𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙪𝙜𝙜𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙪𝙩
𝙂𝙤𝙩 𝙣𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙜𝙤𝙩 𝙣𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙬
𝙒𝙖𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙢𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙
𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙮𝙖𝙡𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙞𝙣'𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙
𝙄𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙞 𝙖𝙞𝙣'𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙
SET DA TREND;; NEVADA (REMIX)
_______________________
JAIYA MORANT POV
SOUTH, BRONX;;
MONDAY, 6:45 A.M.
KAHLIL
be there in 15 mins
happy b day lil sis. love u. ❤️
come outside
I stare at the last texts from Kahlil. I've read them every morning since he left... and every time, it brings me to tears. I just want to be able to call him again and hear his voice, not through an old video in my phone.
"Jaiya!" I can hear my mom shout from outside my door, "Getcho ass up girl! Before you be late on your first day back."
"Yes ma'am. I'm up!" I call back so she won't come busting in my room.
I know if I don't get up, she really will. And if she sees me still in bed... I wipe my tears quickly before getting out of bed. I make up the bed because my mom be tweakin about the house being super clean and neat. I shower, brush my teeth, comb and straighten my bob, and get dressed. After grabbing my messenger bag and my phone, I leave, avoiding looking down the hall at Kahlil room.
I go through the living room into the kitchen to see my mom made pancakes and orange juice. She's sitting at the table, waiting, and when I sit down, she makes us say grace before we start eating.
"You already know what I'm expecting of you Jaiya. This is senior year. Every grade count if you wanna go to a good college. And you know ya brother woulda been on yo head too." She says, laughing when she mentions Kahlil and how he used to act like my dad, always asking me about my grades, "Your teacher Mr. James called me, said something about a scholarship. See what that's about and come back and tell me. And stay away from them lil bald head, fast ass girls that just be there to show they ass. That's not what you there for. Go there, learn something, and bring ya ass back. Don't be out in them streets. You hear me?"
"Yes ma'am." I tell her, "I hear you."
My mom smiles.
"I got some good kids." She says quietly before her smile turns somewhat sad.
We eat in silence then. I eat all my pancakes and drink half my orange juice. My mom mostly picks at her food before making herself a cup of coffee. Once I'm finished eating, I give her a hug and say goodbye. I go outside and wait for my ride to school. I'm listening to music on my AirPods when Lexis pulls up. Her mom always let her borrow her car during the school year.
"Baby Jai." She smiles at me when I get inside, "How you feelin? You good?"
"Yeah." I tell her, returning the smile, "Just thinkin bout how Kahlil used to make me take them first day of school pictures, even in high school. He was mad annoying."
Lexis laughs as we pull off into the early morning traffic. We mostly make small talk, about how we don't want to go back to school, our schedules, and all the shit we saw on social media about the people at school. Most of them probably knew about Kahlil's death... a few of them, even my old teacher's, had reached out to me. I know they mean well but I don't want their pity. I know people gone treat me different now...
I just hope they eventually remember who I was before I became the girl whose older brother died on her birthday.
"Did you hear anything about the music video?" Lexis asks.
"Nah." I shake my head. It's only been a couple days since the video shoot. But I hadn't heard anything about it being finished, editing wise. I did hear from Mali consistently, and even Setty, who texted me everyday to ask how I was doing. He wasn't doing anything different than what Mali was doing... but I wonder why I feel so nervous even thinking about him. I turn to look out the window to hide my smile when I tell Alexis, "But Setty been texting me to check on me-"
"Word?" Alexis looks at me before laughing, "Yo Jai, you smiling mad hard right now. You know that?"
"It's not like that." I roll my eyes, "It's just nice to have someone check on me and mom. Besides Mali, you, and Tay, the only person that used to do that was Kahlil."
"Setty is cool people." Alexis says, "He got a good heart... and Kahlil used to stay playing his music. I'm talkin you could play just the beat and that nigga already knew the song."
I laugh because I can already imagine it. Kahlil was one of the most supportive people I knew. He was always blasting his friends music from his room. And when I started to show an interest in film and photography, he was the one who bought me my first camera.
I open my messenger bag, looking inside to see my black camera. It cost thousands. I'm careful about bringing it to school. But it's the first day of school and senior year, so I wanna get some good shots of everybody and their fits. Kahlil would be mad about me bringing it... but just this one time won't hurt.
When we get to school the parking lot is already packed and the buses are already unloading crowds of people.
"Hey." I turn to Lexis once we've parked in a parking space, "You keep asking me how I'm doing, but how are you? I know you loved Kahlil. I know how much he meant to you."
"Yeah... I do love him." Lexis nods, smiling before she wipes at the tears forming in her eyes, "I cry all night, every night. But Tay told me that's part of healing. She even got me a journal. I be writin little letters to Kahlil. I know he can't read em... but somehow I just feel like he know."
"I bet you he up there reading every one of em." I tell her, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze.
"Prolly telling me my handwriting ugly with his mean ass." Lexis rolls her eyes, making me laugh, "Now come on. Let's go before we be late to home room."
We get out the car and make our way into the school. I can feel people staring at me as we make our way up the concrete path. Some are looks of pity, others sympathy, and then there are those who wouldn't miss Kahlil and were probably relieved that he would no longer been seen around the Sev. Those looks, mostly from dudes I barely knew but knew me because they hated my brother, made me feel the worst.
How can someone celebrate death?
When we get inside, it's even worse because the school is crowded with people tryna find their classes. Lexis and I don't have the same homeroom. Hers is on the opposite side of the school, so we split, hoping that we'll at least have the same lunch. I go up to the second floor and into my homeroom class where people are already cliqued up. Girls sitting on desks, dudes with AirPods in with their heads lying on the desk, and then the others on their phone, play fighting, or talking loudly about somebody or another.
"Miss Morrant." My homeroom teacher, Mr. James greets with a small smile.
I love Mr. James. My freshman year, he was the photography and film teacher. I always looked forward to his class. He was the reason I fell in love with being behind the camera in the first place.
"I'm sorry about your loss." Mr. James tells me, "Kahlil was a bright young man. I was his teacher his freshman year. He had a friend group that was always getting into trouble. Detention was normal for them. But even though he was friends with them, Kahlil never got into the things that would land him in detention. When I asked why, he told me he couldn't stay after school because he had to make sure his sister got home safely from the middle school... He thought about you more than you probably know."
I blink back my tears. I could remember Kahlil always waiting for me outside the middle school, even if it meant being late to basketball practice and having to run all the way back to the high school after walking me home.
"Thank you for telling me that." I say quietly, "It means a lot."
I can feel a group of girls near the door staring and me and whispering. I can hear them say Kahlil's name then mine and then something about a birthday cake. I feel sick, and also like I want to just turn and run. But I know I have to face this eventually. I start to head to my desk when Mr. James speaks up again.
"Mrs. Morrant, I called your mother a few days ago to tell her about the Young Prodigies Scholarship." He informs me, "It's for people who want to go to film school and I know that's something you're considering so I thought you might be interested. It pays half of your college tuition for up to four years. That should be enough time to get your degree."
"Yeah, I'd love that." I smile, "How do I apply?"
"Lucky for you there's no boring essay requirement. Instead, your art will do the talking for you. You need to submit a short film by January about where you're from and what growing up there meant to you." Mr. James explains, handing me a paper from his desk.
I look at it to see requirements about the films length, quality, and narrative. The more I stare at it, the more excited I get. I love having something to do, especially when it comes to my craft. I could get lost in capturing moments forever. Also, it would be a good distraction from everything happening recently.
"Thank you." I say quietly to Mr. James.
"You're a good student, Jaiya. Kahlil will be proud, especially when you're rewarded that scholarship." Mr. James tells me with a wink that makes me smile.
I go to my desk in the back, sitting down and looking at the paper again.
Where are you from?
And what does that mean to you?
_______________________
Each class is the same. I sit in the back, take notes, and keep to myself. The only difference this year is that everyone is giving me that look and my teachers tell me that they'll understand if I'm late turning in assignments. I'm glad when lunch rolls around, even when I find out I don't have the same lunch period as Lexis or Tay.
Just being able to get out the suffocating classroom is enough for me. I decide to use the time to film. So I just go around the cafeteria and take some shots, saying hi to the people I knew and getting close ups of their fits and faces.
"Jai, you betta not have me all up on that camera!" One of my friends, Yas, yells when I pass her table.
I just smile before taking a close up shot of her putting on her lip gloss. She been the same since middle school, putting on mad layers mid convo and never to be seen without her lips looking glossy and shiny under the bright school lights. I decide to make stills from the video I shot in the cafeteria to build my photography portfolio alongside completing my film assignment. I pick a still and video of Yas that I shorten to post on IG.
liked by __malib__, theonlysettyb, fantaysiaa, and 5,980 others
@BRONX.VIEW AUG 9;; 2022
comments
@Yaaaas.B really jai
@fantaysiaa @Yaaaas.B why u been puttin on the same lip gloss since middle school 😂 damn yas
@Yaaaas.B @fantaysiaa 🖕🏿
I laugh at the comments before looking through my likes and noticing Setty. I don't know why but I go to his page. A lot of it is just promoting his music. I put my headphones in and decide to listen. I smile while listening to his raspy rapping voice. It was different from the calm, mellow one he had spoke to me with the other night.
It's like being on YouTube. You get on there to watch one thing, then you end up on there for hours. I only planned to check out one of Setty's songs but somehow I end up watching multiple music video. But they had a nice quality to them and Setty seemed geeked every time. Now I know why Kahlil was so hype about his music.
Soon enough the lunch period ends. I stand up from the bench I had been sitting at outside. I like eating out here better than the cafeteria. Less people came outside when it was hot, which meant it was more peaceful to just have some time to myself.
I'm walking back inside, holding my camera when I pass a group of niggas smoking. I'm not really paying them any attention until one of them starts recording their friend blowing smoke from his mouth and I hear something that makes me stop.
"Smokin on that K.O. pack." The boy being recorded laughs. With his short dreads and golds in his mouth I recognize him as Kendrick. Repeating the twelfth grade for a third time, known to be around RPT, and somehow still mad at me for not wanting to be his girl after he tried it with me my freshman year. He and Kahlil fought after that and he left me alone ever since... but now that Kahlil not here, I don't know what I'm going to do...
"Yeah hoe, we smokin on yo dead ass brother. Got his ass lined after tryna play door dash on yo birthday and shit." Kendrick says, holding up the blunt, "He good wit us though. That K.O. pack gone get you right... Happy birthday though, stupid bitch."
Kendrick takes a hint of the blunt then before coming up in my face. He blows the smoke in my face before laughing with the niggas behind him. I can feel tears form in my eyes. But I'm not sad, just mad as hell that he's such a coward. He never said nothing to me when Kahlil was still alive. Now he got the nerve to be smoking on my brother and disrespecting his name. I don't care what he said about me, but I'm still very much sensitive about Kahlil.
So I slap the blunt out of Kendrick hand.
As soon as it hit the ground, the niggas behind us get mad loud, telling him to slap the fuck out that SevSide thot. So Kendrick punches me in the face. I've been hit way worse, so the blood that leaks from my nose after is nothing. When Kendrick realize this, he grabs my hair and starts dragging me along the concrete. My knees scrape against the ground and I can hear a loud shattering sound as my camera slips from my hands and hits the concrete.
"Yo Kendrick bro, shorty bleedin. Jus chill-"
"That's a whole female bro. Let her go-"
I try to pry Kendrick hands from my hair but it takes all his friends to get him off. I can feel someone pick me up and get me back on my feet. When I turn around, Mr. James is standing there, looking disappointed at Kendrick. The school police officer come running from inside, restraining Kendrick, putting his hands behind his back and forcing him to the ground.
"Let's get you to the nurses office." Mr. James whispers before leading me away.
I can see the broken remains of my camera on the concrete. And I can feel my heart break all over again because of it. People are staring at me and the blood under my nose and Kendrick being detained, whispering and pointing from inside the cafeteria window. But I don't care.
I just think about how Kahlil gone.
And how I wished I was right there with him.
_______________________
I sleep in the nurse's office for about an hour after she cleans my nose and the scrapes on my knees. I get the option to go home early and decide to take it. I don't want Lexis and Tay or anyone else to see me. I leave the school and try to stall going home by stopping by McDonald's and taking random pictures at a nearby park. But I know my mom already got a call and is waiting on me.
Eventually I get tired of being out and I head home.
As soon as I get inside I can hear my mom call out from the kitchen.
"Jaiya, come here and let me see you."
I sigh, dropping my messenger bag on the couch before going into the kitchen. My mom looks at my nose and then the bandaged scrapes on my knees.
"I got a call from Mr. James saying that 21 year old, still in high school, musty grill wearing ass boy was hittin on you and broke your camera." My mom says, taking a sip of her coffee before she reaches into her robe pocket and takes out her baby glock, cocking it back, "That's okay. I got something for his big goofy ass-"
"Ma, stop." I tell her, blocking the kitchen doorway when she stands up to leave.
I'm too tired. I don't feel like dealing with her mess. I just want to take a nap and forget any of this shit even happened.
"Well if you don't want me to take care of it then what we gone do? Cause he not about to put his hands on you and walk around here untouched. That's what we not gone do." My mom says, putting her hands on her hips and waiting. I bite my lip, tryna think. But I know me wanting to just let it go is not something she wanna hear. And after a while, she get impatient and pulls out her phone, scrolling through the contacts, "See, yo ass bout to say some shit that I don't like. Like let it go. I think the fuck not. That's okay. I got something for that grown ass man-"
"Ma, who you callin?" I ask when she was put the phone to her ear.
"Mali and a group of boys came by after you left for school. Came to pay their condolences for Kahlil and told me if I need somethin, to let them know so that's exactly what the fuck I'm doin." She tells me, "One of em call himself Jeremiah, gave me his number too- Oh yes, Mali? Hey baby, how you doin? This Miss Morrant-"
I know it's no use in fighting my mom on this. If she want to do something, she gone do it. Kahlil was the same. And I know Mali was gone do whatever my mom asked out of respect for Kahlil. Even though he broke my camera and hurt me in the worse way by disrespecting the person closest to me, I don't want anything to happen to Kendrick.
Maybe a few years ago I would've been all for this shit. But then I met Tay and she taught me about forgiveness. Not for Kendrick sake but for my own mental. It's not good for your spirit to harbor resentment. So I decided to let what happened to me go.
Forgiveness still not easy though cause it's a lot of people I could never accept a sorry from and still be okay. Mainly my pops and whoever it was that took Kahlil away.
My knees hurt and so does my nose and now my head too. So I just leave the kitchen and go to my room. I drop down on my bed, rolling on my side and staring at the picture on my nightstand. It was one of me and Kahlil from his graduation. Somehow seeing it eases the pain until I drift off to sleep.
_______________________
STUDIO, SEVSIDE, BRONX;;
MONDAY, 2:15 P.M.
"Ayo, who that?" I ask when Mali hang up the phone.
"Miss Morrant." He says, jumping up from his chair, "She said some nigga put his hands on Jai. Broke her camera and everything."
I nearly drop the blunt with how fast I'm on my feet too. Mali start looking for the ski masks.
"Nigga who?" I ask.
Cause what nigga put their hands on Jai and thought they was just go on about their day?
"Ion know. Some nigga name Kendrick. Never heard of him before. But I heard he stay in RPT." Mali shrugs, "School bout to let out so he bout to be outside."
"Aight. Let's spin." I tell him.
I finish off the blunt, put on my ski mask, and make sure I got my shit tucked in my jeans. Just as we bout to leave the studio door come busting open and Kay and Dougie come in dressed in all black with they own ski masks on.
"Nah cause why I heard some nigga puttin his hands on K.O. lil sis like that." Kay says. I can see him mugging from behind the mask and hear him suck his teeth, "This shit gettin me tight like... where these niggas at?"
"Niggas really boutta die on a Monday." Dougie shake his head. I can see him on his phone, looking at picture of a dark-skin boy with short dreads and golds, "Bro not even gone have a chance to finish growin his dreads out. Shit is crazy."
"Enough talkin." I tell them, "Let's go get this nigga."
I walk out the studio, not even caring if they was following or not. You ever been so mad that you feel numb? I been feelin that way since Mali called me about Kahlil.
Kahlil was like a brother to me. So to know that someone disrespected him by hurting his family... shit felt personal to me. And I'm not gone be good until somebody dead or they close to dying. It don't even matter that they not the ones who took Kahlil, I just want somebody to feel the same pain I'm feeling.
Shit is unhealthy ... and smoking only ease the pain so much.
That's why I gotta turn to some other shit.
Once I'm in the car, waiting on everybody else to get in, I send Jai a text. I know she don't feel like talkin right now. Shit, I don't either. I just want some shit to get done instead. But I at least wanted her to know I'm thinkin bout her. She was quiet and a lil shy, the opposite of Kahlil. But when I met her that night, I also thought she was cute and a little innocent. She ain't deserve to get beat on for some shit she not even involved in.
But that's aight, imma take care of her, just like I told her I would.
With Mali beside me and Kay and Dougie in the backseat, I crank up the car, fixing my mask before leaning towards the steering wheel and pulling off.