Funeral & Confession
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"You were sleep walking, (Y/n)," Arriane cupped my cheek, pulling my gaze away from the fire, "Hey, breathe, take a deep breath. Are you all right? "
I followed her lead, taking deep breaths—and rasping slightly as I exhaled before Arriane took her hand away from my face. "I, I don't know. But I've never had a sleep walk before, and, and—, it felt like I was possessed or something. Is that how sleep walks work?"
"Unfortunately... yeah, I guess so," Arriane averted her eyes, seemed confused in her own response.
Then I heard someone in the crowd from the entranceway say, "Someone saw (Y/n) standing in front of the building when it happened," a girl said to her friend, who gasped, and they gave me judge looks.
"What are you looking at?" snarled Arriane.
"Arriane, what's going on?" I gulped uncomfortably as people stared at me.
Randy yelled from the main hall, "Everyone go back to your dorms right now!"
While Randy led everyone back to the stairs, Gabbe ran towards us, catching her breath as she grabbed Arriane's arm and exclaimed, "Luce is in the infirmary!"
"Oh no, is she okay?" Arriane's eyes dilated in shock.
Gabbe glanced at the building on fire from outside the window, "Luce got out, she and Penn got out the building."
What, they were in the library? Oh my god, did I cause this? Am I really that cursed? My heart heaved with panic. Arriane and I immediately ran, followed Gabbe into the next hall, heading our way to the infirmary.
We ran through the corridors, and we saw Penn standing next to a door where Luce was confined, looking rough and dirty, she was anxiously biting her nails, and she looked up as she saw us approaching. "Penn!" I yelled.
"Luce, she— she's resting now,— she'll be fine," Penn said, her anxiety attacking her and tears streaming down her cheeks.
"What happened?" Arriane gulped as we three came to a halt. Gabbe opened the door and we saw Luce lying motionless on the bed, and Daniel just walked out the room without looking at us, leaving us with puzzled expressions.
"Penn, are you okay?" I asked, carefully reaching for her arm to comfort her.
Penn looked up at me, her eyes red and glittering from tears, crying, "Todd didn't make out-" and my heart twisted as Penn wrapped her arms around me. I gently patted her back, "I'm so sorry, Penn." I couldn't take her cries, it was so heavy that it affected me that I started crying as well while I had flashbacks of the incident at the party.
"He didn't make out, Todd,-"
"Penn, I'm sorry," I said, heartbroken over Todd's death in the fire. I didn't know what else to say but kept apologizing, my heart twisting from the way Penn cries with her body shaking.
Penn let me go, sniffling and wiping her nose, eyes, and nose, "Luce, she tried to save him but couldn't, the fire grew bigger and faster, and I—,"
"I'm so sorry about Todd, Penn. He didn't deserve it, I know." I wiped her cheeks and hugged her again, her arms tightened around me for comfort.
Penn's voice cracked miserably, "I thought Luce and I were going to die."
"Shh, I'm glad you're both alive, Okay?" I let Penn go, we both wiped her cheeks again, she nodded slowly, wiped her nose with the back of her hand before grabbing my hand and leading me inside the room as Arianne approached Luce.
Luce, even though she appeared to be sleeping peacefully on the bed with a dextrose and oxygen tube attached to her body, I'm just glad she survived.
"Is Luce all right?"
"Yes, don't worry, she'll be fine," Gabbe responded.
I cast a sympathetic glance at Penn and Arriane while looking down at Luce. I nodded and walked out of the room, hearing Arriane call Gabbe's attention, "Gabbe, we need to talk," before closing the door behind me.
As anxiety attacked me, I bit the tip of my thumb and stared down at my bare feet. In disbelief, overthinking the situation, and still confused as to how I ended up in front of the building, unaware, without knowing that I happened to sleep walk there, but how? How did that happen?
Then I heard footsteps from down the hall, and I looked over my shoulder to see Cam, who paused as he saw me in the distance, was breathing rapidly as if he had rushed his way here, and he looked weary and dirty, his dark hair messy.
"Cam?" I looked at him, puzzled that he smiled faintly as if he was glad to see me okay, he ran as fast as he could and he stopped, standing close to me, raising his arm hesitantly to hold me, as if he wanted to catch me into his arms, instead he just gave me a look, checking to see if I was hurt. "What happened to you?" I puzzledly asked, looking up at him. Was he in the library?
"I thought you were in the library," he exhaled relievedly, his eyes wide with concern.
"I, no, I wasn't in there—" I frowned, bemused, did he get inside the burning library to look for me? "how could you have thought I was in the library?"
Cam averted his gaze, licked his lower lip, and said, "I just, I was..."
Thinking about you. . ? His eyes begged him to say those words to me, and I could feel it in my heart from the way he looked at me so intently, but he couldn't. "It's a small school, so I guessed you were there.— Are you okay?" he said as he looked at his hands lingering to hold me.
"I'm okay, Cam," I said, dipping my chin and looking up at his concerned eyes, persuading him to look back at me, which he did.
"Is everyone okay?" He looked out the small square window and saw everyone inside the room.
"Yeah, Luce and Penn, they got out, but," I sniffled, my eyes damped, "Todd didn't make it out, and I, I—" I glanced down at my bare feet, which Cam noticed. Yeah, I know, I may have looked crazy with my pajamas and bare feet outside the dormitories, and I'm not sure how to explain to him that I had just sleep walked outside and nearly died of fire, but thank goodness Arriane caught me.
My head ached from overthinking what had happened to me, I wiped my nape anxiously and turned away as I bent down, crouched, leaned my back against the wall, and hid my face beneath my palms in shame. I couldn't control my emotions, so I let it out, muttering, "Fuck, something is wrong with me."
Cam frowned and immediately bent and sat down next to me, "Hey, there's nothing wrong with you, (Y/n)," he said sincerely, desperately wanting to hold me with his hand resting over his knee, lingering to hold my hand.
"No, you don't understand, I think I almost died tonight," I sniffled, wiping my wet eyes as I lifted my head and stared at the ceiling, stretching my legs out on the floor as I fully sat down, feeling the cold tiles above my pajamas, feeling like giving up in this moment.
"What?" Cam couldn't say anything else, he was as bewildered as I was, lowering his head to keep his gaze on me, letting me know he was right beside me.
"Cam, I nearly got inside the burning library while sleeping, insane, right?" I said flatly, returning his gaze. That came out exactly as ridiculous as it sounds.
Cam blinked multiple times as he tried to catch up with me, his mind racing, a puzzled expression on his face as he stared at his combat boots. "You were sleepwalking? How did you get there?"
"I don't know, I've never had sleepwalking before,— it's just," I exhaled deeply, trying to remain calm, "I just feel insane right now." and lost.
Cam furrowed his brows and asked, "Were you dreaming?" I hadn't expected him to ask that question, but he was— dead serious about it.
"Yeah, . . I barely remember anything."
I wanted to say that I also heard someone in my dream talk to me, the one with the deep and creepy voice, which was so strange and new, but I don't want to keep this conversation going because I'm tired and confused, and I just want to go home, not that home, but a home where I feel free and safe, and I don't know when I'll be able to feel that way again.
Cam averts his gaze once more, as if he's struggling to say anything or ask questions, and wishing he could've said something. I mean, I understand him. I would have felt the same way in this situation, hearing your friend almost die for an absurd reason. Sleepwalking into the fire? Totally insane.
"Cam," I say softly as I gathered myself, and his green eyes met mine, they are so vibrant and beautiful every time I look at them, and I just feel safe and comfortable, and I wish I could just stare at it for hours because of it. Cam was looking at me sympathetically, moving his face closer and looking down at my lips as I leaned in to say another word.
"Hm?" He waited patiently for me, his gaze fixed on mine. Cam is so unpredictable, that 'hm' always makes me feel at ease with his gentle tone. I'd rather lay my head on top of his shoulder and close my eyes and listen to him humming like that or humming whatever song, even if it's a metal song.
At this point, I don't know how to handle myself in this situation, I just feel so lost and helpless. "Can you take me back to my dorm?" I asked, a little ashamed.
He had a small faint smile on his face and nodded, "Yeah," he said softly with comfort, so willing to guide me back there safely. "I'll take you back to your dorm," he stated calmly.
"Thanks." I said sheepishly, my cheeks flushed in embarrassment, but I just feel like I need someone right now who makes me feel safe and not alone, someone who's like Cam, I remember how the way he listens to me since my first day in that rooftop, and the diner before the disaster. He just. . gets me. He understands everything I'm feeling, even if he couldn't express many words with me today.
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"See, I already have told you a moment ago that she was sleep walking while it happened, you even saw it in the cctvs!" Rexha groaned as she grabbed my arm and yanked me away from the two officers.
"Sorry, thank you for answering our questions miss (Y/n), and please stay safe." they said apologetically, and I just gave them a nod in saying-thank you before they walked away.
Rexha stroked my back for comfort as I turned to see Todd's parents and friends mourning him in the casket several feet away as we stood outside.
Someone's fingertips brushed against mine, startling me, and I looked up to see Seth, thinking he was someone else. Cam. I thought it was him, "It's not your fault, (Y/n)," Seth stroked my forearm, trying to ease my grief and pain over Todd's death.
Seth stroked my arm, but I didn't mind because I was uneasily remembering the fire incident, "A lot of people saw me standing there, motionless in front of the burning building. Of course, they'll think I did something, because everyone just knew my history," I said, frowning deeply. I wanted to walk into Todd's funeral and pay my respects, but everyone's attention would be drawn to me once I entered because they knew.
I took a step forward but was too hesitant, then Seth lifted his arm and looked down at me as if he read my mind, and I felt a little embarrassed. "I've got your back, come on," he softly said.
"And I'm right behind you," Rexha said, gently patting my back.
Seth smiled softly, as if nothing awkward had happened between us on Parents Day, while I was still trying to forget about it. "Just focus on your way, on Todd, and don't worry about anyone."
I nod with a deep sigh, "Fine." I grabbed Seth's arm, he gently clutched my hand in between his arm and abdomen, keeping it secure, keeping me secure in his arm while I began to move on, to Todd, while some people's eyes in the back were on me.
I stood in the corner, a few feet away from Todd's casket, next to Penn and Luce. Penn was shaking in sorrow, tears streaming down her cheeks, her heart breaking to see the person she cared about had suddenly died from this unpredictable world. I took my hand off Seth's arm to cross my arms while staring at Todd's casket and sensing people's eyes on me, and seeing Todd's parents were crying hysterically over him, twisting my heart.
Penn saw me, "(Y/n)." Her eyes were red and wet, she looked a mess, so I moved towards her and Luce, brushing Penn's hair off the side of her face before wrapping my arms around her and rubbing her back for comfort.
"I'm sorry, Penn." I cast a long glance over my shoulder and noticed Cam in the back of the funeral, who was crossing his arms and standing next to a tree, his eyes stern as he glanced over at Seth.
As I let go of Penn, Luce hugged me on the side, and I'm glad she's doing well now. I laid my head on hers, and she rubbed her temple on mine as she cried quietly. Feeling terrible, I knew Todd and I weren't that close, but he seemed like a good kid from the way he treated Penn whenever I saw them together, making her smile and laugh like she was the only girl in his world. And this, this funeral, he didn't deserve to be gone so soon. May him rest in peace, the peace he deserves.
Seth gently drew me closer, folded his arms around me, pressed my head against his broad chest, and that's when I felt my tears well up. I just felt terrible, having been through so much, and I didn't know why I was feeling so guilty of what I didn't even know. "It'll be okay," he whispered above my head, his hold making me feel— safe and good? Even though I wished it had come from someone else,— I later realized that the hug he was giving me was exactly what I needed at this moment.
Some people had returned to the reception area, and Rexha was conversing with Arriane, most likely about how irritated they were with the officers for accusing me again. "Like? Randy already showed them the cctv clip!" Arriane muttered angrily under her breath.
Seth returned, approached me with a paper cup of water and one big baked cookie on a paper plate, offering it to me, and I said "Thanks." I took one sweet bite and three sips of water, and he then smoothed my hair in the back of my head, trying to comfort, which I kind of winced at because that hug he gave me a moment ago was already enough, and I just didn't like people pitying me in this way while I'm feeling so down, I know it's obvious I looked exhausted and stressed because of everything I've been through, but I just get uneasy when people show me how terrible I feel.
"Hey," he dipped his chin, his amber eyes fixed on mine. "Can we talk?— privately?"
Now? I looked around the room for Cam, as I remembered seeing him at the funeral and now he's gone. I wanted to approach him after the officers questioned me about the incident, but Seth came in and interrupted me, not complaining though he comforted me, but I just wished I could talk to Cam.
"Okay." I said with a slight nod.
Seth and I walked through the woods behind the Augustine, my eyes darting around looking for someone in the field. Seth held and squeezed my hand, which surprised me, he obviously wanted me to pay attention to him before saying, "I know it's a bad time, but I got something for you." He pulled out a small square gift box and handed it to me, "Bought this the night before Parents Day, I was about to give it to you."
I furrowed my brows and looked down as I opened it, a stainless steel bracelet with three daisies, I almost stammered from how simple but really pretty it looks, then I remembered Seth slurring his words and calling me Daisy that night in the infirmary. That was odd.
"Why?" I returned his gaze, surprised.
"It just reminds me of you, that's all."
"I mean, this is really sweet, Seth, thank you, but—" I closed the gift box, making Seth lower his shoulders as he assumed I didn't like it, that I was going to reject his gift, but I didn't want to make him feel that way, so I smiled. I mean, the bracelet is lovely, but why? What is this for? I chuckled weakly, "what's the occasion?" I gave him an inquisitive look.
"Oh, I heard your birthday is coming up soon, so I made a move to give you an early present before anyone else does." a smug smirk formed on his face, playfully boasting with his head tilted high, obviously teasing me, and it made me chuckle once more.
"You serious? How did you know my birthday was coming up so soon?"
Seth shrugged and blew his lips, looking away as if wishing I could've worn the bracelet right now, a faint grin on his face. "You're kind of famous here in both good and other ways, so.— And no offense."
None taken, I'm used to everyone interfering in my miserable life. I curled my lips, little amused, and just nodded, "I know that." yes, I know that in the other way.
"Besides, this is also my thank you gift for helping me with my schoolwork," Seth tucked my hair behind my ear as the soft wind blew across my face, he caressed my cheek with his knuckles as he moved closer, he tilted his head to the angle.
He pecked my cheek softly, his breath was warm, hitting over my neck, shivering my spine, and his amber eyes locked on mine as he backed away, "I adore you, (Y/n)," he smiled faintly before glancing down at my lips, and he gently pinched my chin.
Is he serious?
Seth likes me?
He likes me.
Seth looked down at my lips, he was now going for it since the last time we almost kissed and were interrupted by Arriane, and now that no one has to disturb this time, with his eyes glued on my lips in desperation, and I couldn't believe and wonder if he really likes me in this way, the way he looked at me feels like he doesn't just like me, I sensed desperation from that needy gaze, but also there was a feeling of—connection?
Connection, why do I suddenly feel like there's something between us? Strange. I like him too, but not in this way. He's just a friend to me, even if I sometimes want to kick his ass for being annoying and irritating.
But my heart, beating in this way tells me, he is not the one. Because my heart was too excited and nervous at the same time, and I didn't feel truly calm.
I just stared, stared back at his amber eyes that were examining every details of my face with admiration, while I was just frowning and wishing he was someone else with green eyes.
When he lifted my head, his thumb stroked my chin and jawline, he drew my face closer, his lips lingered to mine—then he moved his head above to give me a kiss on the forehead, his peck was deeper than he did on my cheek, my cheeks reddened by what was going on? "A sweet innocent kiss for now," he whispered against my temple.
Okay, I wasn't expecting this. And I hate it and myself for allowing him to kiss me twice. I was just stunned.
Then Seth's collar was suddenly yanked by someone's grip, causing him to stumble backwards, and I let out a small gasp, looking up to see Cam staring down at Seth, "You're not really going to stop, are you?"
"Cam!— what the hell are you doing?"
He looked over his shoulder, trying to hold back his rage as he met my gaze, "What was he doing to you?" he asked uneasily, he couldn't get over how he sees Seth was giving me kisses as if he been watching us whole time.
"W-what? He's doing nothing wrong, Cam," I almost faltered, feeling guilty about the fact that the guy I like saw me with this other guy who was being overly affectionate towards me. I mean, I wasn't sure if what Seth did was wrong because I was so confused, like I was suddenly out of my mind, and something got into me from the way he looked at me like that.
"You really need to sort out your anger issues, bro," Seth scoffed, straightening his spine and stretching his shoulder.
"Don't fucking bro, me." Cam gripped Seth's collar and shoved him hard, causing Seth to shift backwards and hit his back on the oak tree, causing the white owl on the twig to flee.
I gaped in disbelief when Cam swung his fist and hit Seth's jaw, who staggered to his feet. "What the fuck is going on with you guys?" I shifted towards Cam and pushed him backwards away from Seth.
Cam cast a quick glance over me, his nostrils flaring, "Stay back and mind your own business," he said adamantly.
"Excuse me?" I said flatly, my gaze fixed on Cam. I think my heart skipped a beat because I didn't expect him to come at me like that, typical unpredictable Cam. He was so nice and sweet to me two nights ago, and now he's a jerk.
Seth flexed his jaw, stinging from Cam's punch, then chuckled harshly and waved me off, "Yeah, can you (Y/n)?" I looked at him, perplexed by his response, then he met my gaze, smirking, "He owns you, so listen to him like a good kitty." and cocking his head to the side in amusement when he called me a kitty.
What? The fuck?
Cam and I both grimaced and looked at each other, "Oh, fuck off," I scoffed sternly at Cam, I don't know what to feel right now. But Really? Am I really that easy? Am I being played by these two guys?
Cam ignored me and returned his gaze to Seth, snarling, "You stay away from her."
Cam threatening Seth as if I were a clueless stupid child who hangs out with a dangerous stranger, what is he doing? I arched my brow in disbelief. Why is he acting like this? Being all that protective all of a sudden when I started talking to someone like Seth, but Cam isn't even that protective of me towards Tony and the other guys in school.
I'd be more surprised if he started making life decisions for me. I scoff in disbelief, shaking my head, my amusement masking my annoyance.
"And why should I?" Seth snarkily grinned, licking the inside of his cheek, mocking Cam.
Okay, I want to get out of here, I don't want to be involved in this fight again like the last time in the diner, it's so confusing and tiring, and it's especially ridiculous for them to keep going like this while at Todd's funeral, I sneered "Hey, nobody fucking owns me here, okay? And hell, I'm not gonna stop you guys fighting over me again, I don't give a shit anymore," I said angrily as I walked past Cam first, then Seth, to head off, but Seth grabbed my arm.
My eyes were glaring at Seth, "Don't fucking touch me." Now, I don't even know if he really likes me or just playing around at this point.
"Wait," he pleaded, but I yanked his hand off my arm, and I'm not stupid for this shit, I shoved the gift box to his broad chest, and he caught it.
"If you think you're fooling me easily and winning me over this shit,—" I looked at Cam, who was watching me, keeping a stoic face while he seemed to be regretting something. "I'm not the one you can have for your entertainment," I continued as I looked back at Seth.
"Come on, (Y/n)," Seth said, either intrigued or puzzled from my response.
Then I cast a quick glance-over at Cam, as I had referred to that statement to him as well, and he was probably rethinking his decision to continue this fight with Seth.
Seth gulped, "It's not what you-" I cut him off as I lifted my hand over his face and walked away. Shut up, and I'm done with you and this. I've got my own problems to deal with, and I don't want this shit adding to them.
"(Y/n)," Cam called me emphatically.
"No, fuck off both of you," I responded sternly.
I noticed Cam regretting his inability to control his rage towards Seth in front of me. Clenching his jaw and averting his gaze, he hoped I would stay and listen to his upcoming explanation, but I kept going and exited the woods.
I don't care if they continue their fight, I just don't want to see them fight over me again, but honestly, I'd like to know what the reasons are and why they're behaving this way.
I made my way back inside the reception, hiding behind the crowd in the corner, leaning against the wall as I watched everyone having conversations. I noticed Todd's parents talking to Penn, and their eyes lit up as they shook Penn's hand. And there was Daniel and Gabbe standing next to the table with full of snacks, Daniel spotted me and waved his hand to say hello with a soft smile on his face, Gabbe noticed him and did the same thing, she smiled and waved her hand cheerfully then she lifted a frosted cupcake, mouthed "You want some?" then she waved her hand by motioning me to come over there.
I mouthed back "Later." with my nose scrunched, and waving my hand up and down, motioning her not to mind me.
"I didn't mean to pry, but why did you sleep walk outside when the fire happened?" Molly stood next to me, her mouth almost full from eating a frosted cupcake.
I just looked over her, crossed my arms, ignoring her existence and that tiresome question, until she raised the cupcake to me and said, "You want one?"
"No," I replied lightly with a stoic expression, then turned to face her with a fake smile, "Can you bother someone else because I'm not in a good mood."
"You're always not in a good mood, why? Is it because someone else is bothering you besides me, like those two reform bad boys, Seth— and Cam?"
I sighed in frustration, cringed, stood up straight, and was about to walk away when Molly interrupted, "Don't you think Cam is hiding something?"
That sentence made me pause, so I turned my head slightly and asked flatly, "What are you talking about?" without looking Molly in the eyes.
"Hm, you know, I'm just as curious as you, (Y/n), I know you've been thinking about Cam being a strange guy," she cocked her head to the side like a child, "Have you seen his pocket watch?"
"Pocket watch?" I squinted and averted my gaze, recalling seeing it when Cam was stitching my wound in the infirmary.
"Uhuh."
"The one he keeps in his pocket?" My curiosity began to keep me awake. I'm not sure, but I think there's just something with that pocket watch.
"Yeah, that thing he's been keeping for like years," she said with a fake yawn, exaggerating the "years" part, making me scoff.
"And what does that have to do with me?" I snapped, looking away, and making Molly look nonsensical.
"Well, you don't want to find out where it came from?" Molly's face popped up next to me, a sly smile spread across her face, "find out of what Cam's hiding?" she added, slightly mischievously giggling, like a demon whispering in my head to attempt me to do such rebellious things.
I groaned grimly at her being so close to me. I then walked away, shaking my head irritably as she was probably just messing around, messing with me.
However, she is right.
Cam is definitely hiding something, he's been a strange guy since I met him.
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