"Art is to console those who are
broken by life."
~Vincent Van Gogh
"People change because of pain". It's a well-known phrase, however, it's ideal to put it this way: "People change because of pain, for one's betterment or for one's worst".
I hate people. They inflict pain to one another, even without any particular reason, kung mayroon man, it's only for their own benefit. It's the people's nature, isa itong parte ng naturalesa ng tao na hindi ko gusto. That's the reason why I built up a line where everyone won't be able to cross. Lumayo ako sa ibang tao dahil naniniwala akong wala silang magagawa na mabuti, nagdadala lang sila ng sakit at kapahamakan. "To distance yourself to everyone means to distance yourself from feeling pain", that's what I believed.
Another thing is when people start merging the idea of judging between right and wrong. People will always judge base on the majority of people who believe in it. "Quantity over quality", and this way of judgment seem to vague the true nature of righteousness. Dahil karamihan sa mga tao ngayon ay naniniwala na lamang batay sa paniniwala ng nakararami, wrong beliefs and principles seem to be normalized. Ang tao ay duwag sa pagbabago kung para man ito sa tama, at pipiliin mabuhay sa takbo ng mundo papunta sa mga maling sistema. That's why I loathe them even more for that way of mindset made me suffer.
I believed that caring for people is like letting your lifespan be sucked up until nothing is left. Another nature of people is to take advantage of someone's kindness or weakness. Mahilig ang taong umabuso, kaya't kung hahayaan mo ang sariling magamit, you'll end up like an empty mug.
I had a lot of things stuck inside my head. Marami akong bagay na pinaniniwalaan. The more I understood, the more I didn't understand. Malabo pa sa malabo... but then, "The more you don't understand a thing, the more you fear it", but somehow, I felt like I can read people's minds out of it.
I changed my beliefs to cope so I can survive living in the cruelty of the world. A world shaded and tinted of black and white, but now the question is, do I change for my betterment or do I change for my worst? Ang paniniwala ko rin ba sa mundong ginagalawan ko ay nasa kabuktutan?
Nang simulan kong mamuhay sa mundong nilikha ko dahil sa mga paniniwala ng paninindigan ko, natuto akong ilayo ang sarili sa anumang makasasama sa akin. I outcast myself in the world filled with blemish, yet the color that I'm seeing is gray. But when I started living in that gray-colored world that I created, I unexpectedly met them. I met people who quaked and painted my life with brilliant colors.
Sa loob ng apat na sulok ng kwartong pinaglumaan ng panahon, I still found tranquility and contentment. The canvas, the acrylic and the brush. It's already enough to give a peace of mind to paint a memory which I thought I don't wanna remember anymore, yet the heart doesn't wanna forget. It's a memory of our colourful encounter.
Another spring came. Panibagong yugto ng tagsibol sa panibagong obra maestra. It's another spring day in solitude. The people who came in the first colour spring aren't with me now.
Nananariwa sa akin ang lahat. Ganunpaman, hindi naging sapat sa akin ang maalala lamang ang mga masasayang araw. To visualize it and let other people see it might be a best feeling... and a best feeling for myself too. Ninais kong maalala ito ng maigi at huwag kalimutan sa pamamagitan ng pagguhit nito ng makulay sa isang canvas.
People are indeed naive. People only ask for the sun when it rains. Only ask for light when succumbed by darkness. Ask for love if no one gives, yet waste when receiving plenty of it. Only miss something through its absence. Just like how I miss the texture and sensations of painting when I stop doing it. People will realise the value when it's already gone. Bakit nga ba nalalaman ng tao ang halaga ng isang bagay kung wala na ito?
(End of Prologue)
Painted Canvas:
Memories of Spring