A/n I know nothing about baby/ toddler milestones so... uh.
It's been some weeks and Val was walking now and I was so proud of her. It was the day I was teaching her how to walk. At first she was kinda unresponsive then she got the hang of it so one day I was using the bathroom and she randomly barges in and start clapping. Weird moment but definitely unforgettable.
This weekend was her birthday so I was preparing for that. Every single day like clockwork Jovian would call me at night, I'd enjoy our little late night talks.
It was ten at night and I was causally waiting for his call. Dammit now I can't wait to talk to him everyday. I need help.
I sat in bed with Val as I showed her flash cards of basic commands and repeated them to her to try and get her to start talking more. Her saying Mama all the time isn't working anymore.
"Eat." I did the sign language symbol also, I read that helped kids.
"E" she sounded out the letter. Well she's close. After thirty minute I stopped waiting and tucked Val into bed. Of course I had to play some type of Disney move in the background to help her fall asleep.
I sat in the living room and opened a bottle of wine. Val party was going to be outside by the pool so I thought I would at least start on blowing up some balloons. A whole bottle of wine and finished balloons later I passed out on the couch
♡
"Honey I'm home!!" Someone waking me up, I shuffled around on the couch, cuddling into the pillow. "Go away" I mumbled before thinking, who the fuck in my house? Well does it really matter? I'm not dead now.
I looked up the sun staring back at me. My head was pounding from blowing up the balloons and the wine. Everything was blurry without my glasses but I made out three figures. Ansel, Jovian and Kia. I groaned "Go away I need sleep"
"Damn thought I was at least going to get a hug" Not if you're disturbing my slumber. "Wake up princess it's one in the afternoon." Jovian annoying ass voice made my head pound. Work! Important documents! Sleep? No no. Work! They are counting on you. Signed contracts! I sat up looking around. Val was walking towards me before she attempted to pull herself on the couch.
"Oh I forgot I had one of these" I stood up remembering I'm in a hurry. "This has been a lovely visit truly exquisite but I need things done. I have things to do. In other words, I need a babysitter." I barely acknowledge Kia. She looked shocked Val was walking. Wait hold the telephone, Ansel and kia? ANSEL AND KIA is here? That's why it seemed so tense in here."
"Yeah I gotcha." Jovian outreaches his arms to Val and she willingly went to him then Ansel made a face "I call dibs"
I took that time to go to my room and start picking out a work outfit. Hell I hate having to dress formally. The least I could do was follow dress code. I found a white blouse and jeans. I really don't want to wear jeans or a blouse. My sweatpants and sweatshirt was practically calling my name.
Once I got dressed I did my hair and it took longer than I expected. Not gonna lie I've been thinking about cutting off my hair or getting braids. I might get braids, doing my hair has become to tiring. Especially on days when I have a bad day then having to worry about my hair is to much. Then I did my regular face routine. I got the files and my purse and I was out of my room. Held my sneakers in one hand and my purse and files in the other.
I was not wearing heels, i was just dropping something off. I went to the kitchen and saw Jovian and Ansel bribing Val with a cookie to see who she would walk to. Then when she saw me she started walking to me, I picked her up when she got to arm reach.
"Make sure she at least has a decent breakfast." I gave them a 'really' look. Then someone knocked on the door and Kia answered it. She looked over at me "It's hades" She looked at him weirdly before he pushed himself into the house.
"Hades I'm not dealing with your BS today" I said putting Val down so I can put on my shoes.
"I heard her birthday is soon."
"Ok?" I was irritated with him for the other day. He had no right.
"Jules we should talk in private." He looked around mostly at Jovian and Ansel.
I looked around just like he did and shook my head "Nah we good, what do you want?"
"Some of my family wants to meet Val."
"No." Immediately no.
"Jules what the hell?" Yeah we need to talk in private.
"Outside." I told him as I gathered my things and went outside with him right on my trail. "Family.. you're talking about the same family who verbally and physically abused you? I'm sorry Hades but no."
He looked at me with pleading eyes "This is my only way to prove myself to them"
"By using my daughter? No. " He punched the wall beside my head making me flinch. He trapped me in with his hand.
"Please Jules I need this one thing."
No I'm not falling into this pattern again. The punching wall thing has been done so many times to me at a point where I used to think it was normal for people who was angry.
I backed away from the wall being face to face with Hades "No. do I have to repeat no? And do some shit like that again and I'll make sure you never step foot in her life again." I looked into his eyes with a solemn expression. As I tried to walk away he grabbed my arm, not forcefully but softly. "You know you won't be able to raise her alone. I advise you listen to me or it'll get ugly" He smiled evilly. I snatched my arm back.
Feel your emotions. Well I'm pissed right now.
I stood frozen thinking about my decision, I've thought about it enough. My first connected with his jaw. With all the force I have I punched him. I hit him. "Threaten me again and I'll cut off your fucking balls and shove them so far down your throat they come out your ass." I looked at my fist that's red and a bit bloody "Look what you made me do. Oh! And I'm late. Have a great day" I smiled walking off, I didn't even look to see what number I did on his face.
♡
When I got home from work I was only there for an hour. I apologized for my absence and then was able to get home. When I opened the door the first thing I did was throw down my purse. I hate that Hades pushed me to that limit where I had to hit him. I kinda did feel guilt but I was tired of fucking males thinking they could talk to me or treat me any kinda way.
I snuck off to my room as everyone was invested in some baby rhymes. I changed into a white long sleeve shirt and jogging pants then stared at my knuckles. Damn I hit him pretty good. I searched my medicine cabinet then I heard a knock on my door "Come in!" I said still searching the medicine cabinet for something to bandage my knuckles with.
"What the fuck happened?" I turned to see Jovian standing by the door way of the bathroom.
"Less talking, help me look for some wrapping thing." I was avoiding the topic because it wasn't something I'm proud of. I don't really hit people, I mostly threaten them. Unless they piss me off.
"It's right here" he leaned over me reaching literally in front of me for the wrapping thing. "Oh" I mumbled attempting to grab it from him.
"I got it" He said undoing the wrap, i went in my room and sat on my bed. He stood in front of me and wrapped my knuckles, it didn't look bad it was just some skin tore and it kinda hurts.
"Jules what happened" I looked down at my hand. "I'm up here Jules" he patted my cheek and I swatted his hand away. Eye contact was weird very weird. I looked up at him "I Punched hades" I mumbled very very lowly.
"A little louder sweetheart" Please kill me now.
"Fine! I punched Hades and call me another pet name and you'll be next." I snatched my hand away from his grasp as he let out a laugh. Nothing is funny. It irritates me that he knows exactly how to get me talk. It's actually scary.
"And why'd you hit him?" He grabbed my hand again even though it's wrapped this time.
"Because he's an infuriating asshole who got one more time before I cut him into pieces and send him to his family. Piece by piece." Jovian looked at me confused "Well looks like you hit him good."
"Well it was well deserved." I looked at Jovian hand holding mine. It felt nice, it felt normal.
"Mama!" I heard as Val waddled to me. I stood up moving my hand from Jovians.
"Yes?" Then I watched as she did the eat sign language. I cut my eye at Jovian "Did y'all feed her?" He grinned.
"We got a bit distracted playing karaoke, by the way you have a future rock star." I picked up the nearest thing and threw it at him. He was lucky it was a pillow and he dodged it.
I picked Val up and led her to the kitchen. Now and and days I give her options and let her pick what she want to eat. As I was taking out the options Kia approached me.
"Jules can we talk?"
"Yeah hold on I'm trying to get her fed right quick" Step one letting her pick out her own fruit. I want her to try cherries soon but I'm scarred, Kayden is allergic to Cherries and I have this messed up logic that she's going to be allergic too.
"Blueberries or Strawberries?" I held up the containers and she pointed at the strawberries. "Strawberries" I said again to hope she pick up on the habit on saying it. And I did that for the rest of the things. She ended up eating Avocado toast with strawberries. The bread is like some baby bread thing.
When I finished I followed Kia out onto my back yard. "I'm sorry. It wasn't fair of me to say all that. I just want my best friend back."
"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I promise I'm trying to get better at this friendship thing" I know I was a horrible friend on my end. But at the same time I can't deal with a friendship like this at the moment.
"Can we just go back to talking?" I don't know, Alison was right I do need to meet new people.
"Yeah sure" pretending like what she said didn't hurt, hurt even more.
Express your feelings. Don't hold it in.
This is something small that can be ignored. I went back inside without another word. Val was almost done with her food and Ansel was sitting in front of her messing around.
I looked inside the fridge looking for some food. I took out leftover take out. "I can cook something if you want?" jovian offered appearing from mid air.
"Stop sneaking up on me." I mumbled placing my take out in the microwave "and no thank you." I was fine with leftovers. I really need to start cooking.
Since it was already afternoon it was time for Val nap soon. I looked at her and Ansel interact. She didn't seem tired, matter of fact she seemed more energetic than usual. If she didn't take a nap now she'll get cranky later in the day then I'll have to deal with her attitude. I got her and went to her room to change her diaper then tried to let lay down.
She just kept crying and yelling. "It's normal. Kids cry. She's just spoiled" I told myself. Lately I have been feeding into her tantrums so she didn't cry a lot.
When I got back to the kitchen I quickly ate my take out. "I'm going to the store in a minute. I have to get Val some presents and her birthday outfit choices, oh! And I need to pick up a cake. You wanna come with?" I asked Jovian. I might need a little help holding things.
"I knew you enjoyed my company." He smiled and I rolled my eyes "I need someone to hold the bags" I tried not to laugh at the way he looked at me boredly afterwards.
"When we leaving?" He asked, leaning on the counter.
"Now actually" I said, getting up.
♡
"Jules just pick one it's not that hard" Jovian asked as I looked around this baby clothing store. There was a brown bear or a dark brown bear.
"They're too cute" I picked up both and threw them them in the cart. I looked around the toys aisle "Val would be happy if I got her a roll of tissue. She has alor of toys yet she chooses to play with random shit." I looked on the shelf of toys. I picked out some dolls and pool floats. Then we looked around some clothes.
"She's more girly than I thought she would be, once I put her in basketball shorts and a tank top. She had a complete fit. Hell she even battle me with hoodies."
"So get her a tutu." A tutu?
"Like ballerina style?" He nodded then held up a pink tutu he found. "I don't know if it's the right size" he handed it to me and it was the perfect size. Interesting.
I picked her out some other clothes and a swimsuit. We started walking around the store some more. Then I saw her Maddie looking at something on a shelf. She haven't saw me yet. I grabbed Jovian wrist making him stop abruptly.
"I ghosted someone and they're right there." I slowly started walking backward. Jovian smirked "Maddie?!" He purposely yelled. She turned around smiling and waving at him then she saw me and waved at me. I obviously waved back I'm not a monster.
"I'm kicking your ass later" I whispered to Jovian through my smile. Maddie started walking over here and she stopped smiling at me "We never met up like we were supposed to." Uh damn.
Tears started forming in my eyes, I'm a really bad person "Yea I'm sorry" I wiped the tear from my face making my voice crack. "I had some personal things going on" I thought about something that made me upset and more tears fell "I'm so sorry, I just can't- I've just been so busy" this is the truth it really is I'm just making it more sad than it has to be.
"You're full of shit" Jovian said laughing Maddie looked between us as I tried not to laugh.
"He's right." I admitted "truth be told I just didn't feel like messing around with you anymore. I did have personal things going on and I'm sorry." I wiped my dramatic tears.
"Oh. Well I understand. Anyways I gotta go. My girlfriend is waiting for me." She pointed behind us and I glanced back.
"She's really pretty. I'm happy for you" I smiled at her but she didn't return the smile, not that I expected her to.
"Jules, you're going to hell." Jovian laughed at me. I wacked him in his stomach. We hurried up and left the store because it was raining hard. "I'll pull the car to the front."
"No it's fine, I don't mind getting a little wet." Probably not the best way to phrase it, jovian looked at me with a eyebrow raised. "Don't even" I said walking out in the rain. I really wasn't bad being in rain. I enjoyed it. Jovian practically ran to the car like he was scarred of rain and I was just walking. Well until I realized I'm wearing a white shirt and a red bra under. This is why I hate thin hoodies.
I'm fucked. Well it can't be that bad.
When I got in the car I was completely soaked. I leaned over to look on the rear view mirror. My hair was completely messed up and my mascara was running. I don't know why I decided to put on mascara today.
I looked over at Jovian and caught him shamelessly staring at my chest. "Eyes up here." I mocked his exact tone from earlier "Do you have a jacket or something it's cold." He reached in his backseat and handed me a black hoodie. I quickly put it on feeling the warmth of the material, it also smelled like jovian which was just a bonus.
He placed his chin on the steering wheel looking like he's in deep thought looking at the rain. "Rain reminds me of her. In some weird way it's comforting. It's like a reminder she's in better hands know." I brought my knees up my chest and listened as he told me more about how he feels when it rains, how badly it was raining the night she died.
He turned to look at me "What do you think?"
What do I think? I'm not sure what to think. "Rains peaceful, brings me into deep thought something about rain lured me in. ."
We soon pulled off and went to our next destination, which it was my daily thing I did for myself. I reached in the glove compartment and took out the journal that Alison wanted to write things to tell mom and dad. I haven't been to their grave in years, many many years. Me watching Val grow up and sprout into her own person made me want to go and tell mom and dad, one of my biggest accomplishments and I want them to know.
"Park on the side." I told him as I unbuckled my seatbelt.
"Why are we in a graveyard? I know I did some foul shit when I called Maddie over but let's talk about this before-"
"I'm not going to kill you" I cut him off as I sat in the car hesitantly.
"Jules. Do it. I don't know what you're about to do. But I see it on your face, you want to do it." My facial expressions don't be that easy to read. I got out of the car rain pouring down on me. I found my parents grave stone before taking a seat in front of it. I didn't care about the rain soaking my pants.
I looked at my journal before i took out the pages I wrote in. I tried to read them but the water soaked it ups sm the ink started to run "Fuck" I mumbled quickly apologizing for my choice of words
"This is weird." I stared at gravestones. "Imagine from going to talking to real people to talking to stone. It's depressing. Vals turning one soon. I don't know why I came here I just felt like hell I don't know. Why am I here? I think I met someone I could possibly spend the rest of my life with and I don't know what to do. Me and Kayden aren't talking and we possibly never will. And I hate how everything turned out. The real truth is that I didn't want any of this, none of it and I was just stuck with it. I still don't want any of it. And I don't want to fall in love but I am. And I just really need a hug from my mom sometimes. But I'll be okay."
Alison was right. I did feel some kinda relief being here. The closet I can be to them.
A/n
...stressing