The thirst I preserve inside for dark haired Juuzou is honestly at feral levels. These last two chapters are perverted but it's more because chapter 20 will be the end of the book. To smut or not smut, no idea but Identity Disorder is almost over :(
*also do I get brownie points for updating twice in a month?
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"I like you!"
Head cocked and expressionless, he answered Emiko's question as if it was simple as breathing. Her curtain of dark hair surrounded them as her coffee gaze stare into his own. The warm dim light casted a soft glow on the two as the roar of desire grew quieter.
Emiko admittedly was not a commonly sentimental person. She rarely expressed the full extent of was she felt, even with her own father. Cracks in her behavior only ever seen when centering around the stitched man beneath her. Emiko could not explain it but anything revolving Juuzou caused her to lose the reigns on her emotions.
Even now, sitting on his lap with hands holding herself up, her feelings crawled out of her without her own consent. She craved the ability to pull it all together. But instead she could only feel the warmth between her and Juuzou. Emiko tried to be angry and cold but only found them closer than before.
But she knew she was in trouble. She cursed not only Juuzou's name but her own because the three simple words he spoke gave her butterflies. Her face flushed and her heart skipped a beat off of such childish words. Emiko felt pathetic and almost appalled that it was so easy for Juuzou to tug her feelings from under her.
"You like me? Like as a friend?"
She watched Juuzou frown quietly and chew on his bottom lip. He seemed to pause to think before answering her question.
"I don't think so! I don't have the same feelings right now as I would with Mr. Shinohara or animals." Juuzou's face scrunched before he shot the dark haired woman a grin. He remembered that she was still on top of him and the reminder was enough to light up his face. Her figure leaned over his own and body so close to his brightened his grin.
"What feelings are you experiencing right now?"
The white haired man stared puzzled at Emiko as he pondered what she meant by the question. His hand had moved from her thigh to put a finger at his lip ponderously.
"Sleepy... Maybe a little hungry!"
Emiko shot a deadpanned expression at Juuzou before attempting to crawl off his lap, stiffening when his hands shot out to keep her in a sitting position on top of him. Her questioning gaze was answered with a bright grin.
"I like you where you are, Emi! Don't move."
The smallest hue of flush touched his skin and the sight was enough to still her. She felt the conversation would be so much smoother and easier if her hormones were not out of control. But like always, it bothered her that it was usually anything surrounding Juuzou that caused her to lose her grip on everything she learned.
"If I could describe the way I feel, it feels like lightning shocks me when we kiss! When we fight, it's like I'm flying and there's this warm rocking in my stomach. My favorite is when you blush so pretty!"
Face and ears filled with scarlet, Emiko felt her heart pound wildly in her chest. It was annoying how much such silly simple words affected her and she tried so hard to hold her cool and cold composure. But with the way his crimson eyes danced and his sharp grin carved at her, she struggled.
"You must really like it when I call you pretty." Juuzou practically purred under her and Emiko could only grimace. For someone who she assumed was so inexperienced, Juuzou flirted quite a bit. But whether or not he knew what he was doing was over her head. She just knew the flame that licked inside of her splashed hotly.
She craved to be pissed off and angry more than anything. Emiko hoped he would say something slick or insincere but instead she was under his dark predatory gaze. She could only give half hearted glares and try to drive away the fluster that tried so hard to litter her expressions. But she had a point to get across and refused to back down from it.
Juuzou would partake in a raid tomorrow evening. A raid big enough to require an entire ward to be cleared out and that made Emiko nauseous. She never worried about her father's safety this same way. Sure there was a basic amount of concern but she was always confident that Arima was the strongest and could beat anyone. Though she knew Juuzou's incredible strength, she questioned the discomfort at the idea of him in such a large scale battle. With how agitating Juuzou's presence was to the woman the last few months, she wondered at what point did the idea of Juuzou getting hurt cause her to be concerned. Even now, she would not hesitate to cut the man if he crossed her. But still...
"Juuzou, I'm supposed to be some kind of therapist to you. Not a love interest or a reason to incite violence. I also do not want to take advantage of a traumatized man who does not have enough experience to know if he cares or if this is all just physical responses."
Her gut felt like lead as her numb lips formed the words that left her mouth. She spoke the truth that was supposed to be spoken. In reality, those were the sentences that should have be out in the air months ago. But selfishly she burned from inside out with disbelief. She did not want to be logical or realistic. She was tired of being cold and cut. The way her heart rushed no matter what happened between the two was something she was growing accustomed to. If Juuzou took her words genuinely, this might be the last time they would be this intimate.
"Why are you so upset, Emi? You're mine. You lied to me but I'd kill for you just the same. I'd break the bones of anyone who touched you."
Juuzou shrugged with a low riding smile before flipping the two so that he was on top. His smile grew at the sight of dark hairs splashed across the pillow and wide coffee eyes piercing his gaze. He admired his doll and was reminded just how pretty he thought she was. Even more pleased that the blush he adored barely left her cheeks this night.
Much like the day in the alleyway, he remembered how warm it made him at the thought of her on top of him. But being on top of her was a new buzz underneath his skin that he happily welcomed.
His pale hands held up his body as he looked through his pale strands to connect their gazes. Close enough to almost touch noses, Juuzou grinned brightly at his Emiko. He knew that she had hurt him greatly but he would not be able to let her go so easily. He meant it when he said he wanted to return to her at the end of what would happen tomorrow.
Leaning so close, his gaze flickered brightly to her soft lips and found himself frenzied for more contact.
"I may be inexperienced but I am an adult who knows what I want. I am not letting you go, Emi. I'm not great with feelings but I feel so warm around you!"
Emiko could not look away from Juuzou's intense crimson eyes and found herself drowning as they seemed to swallow her deeper. The words provided a validation deeper than she thought she needed and it was almost overwhelming. After years of distancing herself from her emotions constantly, it was a wonder how the man unintentionally shattered her icy coat. So effortless and without a second thought. Somehow creating a contentment with the new chaos and shedding away from her calculated persona. She burned with so much more rage and carved her words with more intensity now then before.
... I am not letting you go.
The words tugged her chest heavily and she swallowed thickly. Something about hearing someone say they refused to let her go comforted the idle and unresolved feelings inside of her. She refused to admit out loud that Juuzou is somehow giving her a reassurance she needed emotionally. Refused to admit that the words oddly almost brought her to tears.
Instead she became very aware of just how close two were in that moment. His pale face so very close to her own. Only breaths from connecting.
"I'm still hunted by that ghoul organization. They are going to try to take me away from you."
She whispered softly, barely touching her lips to his own.
"But I'll always win for you, my Emi."
Juuzou spoke quietly with intensity. He paused for a moment, trying to string together words that conveyed what he wanted. Juuzou was never wise with words unless they were cynical in nature. Spilling his feelings as they came was so new to him. But seeing how subdued Emiko was with the comfort of his verbalized feelings, he left his comfort zone without another thought.
"I just want to come back to you after all of this. Tomorrow night the ward will be evacuated and you will be taken as well. Please don't think ill of me, my Emi."
The bright grin was back but there was something melancholic behind his scarlet eyes. The heaviness burning low in the background of it all, barely acknowledged due to the distraction of the heat between the two. But Juuzou wanting Emiko out of harm and having fear for her safety was not completely blinded out of view. His hushed voice and solid gaze revealed how much he cared for Emiko.
Why would he be so willing to damage anyone who dared touched her if he did not care?
Soft warmth filled her as she kissed Juuzou under the dim lighting of a single bedside lamp. The warmth and butterflies pulling at her gut as she tangled her fingers in his pale hair. A soft smile tugged at her lips at the feeling of his grin.
He sighed contentedly and it was enough to confirm he felt everything she did. He just did not seem to know how to explain it and it was harder because she found difficulty in spilling her guts. Especially with her feelings. The two spiraled in their own own difficulties at expression but physical connection seemed to suffice.
Juuzou benefited off of his ability to act with little thought. He gripped the slim waist and did whatever his body craved. He did not need an explanation for anything he did as long as it satisfied him. Happily yet heatedly kissing the dark haired woman beneath him, his hand crawled to her warm flesh beneath her tshirt. A pale hand biting his nails into her ivory skin.
Somewhere inside a voice whispered for her to be even closer. The way his heart slammed in his chest and his skin raised with the heavy buzz, he felt that tinge of lust burning him. The same tinge that stung him so hotly when he watched her bite into her own pink lips.
But when he thought about the way he hesitated, a bright revelation flared in his usually darkened mind. The decision that if he was going to do something so new, it would be with his Emiko. The one who gave him so many new feelings. It did not take much thought because who else would he consider when she belonged to him. It was only around her that he felt the same heat that flared across his body. Even her touch alone gave him goosebumps and little shocks of electricity. But he wanted so much more.
In this moment, when he took a second of shared huffed breaths and starry gazes, he could not leave the delightful state of mind.
He loved it.
The fluttering in his stomach and his bounding heart was an almost addicting sensation. The way his skin excitedly buzzed with every contact and his body craved her contact was something he would love to indulge in.
With his hand gripping the soft flesh of her abdomen and his nose so close to her small one, he wanted nothing more than to give in to the magnetic pull.
"Hey, Emi..." He whispered in a hush tone, eyes flickering between her coffee gaze and swollen lips. She stared silently with darkened eyes and flushed cheeks. Unaware that he was seconds from sinking his teeth in her pinkened lips. "Is it strange to want to bury myself in your skin and never leave? But you would be my first and I would never let you go."
Emiko released a soft gasp at the blunt words and lustful gaze. His crimson eyes shined with need and his tongue peaked from his lips as he seemed to be caught in a haze. The flutter in her chest and darkened cheeks swelled with his admission.
She feared the aspect of intimacy that involved being vulnerable and transparent. So scared to be needy or abandoned.
But the throb in her body that screamed for Juuzou to touch her and never leave her was louder. The way he spoke out loud and frequently that he would not let her go strummed an affectionate cord inside that she never knew of. He protected her without a second thought and threatened to break anyone who caused her harm.
The excitement they got inside from fighting each other and the buzz from physical contact left the two frenzied for more intimacy. But Emiko did not question her motivation as much because all the feelings she felt for Juuzou were new. She had never felt this exact way for anyone because she never let anyone close enough.
But the rag doll man with intimidating crimsons, harsh glares, and crooked smiles was who Emiko unwillingly fell for. The stitched man managed to turn her annoyance for him breathing into something more.
"I would try anything new with you because you're my Emi. You're such a pretty doll beneath me and I want more! Can you show me how?"