"Ah, welcome, welcome. Take a seat." Said his cold voice, echoing across the dinning room from the head of the table where he was already sitting. Some seats were already occupied by death eaters that hadn't gone to Hogwarts, and the rest of them that did, walking inside the room with us, started to take their seats, filling quickly the closest seats to Voldemort. Narcissa and Draco took seats on each side of Lucius, who was sitting safely a few seats away from Voldemort, and Bellatrix went to take a seat next to Rodolphus, sitting opposite the Malfoys. I, still standing at the entrance of the room, unsure where to sit, started making my way towards where Bellatrix and Rodolphus were sitting, when the cold voice spoke again. "Come, Irya. We've saved you a seat right here, in your rightful place." He motioned to an empty seat next to him, at his left.
Everyone else had already taken their seats, making the clicking of my shoes as I walked the only noise in the room, I got to the other side of the table, sitting on my seat next to Voldemort.
"I see you're happy, am I correct Bellatrix?" He said, amusement in his voice at how proud she obviously was for me, but there was also pride of his own. "I can safely assume the missions were a success, yes?"
"Yes, my lord." Said she, quickly answering, resting both her hands on the table, not caring for manners.
"Very well then." He turned to his left, looking at me. "Tell me, what happened?"
Well, here goes nothing. If I'm going to do my job as a spy and gain his complete trust then I have to do it right, I have to convince him I enjoyed killing Dumbledore as much as he expects me to. I have to put on a mask of evil and bad, and I will do it good.
I'm doing the good thing, right? I have to pretend to be evil so what I already did has a meaning, so me becoming a killer is of use to the plan and the greater good. I have to be evil to be part of the good guys, right?
In the end it'll be worth it, I know so. Or at least I hope so.
I took a breath, letting my evil facade take over.
"Well, my lord-" I started with a smile, but I got interrupted.
"Father." He corrected me.
"Yes, father, what happened is after letting the death eaters in, Draco and I made our way to the astronomy tower, where I had heard Dumbledore would be. I was correct, and after a bit of talking from him, stupidly and uselessly trying to convince us to join him saying 'he could help us' Ha!" I chuckled a bit, and rolling my eyes after, annoyed. "As if we needed any help, anyway, after that, I killed him. It was quite a show, you should have seen it, he fell from the astronomy tower and landed on the middle of the courtyard." I finished telling him with a smirk, as if I was proud of what happened, as if I found it funny that everyone saw what had happened, how I had killed their beloved headmaster.
"Well done, Irya. I must say I'm really proud of you. Even though I expected a good execution, I have to admit you exceeded my expectations." Wow, was he really praising me? Is he lying, or actually saying the truth? All I know is it's not very common for him to give compliments to anyone, at all. Even though I'm not actually happy or proud at what happened, I have to say a part of me is happy that he feels so proud of me. "Now, she" He said, now talking to everyone else in the room. "Is someone you could all learn from. Pay attention, for we are just at the beginning of it all, we shall grow in number and power, and we shall show the world where they belong, while take our rightful place." Everyone at the room seemed to cheer, eager to show him how they would agree on everything he said. "Now, we have to discuss our next step. And about Harry Potter... " I started zoning out, only half aware of what he was saying as he and the rest of death eaters started planning how they'd keep an eye on Potter, and what the attack plan would be for when they finally decide to get him.
I tried to focus as they spoke, coming up with plan after plan, but I kept thinking about what he just said.
'She is someone you could all learn from'
Am I, really?
I know I did it because it was part of the plan, all an act, my contribution to the good side of the war. But the thing is, the rest of the world doesn't know.
Although I'm not sure how Dumbledore made sure I'll have proof that I'm a spy when the war comes to an end, meaning I have no idea if he like wrote a letter or told anyone at all, because he said for me to do my part and let him do his, I sure as hell know that most, if not all, of the Wizarding World doesn't know the truth. For them, for everyone, I'm evil, cruel, a cold-hearted killer that enjoys hurting people, and now, an example to the rest of the dark side.
No matter what the real reason behind it is, I did become what I had been prepared for, trained for. I am the killer, the weapon they raised, the warrior that enjoys hurting others, the one that's unfazed at the fact the Wizarding World has now lost one of it's most important figures.
I am the evil, I am the killer.
I am their Irya Riddle.
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About a month has passed by, and everything is tense around the Malfoy Manor. With Voldemort coming in and out of the mansion, using it for his headquarters and holding important meetings in it about every week, many death eaters have invited themselves as guests and now practically live there.
Narcissa always tries to keep to herself, trying to be useful when she is asked to do something, but going away to her room at the first opportunity she gets, though Lucius however has not had the same luck. It's as if Voldemort enjoys torturing him by having him attend every meeting and reunion, no matter how small, and going out to every mission.
Draco and I are in 'good terms', and although we spend most of our time together as I, in request by Voldemort, have now been staying at the Malfoy Manor too we still don't really talk a lot. We spend most of the time in the library, sitting next to each other, but each doing our own thing. We barely have spoken in the last couple of days, mostly just talking about what we want to eat, or just plainly saying our goodnights.
Today was no different, it was getting late and the sky was getting darker, the chill of the night making me feel cold. Draco was sitting on one side of the sofa, reading a horror story book or something like that, as I was laying across the sofa, resting my head on his lap.
The cold became too much for my liking, and I decided maybe it was time to put on one of Draco's sweaters and go have dinner, so I got up from Draco's lap, sitting upright and looking at him, waiting for him to notice I'd gotten up. Only he didn't, or pretend he didn't, as he just kept on reading his book.
"Draco." I said, furrowing my eyebrows a bit, confused as to why he hadn't even given me a look. I honestly am just getting so so tired of him constantly ignoring me.
"Hmm?" He didn't even spare me a look, just grunted a response. Fucking rude.
"Draco, look at me." I said more firmly this time. He only moved his book a little aside, and looked me in the eye, with a clearly annoyed expression on, waiting for me to say something else. "What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?" His voice sounded really annoyed, pretending not to know what I was talking about. Okay, I'm really not in the mood for this shit right now.
"What do I mean? Honestly, are you mad at me?" I got up from the sofa, going to pick up a sweater of his that was laying on the side of it. "Like, you've been pretty much ignoring me, for weeks now. It's honestly getting annoying and really frustrating." My voice reflected my frustration and hurt, and I'm sure my eyes did too. He put his book down and got up too, crossing his arms. I started putting on his sweater, the sound of the rain starting to fall outside reminding me how cold I was.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't been ignoring you, you have. Besides, why do you ask? Is there something I should be mad at you for?" He was acting really defensive, rude even. Like his voice and words were little needles piercing through my skin, not quite cutting it like a knife but still hurting me.
"Well not that I know of, but since you've been so on edge lately I have no idea if you got mad at me for some stupid reason." I spat right back at him, crossing my arms too. "You don't have to be so fucking rude about it, you know? You can always just answer like a normal decent person, no need to get all sassy on me now." Now I was getting annoyed too, talking to him in the same rude tone he was speaking with.
"Oh so if I get mad at you for something, that's stupid then?" He raised his eyebrows, getting angrier. "And I'm not the one being fucking rude and sassy, you are."
Both of us were getting angrier, our voices getting louder. I could hear the rain outside get worse, the sound of lightning in the distance.
"Well yes it's stupid if you can't even say why you're mad at me for. And no, I'm not being rude, it's you who is fucking raising his voice at me." I pointed at him with my index finger.
"Maybe it's you who's stupid for not knowing why I'm mad at you, haven't you thought of it? And you know what?" He was almost yelling now "I wouldn't be raising my voice at you, wouldn't even have said anything to you at all, if you hadn't talked to me in the first place."
"Oh so now you're calling me stupid, are you?" I was in disbelief, how could he be so mean to me? He had never called me anything bad like that, not even on any of our previous fights. "And what are you saying then, huh? That you would rather just not have to talk to me?"
"You take it however you want to. And yes, Irya, as a matter of fact that's exactly what I'm saying." His voice echoed through the library, and probably the hallways nearby too, as he was now yelling.
"Well then, you know what? If I'm so fucking stupid you would rather just not talk to me at all then so be it!" I was yelling too, way too mad at him how to even think through what I was saying. "Don't fucking talk to me then, Malfoy!" I took off his sweater, throwing it at him, turning around and walking quickly out the library. He didn't come after me.
I walked through the endless hallways, hot tears falling down my cheeks as I silently let all the hurt out. When I finally got to my room, the one next to Draco's, I closed the door behind me and jumped on my bed, sobbing as tears kept on falling. After crying for what felt like forever I can't help but wonder, is it really worth it? The ones I'm helping hate me, while I hurt and let down the people that are supposedly love me, even if they don't realize that's what's happening right now they will later on, and then what will I be left with? Potter and his friends have always hated me, and Bellatrix, Rodolphus and everyone else I will betray will hate me too, so when that eventually happens, if Draco hates me too by then, what will I do? Be left alone, with no one in the world to love me anymore.
Maybe that's just my fate, who knows. All I know is that I don't want to be alone, I am so scared of being alone.
As I'm drifting off to sleep, curled in my bed, with the now dried tears staining my face I hear my rooms door open and close, and I feel as Draco gets into bed with me, hugging me. I hear him sobbing, and when he rests his face on the pillow behind me I hear him whisper.
"I am so sorry, I love you."
I sleepily hug his arms holding me tightly by my waist, and whisper back to him. "I'm sorry too, for everything. I love you Draco, I don't want to lose you." His embrace on me tightens, and he kisses the back of my head.
"I don't want to lose you either."