the medical options for that are not ideal, that's why I haven't done it already, but I don't want to leave you in more pain than you can handle. Given you just walked out an airlock, and you need to rest to recover from surgery..."
"I'll do whatever it takes to make sure those things are never in my head again. I can't be here like this, I'm a danger to all of you."
Troi stepped in, "So far the only thing you did because you heard the voices may have saved all of our lives. Even if you could hear them, they weren't forcing you to hurt anyone. Just because you can hear them doesn't mean they can control you."
"If I can hear them, can they hear me? That would make me a security risk to the Federation. I won't let them use me like that again."
"You say you don't think you were hallucinating, was it more like a telepathic transmission?" Troi asked.
"Yes. I was hearing the thoughts of the Borg collective. I didn't imagine it."
"Were you hearing voices when you walked out the airlock?" Troi asked.
"No."
"Just earlier on the bridge?" She asked.
He nodded.
"You saved all of us then. That's the second time you saved us all since we rescued you." Troi replied. "Is this really about protecting others, or is it about trying to get away from your own pain?" Troi asked.
Picard thought about it for a minute, "Honestly councilor, I don't know."
"If you thought you were a threat to the ship, why didn't you tell Riker before doing something so drastic?" Troi asked, "When you are in command, would you accept someone else's decision to walk out an airlock if they thought they were a threat to the ship? Especially if the evidence they were a threat was poor, and Crusher told you their judgement was severely impaired?"
"Of course not."
"Then do you think you were acting rationally?"
"I can't have them in my head again, no matter what it takes."
Crusher replied, "I want you to wear a cortical monitor for a while, so I'll have a record of what happens if this occurs again. It will help me figure out what's going on and how and stop it." Crusher said. "We're going to figure this out, and you're going to recover. Trust me."
"I trust you, I just don't trust myself."
"I know." She said, again stroking his face, "For now let your trust in us be enough. We're going to take care of you until you're back on your feet."
***
"I heard what happened." Guinian said, standing in the doorway of Picard's quarters.
"What are you talking about?"
"That you tried to take a spacewalk without an EV suit." She replied.
"You are the last person I expected to care, or at least I thought you'd understand." He said looking at the ceiling, his voice monotone. She realized he hadn't looked her in the eye since he returned.
She cringed internally, regretting she hadn't come to see him earlier, playing their last conversation over in her head wondering if she contributed to this, or if waiting this long to see him had contributed to this. She couldn't stand the idea that she could have lost him forever because she couldn't bring herself to tell him what she knew he needed to hear, that she forgave him, that she knew he wasn't responsible for what they made him do, and that she still wanted and needed him here. It disturbed her to hear him say he thought she would approve of his taking his own life. "Of course I care."
"I won't have those things in my head again."
"Jean-Luc, look at me." She said. He turned to look at her, meeting her eyes for the first time since he returned. Looking into his eyes she saw the blank look of a broken man. "I've lost enough to the Borg, I don't want to lose you too. Did it occur to you this is exactly what they want?"
"What do you mean?"
"For you not to survive removing their implants one way or another? To make this process so painful you would actually want to go back?"
He sat silently for a moment considering her hypothesis. "That would explain how I was in the worst pain of my life when I woke up after surgery."
"Are you still in physical pain?"
He nodded, "Crusher gave me something that makes it tolerable. She keeps telling me to take more if I need it, but it's already hard enough to think."
"You need to fight this. Don't let them destroy you. We need you. Riker isn't ready. He might be ready for his own command, but he isn't ready to captain the Enterprise."
"He seemed to do fine." Picard replied.
"After I gave him a bit of a kick in the pants. Even knowing they had you he kept asking himself what you would do. I was the one who told him trying to do what you would do wouldn't get us out of this. No one else noticed his error or had the guts to tell him. He is not ready and he is just keeping your seat warm. They all want you back."
"You think Starfleet will put me back in command of the Enterprise?"
"I know they will. The only person here who blames you for what happened is you. Everyone else is just waiting for you to get well. From what I understand you'll be back in command of the Enterprise as soon as Crusher says you're fit for duty." He nodded, relieved to hear that. "Now you can decide if you want to continue wallowing in self-pity, or if you want your life back."
"No one is ever going to respect me again."
"I know that's not true. The real question is when you'll be able to respect yourself again." He nodded. "I know you're strong enough to get through this. Let Troi and Crusher help you."